Then I stood on my toes and pulled his head down to meet mine.
I kissed him. His lips were as soft as they looked. It only took him a second to recover from his surprise, and then he put his hand on the small of my back, steadying me and pulling me closer.
I parted my lips to deepen the kiss.
He tasted like beer. I probably tasted like a mixture of Mai Tais and Fuzzy Navels.
“Cori!”
I broke free of the kiss with some reluctance to find Amber standing next to me. “It’s our turn to take the DD.”
Luke removed his hand from my back so I could step away from him. Was it my imagination, or was he reluctant to let me go?
“Come on,” Amber said, grabbing my arm and dragging me away before I could even say good-bye.
Right before she pulled me out the exit, I glanced back to see Luke still standing where I’d left him, watching me.
Chapter Four
I groaned and rolled over. Then rolled over the other way. Why was I so uncomfortable? I peeled one eyelid open and saw my jean skirt had migrated up my body and was scrunched around my waist.
Oh, yeah. That.
When Amber and I got home last night, I hadn’t bothered changing. I’d flossed and brushed my teeth, but only because I was a fanatic about dental hygiene. Then I’d flopped facedown on my bed and fell asleep immediately. My hot pink pillow was now covered with black mascara smudges. Ugh. I didn’t even want to think about what my face looked like. It probably matched the zebra comforter.
I heaved myself out of bed and stumbled toward the bathroom, stubbing my toe on one of Amber’s boxes. I cursed out loud and hopped around holding my foot. She didn’t even stir. There were no sheets on her bed, and she was wrapped up in her comforter like a burrito.
I avoided the mirror in the bathroom and stripped down, stepping into the shower. The hot water felt heavenly and I let it run over me, basking in it for a good five minutes before I began the process of washing my tangled mess of hair.
Feeling human again, I slipped into my robe and padded back into the bedroom. Amber’s eyes were open, but she was still in burrito mode.
“Good morning,” she said groggily. She wriggled into a sitting position, keeping the comforter secure. “Did you have a good time last night?”
Did I? I had to think about that. “Yeah,” I said slowly, “I think I did.”
“It looked like it,” Amber said. “I had to pry you off Luke to get you to leave.”
My hands flew to my lips.
Fuck.
I’d conveniently forgotten all about that. What did I do?
I must have had a look of panic on my face, because Amber said, “It’s okay. I’m not judging you. I’m just a little surprised, that’s all.” She grinned. “Shocked, to be honest.”
The memory of last night came rushing back. Luke leaning against the wall, looking down at me with his ice blue eyes and a teasing expression. Me wrapping my arm around his neck and pulling him closer, kissing him. His response—pulling me against him so the lengths of our bodies were touching.
I covered my face with my hands. “Oh God, oh God, oh God.”
Amber got out of bed, dragging the comforter with her. She wrapped her arms around me. “What is it?”
“How could I?”
Amber stood back. “How could you not? I mean, you just met the guy, but Luke is hot.”
My cheeks burned with the memory. “I acted like a hussy.”
Amber burst out laughing. “Hussy? Seriously, who uses that word anymore? And you weren’t a hussy. You were just having a good time. Loosen up.”
I chewed on my cuticle. Last night was not like me. I did not throw myself at random guys and make out with them.
Amber abruptly brought one of her hands up to her mouth. “Oh my God. I just tasted my own morning breath. Not good. Have I been blowing you away?”
I laughed in spite of myself. “A little.”
Amber backed away so fast she stumbled and nearly fell. “I’m just going to—” She pointed to the bathroom and ran into it, slamming the door behind her.
Impulsive. That’s what I’d been last night. Not out of control, just impulsive. Somehow that made it seem better. Being impulsive was like being spontaneous. And being spontaneous was supposed to be a good thing, right? Right.
It was normal. I was normal.
I yanked the sheets up on my bed, lining them up perfectly with the edge on the mattress before carefully draping my comforter on top, back in its rightful place. I fluffed my pillows and laid them on top, mascara stain side down. That would have to do until I had time to do laundry.
I felt better already.
I placed my shoes from last night back on the shoe rack in the closet and looked around to see if anything else was out of place. Nope. Everything was in order. On my side of the room, anyway.
With a preemptive cringe, I dared a look at Amber’s side. She’d promised to be better this year. Naively, I’d believed her. I loved the girl, but her living habits made her a less-than-ideal roommate.
The running water of the shower sounded from the bathroom. If I knew her, it was going to be a while, so I might as well make use of my time.
I hefted her first suitcase onto her bed and unzipped it. Clothes exploded out of it. They weren’t even folded. Appalling.
I sat cross-legged on her bed in my underwear and started smoothing out the wrinkles in the clothes, folding them, and placing them in neat stacks according to type of clothing and color.
Ah, soothing.
While I folded, my mind wandered to the conversation I’d had with my parents last night, which had ended shortly after they’d dropped that bombshell on me.
Suicide.
Unwelcome grief swelled within me, grief that had subsided, but was now running at high tide again. It was familiar, but oh-so-different at the same time.
Suicide.
I’d pictured Tyler’s last moments in my head many times, imagining the worst, but hoping for the best. Hoping it’d been painless, that he hadn’t felt anything, that he hadn’t known what was about to happen.
Suicide changed that vision.
My parents had explained that the police were reluctant to label car accidents as suicide because it was hard to prove, which is why it had taken them so long to classify his case as suicide. It had been four months.
Four months of insomnia, four months of no appetite, four months of living in a fog. The only thing that had held me together was the summer course load I was taking. Between the online classes and two courses at the local community college, it was a full load and then some. It kept my mind off things I would rather not think about.
My breath caught in my throat as I remembered our last conversation, those angry words we said to each other five minutes before his car wrapped itself around that tree like a vine, his last five minutes of consciousness in this world.
He’d been brain dead by the time he got to the hospital. If the brain was dead, what use was the rest of the body? It was just a shell, a physical entity we could say good-bye to. But he had already left this world.
By choice.
A choice I’d influenced.
If we hadn’t fought, would he—
No. Shut it down. Turn it off.
I wouldn’t think about that.
My hands shook as I folded yet another tank top. Noting the uneven lines, I shook it out to refold it.
Focus. Left side in, right side in, smooth out, bottom up, flip over, and place in stack.
If I focused on the little things, the big ones faded into the background.
…
Biology was as bad as I expected. The professor looked like Napoleon Dynamite. The only thing missing was the moon boots, but I wouldn’t put that past him. It got pretty cold here in the winter. Moon boots could make an appearance later in the semester.
My next class was Intro to Women’s Studies. I was a few minutes early, so I took a seat at the front
of the classroom and slouched down to wait. I opened the textbook and started flipping through it as if I hadn’t already seen it. Or taken notes.
Someone slid into the seat behind me and tapped me on the shoulder. “Why are you sitting in the front?”
I turned to see a familiar-looking guy grinning at me. The party. He was the guy with the guitar. Josh.
“All the cool kids sit in the back,” he said.
Inwardly, I cringed. I hadn’t considered that any Beta Chis would be in my classes. Awkward. I tried to remember if Josh was around when I accosted Luke. How would I know, though? I was too busy sucking face.
“My secret’s out,” I said. “I’m a nerd.”
Josh shook his finger at me. “You know, I could tell that about you.”
“Really?” I frowned.
Josh laughed and shook his head. “No. I’m just messing with you.”
“Oh,” I said, feeling foolish. There was only a minute or two left before class began and the room was filling up. “Looks like you’re stuck being a nerd for today.” I nodded toward the back of the class. All the seats were occupied.
“No!” Josh exclaimed in mock outrage. “You’re a bad influence on me.”
I smirked. “Welcome to Nerdsville.”
The professor glided into the classroom in a billow of scarves. They were everywhere—tied in her curly, frizzy hair, cinched around the waist of her long floral dress, and wrapped around her neck.
“Students,” she said in a whimsical tone, “today you begin your journey to full appreciation and understanding of the divine being that is woman. I am Dr. Eugenia Nantis.” She said her name with a flourish.
When she moved to the other side of the room to pass out her syllabus, I looked over my shoulder at Josh. He had his hand up to his mouth, doing his best not to laugh. Stop, I mouthed to him.
He cleared his throat and donned an appropriately serious expression right as the professor got to our row.
“Ah,” she said, looking at Josh. “A proud gentleman in our midst.”
Josh nodded solemnly. When the professor turned away, his face turned red and he started shaking with silent laughter.
Okay, it was funny, but he needed to cut it out. If he pissed off the professor on the first day and she associated him with me, it could potentially hurt my grade, thus damaging my GPA. That’s another thing I learned last year as a freshman in college. In real life, sucking up mattered. I was not above sucking up if the situation dictated it, but I preferred to find a happy medium between sucking up and not pissing off the professor.
“As part of the class, you will be expected to volunteer at least ten hours in some capacity at the women’s center. Do not, I repeat, do not wait until the last moment to satisfy this requirement. Exceptions to the deadline will not be made.” A scathing look backed up her statement. “The major event this fall is the annual Take Back the Night rally. On your syllabus you will find contact information for Ms. Hannah Bright, the rally organizer. Although I don’t require you to participate in this particular event, it is highly recommended.” She looked around the room slowly, making eye contact with each student. To get an A, go to the rally. Check, message received loud and clear.
I raised my hand. “When is the rally, professor?”
“Excellent question, Miss…?”
“Corinne Elliott.”
She rattled off the date, and I wrote it in my planner.
At the end of class, she strode out, scarves swelling behind her just like when she’d come in. Apparently she liked to make an entrance and an exit.
Josh grinned. “This class is going to be fun.”
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but why are you in this class?” I didn’t know him well and didn’t want to insult him, but if his behavior was any indication, he didn’t take the class seriously.
“I like women,” he said with a roguish smile. There were only one or two other guys in the class besides him. I knew what that meant.
I looked at him skeptically. “I don’t think hitting on girls in here will win you any points with the professor.”
“It might get me a date, though.” He shrugged. “Plus I heard this class was easy.”
“I don’t know,” I said, looking at the syllabus. “There’s a lot of reading here.” Our textbook was relatively thin, but she’d listed several supplementary online articles for each week.
He stood and stretched. “Nah. I never do the reading anyway.”
I blinked, the idea unfathomable to me. Zipping my backpack, I stood. “I guess I’ll see you Wednesday. I’ll be the nerd in the front row.”
I stepped around him toward the door. My next class was several buildings over, so I needed to get a move on or I would be late. I hated being late to class.
“Cori, wait up,” he called, jogging to catch up to me in the hallway. “We’re having a party tonight.”
“Another one?” I was surprised. Our mixer was just two days ago.
“Not a formal party or anything, just a small first day of school celebration, if you will. You should come and flex the golden pipes again.”
I shook my head. “My party days are over.”
He stopped dead in his tracks. “Say what?”
“Saturday was a one night thing,” I said, turning around to face him and walking backwards for a few steps. “I need to concentrate on classes.”
That and I wasn’t ready to return to the scene of my crime yet. I’d have to eventually since the Alphas were paired with the Betas, but the longer I could put off seeing Luke, the better.
Awkward encounters weren’t my thing.
“Man, you weren’t joking about being a nerd, were you?”
You might be a nerd, but you’re my nerd. Tyler’s voice sounded in my mind. My lower lip threatened to tremble, but I sucked it in, sucked it up.
I wasn’t doing this. Not now, not here. My focus was on school. I’d process all that other stuff…later.
“Nope. One hundred percent nerd.” I smiled tightly, spun around, and kept walking.
“If you change your mind,” he called after me, “you know where to find me.”
I stuck my hand up in a wave and turned the corner.
And ran smack into Luke.
Chapter Five
“Whoa,” Luke said, using his hands to steady me.
My body was plastered against his, similar to two nights ago. He smelled clean and fresh, like he had the other night, only without the hint of campfire. His scent permeated my senses, and my belly tightened. I blushed at my body’s reaction to his proximity, avoiding looking up at him.
What are the odds in a campus with twenty-five thousand students that I would not only see the one person I didn’t want to see, but also literally run right into him?
Apparently, better than one might think.
I jumped back a step, out of his reach and away from physical contact. The more distance between us, the better.
“You all right?” he asked, concern in his blue eyes. “Sorry for running into you like that.”
“Fine¸” I said. “And I’m sorry. I should have been paying more attention.” I didn’t even bother to ask if he was okay. I’d bounced right off him like a tennis ball on a brick wall. There was no chance I’d done any damage to him.
He smiled, drawing my attention to his mouth and those perfect teeth.
Damn, he had a nice smile. And nice full lips.
Nope, not going there. I averted my eyes.
“I gotta go,” I said quickly. “I don’t want to be late on the first day.”
He stepped aside so I could pass by, but he made no move to continue on his way. I nodded stiffly and stepped past him, very much wanting to break into a run.
“I’ll see you later, Cori,” he said, and I could feel him watching me. I stuck my hand above my head in a wave, which was quickly becoming my Beta Chi salute. I didn’t dare turn around though.
As much as I wanted to blame my behavior two nigh
ts ago on the booze, it was more than that. We’d had a definite connection, booze aside. Would I have acted on it had the drinks not been flowing? The answer was a firm no, but that didn’t negate the fact that the connection existed.
I could tell he had felt it, too. Seeing him again, even for those few brief moments, confirmed that.
I’ll see you later. It didn’t sound like the casual I’ll see you later meaning bye. It had sounded more like a promise.
Okay, now I was making it seem creepy, which it wasn’t. It was probably just a general I’ll see you later because my fraternity and your sorority are paired up. Or was it? Did he want to see me later?
I needed to stop. I had been out of the dating game for so long I didn’t know what these signals meant. Not that I was back in the dating game. I was far from it. All I knew was my pulse was racing and it wasn’t from the brisk walk to make it to my next class.
This was exactly why I was going into full-on hermit mode, effective immediately.
…
Vanessa charged into my room and laid a neon yellow flier on my desk. “Greek talent show. You’d better make us look good.” Then she turned on her heel and walked out.
I picked up the flier with my thumb and index finger and held it at arm’s length.
Amber laughed. “Your expression is priceless.”
I shot her a dirty look. “I don’t want to do this.”
“Good luck telling Madame President no. What Vanessa wants, Vanessa gets. How do you think she got to be president?” Amber tapped her chin. “You know, I don’t know that anyone really likes her so much as they’re scared of her.”
I sighed and took a closer look at the paper. It wasn’t a competition, which was a small blessing. Instead it charged admission, and the proceeds went to the local animal shelter. It was also a way for fraternities and sororities to get their names out before recruitment. Amber had dragged me to it last fall when she was trying to convince me to join a sorority.
“I haven’t performed since—”
“High school,” Amber said, not looking away from her laptop, where she was creating playlists for her iPod. “It’s about time you got back into it.”
Letting Go Page 4