I broke out in a cold sweat just thinking about it. Another change of subject was needed. Pronto.
“Let’s talk about something else. Tell me about Brad.”
Amber’s face lit up and she bounced on the bed again. “I really like him. He’s cute. Funny, too.” She yawned. “Sorry. I didn’t get any sleep.”
I raised my eyebrows suggestively.
Amber slapped my arm playfully. “No, not because of that. We talked all night. Well, we did a little more than talk, but we didn’t do that.” She yawned again.
“Go to sleep.” I gently pushed her off my bed. “You can tell me about it later.”
“Are you sure? If you want to hang out, I can jump in the shower real quick, and we can do something.”
I shook my head. “I’m still pretty tired myself. I just want to lie in bed and read.”
She looked at me doubtfully.
“I’m fine.” I squeezed her hand. “Promise.”
“If you’re sure,” she said, ambling off to the bathroom.
I spent the afternoon sprawled on my bed, alternating between reading for my classes and reading a romance novel. In other words, keeping my brain busy. My phone rang around two. It was a number I didn’t recognize, so I didn’t pick up. When it rang again at three from the same number, I answered it.
It was Luke.
“How did you get this number?” I asked in a clipped tone.
He hesitated a moment before answering. “Amber gave it to me.”
I realized I sounded like a jerk. Not cool, Cori.
“Sorry. I’m just surprised to hear from you.” Lame explanation. It was true, but it sounded weak.
“I, uh, just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
I could picture him holding his phone with one hand and using the other to rub the back of his neck. I’d dubbed that his bashful look.
I smiled, despite the situation. Even though I was humiliated by what happened, it was sweet of him to call. “I’m fine, thanks.”
“All right.” There was silence for a few seconds. “I guess I’ll see you later then.”
“Yeah.” I was about to say bye, but I felt I needed to say something about what happened. It was the huge white thing in the room. “Luke?”
“Yeah?”
“Thanks. You know, for being understanding.”
“No problem.”
I hung up feeling better. Some of the tension left my body. Maybe I wouldn’t have to choose a new seat in criminology after all.
…
I scanned through the list of scholarships offered by the university. Most were major specific, which meant they didn’t apply to me. The few that did apply to me had spring deadlines, which meant the money wouldn’t be awarded until next fall.
I would have to cast my net wider. I did a general search for scholarships on the internet and found a database that might be helpful.
I clicked on the first scholarship that looked promising. Minimum GPA requirement? No problem. Essay? Check. Letter of recommendation? Can do. Minority status? Fuck.
Almost every scholarship had some kind of requirement that disqualified me from even applying. I wasn’t at least ten percent Native American, my parents weren’t in the blacksmiths’ union, and I wasn’t willing to teach in Africa for three years after graduation. The list went on and on.
I’d heard all through high school that thousands of dollars in scholarships went unclaimed every year. Now I knew why.
My computer chimed, signaling an incoming email. I opened my email program, grateful for the distraction.
I stared at the sender name on the email, blinking to make sure I was seeing straight, but there it was in pixelated black and white. Charles Pullman. Tyler’s elusive father. I’d met him twice in the five years that Tyler and I had dated. Why was he contacting me now?
I opened the email to find one line: Call me at your earliest convenience. No please or anything. There wasn’t even a personal signature, just the standard signature at the bottom that went out on every email.
Irritation swelled within me. Unbelievable. He couldn’t find the time for his son while Tyler was living, and now that he was dead, Mr. Pullman thought he could issue commands to me, his late son’s girlfriend.
Screw that.
I drummed my fingertips on the desk. What could he possibly want? It made no sense.
I hovered over the delete button. Then I thought, what would Tyler want me to do? I sighed. He’d want me to call his dad. Despite Mr. Pullman’s absence, Tyler had always strived to develop a relationship with him, something I’d never understood.
I dialed the number in the email. As it rang once and then twice, I swallowed hard.
“Chuck Pullman.” His tone was curt, a busy businessman’s voice that screamed of self-importance.
I took a deep breath. “Mr. Pullman, this is Corinne Elliott.”
It was silent on the other end except for the sound of papers rustling and people talking in the background.
I cleared my throat. “Cori, you know, Tyler’s—”
“I know who you are,” he interrupted.
“Okay.”
The background noise on his side got quieter. He must have stepped away from wherever he was. “I’d like to see you.”
I frowned. That was not even close to anything I expected him to say.
“Why?”
There was a silence again, but this time, I resisted the urge to fill it. Finally, Mr. Pullman said, “I didn’t spend much time with my son. I’d like to try to get to know him a little better.”
“Through me,” I said flatly.
“Obviously.”
I clenched my fist. This man was unbelievable. I couldn’t believe… There were no words.
“I don’t know,” I said. “My schedule is pretty busy.”
“I’ll make it worth your while.”
My nostrils flared. What the hell does that mean?
I ran my hand over my face. I owed this man nothing. I wanted to tell him where to stick it, but I held my tongue. I might have owed him nothing, but I owed it to Tyler to see his dad at least once.
“Fine.”
He was going to be in Roanoke later that week on business. That was only an hour away, so I grudgingly agreed to meet him for dinner.
Fan-frigging-tastic.
Chapter Ten
My feet were dragging on the way to criminology Tuesday morning. I hadn’t spoken to Luke since he called on Sunday, and I was an emotional salad bowl, full of insecurity, embarrassment, and hope.
He was sitting in our usual spot when I arrived. He didn’t notice me at first, so I was able to observe him. God, he was gorgeous. He was sprawled in the chair, his long jean-clad legs stretched out in front of him. I couldn’t see his eyes from this angle, but I could only imagine how his light blue T-shirt would make his eyes seem even bluer.
I took a deep breath and approached slowly. His eyes met mine. Yup, I was right. Blue as a cloud-free sky. My stomach turned over.
He smiled. “Hey.”
“Hi.” I set my stuff down and slid into my seat. Going through the routine of taking out my notebook and lining up my pens calmed me a little, but my palms were still sweaty. I wiped them on my jeans, hoping he wouldn’t notice, which was a long shot. Luke noticed everything.
“Okay, I have to know,” Luke said, his expression serious.
I braced myself. If I wanted things to return to normal—whatever that was—I had to expect him to have some questions. “What?”
“What’s the deal with the pens?”
I breathed a sigh of relief, laughing a little. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve watched you take notes for the last two classes. Is there a system? Do different colors mean different things? Or do you just use whatever color strikes your mood?”
“All of the above. I use a different system for each day, depending on what mood I’m in.”
He reached over and flipped my notebook back to t
he notes from the last class. “Okay, so explain this system.”
“The purple is the main headings, obviously. The green is what was written in the PowerPoint, and the blue is what she said.”
He pointed to the page. “What about the pink?”
I scooted my notebook over so he couldn’t read it. “Those are my own thoughts.”
His eyes lit up. “Let me see.” He reached for my notebook again, but I blocked him by throwing out my elbow, which hit him solidly in the chest.
“Ouch.” He rubbed his chest. “You have bony elbows.”
“That’s what you get for snooping.”
He looked down at his black pen. “I suddenly feel inadequate.”
I laughed. “Trust me, you’re more than adequate.”
He tilted his head, a cocky grin spreading wide. “Oh, yeah?” Then the cocky grin changed into something much more dangerous, much more tempting. Something that almost made me forget we were in the middle of a classroom.
You’re more than adequate. I couldn’t believe I had said that. Where was the rewind button when you needed it? Luckily Tanya came in and started the class. Saved!
Luke turned his attention to the lecture, and I watched him out of the corner of my eye. I admired that about him. He took his studies seriously.
I caught him peeking at my notes halfway through the class, so I elbowed him gently on his arm. He feigned pain. I wouldn’t have minded kissing all the hurt away—faked or not—but self-control had me shaking my head and rolling my eyes. I tried to peek at his notes, but he shielded them with his arm. He shook his finger at me and mouthed, “No, no.”
Yes, yes. If he kept looking at me like that, I was going to fail this class. I already had a hard time paying attention with him inches away from me as it was.
Diversion needed.
I rooted around in my backpack until I found an extra blue and green pen. I placed them on the table and nudged them over toward him. I didn’t look at him, but I saw him grin out of the corner of my eye and snatch up the pens. He uncapped each of them and started switching between them.
He gestured to his notes, seeking my approval. I shrugged and mouthed, “Not bad.”
Not bad, indeed.
…
That night, Amber dragged me out to the Beta house. Brad had invited her, so by extension that meant he’d invited me, too. Or that was how her logic worked anyway.
We were hanging out in the party room watching Brad and Josh play a lazy game of beer pong. I wasn’t playing because I had biology bright and early tomorrow morning. Bio was hard enough without a hangover.
Luke was nowhere in sight. I was disappointed. Though I wouldn’t admit it to anyone, I hoped he’d be here. That was part of the reason I’d agreed to come. That and to shut Amber up. She got whiny when she didn’t get her way, and even after years of being friends with her, I still wasn’t immune to it.
Brad had his left arm around Amber and was throwing the ball with his right hand. Josh had his new flavor by his side as well. Her name was Brittany or something like that. I was getting the impression he changed girls so often that it really didn’t matter if I remembered their names. Chances were I’d never see them again.
I was totally the fifth wheel. I sat on a metal folding chair and watched the game, trying to look more entertained than I felt. I would rather be in bed.
Suddenly, my chair started to tip back, throwing my stomach up into my throat. I shrieked and threw my weight forward, firmly planting my feet on the floor.
“Gotcha,” Luke said in my ear, his breath tickling my neck.
Placing my hand over my heart to slow it down, I spun around in my chair. He was wearing a wifebeater and jeans, with a tool belt slung low on his hips. Drool threatened to fall out of my mouth, and my cheeks flushed. His shoulders and arms were muscled and well-defined, his skin smooth and tan. Yum. I attempted to cover up my ogling with a glare. “You almost gave me a heart attack.”
He tweaked my nose and grinned. Then he walked away.
Wait. That’s all I get?
My face fell, but I recovered quickly, carefully returning it to a neutral expression. My heart did a little pitter-patter when Luke walked back over with a chair. He set it up next to mine and stretched out in it, crossing his feet at his ankles.
“You want in?” Brad asked him.
Luke shook his head. “Nah. I’ve got to finish writing this damn paper.” He turned to me. “I have this professor who’s already assigned a ten-page paper. Can you believe that? It’s only the second week.”
“Maybe he’s trying to weed people out.”
“Could be. Hopefully after the drop period ends, he’ll ease up a little. Because, damn, I do not want to write a paper every week.”
“You should get Cori to help you,” Amber chimed in, her arm in the air, practicing the throwing motion. She had one of her eyes closed, which was probably supposed to help her aim. “She helps me with all of my papers.” She winked at me when she thought Luke wasn’t looking, except I’m pretty sure he was.
Real smooth, Amber. She launched the ball and missed. Serves her right.
“Um, sure,” I said, running my toe along a crack in the concrete floor.
“Don’t sound too excited about it, Miss Valedictorian,” Luke said.
I made a face, but I was pleased he remembered that little detail about me.
I gestured to the tool belt. “What’s up with that?”
He glanced down as if he had forgotten he was wearing it. “Oh, this. I was fixing the deck stairs. I’m the house manager.”
I raised my eyebrows. “I didn’t know you were a handyman.”
He shrugged. “Pays the rent and keeps me from having to get another job.”
Sitting next to the beer pong table with Luke’s prize trophy in view, I couldn’t help but wonder at the juxtaposition of his personality. He liked to party and have a good time. I could certainly attest to that in the short time I’d known him, but he also bore responsibilities and seemed serious about his schoolwork, much more so than Brad and Josh, who were currently setting up cups for another game. Yet the guys didn’t give him shit for not playing, showing they respected him.
Something had to give. Nobody was that perfect.
I looked over at him out of the corner of my eye, then guiltily looked away. I shouldn’t be looking for flaws. If they were there, they’d surface eventually.
Probably.
He nudged me with his foot. “I’m going to propose your idea for recruiting pledges at our next meeting.”
“It’s worth a shot.”
“I agree. Hopefully my asshole brothers will get on board.”
I raised my eyebrows.
“Some of the guys are assholes,” he said. “There’s bound to be at least one in every group. Don’t you have some in your sorority?”
Since our sorority was so big, I didn’t know all of my sisters very well. In the group of about a hundred girls, there were several smaller cliques. This may seem to go against the notion of sisterhood, but it actually kept the peace. There were bound to be girls who didn’t get along, and this way they didn’t have to interact.
Luke took my silence as a refusal to speak ill of my sisters. “Okay, take the high road. Make me look like the asshole.”
I waited a beat. “Do you even need my help for that?”
“Very funny.” He stretched and looked at his watch. “Shit. It’s almost eleven. I better go finish this paper. See you later, Cori.”
Disappointment washed over me. I appreciated that he wanted to get his paper done, but why did his damn professor have to assign it in the first place? Now his professor was pissing me off.
I waited another ten minutes, and then I motioned to Amber that it was getting late. She held up five fingers. Five more minutes. I sighed, sitting back in my chair. We had taken her car, and I had no other option for getting home. Buses didn’t run this far and the DD didn’t run on weeknights.
Twenty minutes later, I gave Amber a look that meant let’s get out of here. She held up five fingers again. Yeah, right.
I sat in my seat, tuning everyone out. I was tired. I wanted to go home. And the loud music was giving me a headache.
Ten minutes passed. I looked up just in time to see Amber accept a drink that Brad pressed into her hand. So much for five more minutes.
Irritation flared within me. I should have known better than to go out with Amber where a guy was concerned. I guess I didn’t learn my lesson last time.
I decided to wander upstairs to Luke’s room. Maybe he wouldn’t mind if I dozed on his couch while I waited for Amber to decide she was finally ready to leave.
We were friends, right? I was still navigating this new friend thing. Sure, I had guy friends, but never ones like Luke, ones who made my heart palpitate and my palms sweat.
His door was ajar, but I knocked anyway. He was sitting at his computer with his back to the door. When he didn’t respond, I noticed he had earbuds in.
I leaned against the doorframe and observed him for a moment. His long fingers danced over the keyboard, and I could see the muscles flex in his arms as he typed. He paused, putting his hands on the back of his head. Then he deleted a line of text and started typing again.
I don’t know how long I watched him. One minute? Two? I was definitely indulging in some creeper behavior.
I knocked again, but he still didn’t hear me. How loud did he have his music turned up? Geez, he was going to blow out his eardrums.
“Luke?” I said loudly. I was about to give up and return to the party room when he finally turned around, hitting the pause button on his iPod.
“Sorry,” he said with a smile. “I was in the zone.”
“Oh.” I fiddled with my necklace. “I’ll just leave you alone then.” I turned around to leave, feeling stupid. Of course he didn’t want company—he was working. I didn’t like to be bothered when I was working, either, so I should know better.
“No, that’s okay. Stay.”
I hesitated, then walked across his room and sat on the edge of the couch. “I don’t want to bother you. It’s just that I have a headache and the music is loud down there.”
“Yeah, try living here. That’s why I use the earbuds.”
Letting Go Page 10