He furrowed his brow, actually looking a bit concerned. “What’s it on?”
“Everything we’ve covered for the last month.” I sighed. “Do you want me to come by this week and get you caught up?”
I really didn’t have time to tutor him, but he looked so lost, like a stray puppy. How could I not offer?
“Yeah, that’d be good,” he said. “Thanks.”
I pulled my ball out of my pocket, and as I was rising from setting it up, the hair on the back of my neck stood up.
From two holes up, a girl was staring at me with her arms crossed and her eyes narrowed.
She was tall, blond, and in a word, gorgeous.
She also had a fierce look about her that made me nervous.
I turned away and glanced over my shoulder to see if maybe she was looking at someone behind me. When I turned back, she was still glaring at me.
She seemed familiar, like I had seen her before, but I didn’t know her.
I took my first swing, botching it.
The girl was still staring at me like I was at the top of her hit list. Where the heck had I seen her before? If I’d done something to deserve that evil stare, I’d hope I’d at least remember it.
The movies. That’s where I knew her from. After the movie with Luke, she also looked at me with hate beams shooting out of her eyes.
Her group moved on, so she left with them, but not before giving me one final dirty look.
That was twice now. I wasn’t imagining it.
What…the…hell.
I kept my eye on her as we continued on to the next hole. When I saw her chatting with some guys I thought were Beta Chis, I nudged Josh.
“Who’s that girl?”
He looked up. “Who?”
“Over there.” I jerked my head in her direction. “Talking to your brothers.”
“Oh, yeah. Her.”
So he did know her.
“She keeps giving me these dirty looks, but I don’t think I know her.”
“Huh,” Josh said, still not enlightening me.
“Josh,” I said, grabbing his arm. “Who the heck is she?”
He hesitated a moment. “Luke’s ex-girlfriend.”
I let go of his arm, reeling back. Luke had never mentioned a supermodel-esque ex-girlfriend.
Then again, I hadn’t mentioned a dead boyfriend, either.
“What happened?” I asked.
“They broke up.”
“No shit.”
“You’ll have to ask him,” Josh said. “There’s no way I’m getting involved in that mess.”
“It’s not getting involved. You’re just answering a question.”
Josh shook his head. “Uh-uh. Not doing it, chick. Ask Luke.”
That was one thing I certainly wasn’t going to do. So far we hadn’t done the whole delving into each other’s dating history thing, and that was exactly what I had wanted. I’d been so worried about my own past that I hadn’t even considered that Luke might have a past of his own.
Which was stupid. Of course he did. He was a gorgeous twenty-one-year-old college guy. Based on the evil looks that girl was giving me, it was safe to say their relationship did not end well. There was definitely some bad blood there.
So maybe what’s-her-name—Josh hadn’t even given me that little bit of info—still had a thing for Luke. Maybe he broke it off with her, and she still wasn’t over it.
That had to be it. Yeah, that was it.
Geez, I wasn’t even kidding myself. Nothing was ever that simple. But there was no way I could ask Luke without opening a door to my own past.
I craned my neck to watch her a little bit. She hugged one of the Betas she had been talking to and rejoined her group.
She was definitely stunning—Victoria’s Secret model gorgeous. She and Luke must have made—
Stop it—just stop right there.
I was not doing this. I was not getting jealous over something that didn’t exist anymore. She was his ex-girlfriend, emphasis on the ex.
If it mattered, then Luke would have told me about it.
Faulty logic! my brain screamed at me. Tyler definitely mattered, and I hadn’t even mentioned him.
But it was a non-issue. It didn’t affect my and Luke’s relationship. If it did, I would definitely tell him. Right?
“Earth to Cori,” Amber said, grabbing my arm and shaking it a little. “It’s your turn, girl. Is everything okay?”
“Of course.”
Focus on the now, Cori. I had a good thing going here. Luke and I were solid, and I had great friends, some of whom were right here with me. Sure, my life had some issues, but I didn’t need to add to them by inventing problems where they didn’t exist. Sometimes I was too neurotic for my own good.
I needed to get out of my own head.
Chapter Seventeen
I drove out to the Beta house, once again resenting the rule banning guys from the Alpha house bedrooms. I was going to help Josh cram for tomorrow’s test in Women’s Studies. I didn’t have high hopes for his test grade, but maybe I could at least help him pass.
I didn’t understand how people could spend so much money on college tuition and then just blow off their classes. Even if they didn’t necessarily want to learn anything, shouldn’t they at least want to do enough to get the credit? Otherwise, it was just wasted money and time.
I parked my car in the lot and was disappointed to see that Luke’s Jeep wasn’t there. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping to see him, too.
I climbed the stairs to the second floor and found Josh in his room strumming on his guitar with headphones on and a football game blaring on the TV.
When he saw me he pressed the mute button on the TV remote. “Hey, girl. What’s up?”
I dropped my Women’s Studies textbook and notebook on his coffee table with a thud and looked at them pointedly. “Time to educate you.”
Josh pulled the headphones off his ears and rested them around his neck. He slapped his hands together gleefully. “Let’s do this.”
I pulled the test review guide out of my notebook and handed it to him. “How much of this do you know?”
He scanned over it and laughed. “Not much. Um, the definition of feminism, that’s like, go women, right?”
I closed my eyes and groaned.
He grinned sheepishly. “I guess I should’ve gone to class.”
I bit back a snippy retort and reminded myself that one of the things I liked about Josh was his carefree attitude. He could be just a little too carefree, though.
I opened my notebook to the notes from the second day of class. We didn’t have time to go over the textbook or all of the lectures that were posted online. If he could learn all of the material in my notes, then hopefully he’d know enough to pass the test.
As I went over it with him, I found that he wasn’t stupid at all. In fact, Josh was rather intelligent. I figured he had to have some brains or he’d never have gotten into this school, but I didn’t expect him to be as smart as he was. He simply wasn’t motivated and didn’t care. Not a good combination.
Josh’s room faced the parking lot, and I couldn’t stop myself from looking out the window every few minutes, hoping to see an oversized black Jeep roar down the drive. It must have been obvious, because Josh commented.
“Is there something out there?”
“Er, no,” I stammered, blushing.
“You’re looking for Luke, aren’t you?” he asked, totally calling me out.
I did the only sensible thing—denied, denied, denied.
He just laughed. “It’s okay.”
I fiddled with a loose string on the couch. “Does he ever talk about me?”
“A little, I guess. I dunno. I never really pay attention.” He paused. “The guys give him shit about you, though.”
My eyes widened and my breath caught. “What do you mean?”
“Nothing bad. Don’t worry. They just give him a hard time, like they do with any guy who has a new
girl.”
I waited for him to elaborate, not wanting to ask any more questions. Josh didn’t take the hint.
So much for sophisticated intel. Still, I wasn’t about to incur Amber’s wrath. So I asked, “What about Brad? Do the guys give him shit about Amber?”
“Yeah…” He picked up his guitar and played a few chords. “So do you think I’m gonna pass this test?”
I gave him a bland look. “Do you remember everything we covered in the last hour?”
“Yeah.” He laughed. “For now, anyway. Tomorrow might be another story.”
I sighed. “Let’s finish this section. Then you’re on your own.” Honestly, if he couldn’t pass after I tutored him, then he was beyond help at this point.
Then I heard the sound I’d been waiting for—the crunching sound of gravel made by huge Jeep tires coming up the drive.
I jumped up. “I…I’ll be right back.” It was pathetic. I knew it, but I didn’t care.
I jogged down the hall, but when I stepped out on the deck, I stopped short. Luke was standing next to his Jeep with a girl. And not just any girl—a gorgeous girl. Tall, long legs, curvy, and long blond hair that fell in waves down her back. I couldn’t see her face, but I’d seen enough of it and her evil stares lately.
Why was Luke’s ex here?
And what in the hell was she doing with Luke?
I retreated a few steps and flattened myself against the wall so I couldn’t be seen, not that they were looking at me. They shifted, and I could see her face.
She was standing close to him, that bitch, with wide eyes and a pouty mouth. I’d never wanted superhero powers so much in my life—I’d kill to hear what they were saying. I couldn’t see his face, but his shoulders and neck looked stiff. And were his arms crossed? Or was that wishful thinking on my part?
I watched them for a few minutes. She did most of the talking.
Had they come here together? I had flown out of Josh’s room so fast I couldn’t say for sure if she had been in the Jeep with him. I searched the parking lot for any unfamiliar cars. Nope, I’d seen all of the cars before, and I most certainly had not seen her here before.
My hands were shaking. Luke didn’t strike me as the type of guy who would date multiple girls at once, but what did I know? As Amber frequently reminded me, I had been out of the game for a long time. Maybe my perception of him was way off.
Except in my heart, I really didn’t believe that.
Then I saw something that made my blood run cold. He hugged her. That was not a friendly nice-to-see-you hug. That was a— Well, I didn’t know what it was, but it wasn’t entirely innocent. Her hands were all over his shoulders and back.
I would like to think I wasn’t the jealous type, but Tyler and I had been together so long that jealousy hadn’t been a factor. What I was feeling right now could only be described as a cocktail of jealousy, rage, and hurt.
When he released her, he opened the passenger side door for her and offered his hand, helping her up as he had done for me when I’d ridden with him.
Tears blurred my vision, but I didn’t need to see any more. As I hurried down the hall to Josh’s room, I heard the roar of the Jeep’s engine.
Fucking asshole.
How could I have been so stupid?
I barreled into Josh’s room and ran right into him.
He grabbed my shoulders to steady me. “Whoa, sorry. I was just going— Wait, are you crying?”
I wiped my eyes with the backs of my hands and turned my head so he couldn’t see my face. “No.”
“Yeah, you are.”
I sniffled and took a deep breath. “I’m fine. I just need my keys. You can borrow my notes.”
He looked at me skeptically. “Now I know you’re not all right. You would never trust me with your notes.”
“I need to go,” I said firmly.
Josh looked uncertain as to what he should do. I could tell he was battling with himself. As my friend, he felt like he should talk to me. As a guy, he didn’t want anything to do with a crying female. Whatever. He was in my way. My purse with my keys was behind him.
“I’m fine,” I said, looking him right in the eye.
“Okay.” He stepped aside, his expression still uncertain but also relieved.
I shoved past him and yanked my purse by its strap. It twisted around and all of the contents fell on the floor.
“Fuck.” I kneeled down to gather my things. Sitting right next to my purse was a breath mint from the steak house Luke had taken me to. I grabbed it and threw it across the room. “Fucking asshole!”
“Something tells me you’re not talking about me,” Josh said.
I stuffed my belongings into my purse, but my keys were missing. I got on all fours and looked under the couch, then I heard a jingle behind me. Josh was holding them up.
I snatched them out of his hand. “See you tomorrow.”
Once I was in my car, I threw it in reverse and hit the gas, narrowly missing the car parked behind me. “Fuck!” I banged the steering wheel with my fist and took a deep breath, willing myself to calm down so I could drive. I was slightly calmer when I shifted into gear.
As I turned out of the driveway, the big black Jeep was turning in. I averted my eyes and sped away.
...
I pulled into a space on the far side of the Alpha house parking lot, needing to pull myself together before I went inside. Amber would be all over me, and I didn’t want to talk about it.
How could I be so stupid? Even though Luke and I hadn’t had the talk, I thought our status was somewhere in the neighborhood of exclusivity. Apparently I was wrong.
At least I hadn’t made a big deal about our relationship to anyone. I hadn’t called him my boyfriend and the most anyone knew was that we were seeing each other. So aside from Josh, I should be spared the public humiliation. Josh and Luke were fraternity brothers, but Josh was my friend. I didn’t think he’d make a big deal out of my freak-out in his room. Or so I hoped, anyway. Josh didn’t make a big deal out of anything, so this shouldn’t be any different.
It was time to think about damage control. I might as well move on now. My relationship with Luke obviously wasn’t what I thought it was.
What I’d hoped it was.
That was the real pisser.
It was just as well. This would make my life a lot less complicated. No more guilt.
Except I didn’t feel guilt right now. Realizing that, I felt guilty for not feeling guilty. How fucked up was that? I’d paid attention in psychology, and I’d actually read the self-help and grief counseling books my parents and therapist forced on me. Not that they helped me at all. Now I could just psycho-analyze myself more expertly than before.
Oh, God. I’d fallen for him hard and fast. I thought it was mutual, but what if it was all in my head? What if Luke really felt nothing for me at all? My heart clenched.
Fresh tears streamed down my face and I cursed. I had just stopped crying, and now I’d started it up again.
I needed to get out of my damn head.
I fumbled around in my car searching for a tissue and came up with a Burger King napkin. That would just have to do. Yanking down my mirror, I blotted my face, trying to remove the smeared makeup without causing any more damage. My room was on the far side of the house, and there was no way I was feeding myself to the gossip mill.
After stealthily sneaking through the house to avoid the other girls, I lay on my bed, staring up at the ceiling with my feet propped up.
I wondered what he was doing. What he and the blonde were doing. Were they—
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
Why was I still thinking? I needed my brain turned off.
The door swung open and Amber appeared in the doorway. “What are you doing?”
I tried to neutralize my expression. “What do you mean?”
She strode over to my purse and pulled out my cell phone. “You have like a million missed calls. Is it on silent?”
I
grabbed my phone out of her hands. Sure enough, I had four missed calls from Luke, one from Josh, and two from Amber. There were also several texts from each of them. I tossed the phone on my desk without looking at them.
Amber raised her eyebrows but didn’t comment on it. “Anyway, Luke’s here. He has your notes. You left them in Josh’s room or something.”
“I don’t want them.”
“That’s a good one. Seriously, Luke’s downstairs in the foyer.”
I lay back down on the bed and stared at the ceiling.
Amber cleared her throat. “Did I miss something?”
“Tell him I’m not here.”
“Um, he already knows you’re here. I told him you were, and besides, your car’s out front.”
I rolled to my side so I didn’t have to face her. “Just get rid of him.”
“Seriously?”
“As serious as ever.”
Amber sighed, but I heard her footsteps and the click of the door closing. I rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling again. A few moments later she returned with my notebook, which she tossed on the bed next to me. She pulled my desk chair next to the bed and straddled it.
“What’s going on?”
“Nothing,” I whispered.
“Obviously it’s something.”
“It’s nothing. It was always nothing, except I didn’t know it.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Nothing.”
“Stop talking in riddles and tell me what’s going on.”
My lower lip trembled and a tear escaped despite my best efforts to hold it in. Fuck. Fuck him. I had my first pageant rehearsal tomorrow and now my eyes were going to be swollen and my face blotchy.
Amber moved from the chair to the edge of my bed. “Oh, honey.” She pulled me up and hugged me. Her sympathy released the floodgates and I sobbed in her arms.
“I saw him with another girl. His ex.” I managed to get out a few words at a time.
“When?”
“Just now at the Beta house.”
She looked at the clock. “Like two hours ago?”
I nodded and told her what I saw.
She scrunched up her eyebrows, a sure sign I wasn’t going to like what she was going to say.
“I think you should talk to him.”
Letting Go Page 16