In moments, the two were alone in the forest. "That was interesting,” she said. “I don't think most fae have ever seen a discussion like that."
Jaekob shook his head. "Probably not. Maybe some of the house staff, but few others. Normally, dragons are very private. We handle our disagreements behind closed doors, away from prying eyes. Right now, however, we don't have the time for social niceties. We have to get moving, right?"
Bells nodded. She leaned against a tree with one hand, silently drawing strength and energy from not just the tree itself, but the things it touched: the beneficial bacteria and fungi in the soil around its roots, the ants and earthworms that crawled through it, loosening and enriching the soil, the roots of other plants and trees touched by the same mycorrhizae in the soil. In nature, everything was connected, and more than any of the other Pures, the fae were aware of their part in that web. They could draw upon it for strength.
She hoped Jaekob wouldn't notice what she was doing and tried to appear relaxed and casual. To distract him, she asked, "Now, how do we get to the cave? It will take us at least a week of walking. I told you this before we left and you said that was okay. I figure you must have some great plan to get around that."
He looked into her eyes, his face grave, and said, "I'm going to summon my dragon form, and you're going to ride on my back. We discussed this already." Something about the way he said it made the hairs on her arms stand up. There was more to it than the plain meaning of the words themselves.
Bells said, "Okay... I've never seen that done before, but you were right about time being short. It'll be scary, but I trust you not to let me fall."
Jaekob shook his head and then looked up at the tree canopy above, drawing a deep breath. He said, "Dragons never allow riders except in the gravest emergencies, and often not even then. But that infection is spreading fast, and I gave you my word that I'd follow this ridiculous plan of yours. I honor my word and will do what I can to help the plan succeed." He spoke slowly, his voice low and grave.
Bells thought she saw a hint of sadness in his eyes. Or was it worry? She couldn't quite peg what was going on. She stepped up beside him and put one hand lightly on his arm. "Are you sure about this? I get the feeling this is a very big deal for you, for some reason. I don't want to do anything that might hurt you, so if we have to walk, then the legends can just wait."
She forced a brave smile, or hoped it looked brave. It took real willpower to keep her eyes locked on his instead of looking away. Her curiosity was up, along with her concern for Jaekob, and she decided that his offer to carry her was the real reason he'd sent his Guardians away. She would have preferred they'd stayed with her if she and Jaekob walked into danger.
Jaekob nodded. "Thanks. I appreciate your concern, but no. As I said, I gave my word we would follow the old legend, at least until we rule it out."
Why had he even said he'd come with her? But he had indeed said he would come, and it didn't seem wise to ask about it just then. Clearly, he was nervous about something. He bit his lower lip and kept scratching his shoulder, his nostrils flared—a dragon's fear response? She had never seen that before.
She gathered her courage and said, "Okay, then. So, what's next? Do you turn into a dragon? And do I just climb on? That seems simple enough even for a fae to understand. Hopefully, I can hang on. Falling would be no fun. But like I said, I trust you."
Jaekob looked down at her, into her eyes, and she found herself bringing her hand up to her collar. Was she nervous? Blushing? She wasn't sure what made her suddenly so anxious.
He said, "When you first sit on me"—she tried not to laugh—"we're going to be vulnerable for at least an hour. I trusted my Guardians to defend us but I had to send them off. I don't want them knowing."
"Vulnerable? Why? And I thought they seemed pretty trustworthy."
"They are," he replied. "Still, they know what you're about to find out. The first time you sit on me, we're going to... Well, there'll be a connection between us, and that takes a while to sort itself out. It's why we'll be vulnerable. But in the end, we'll be able to speak clearly when we're together."
Bells frowned. "Connection? What does that mean, exactly? Like, I'll be able to ask you to turn left? That doesn't seem so horrible."
Jaekob took a step back. He put his hands on her shoulders and shrugged. "No, it's not horrible. But it is far more than that, as well. Rider and dragon form a sort of pair-bond. Not like handfasting, or whatever fae do when they marry, but also deeper. It's like a faint touch between souls so that we both experience everything the other does, at least when we're close to each other. I worry... I wonder what you'll think of that when you experience it. And I have things I prefer no one knew. I'm sure you do, too. Are you up for that? There will be no secrets between us once that bonding happens."
Bells froze like a deer in headlights, her mouth open in surprise as she experienced both thrill and terror at the same time. One coherent thought struck her: What if he didn't like what he saw in her head and ran, leaving her alone and far from home?
Bells found herself backing away from Jaekob, but after a couple paces, she forced herself to stop. There was much she didn't want this dragon—or anyone at all—knowing about her. And Jaekob was a famed warrior, born of a warrior people. The odds were good that he had things—memories and images inside of him—that she wanted no part of.
Worst of all, she had one thing in her head that she was only partly aware of, but she knew that she lied to herself about it. It was easy to pretend her way around that secret on the outside, but when they were connected, would he see the real truth? And would that mean she, too, had to face it head-on?
She coughed, her throat suddenly dry. Her voice came out raspy as she said, "Is there another way?"
He just shook his head. "Walking."
She closed her eyes and focused on getting her breathing back to normal and her heart to slow down. "I suppose that if I believe the legend enough to go look for the sword, I don't have much of a choice now that you've offered it. And if I don't believe it, then we shouldn't go at all. But I do believe. I'll do it, and thanks for offering."
"That's very wise of you, little fae. I promise that nothing I told you will compare to the actual bonding. Are you sure you want to do this?"
She suspected he wouldn't be disappointed if she said no, but they were trying to solve a problem that was bigger than either of them. Bigger than both of them together. "I'm sure," she replied.
An overwhelming feeling of both dread and anticipation flowed over her like a flash flood. She had to rest her hand on the tree again to steady her insides.
Jaekob pointed at her feet. "Stay there." He walked west until he was about fifty feet away, then he rolled his shoulders and neck, limbering up. "Here goes."
What Bells saw next amazed her as she witnessed, for the first time, someone summoning their dragon form. She heard snaps and crunching, as well as wet, tearing noises. For that instant of transformation, his face contorted into a mask of agony. But only for a moment, because the transformation was finished in only a couple of heartbeats.
Before her stood the dragon she remembered from that day ten years earlier, when Jaekob had spotted her from the air and dove down to talk to her—for no reason she ever knew. She doubted he had known why. It seemed obvious to her now that it was the legend that had spurred him to come down to talk to her—it had to happen that way, and so it did.
Jaekob, red scales shining in the dappled light that streamed through the tree canopy, had grown to fifty feet long from his snout to the tip of his tail. His head was as wide as his body, with massive jaws that she had no doubt could eat her in only two bites, if not in a single gulp. His tail curled around his feet, and his wings—the last to grow—spread out far to either side before he folded them back in on himself.
"Get ready, thennn sssit," he growled, and Bells felt the bass from his voice hitting her chest like a drum. It was awe-inspiring to see a dragon up close,
even if it was the second time, and his aura, his voice, his presence—all were overwhelming. She found herself rooted to the spot. Her instincts told her to run, but she couldn't move at all. Her body refused to obey her, just as it had the first time he’d come to her.
A few seconds later, though, that feeling fell like a curtain on a stage, releasing her.
Jaekob growl-laughed—she remembered that sound, too—and said, "We havvve that effect on people, lllittle fae, during transssformations. Now, can we do this?"
Bells grinned, feeling sheepish. For whatever reason, that had been just about the most frightening thing she'd ever witnessed, even if the raw terror only lasted for a couple seconds. "Okay, here goes nothing," she said and strode up to the huge dragon.
She stepped onto his knee and up his thigh, using the wicked spikes growing in a row up his leg as handholds. Each spike was between two to four feet long. When she got to his massive hip, she reached up and grabbed one of the longer spikes growing along his back to pull herself up. Once on Jaekob's back, she crept forward toward his wings and then sat, straddling him with her legs hanging just forward of where his wings connected to his back. She wasn't quite on his neck, but close.
A moment after she sat on his back, a flash of light blinded her, and then there was only darkness.
Everything was pitch black. Not only that, but it was so quiet that Bells could almost hear the silence. She couldn't feel the solid scales and muscles of the dragon beneath her. Actually, she couldn't feel anything. She waved her hand—or at least, she thought she did, because she couldn't actually see it—and didn't feel the air moving, didn't feel her clothing shifting on her arm. Humans would have called it sensory deprivation, but Bells thought perhaps it might be the emptiness of death, and she felt a rising panic. Had Jaekob tricked her into a trap? Why?
Abruptly, she felt her first physical sensation, a swirling feeling in her head, like water swirling down a drain, but instead of water, her thoughts and memories flowed out of her skull. In the distance—far? Close? There was nothing by which to measure it—a pinpoint of light appeared. It rushed toward her, growing in size like the headlamp of an oncoming train. As she got closer to that light, she heard a faint sound, like a cacophony of voices all talking over each other.
And then the light slammed into her, too fast for her to even flinch. Suddenly, she wasn't in a senseless void of darkness.
Now she was in a stone tunnel, impossibly smooth like someone had used a torch to melt the stone surfaces. She heard someone talking, a woman, but only caught a fragment of it: "...and when the Germans are defeated, we'll go up to the surface and I'll show you what it's like to eat actual meat that you caught yourself, then..."
A cavern. Old, dusty. It looked utterly abandoned, though it contained dozens of decaying buildings. A sad feeling shot through her. The same woman from before said, "Of course. You're our pride and joy. You know that."
A plaza—no, not a plaza, but another cavern—this one so huge that she couldn't see the far side even with the odd glowing mushrooms on every wall. An angry man, scary and threatening, shouted, "Keep your spear up or I'll give you a nasty scar to remember the lesson, boy." The hulking brute stood several feet taller than Bells and swung a sword overhand at her head. She somehow blocked it with her spear without even thinking about it. And she blocked the next blow that came even harder. The one after that, however, drove her to her knees. "Here comes the pain, boy." Fire and pain across her left shoulder and chest. Blood. More pain.
Two huge people, a man and a woman, sat at a table with her. Though she couldn't see their faces, she knew these dragons were her father and mother. Love. Adoration. Her mother spooned goop onto her plate from a bowl. "Yes," her new mother said, "it’s more gruel. All we could find were the little white mushrooms. Maybe tomorrow we'll find another kind. Now eat, so you can be big and strong like Fa." Disappointment.
A tunnel. A girl was there, a young woman, wearing only a bandoleer. The young woman smiled. "I found it," she cried. Part of the tunnel wall simply vanished. She smiled again and then ran into the new tunnel. Fear. Horror. No! Wait! Too late. An explosion engulfed the girl, and then death came for Bells, too...
Not death. Someone gently shook her awake. She wanted them to go away, to leave her to die. The girl was dead, she must be dead. Now, Bells would have to take over for her father. The life she had wanted as a blacksmith was gone, blown up with the woman. Bells' soul ached like nothing she'd ever felt before.
Another cavern. It had a pool. Elves! Hatred. Rage. Revenge. She drew her spear and charged the elves. Killed them. Another dragon her age but stronger—Bells didn't know how she knew that, but she was certain of it—was fighting the elves, too. One stabbed him and the scene froze in time. Every detail, crystal clear. Blood droplets. Horror. A rage that burned her soul from the inside. Loss. Pain.
Flying. Up a tunnel. Out of her home, into the great sky above. No walls! A thrill so powerful she felt giddy, even lightheaded. Into the sky, surrounded by thousands of others just like herself, dragons armed and armored for war. Adrenaline surged. War! It was beyond time for it. The elves would pay for what they did—whatever that was—once they stopped whichever human clan was engulfing the surface world in war. She hoped it wasn't the Germans again.
From high up, a dot on the ground far below. The dot was a person. It glowed, and she realized that this must be what it was like to see auras as the fae did. Poor fae—they never caught a break. But that was their problem. Her problem was the glowing dot below. She folded her wings and dove for a look, breaking formation. As Bells approached the ground below, she zoomed in on them. A fae... Her breath caught in her chest—so beautiful, that fae, but struggling. Bells felt protective of that little fae woman for some reason, in a way that was entirely new.
Then, guilt. What of Jewel? Well, it was no betrayal to her memory just to land and talk, was it? After all, the dragons needed to know what was going on in the world. No one would question that. Bells stretched her wings out and came to a teeth-jarring halt, then landed smoothly. Best landing ever! Did the fae notice? Why did she care if some fae girl noticed how smoothly she'd landed? But that face... Bells knew she'd never forget it, so beautiful and kind and open. But it was time to get back into formation. A quick conversation was all Bells had time for, so she rose into the air and forced herself not to look back. If she did, she might return to that fae. She couldn't get the woman's smile out of her mind, and she felt both fear and eagerness when she thought of seeing the fae again someday. If Creation had any justice, they would meet again.
More scenes, more feelings, a kaleidoscope of experiences continued to flood through her—
Bells blinked quickly as the vision faded like a mirage. She looked around, confused and stunned. She was on a dragon? Jaekob. Oh yes, she had mounted him to fly somewhere.
Her own memories flooded back, pushing out the visions like a fading dream. Those visions had mostly been hurtful, so she would prefer to forget them, but deep inside, she knew those had been Jaekob's memories. He must have experienced her memories the same way, gaining a lifetime in an instant.
She glanced into the sky and when she saw the sun, she gasped. It had moved far to the west. How long had she been in that vision state? So, it wasn't an instant, after all.
Two hours, Jaekob replied.
"Replied" wasn't right. His voice was bouncing inside her skull. His thoughts? Was that possible?
“Of course it's possible, little fae,” he replied, though his mouth didn't move. He chuckled. “Relax. I can't hear all your thoughts, nor you mine. You haven't learned to shield yours from me yet, that's all. It's just a matter of practice. You'll be able to do it without even having to think about it long before we arrive. I can't explain it, but where I grew up, mind-talk is normal. It was never as bright and clear as what I hear from you now, but I'm sure you can figure out why that is.”
She nodded. She had mounted him, and this was the reason his kind
never bore riders—two hours in a trance, helpless, learning each other's secrets and experiencing them the way the person had. She tried to focus on the memories she'd experienced. Jaekob's memories. The visions had been so vivid, though, that she hadn't just witnessed them. She’d experienced them as though she had lived through many of his core life-defining experiences, feeling what he'd felt. Loved whom he'd loved. And so much more.
Tears came to her eyes. That poor dragon. She would have never guessed at the depths of feeling he possessed, whether in anger or love or simple curiosity. He may have shown the world a calm, unflappable prince on the outside, but inside, the man was a volcano of emotions.
There were uncharted depths in that calm pool.
"Er, you—" he started to growl, then stopped. He took a deep breath, then said, "No, I don't wannnt to talk abouuut it. I'm told it's just what happensss when sommmeone mounts a willing dragon. It'sss the curse of my people."
Bells shook her head. Curse? It was wondrous. Why, she wondered, had the dragons not made use of that fact long ago? "Jaekob, did you... see what I saw?” She frowned. "Did you see my life?"
She already knew the answer, so while part of her wanted to know what he thought of her life, the bigger part was humiliated. What must he think of her now that he'd seen what a frightened, broken person she truly was?
He didn't reply, just turned stared ahead of them. So, that would be a yes. He'd seen her life, too.
"It's not really a curse, you know. It's terrifying, yes, but it's also the most amazing thing I've ever seen. Dragon and rider each knowing what the other wants and needs, seeing what the other sees. That would be a heck of an advantage for your warriors, right?"
Sword of Fire (Through the Ashes Book 1) Page 12