by P. Jameson
Pulling his gaze away from the female, he stalked to the front of the lodge. Halloween cleanup was in full swing. There was much to do before Thanksgiving, and even more to pull off before Christmas.
Thinking of Thanksgiving left him mulling over his problem with Eagan. As head chef for the lodge, Turkey Day was Eagan’s gig. It was his job to make their visitors feel as if they were enjoying the holiday from the comfort of their own home. Or even better, their grandma’s. And he was good at it. Old Granny Whoever didn’t have shit on Eagan’s homemade rolls and cornbread dressing. And his gravy… he must put the dust of angel’s wings in his gravy. There was no other excuse for it tasting so heavenly.
From a business standpoint, sending Eagan and his mate away would be crippling. But allowing them to stay could be damaging to his people. Already, he’d let Renner talk him in to letting them stay through Halloween. And people were taking to the wee little human with her unique ideals and her… lizard. The visitors thought the bastard thing was cute. They liked to pet it.
Magic shivered as he pushed through the front doors.
Layna rolled her eyes at him from behind the front desk of the lobby. “You’re late.”
“I’m the boss. There’s no such thing.”
She closed the ledger she was writing in and shoved it under the counter. “Funny. But I meant you’re late for your appointment with Doc Davis.”
Shit.
He glanced at his phone. He’d stayed on the bridge watching Bethany too long.
“She waiting?”
Layna nodded, smirking. For some reason she seemed to like seeing him screw up. If he didn’t know she loved him like a brother, he’d think she hated him. He narrowed his eyes to a glare as he pushed past her.
Doc Davis was a werecat like the rest of them, except she had a PhD. Her office was just past the spa, and was where she treated anyone who needed help. Shifter or human.
Well, Magic needed help. He was man enough to admit it. To himself at least. And Doc. To anyone else, he was fine. Middle-fucking-finger fine.
He knocked on the door and waited for her to ask him inside before edging it open.
Doc sat behind a heavy solid wood desk. Rows of bookshelves lined the wall behind her and a small leather couch sat off to the side. A second door led to an exam room full of equipment.
The female looked up from her work, peering at him over her thin-framed glasses. She was younger than Magic by a couple years, but had always seemed older. Maybe it was the way she pulled her hair back in the slickest bun imaginable, or that her glasses always sat too low on her nose.
She smiled. “Magic. What can I do for you today?”
He stared at the small sign that sat on her desk while he tried to think. Christina Davis, M.D.
“We had an appointment. What I talked to you about the other day. Remember?”
She sat back in her chair looking uncomfortable. “You realize I’m the wrong kind of doctor for this, right? I’m a medical doctor. Not a therapist.”
Magic shrugged, his irritation growing. “A doctor is a doctor is a doctor. You’re bound by patient confidentiality, right?”
Doc Davis frowned. “Yes, of course. But—”
“Then you’re the one for the job.”
“What is the job exactly? What do you want to accomplish with these… meetings?”
Magic thought about it. “I want to be able to say her name without losing my shit.”
Even revealing just that much left him shaking like a newborn bird. He shoved his hands in his pockets so Doc wouldn’t see.
Maybe he couldn’t do this. Maybe it was asking too much of his panther to finally deal with memories of his mate.
But he’d lose everything he’d worked for if he couldn’t learn to control himself. The fight with Eagan proved that. The mere mention of what had happened to Mandi, and Magic’s cat had come out in the lodge, putting their guests in danger, and it was unacceptable. Luckily, he’d been contained to his office by Renner and Owyn, but it could never happen again.
Which meant Magic had to learn how to talk and think about Mandi without going all batshit.
He clenched his jaw so tight, he felt it pop.
Hells bells, he didn’t think it was possible. Simply thinking about it was making him raw.
Doc pursed her lips, cocking her head to the side and looking him over. Like he was a puzzle she couldn’t figure out.
And she was the one with the higher education.
“I don’t know if I can help you, Magic, but you know I’ll try my best.”
He lowered his gaze to the floor. He didn’t like appearing weak. And the way he was trembling, screamed weak as fuck. But Doc knew everyone’s weaknesses, and never looked down on any of them. She was a damn good female.
“Why don’t you sit down.”
Magic cleared his throat, stiffly moving to the couch. He felt like a human accordion, folding himself onto the small furniture. Kicking one foot out, he tried to get comfortable.
“Where should we start?” Doc mused, tapping her finger against her chin. “Have you ever talked about that day? The day you lost her?”
He shook his head. “I can’t go there yet.”
“We all know what happened. People talk,” she said carefully. “But I think you already know that.”
Magic nodded, rubbing his palms together. It bothered him that people discussed his past, but it didn’t surprise him. And they deserved to know about the person they trusted as leader.
“I’m not ready to talk about that night,” he said again.
He looked around the office. It could be any doctor’s office except for the collection of candles that lined one window and the multi-colored afghans folded neatly on the arm of the couch. Those two things coupled with the wood plank walls made it feel a tad more homey.
“Then maybe you’d like to talk about how you feel.”
Magic raised one eyebrow skeptically.
“What? Isn’t that what therapists say? Look, I’m winging it here.”
He shook his head, staring out the small window by the side of the couch. “Maybe I just need to start a diary or some shit.”
“Is that what you need? Someone to listen to whatever you say and not respond?” She kicked her feet up on the desk. She wore hiking boots instead of those thick-soled things you saw in most hospitals. “I can do that. No problemo.”
He stared at her. Was that what he needed?
“What do you think I need?”
One side of her mouth came up in a smirk. It would’ve lent itself more of a smartass effect if not for the way she peered over her glasses.
“Aw now, Magic. I could tell you what I think you need, but I doubt you’d want to hear it.”
He frowned. “You’re the doctor. Of course I want to hear it.”
“Yeah, but this wouldn’t be the doctor speaking. This would be Christina, your friend and clanmate.”
Magic sat back and crossed his arms. He never liked knowing what his clan thought of him. He was a hardass, he knew. He made life difficult for their animals, he knew. But each of them had chosen to be here. They’d all agreed on the no mating pact, each for their own reasons. If any of them wanted out, all they had to do was say the word.
“Okay, Christina, my friend and clanmate. What do you think I need?”
She was doodling on a small notepad while she thought. He waited for what seemed like hours before she answered, but he knew it was only minutes. Maybe even seconds.
Doc held up the note pad to show him what she’d drawn.
“A heart? You think I need a heart?”
He wasn’t heartless. He didn’t like that his clan was incomplete without their mates. He felt their pain whether they realized it or not. It was just a matter of which pain was worse. Being responsible for the eroding of a female’s soul, or being alone. Alone seemed better for everyone by far. But maybe they didn’t see it that way because they hadn’t lived it like he had.
&n
bsp; “I have a heart,” he said, disgusted by her answer.
She rolled her eyes over her glasses. “Obviously. Or you wouldn’t be here right now. Love, Magic. You need love.”
“Love.” He stared at her. Unbelievable. Un-fucking-believable.
How could a smart female like Doc even suggest such a thing?
She nodded, her serious gaze never leaving his. “Love.”
“Are you…” Fucking kidding me?
His urge to rant and rave was nearly impossible to deny, but he tried. He counted to ten before continuing.
“Falling in love would be one hell of a stupid move for me, Doc. You got hidden cameras in here or something? I feel like I’m being Punk’d.”
She grinned, but Magic didn’t see anything funny. “I didn’t say you need to fall in love. I said you need love. Specifically someone to love you.”
Her explanation didn’t clear anything up.
“That’s a horrible idea. What good would that do?”
She pulled her feet down and sat forward, elbows resting on the desk. “Listen, I call it how I see it. You need someone who loves you enough to stop you from sabotaging yourself. Someone who will slap you upside the head when you’re being an asshole. Someone who will cause you to let loose and have a little fun. Make you smile just once when something’s funny. An actual smile. Not that dumb smirk you get sometimes. Like you can’t care enough to make the other side of your mouth lift.”
Magic opened his mouth to speak but she stopped him with one index finger pointed threateningly at him.
“And if you even dare try to tell me you’ve got Owyn and Renner and the others for that, I swear I’ll toss you out of this office, because you know that’s not true. This clan loves you, Magic, but we don’t have what you need. If we did, you’d have already healed.” Her voice got quiet. “You have to let someone in. You have to let someone love you or you will never let go of the past.”
He stared at her, running his tongue angrily across his teeth. He didn’t want to let go of the past. He’d slipped with Renner, and already regretted it. No, he wanted to hold the past tight, but he wanted to do it without endangering anybody.
Unfolding himself from the couch, he headed for the door. This was a mistake.
“I don’t think you can help me, Doc. I don’t think anyone can. But thanks anyway.”
He jerked the door open, charging into the hall.
And smacked right into the one person he never wanted to see. Anytime. Ever.
Chapter Two
Josie wasn’t watching where she was going. She had more pressing concerns. Like her checkbook, and getting to the spa to talk with Bethany. She flipped through the ledger looking at the amounts she’d recorded as she navigated the hallway.
This couldn’t be right. She’d had 500 dollars left after she’d paid all her bills. How could her bank account be almost empty? She juggled the checkbook until her phone was in the front and then she pulled up her online information once again.
Only to watch the little dial on the screen spin… and spin… and spin.
Her phone provider had shit cell service up here at the lodge. She’d have to link into their Wi-Fi if she wanted to check it. Easy enough as long as their password hadn’t changed. It’d only been a couple months since she’d visited.
“Ooof.”
She hit a solid wall of unyielding muscle hard enough to stop her exhale, but somehow managed to not drop her phone and checkbook in the process. Miracles existed after all.
Her eyes had to travel up quite a ways to get to his face, and that’s how she knew it was him. There weren’t many men in the world that much taller than her 5’ 11’’. Magic was one, and besides she’d recognize that put-off huff anywhere.
“What are you doing here?” His voice was low and rough. Barely contained. Like the tiniest spark from a match could set him off. It slid across her skin pulling chills to the surface.
Bastard.
How did he do that to her with only his voice?
His eyes were dark, and not just because of the long, thick lashes that would make any woman jealous. If eyes were the windows to the soul, his were dark like a nasty storm brewed inside. She couldn’t decide if she’d want to be around to see that storm or not. Could be entertaining. Could be dangerous.
“‘Good morning, Josie.’ That’s what you’re supposed to say. And then I say, ‘Good morning, Magic,’ and maybe smile. But really that depends, because I don’t smile for just anybody in the morning. And usually that’s a big fat no for anyone who isn’t nice to me.”
His face didn’t crack. His eyes went back and forth between hers, but his scowl didn’t budge an inch. The long hair didn’t mean he was fun. He was like a messed up mullet. Business in the front, party nowhere. She’d like to be the one to make him crack a smile. Let loose. But he was even more buttoned up whenever she was around.
Magic, huh. The only thing magical about him was his name. And the way her heart ran away anytime he looked at her.
“What are you doing here?” he repeated.
She casually leaned one shoulder against the wall, cocking her hip. She wasn’t riled. No sir, not a bit. “You know, I could ask you the same thing.”
Magic closed his eyes, tipping his head back on his broad shoulders. He was so annoyed, she kind of wanted to laugh. They weren’t in kindergarten, but it was so damn fun to mess with him.
“I live here, Josie.”
“Oh, yeah. I do too. At least for a while.”
His head snapped up to stare at her, a deep crease between his two dark brows. “What’s that?”
She gave him a bright grin. “I’m staying at the lodge for a while. Didn’t Bethany tell you?” She knew her best friend hadn’t said a word because she didn’t actually know Josie was coming.
“No,” he snapped. “How long are you here?”
“Hmm. Not sure yet. Layna put me down for a room.”
His frown deepened, if that was even possible. “Did you pay for it?”
Josie stiffened, her smile disappearing. “No. I flashed Layna my tits and she said we were good. Of course I paid for it, you asshole.”
Magic’s head jerked back in surprise. A second later his gaze dropped to her breasts. The urge to cross her arms over her very average-verging-on-small bosom was strong, but instead, she puffed out her chest so he could get a good look.
With a huff, he turned his head to the side, running his fingers through his hair. “Fine. But stay out of the way, you hear? We’re setting up for Thanksgiving.”
Stay out of the way? Oh, sure. Like she was a kid pulling on her mother’s apron or something.
“Right. You won’t even know I’m here.”
He gave her a skeptical glance before brushing past her down the hall. “If you paid with your tits, it wasn’t enough,” he tossed over his shoulder.
Josie smirked. “You wouldn’t know. You haven’t seen my girls naked yet.”
His step faltered, and it gave her so much satisfaction, she wanted to break out a proper twerk. Booty dancing was the only thing worthy of that win.
Josie-1, Magic-0.
She continued toward the spa, but realized she’d passed it while focusing on her checkbook. She shoved it, and her phone into her pocket and turned to head back the way she came.
Magic was nearly around the corner of the lobby, but she caught a glimpse of his jean-hugged ass. The man had a nice gluteus maximus.
Josie shook her head. What a waste.
She flung open the frosted glass door that read SPA and strolled into Bethany’s domain. Her best friend was a masseuse. She’d taken a seasonal job here at Magic’s lodge several years ago. It was supposed to be short term. Just through Christmas. But she’d reconnected with a childhood friend, someone her family had taken in as a foster kid years ago, and fallen right off the love cliff with him. Now they were all grown up with a cutie-pie little boy and a happily ever after.
And boy, had Renner grown up.
And out. And… Stop it, Josie. It’s not cool to lust over your best friend’s husband.
Josie had to grin. She was so damn happy for Beth. The way Renner looked at her, it was like she not only hung the stars, but formed them in her capable little hands and caused them to shine. It was that thing, that when you witness it, it hits you in the chest and makes you realize you have a hole there where your heart is that needs filling. You hurt inside just watching them, and you know the ache won’t fade until you find the right thing to fill that hole.
Except in her case, she could never have what Renner and Beth have. She didn’t trust men enough to pull off a happily-ever-after. To give one person all of you for the rest of your life? Nope. Nuh uh. It was too hard when there were no guarantees it would last.
No thank you.
She’d just have her casual encounters and give most of her love to her designer clothes. They deserved it more than any man she knew. And since her accident a decade ago, she’d decided to forego anything that didn’t add substance to her life. So far, no romantic relationship had.
Bethany looked up from the appointment book and her friendly all-business smile melted from her face.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
Josie rolled her eyes. “Why do people keep asking me that? What’s wrong with ‘Hey, Josie, how are ya?’”
Beth gave her a half-smile. “I just meant I wasn’t expecting you for another week. I haven’t talked to Magic yet. He’s been distracted lately and I didn’t want to bother him until I was sure…”
Josie nodded, looking out the window. “I just saw him in the hall.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yep. Same ‘ol fun-loving Magic.”
Beth laughed, but it didn’t reach her eyes.
“So.” Josie glanced around the room to make sure they were alone. “How do we do this? Does Ren just jizz in a cup and then we take a turkey baster to my hoo-hah, or what?”
“Shh!” Beth hissed.
Josie threw her hands up. “What? I was quiet.”
“Not quiet enough.” Beth rushed around the counter and turned up the snoozy music they used to help customers relax. “You can’t say a word about this to anyone,” she whispered so low Josie had to read her lips. “Renner isn’t exactly on board yet.”