by Robin Mahle
She stood up in front of everyone and began to clink a spoon against her wine glass. “First of all, on behalf of my amazingly intelligent boyfriend, I’d like to thank you all for joining us on this special occasion. After years of studying, spending long hours as a thankless grunt in a law office, and passing, on his first attempt, the California bar exam, ladies and gentlemen, I present to you, Mr. Spencer J. Harris, Esquire!”
With raised glasses and shouts of accolades and applause for the man of the hour, Spencer and Katie’s friends toasted to his success.
“Thank you all and thank you to my beautiful Katie. Without her support, I would surely have failed not just the bar, but failed at life.” He walked around the booth to Katie, knelt down, and pulled a small blue velvet box from his pants pocket. Gasps could be heard from their surrounding friends. Katie’s eyes grew wide and began to fill with tears.
“Katie, when we met in college, I had no idea that the five-foot six brunette beauty who stands before me now would turn out to be my soul mate. You have supported me every step of the way and I know it hasn’t been easy. I can only hope to find a way to repay you. I’d like to start by asking you to spend the rest of your life with me so that I can try. Katie, will you marry me?”
Without hesitation, Katie knew her answer immediately. “Of course I will.”
He slid the diamond solitaire on her ring finger and raised up to embrace her. “I love you so much, Katie.”
Those were the only words that mattered and she knew they’d come from his heart. Most of their close friends attended UCSD with them and had watched their relationship grow. Katie showed off the ring to the other women, while the men congratulated Spencer.
“Did you have any idea this was coming?” Lindsey asked.
“No, none at all. Even at Sam’s wedding, he didn’t allude to any of this. Honestly, I had no idea.”
“So long as you’re happy,” Amanda replied.
“Yes, I’m happy, very happy.”
After a few rounds of drinks, the newly engaged couple finally had a moment alone as the others were occupied with their own conversations.
“I’ve been planning this for a while, you know,” Spencer started.
“Really? Since when?”
“Since the day I took the exam, 5 months ago. I knew right then that if I passed, I would be able to provide you with the life you deserved. We can move out of that crappy apartment and buy ourselves a house. We can talk about starting a family. This is all I’ve wanted for us since we graduated. It about killed me at Sam’s wedding. I wanted to ask you so badly then, but I had to wait. I had to know that I would make it as a lawyer.”
“Spencer, I’d have married you, lawyer or not. You know that, right?”
“I know. But this is what I needed to do first.” Spencer looked over at their friends. “Well, it looks as though everyone’s enjoying themselves. Don’t suppose you’re ready to get out of here?”
“You bet, let’s bail.” Katie stood up to get everyone’s attention. “Hey guys. Thank you all so much for coming tonight, especially on short notice. I think we’re going to head out and do some celebrating in private.” She winked at Spencer.
Katie stood on the landing, searching her purse for the keys to the apartment. Spencer’s arms wrapped around her while he kissed her neck.
“There they are.” She opened the door and tossed her purse on the couch. “It’ll be nice moving out of this place, so long as we find a house with a great big closet.”
Once inside, they began kissing with a passion that seemed to be lacking recently.
“You know, it’s only 9:00,” Spencer glanced at the clock on the shelf. “Do you want to call your parents and tell them the news?”
“Let’s see, it’s 9:00 on a Monday night.” Katie looked up and placed her hand beneath her chin. “Dad will probably be asleep on the couch after what I would guess to be his fifth or sixth drink of the night. Mom will be in her bed reading the latest self-help book. So, I’m thinking…no. Not tonight. I’ll call this weekend.”
“Okay. You know, sometimes I think you’re harder on your folks than you should be.”
Katie pulled out a chair at the dining table and sat down, feeling less amorous at the mention of her parents.
Rather than squander the mood entirely, Spencer went into the kitchen to open a bottle of wine and continued. “You had a good childhood, from what you’ve told me. You grew up in a great neighborhood, had family vacations, so I don’t understand why you don’t have a closer relationship with them. I think we’ve only been up there, what, like maybe four times in the past seven years?”
“You’re right. I was given pretty much everything I wanted. The problem was that what I wanted was their attention, their time. My dad worked constantly to build up his business and I always felt like he kept me at arm’s length, you know? I can probably count the number of times he told me he loved me on one hand. After a while, it seemed like the only things that really mattered to him were work and plenty of beer. And, Mom, well you know how she is, Mrs. Humanitarian. I had to help her with practically every charity event she ran. She always said, ‘There are those far less fortunate than you, Kate. It’s important to give back.’”
“Was she wrong?”
Katie sighed. “Of course not; she taught me the value of having a social conscience. I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. I love them both, dearly, but it’s like I’m not really their flesh and blood, like they’re detached from me.”
Spencer handed her a glass as he sat down at the table. “Well, maybe it’s time to change that. What’s going to happen when we have kids? You’ll want them to spend time with their grandparents, right?”
“Well, we’ve got yours.” Katie grinned.
“Mine live on the other side of the country. At least yours are only a two-hour flight away.”
“Three, more like.”
“Okay, whatever, but you know what I mean.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ll call them tomorrow then, okay? I promise.” Katie held up her hand and admired her new ring. “You did a heck of a job picking this one out.”
“Yeah, well, I know what you like.” Spencer’s devious smile gave away his intentions.
“Oh really? Why don’t you show me, then?” Katie stood up, glass in hand, and began walking toward their bedroom. She stopped at the hall and looked back. “You comin’, Mr. Harris?”
“Yes ma’am, soon-to-be Mrs. Harris.”
She hid behind a tree, hoping he wouldn’t see her and tried to take a deep breath, but the cramp in her side made her wince in pain. The throbbing in her legs begged her to sit down, but she couldn’t. And the birds chirped high in the trees. She looked up to see them, fearing they would give away her position. It was bright, too bright for her aching eyes. She had been in darkness, but did not know for how long. Time seemed to stand still with no light to guide the senses. Everything around her appeared hugely out of proportion. It was as if she was in a land of giants, like the kind in the children’s stories. The sound of leaves crackling made her spin her head. He was getting closer; she must run again. With each step, the cuts on her feet opened further and new ones formed as she trod over the broken branches and rocks on the forest floor. She could smell the rancid odor coming from the giant. He wasn’t far behind.
As she ran, his footsteps drew closer and the smell grew worse, nearly making her gag. She forced her legs to continue and pushed with every ounce of strength she had. Images of her parents flashed through her mind like a slide show; memories of them at the playground, at the beach, playing with her in the backyard. Everyone was so happy. She remembered happiness and love and this was what kept her running through the fear and pain. But it was not enough. She felt the hot stench of his breath on the back of her neck and his large fingers reaching for her shirt. She looked back for a moment and saw nothing but darkness.
A sharp pain pierced the arch of her foot as she lurched forward to avoid his grip.
Her foot gave way as she tumbled to the ground. She looked up at the giant. His arms reached out for her. His great big hands clasped onto her shoulders and squeezed.
Katie’s eyes flew open as she lay in a pool of sweat. Her heart raced so fast, she took hold of her chest as if that would slow it down. This was by far the worst one yet. Never before had he touched her. She could still feel a tenderness in her arms as if it had actually happened. Katie rolled off the bed and reached for her robe.
Shuffling into the living room, she sat on the couch and flipped on the TV. The clock showed 4 a.m. It did not matter to her what channel the TV was on; she only stared at it to fill her mind with images other than what she had just dreamed.
“What’s wrong with me?” She closed her eyes and began sobbing quietly in the early morning hours, the day after her engagement.
Spencer shook her awake as she’d fallen asleep on the couch. A few hours must have passed.
“Did you sleep out here?”
She was startled by his touch, but quickly recognized him. “It was a bad night; I woke up and came out here to watch TV. I guess I must have fallen back to sleep.” Katie began rubbing her neck, stiff from resting on the arm of the couch.
“Do you want to go back to bed?”
“No, no. I’m good now. Let’s have some breakfast.” Katie started to rise.
“You stay here. I’ll make it.”
“Thanks, hon.”
Not long after, Spencer returned with coffee and a bagel. “So, it was pretty bad, was it?”
“It was, yes, but it was different, too.” Katie paused for a moment. “It caught me this time.” She’d tried to explain to him before what it was, but didn’t really know herself.
“Oh, honey. I’m sorry. Why didn’t you wake me?”
“Over what? Some stupid dream that won’t leave me alone? So I have bad dreams, it doesn’t matter.” She wasn’t angry with him, but it certainly was coming out that way. It wasn’t anger at all, it was frustration.
“You know, you’re right,” he began. “It doesn’t matter because you’re going to the doctor this week and she’ll figure out what’s going on and you’ll be fine.” He was trying not to make a big deal of it, but was he doing it for her sake or his own?
“Thanks for breakfast. I suppose we’ve got a big day ahead of us, right? We need to start planning our wedding.” She desperately wanted to change the topic and figuring they just got engaged, perhaps a conversation about that would help. And, the aroma from the coffee was beginning to help shift her mood. “We haven’t set a date yet. When were you thinking?”
“Well.” Spencer appeared barely able to contain his delight. “I was thinking Valentine’s Day.”
Katie winced. “Really? Isn’t that a little—um—cliché?”
“You think so?” He spoke as if that hadn’t actually occurred to him.
Now she’d managed to hurt his feelings, an unintended result from which she would have to quickly recover. “Never mind, if that’s when you’d like to get married, I’m all for it.”
“No, no. I didn’t really think it through, but you’re right. Valentine’s Day, way too obvious. What about this winter, around Christmas time? Like around December 15th?”
Katie smiled. “Of course, that’s perfect, but why then?”
“Seriously? You don’t remember?”
She searched her mind for some recognition of that particular date, assuming it must have been important. “Oh right. That was the day we met.”
“It took you that long to remember?”
“Have I told you lately how amazing you are?” She glossed over her obvious blunder.
Morning quickly turned to afternoon and Katie still hadn’t given Sam the good news. With a quick break in her schedule, she picked up the phone.
“Oh my God, Kate, that’s fantastic! First, he passes the bar, then this? It’s really wonderful and I’m very happy for you both.”
It was good to hear the excitement in her friend’s voice. “Thanks, Sam. I’m sorry I haven’t called you since you got back from your honeymoon. I guess I’ve been a little preoccupied.”
“Don’t worry about it. You guys are busy with work; I know that. And we only just got back a few days ago anyway.”
“That’s not what I meant, exactly.” Katie felt compelled to say something, especially after last night. “It’s just, well, I’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping, and by a lot, I mean, for the past few months. I didn’t say anything to you at the wedding because I didn’t want you to worry. So, I thought it best to just see how it would play out. But it’s been going on for a while now.”
“Okay, now you’ve got me worried.” Sam’s tone was decidedly changed from only a moment ago.
“I keep having this, well, pretty disturbing dream. Disturbing enough to keep me from falling back to sleep on most nights. So Spencer and I agreed that I should talk to someone. I finally scheduled an appointment with a therapist for this week.”
“Oh, Katie, I wish you would have said something. You know you can tell me anything, doesn’t matter if it was my wedding day or not; you know that.”
“I know. I should have told you and I’m sorry. But please understand that it was only because you had enough on your plate. I suppose in the end, it’s only some trouble sleeping, nothing that can’t be managed, I’m sure.” Katie absentmindedly pulled apart several paperclips and lined them up on her desk as she spoke.
“Well, I think that’s the right thing for you, therapy, I mean. You’re probably stressing yourself out even more because you’re not getting enough sleep either.”
“I’m sure you’re right. You know, on the flight back after your wedding, I started doing some research on hypnotherapy.”
“Okay.” Sam sounded protectively cautious.
“I was thinking along the lines of relaxation hypnosis. The kind they use to help treat smokers, people who are afraid to fly…stuff like that.”
“Oh, that seems like it might be useful. Maybe help you with the flying thing, too. What did your doctor say?”
“She thinks we should meet first so she can determine the best course of treatment.”
“Sounds like you may have found yourself a good doctor. I know how you are, Kate. There’s nothing wrong with being proactive, but I’m glad the doctor’s taking charge here. She is the trained professional.”
“I know. I know. So listen, let me know when you can fly down to help me find a dress. We’ve got time, so no rush, but I would like to start looking in the next couple months. I mean, it’s only March, so I’ve got 9 months to plan this thing; although, it would have been eleven months if Spencer had his way. He wanted to get married on Valentine’s Day.”
“Ouch, really? That’s kind of cliché, isn’t it?”
“That’s what I said, but maybe it’s just us. Maybe we’re too cynical. Lots of people get married on Valentine’s Day.”
“I guess. I’ll let you know when I’ve got a free weekend. Jarrod’s been busy at work, but things have slowed a bit for me. Not much call for outsourced marketing firms. Most companies have brought their advertising in-house…it’s cheaper.”
“I hear ya. We haven’t raised nearly as much money as we did last year. What is it that they say? ‘It’s the economy, stupid,’ or something like that. Anyway, you let me know and I’ll talk to you soon.”
“Hey, Katie?”
“Yeah?” She waited for Sam to continue, but the line was quiet for a moment.
“Let me know how it goes at the doctor, okay?”
“Of course I will. Bye.”
Katie knew the next call would have to be to her mother, but that could wait until she got home. It was not a conversation to be had at work. She would call while Spencer was out shopping for groceries tonight.
He was the cook of the house and always got irritated when she came home with the wrong type of steak or couldn’t find some spice he wanted. So he decided to handle the shopping. It didn’t
bother Katie one bit. She was the organizer and the planner. It was what made her good at her job, and what kept her sane during his internship.
She tried to imagine herself being married, living in a big house, and having a couple of kids running around and she wondered what would become of her career. Quitting was not an option; she loved her job too much. However, with Spencer becoming a lawyer, it wasn’t like he was going to be around much and someone would have to take care of the kids.
Katie began to wonder if he would end up like her father; working all the time. No, she thought. He was nothing like her father. He was loving and attentive and actually cared about what was going on in her life. Maybe it was too early to think about such things. They were both young and children could wait.
3
The appointment was scheduled for this afternoon and the time had almost arrived. Katie was working to finish the final few tasks of the day so that she could leave in time. The restless nights were taking their toll and she was ready to find out what was going on with her and prayed this was the right course of action. The desire to see an end to the nightmares and get on with her wedding plans and her life with Spencer were all that mattered.
“You’re taking off?” Jennifer noticed the time as she passed Katie in the hall.
“Yeah, I’ve got a doctor’s appointment.”
“Oh, are you feeling okay?”
The girl always asked a lot of questions, which normally didn’t bother Katie, but today wasn’t one of those days. “I’m fine. I’ll see you tomorrow, Jen. Night.”
Katie left the office without any further goodbyes and arrived at the doctor’s office on the outskirts of downtown just in time. The surrounding hills made for a beautiful view from the four-story building.
She walked through the courtyard toward the elevators. Dr. Reyes’ office was on the second floor. The doors parted and she walked in to the sound of Billy Joel on the Muzak system. Pressing the second floor button, Katie could feel her palms growing clammy. There was reason to feel anxious. Never in her life had she been to a therapist and was unsure of what to expect. Maybe just a prescription for sleeping pills would do the trick. She was beginning to second-guess her decision.