by Robin Mahle
Upon stepping out of the car, her shoe left an imprint in the damp earth. She expected a flood of memories to wash over her, but there was nothing. In front of her was a metal guardrail, which she stepped over with ease, out ahead of Marshall. He was a few steps behind and she could hear twigs snapping with each step he took until he finally stood next to her.
Katie gazed out among the giant redwoods. The scent of the forest triggered a brief flash of something she hadn’t recalled before, the flowers, particularly the violets. The beautiful yellow flowers spread across the forest floor. It hardly looked like a place that held such deep, dark memories.
“Where would you like to start, Kate?”
“I don’t know. Let’s just go for a walk.”
They started into the woods in silence. The only sounds came from the animals that called this place home. The enormous trees were surrounded by flowers and shrubs. Katie was amazed by how much was able to grow in their shadow. Her dreams made the forest appear much more ominous. The jagged rocks sliced through her feet and the dead branches littered on the ground, black, as if they’d been burned in a fire. It looked beautiful now. The birds chirped and butterflies flew around her legs. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do here. It just looks like a forest. I couldn’t tell you if this was the place or not.” Katie threw her hands to her hips.
“I’ve got the map of the search area the chief emailed you. This should help point us in the right direction.”
Katie glanced at the grainy image. “My God, they searched everywhere, didn’t they?”
“It looks like it. They would have used dogs to pick up scents and probably analyzed the shoeprints as well. It’s a very remote location to have held you captive. I don’t see homes anywhere near here, nor did I on the drive up. Didn’t you say you thought you were being kept in a cellar or something?”
“I think so; I’m not sure. It could have been a basement or a storage area. I just remember that it was cold. My feet were cold when they touched the concrete floor.”
“It may have been in his home. He may have lived nearby, but I’m sure they would have checked out the locals. But then, you could have run for miles to get here. Can you remember anything else?”
Katie lowered herself to the ground, resting against a tree. She closed her eyes and imagined the dreams—running, falling, screaming, but still there was nothing new, nothing that gave her any clue as to the identity of the man. She dropped her head into her hands. “What am I doing here? I don’t remember anything except for the nightmares. Why am I trying so hard to remember something so terrible?”
“So we can catch the bastard,” Marshall replied. “You and I aren’t all that different, you know. I knew that the moment I met you.” He sat down next to her. “Look Kate, I can’t imagine what this must be like for you, but I do know how much you want to be able to unlock your past. I got to be honest with you, what your parents did, keeping this from you. Well, let’s just say they made it much more difficult for you. Maybe if you had known earlier, you could have come to terms with it. But having found out because of some nightmares, seeking help from a therapist; I don’t know. I think this could have all been avoided, but nonetheless, here you are today. You want justice for yourself and all the other kids who were taken from their families, including Isabelle. Just do what you can here, and if you get something, great. If not, maybe this will be the final step in your acceptance of what happened. But that doesn’t mean you have to stop helping to find the other sons of bitches out there. In the short time I’ve known you, I’ve watched you blossom like these flowers.” He pulled a yellow flower from its stem. “What did you say this was? A violet?”
“A Redwood Violet,” Katie replied.
“That’s what you are. You’re able to bloom in the darkness and shadows, just like this flower. Like I said before, I’ll find a place for you in the department if you want. It isn’t easy, this line of work, but you can help others and yourself. Believe me, I know a little something about that.”
“I appreciate that, Marshall. Thank you.” Katie forced herself up off the ground. “Come on, let’s keep going. I’m not ready to give up just yet.”
“I didn’t think you were.”
They continued on the path, studying the map Chief Wilson sent over. They must have searched a two-mile radius. Everything looked the same. Tree after tree, passing a few empty trails along the way, spotting a few blackened twigs that sparked a momentary flash of recognition, but quickly faded.
“I’m sorry, Marshall. There’s nothing here. We’ve been walking around for two hours and I just can’t remember anything more.”
“That’s okay. I have a feeling, now that we’ve had a good look around that you probably weren’t here for too long. I suspect you were being held somewhere nearby, but we’d have to dig pretty deep and see where the chief’s investigation left off. You want to get out of here?”
“Yeah, I’m done. I’d like to see the chief before we head back to the airport, if you don’t mind going out of our way a little.”
“Not at all; we’ve got plenty of time.”
Neither one said anything more during the forty-minute drive to Rio Dell.
This was the end, she thought. No more leads, no more memories. It was over. What a waste of energy. Marshall was right; she should put her time to better use and go to work with him. It wouldn’t be as a detective, of course. She didn’t have the background. But inside the department, there were plenty of opportunities for her to work alongside him.
“Here we are.” Marshall pulled into the parking lot and cut the engine.
She wiped a stray tear from her cheek and hoped he hadn’t seen, but he must have because he quickly looked away.
Marshall stepped out of the car and waited for Katie. When they entered the station, Chief Wilson was at the front desk. He was expecting them.
“Well, how’d it go?” He directed his question to Katie.
“I’m sorry we troubled you, Chief. It didn’t help.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, Katie. I wish there was more I could do for you, but as you know, my hands are tied.”
“I understand, Chief. Sorry to have taken up so much of your time with this already. I just wanted to stop by and say thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”
“If it’s all right with you, Katie, I’d like to have a quick word with Detective Avery.”
Katie looked at Marshall, suspicious of the Chief’s intentions. “Yeah, I guess so. I’ll wait in the car.”
After several minutes, Detective Avery emerged from the station and headed toward her. She watched him approach, his face revealed nothing of the conversation. When he got in, she expected him to tell her what the chief had wanted, but he said nothing, only started the engine and pulled away.
“You mind telling me what that was all about?” Katie soon realized he wasn’t going to divulge anything voluntarily.
Marshall stared at the road in silence, but Katie wasn’t about to let this go. Her eyes were burning a hole in the side of his head.
Finally, he spoke. “He thinks I wasted your time and that you have been through enough.”
“I see. Did you tell him that I wanted to come back here? That I wanted to try my damnedest to see if any of it would jog my memory?”
“Kate, he doesn’t want us to continue down this path out of fear we might find something he missed.”
“What do you mean? I don’t think he missed anything. I just wanted to go where they found me. Get some answers.”
“I know, and I know what it means to you to get answers. But I can see that it eats away at him, just like it does me when I want to solve a case, but it just doesn’t work out how you plan. He told me how difficult your investigation was. The other children involved. He believed the disappearances were linked, but just couldn’t get the proof. He spent so much time and resources his department didn’t have that eventually, after the media died off, his captain said that was eno
ugh, but he didn’t stop. It took its toll on his marriage, but he continued. It wasn’t until your mother told him she didn’t want to continue to relive it every time he had a hunch that he finally stopped. The chief really wanted to believe you had something when you told him about the necklace, but then the DA shot him down. There’s not much you can do about that.”
Katie watched the trees pass by in a blur as they drove down the highway. “So, what do we do now? Do I just go home and go on about my business?”
“Yes, that’s exactly what you do, Kate. Go on about your business of helping other victims’ families find answers. Keep them from going through what you and your family went through. Get married. Live your life.”
“I just don’t know if I can do that, Marshall. I don’t know if I’ll ever sleep without the nightmares.”
“I believe they will pass, eventually. You even said they were coming less frequently. Maybe continuing with your therapy will help.”
“Maybe.”
It was late Saturday night when Katie arrived back at home, weary from the journey, both physically and emotionally.
She forced a smile as Spencer greeted her. “Welcome home, babe. How was the dress hunting? Did you find one you liked? I’m surprised you decided not to stay until Sunday.”
Katie realized she couldn’t continue the lie. She would have to accept whatever consequences would come, but she wouldn’t lie to him any longer. He deserved better than that. “Do you think we could sit down and talk for a minute?”
Appearing concerned, Spencer sat down on the sofa. “What’s going on?”
She squeezed his hand and steadied her tone. “I went home, but not for the reason I told you. I went back to the place where they found me. I had hoped that maybe, if I was actually standing there, I would be able to remember something, but nothing came to me.”
What had initially been his concern was now turning to anger. This was it, the moment she dreaded, but she had brought it on all by herself.
“You lied to me?” Spencer released her hand and began pacing the room, breathing shallow, quick breaths. “Why would you lie to me? Didn’t we just have a long conversation about this? I thought you were ready to move on. Katie, have I not been there for you through all of this and you repay me by lying?”
“I’m sorry, Spencer. I knew you’d be upset. I know how much you want to get past this.”
“I thought you did too!”
“I do, I swear. That’s why I went. I had to see for myself if there was anything there. Anything at all I could remember. Detective Avery said it can help sometimes, going back to the scene. It can help victims remember things.”
“Detective Avery? Was he there with you? Are you fucking kidding me?”
“Yes. He was helping me. I didn’t want to go alone.” She thought it best to leave out the fact that it had been his idea in the first place and that she’d secretly been working with him for the past few weeks.
“And so you thought it best to lie to your fiancé, go out of town with another man, and have him help you? Jesus. I knew something was going on. How could I be so stupid?”
What response had she expected? If she lied about her intentions, why was it so unbelievable that she might lie about her relationship with Marshall? Still, she thought he knew her better than that. “Spencer, I’ve told you before, nothing is going on with him. What kind of woman do you think I am? I would never cheat on you.”
“Well, certainly not the kind of woman to go flitting about with another man on the pretense that he was helping you.”
“He was helping me! God, I knew you wouldn’t understand. That’s why I wasn’t even going to tell you at all.”
“So why are you telling me now?”
“Because I don’t want our marriage to be built on lies. I’ve had enough lies to last me a lifetime. Everyone in my family has lied to me my entire life.”
He started to laugh. “Our marriage? You think we’re still going to have a marriage?” Spencer stormed off into the bedroom.
After several minutes, it became apparent he wasn’t coming back out. She walked softly down the hallway and into their room. He was packing a suitcase.
“What are you doing?” Her heart fell into her stomach.
“I can’t deal with this anymore, Katie. I thought I knew you, but clearly, I don’t. It scares the hell out of me how easy it was for you to lie like that.”
“Easy? You think any of this has been easy for me?” She stood next to him now and placed her hand on top of his suitcase. “Stop, okay? Please stop.”
“You’ve turned into someone I no longer recognize. I caught a glimpse of who you used to be when we talked a few weeks ago, but now I can see that it was just a fleeting glimpse. You’ve become obsessed with this. You changed your job… you lied to me.” He turned away and looked at the picture on his nightstand. “You see this? This is what we used to be. Happy. I saw this coming. I supported you as much as I could, but it just wasn’t enough, was it?”
“I know this has been hard on you. Please don’t give up on us. I will get through this. I just had to do this one last thing; one last try to figure out what happened to me. Can’t you understand that?”
“Katie, I don’t believe this was the last thing. I don’t believe you’ll stop until you find what you’re looking for.” He pushed her hand away from his bag. “I just don’t think I can hang around until that happens because it may never happen. I don’t want to live out my life with someone who is always searching for something, no matter what the cost to others.” Spencer zipped up the bag and threw it over his shoulder.
Katie’s eyes swelled with tears. There was nothing more she could do to make him stay. “I’m sorry I did this to you…to us. I wish to God none of this ever happened.”
“So do I. Goodbye Katie. I hope you find the answers you need and that it will bring you some peace.”
She watched him walk away. Life as she had known it for the past seven years was over.
12
In the light of morning, Katie reached for her cell to call in sick for work. Her eyes were red and swollen, having found no comfort in her tears during the long hours of the night. She had no one to call, not even Sam; especially not Sam. Wasn’t she the one who warned her that this would happen? Detective Avery, too, but Katie didn’t listen. He warned her not to take this too far. But at least he understood why she had to continue, even if he knew it would come to this.
The wedding would have to be called off. Whose side would their friends choose? Spencer would surely not reveal the reason for the breakup; he was a good man and he would not put Katie in that position. But what did any of that matter now? She lost the man she loved and was no closer to finding the man who stole her from a loving family, which was forever changed.
It was too exhausting to think about. Katie lay down on the couch and finally drifted off to sleep.
The late morning sun was shining through the front window when Katie’s phone rang, waking her from the deep sleep that always comes after the pain. She looked at her phone; it was Marshall. Speaking to him right now was the last thing she wanted. No one needed to tell her she brought this on herself; she was already quite confident of that fact. But what if he had news? Curiosity got the best of her and she answered.
“Katie? I tried your office, but didn’t get an answer. Are you in today?”
“No. I wasn’t feeling well and decided to stay home.”
He was going to see through that.
“Oh. I’m sorry to bother you. I just wanted to let you know before you heard it on the news that we got the evidence we needed on Isabelle’s case. DNA came back and matched Johansen. He’s going to go to jail, Kate. I can only hope after the jury sees what we’ve got, they’ll send him to death row.”
Katie was silent on the other end.
“Did you hear me, Kate? We got him. And you had a hand in that.”
“Yeah, I heard you. That is very good news. I hope he get
s what he deserves.”
“Is everything all right? You don’t sound like your usual self.”
“I’m fine, Marshall. I’ve just had a rough night.”
“The dreams again?”
“No.” She paused, hoping he would continue, but he had a way of creating awkward silences that forced a person to speak. “Spencer left last night. Left for good, I’m pretty sure.”
“Oh man, I’m so sorry, Kate.”
“It was my fault. I told him the truth about our trip and he lost it. Then, I watched him give up and walk away; can’t blame him though. I probably would have done the same thing if he went off with a woman and lied to me about it.”
“Does he think there’s something going on between us? I can talk to him.”
Katie interrupted. “No, no, he doesn’t, not anymore. He just got tired of dealing with me and this situation, everything really. So, the wedding’s off.”
“Is there anything I can do to help?”
There was one thing he could do. One thing that could help her come to terms with why she’d just destroyed her relationship. “I’d like to come down to the station when you bring Johansen in to formally charge him.”
“You sure about that, Kate? We’ve got hard evidence on him now, so it’s only a matter of determining what happened to Isabelle. It won’t be easy to listen to what he’s got to say.”
“I know, but I have to see for myself the kind of monster he really is. I have to know why he did it.”
“You can come down, but don’t expect Johansen to suddenly be remorseful or to beg for forgiveness. That’s not what they do. They take pleasure in the details of their crimes, especially when they know we’ve got them. They wear it like a badge of honor.”
“I’m prepared, Marshall. Please, I need to see this.”
Katie arrived at the station and she was escorted by two officers to the viewing room. She expected to see a two-way mirror, like in the movies, but there was a table with a monitor on it. The closed-circuit camera showed an adjacent room. In that room, sitting handcuffed to the table, was the monster. He couldn’t have been more than twenty-seven, maybe twenty-eight. His defense attorney, no doubt court-appointed, sat next to him.