by Sara Cate
There are worse ways to spend a life. Like in a loveless relationship with someone abusive the way my mother was. This life could be peaceful, and as long as that bitch, Sister Abigail, doesn’t get in my way and ruin this for me, I’ll have everything I need.
Speaking of the wench herself, she’s standing at the backdoor of the church where I park the van and climb out. She wasn’t supposed to pick me up until tomorrow, so my heart plummets at the idea of leaving already.
It’s Christmas.
“Your services are no longer required here,” she says coldly, as I climb out of the van. Heat travels up my spine.
“What? We have more to deliver—”
“I have given you your orders, Cora. Why must you be so insubordinate?”
Freezing in place, I glance toward the door and realization hits me like a boulder, crushing me instantly.
He wants me gone.
On Christmas.
Is this because I tempted him too much? Is it because of what we did? Have I ruined everything because I couldn’t keep my stupid mouth shut yesterday?
“Well, let me go say goodbye,” I mumble as I make my way toward the door, desperate to speak to him. A firm grasp on my arm stops me, and she tugs me closer, her cold tone whispering into my ear.
“Leave the poor man alone, girl. Don’t you see what you’re doing to him? The best thing you can do for him now is disappear.”
“Did he say...something?” I ask, tears brimming my eyes.
“He said enough, and it’s obvious. You want him to throw away everything because of you? You want him to choose you over God? Don’t be so foolish, Cora.”
With one blink, the tears fall over my lashes and down my cheeks.
I want to scream at her. He came to me. I didn’t sneak into his bed last night. He came to mine because he was so desperate for me..
“He’s all I have,” I whisper sadly, but she doesn’t care as she tugs me toward the car.
“I already have your things. Get in.”
Without a fight, I walk to the opposite side and climb in, not saying a word on the drive toward the convent. The tears don’t stop though.
All I can think is that I’m so incredibly lost and alone. Without him, I don’t want this life. I don’t want God or the church or any of it. But if I don’t have this, then I have nothing. I can’t go back to my dad’s, and I have no money or skills to get a job.
I feel so stupid, building my life around a man who can never be mine.
Merry-fucking-Christmas.
Chapter 11
Father Roman
“Her replacement? What do you mean her replacement?”
“Sister Abigail sent me in her place, Father. Sister Cora is going back to the convent with her.”
“What? Why?”
The poor woman standing before me is thin and frail and completely blindsided by my frustration. It’s not her fault, and I’m sure she doesn’t have any answers for me. I can tell by the deer-in-headlights expression on her face.
“I’m...not sure,” she replies meekly.
“She didn’t say anything? She just left?”
God, I wish Cora had a cell phone, so I could at least call her. She used to have one. Six months ago, she would text me Stranger Things memes to make me laugh or ask me what I wanted for dinner when she would run through the drive-thru on her way to the church.
But now she doesn’t have a phone...because she’s in service to become a nun...because of me. Because I fell in love with her years ago, and I let her fall in love with me. I carried on a relationship with a young woman who found the only way to be with me and signed her entire future away.
What a fucking fool I am. I thought I could have my fun with Cora, get my pleasure from her body and let things go back to the way they were. I don’t know if she left on her own because she’s scared or because Sister Bitch took her, but I have to know. I have to.
Lord, I asked for a sign, and you gave me one.
“I have to go after her,” I mumble, pulling off my robe.
“Father?” the woman asks in a shaky voice.
“We don’t have another service today. Whatever we had scheduled, cancel. I have to go find Cora.”
“Why?”
She sounds worried, as if something bad could happen to me. But as I throw my robe into her arms, I give her a small smile. “Because I love her.”
I will probably remember the look on her face for the rest of my life as those words came out of my mouth, and I hope they make me laugh for years to come.
The drive to the convent is over an hour, but I manage to arrive ten minutes before my GPS predicted I would. As I pull up, my hands are shaking and I’m starting to feel like a crazy man. I’m a priest running into a convent on Christmas Day to tell a woman, fifteen years younger than me, that I love her. And I want her. But that’s the point. I want her, completely.
Inside the convent is quiet, but I hear a low chatter coming from down the hallway that leads to a large rec room. There’s Christmas music playing along with gentle laughter. Picking up speed, I head straight down the hall and burst into the room, stopping the laughter immediately. All eyes shoot up to me while I scan the small crowd of women in black, looking for the one I want, but she’s not here. These are all older women with warm motherly smiles. They’re sitting on benches with wrapping paper scattered around the floor.
My heart drops when I don’t see my Cora.
“Can we help you, Father?”
“Cora. Where is she?”
A few of the women look away uncomfortably at the mention of her name. Then one older woman steps forward.
“I believe she’s in her room. Just on the other side of the building.”
I’m gone before she even finishes her sentence. I’ve been to the convent a few times before, so I basically know my way around. The hallways are empty, since everyone is convening in the rec room to celebrate their Christmas, and my poor Cora is alone.
Thoughts fly through my head as I rush down the hall. Thoughts about what an idiot I’ve been. How it all seems so easy now. Why couldn’t I have just accepted my feelings before?
When I reach the dormitory hallway, I see the shadows of movement from the last one on the left and I take off in a dead run. My footsteps thunder loudly in the quiet hallway until I reach the doorway to her room and face a wide-eyed Cora as she folds her clothes and places them in a duffel bag.
“What are you doing?” I ask, breathless.
“I’m packing. I’m...going home.” Tearing her eyes away from me, she looks down, and I swear I’ve never seen her look so sad. Her cheeks are spotted with red patches, a clear sign that she’s been crying. My heart aches.
It strikes me how beautiful she is in the light streaming through the window. Her light waves peek out of her white veil, catching the sun’s rays, and I can hardly stand another moment away from her.
I take a step into her room and instantly her eyes widen. It’s because I’m not supposed to enter it. A man in a nun’s private room is clearly against the rules, but I don’t care about rules anymore.
I close the door behind me, locking it. The loud click of the metal moving into position sounds like the ring of a bell or the shotgun at the start of a race. It drives me forward. I’m not afraid anymore to take what I want, what has been mine for 5 years. I’m not afraid to tell Cora how I feel anymore and I don’t know why it's been so hard up until now.
She drops her folded shirt as I rush toward her, not stopping until my hands are on her face and her lips are touching mine.
She yelps, her cries muffled as I press our mouths firmly together. Then my hands move down around her waist to the curve of her ass, reaching the backs of her thighs where I pull up her skirt and lift her easily, wrapping her legs around me.
“What are you doing?” she mumbles in shock against my mouth.
“I’m taking what’s mine.”
A tiny squeak escapes her lips, making my already hard
cock twitch in my pants. Carrying her over to her dresser, I drop her down and cascade my lips down her cheek to her neck, where I feel her quick pulse against my lips.
“If you want me to stop, you should tell me now.” I groan.
“No. No, don’t stop. Please, don’t stop.”
“Good.” My hands pull her thick black skirt the rest of the way up her legs, jerking the fabric over her hips. “Talk later. Fuck now.”
Her hands clutch tightly around my neck, and I feel a tremble in her legs. I am a wild animal uncaged, and I know my girl enough to know that she’s fighting the line between scared and excited. But she trusts me, and I’m not promising it won’t hurt, but she knows that even when it hurts, I’ll be here the whole time, ready to kiss it all better.
Chapter 12
Cora
I am his. Somewhere in the terror of his sudden ambush, my body decided to let go. I’ve given into the torrential downpour of lust and need.
His lips are on my neck, my chin, my chest, setting my body on fire. His hands work their way up my thighs, finding the hem of my panties, and I’m hit with a wave of embarrassment as he runs a thumb along the wet fabric between my legs.
“Oh Cora.” He moans while he teases me.
“Take them off,” I pant, watching the door in case anyone happens to walk in. There are plenty of people here with a key, and we’re not supposed to lock the doors as it is.
Sliding my panties down my legs, he quickly discards them on the floor before unzipping his own pants. I wait in excited anticipation as his hard cock springs out from behind his boxers. It’s perfect, tan and pink, with thick veins running along the shaft.
I’m just staring at it, standing erect between our bodies. That’s Father Roman’s cock. My brain can’t seem to comprehend it. It feels so wrong but so right at the same time. I mean, I held it in my hand yesterday, but now that it’s about to be inside me, I’m seeing it in a different light. It looks...bigger.
I can’t resist reaching out and squeezing the smooth length. He reacts instantly, pulling me closer, with a loud and guttural groan from his chest.
“Fuck,” he says, and it sounds as if he’s dying. So I squeeze harder.
“I need to be inside you.”
Yes, my body sings. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. The fear is gone. There is only excitement now. I don’t care if it hurts. I need it too much to worry now.
“Do it,” I reply, as I let go of his cock and lean back on the dresser. He runs the head along my opening, spreading the moisture around the surface. And I can’t take my eyes away, marveling at how filthy it looks, wondering how it will feel inside me.
The moment draws out as he puts himself in place to enter me. Then I glance up at his face, and he looks up at mine.
“Are you ready?” he asks.
Quickly, I nod. Even as I try to hide my nerves, I know my face betrays me.
Our lips meet in a crash, his tongue sliding between my teeth. As he pulls away, he whispers against my mouth, “You mean everything to me. You know that, right?”
My heart skids to a stop and I smile. Father Roman and I have always been close. He’s the only person on this earth I’ve ever honestly connected with, and right now, we’re closer than ever before. Like we are the same person. Like we share one heart.
“I know,” I whisper, kissing him again.
The head of his erection presses firmly against my entrance, and I take in a breath.
“Look down, baby. Watch it. There’s no going back from this.”
Pulling away from our kiss, we stare down together as he slides between my folds, his cock slowly disappearing inside me. There’s some resistance, after only an inch or two in, and I start to panic. What if it doesn’t fit? I can take the pain, but I will be crushed if this moment is ruined because I’m too small or he’s too big.
“I don’t want to hurt you.”
Hooking my ankles around his waist, I pull him closer, and he sinks all the way in. It hurts—a lot more than I expected it to, and I do my best not to show it. But my knuckles are white as they clench the dresser, and my face is squeezed tightly in pain.
“Cora, look at me.”
Without moving, I open my eyes and I’m instantly lost in his gaze. “Are you okay?” he asks.
Looking down, I see the spot where our bodies are joined, and I feel so incredibly full. Then it dawns on me in this moment that we are here, finally in this place I’ve dreamt of for years. Not just the sex, but the connection, the closeness. The wanting is behind us now, and I am completely his.
Pain is nothing when we have this.
Looking into his eyes, I nod.
“Good. Now hold onto me.”
Hooking an arm under my leg, he pulls out almost all the way before slamming right back in. The dresser I’m sitting on knocks loudly against the wall, but I’m too distracted by this new sensation, this spot deep inside me that feels so indescribably good every time he hits it. And as he pulls out and slides back in over and over, the pleasure grows.
I clutch onto his neck as he picks up speed, and my body is nearly shaken off the dresser. Suddenly I need it harder and faster, so I squeeze his body closer, giving me the sensation I’m looking for.
“It feels so...good,” I pant, high-pitched and breathless.
“Let me hear you. Moan for me, baby.” He’s fucking me at a steady rhythm now—Father Roman is fucking me. I no longer care who hears us or what happens after this. The room is filled with our heavy breathing and the sinfully delightful aroma of sex. So I do as he requested and I cry out, my legs holding tighter to his waist as my body explodes in pleasure. My breathy moans sound so...dirty and erotic as they bounce off the old walls of my room. I didn’t even know I was capable of such sounds.
“I’m going to come,” he groans into my neck.
“Come inside me. Please,” I cry. I have no idea why, but I want all of it. Consequences be damned, I want the full experience, from start to finish.
And he doesn’t seem to question it. As he shakes and shudders his release, he groans loudly, and I love it.
We stay like that for a while, catching our breath, not quite ready to separate. If I could keep him inside me forever, I would. There’s soreness, but it’s a pain I love because it means I have what I’ve always wanted. It means in some way, he’s mine.
When he finally picks up his head and looks at me, there’s a moment of hesitation and almost...shock as we stare at each other. He breaks a smile first and it’s contagious. My cheeks stretch wide until we’re both quietly laughing. Then he kisses me again.
A loud knock on the door shakes us out of this silent happy moment. It’s Sister Abigail and her voice is stern and angry sounding as she shouts, “Father Roman, step outside please!”
My eyes widen, the smile fading quickly from my face.
“I think we’re in trouble,” he whispers.
“What now?” I ask. I desperately don’t want to leave this moment, but there are prices to pay for our actions. I’m still in my habit and he’s still in his collar. We’ve done something sinfully wrong, and they won’t make this easy. But honestly, I don’t care about them… All I’m curious about is what Father Roman will do next.
His hands are still on my body and his cock still buried inside me. As he looks at me, his jaw clenches. “Well, first I’m going to pull out of you. Then, we’re going to have to open that door.”
“And after that?” I hate that there is a tremble in my voice.
He takes my face in his hands and pulls our lips together. Joined at the forehead, he whispers. “After that, things might get complicated, okay? But if you want me to be yours, then I’m yours. And no matter what happens, I’ll be here. Understand?”
I nod, tears welling in my eyes. If I want him to be mine, he’ll be mine. As if that’s even a question.
The only thing I’m questioning is if I’m worth what this will cost him.
Chapter 13
Father Roman<
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I should feel bad. I know I should probably feel a lot worse than I do for what I just did to a nun-in-training, but I’m too busy reeling from the best orgasm of my life. I can still feel her warm, tight cunt wrapped around my dick.
And I can’t wait to do it again.
This is what we were made to do. Why in the last ten years I decided that I needed to devote myself to God and live my life without something so...perfect, I don’t know. I thought I was following my mother’s dying wishes, but Cora was meant to be part of that dream—I know it. Part of me thinks it was this feeling with Cora that I was searching for all along, something infinite, all-consuming, and eternal. I thought it meant I was destined to be God’s servant, but now I know that’s why He brought her into my life. I was unfulfilled before, but now, with a prospective future with her, all of my days consumed by not just her, but us...my life has never had more purpose.
This was my mother’s dream for me. It had to be.
Sister Abigail is disappointed, and I don’t bother hiding anything. After I cleaned Cora up and gave her one last reassuring kiss, I opened the door to find a red-faced nun who looked at me with more anger and fury than I’ve ever seen.
I’m well aware I cannot blame her for anything. What we did was truly terrible. Fucking like teenagers in a sacred place, and we weren’t even quiet about it.
“Father Roman, we really need to talk.” She gives a scornful glare in Cora’s direction, and that’s what really sets me off.
“I’m sure we do,” I reply. “But for now, I’ll be taking Cora with me.”
Sister Abigail’s eyes go wide. “But Father—”
“Cora is no longer in the program, correct? So she is free to leave.”
“Yes, but—”
“Thank you for your service to the church, Sister Abigail. It’s been a pleasure.”