by Sara Cate
This is fucking insane. Animal urges are driving me, moving my mouth between the crack of his ass while I spread him apart with my hands. My shaky hands…
God, I’m possessed by this need. It’s the most intense sensation I’ve ever felt.
Licking a line down Jesse’s taint, I peek up at him, and him down at me. He bites his lip, and I suck mine.
And then, crouched down to get the perfect angle, I feather my tongue over his asshole.
A strangled hum escapes him as I drape his legs over my shoulders, licking around and around, fluttering my tongue on his rim, in the same spot I fucked last night. Where I came in him, only a few short hours ago.
Where I’m going to come in him again, as soon as I’ve had my fill.
“Sweet boy,” I growl into his body while he quakes above me, “Your tight hole is so very delicious.”
“Fuck fuck fuck…” Jesse chants, gripping the edge of the counter with white knuckles while I eat him alive.
Lapping at him like I would eat pussy, I keep going, shoving my tongue inside until he’s nice and relaxed. My sweet feast… He’s so eager, it ignites an inferno in my blood.
Finally, standing back up, I swipe my mouth with my hand and push my sweatpants down, stepping out of them while holding his legs apart.
“Lube…” I rush the word out on a breath. “I need lube. I need to fuck you.”
Jesse’s chest is heaving as he blinks up at me. “C-coconut oil.” He nods right.
My eyes dart to the jar and my brow quirks. “Naughty little baker, huh?”
He palms his cock, eyelids drooping in arousal. “Yours.”
“Fuck, that sounds good.” I grab the glass jar.
Unscrewing the top, I scoop out some of the soft oil, massaging it onto my erection. Then I swipe my fingers between his cheeks, his hole puckering at my touch. With the scent of coconut in the air, I pull him closer by his thighs, nudging my erection up to where he’s waiting anxiously for it.
The first push sets us both ablaze.
“Unngghh…” His eyes roll back as my head slips in.
I give him another inch. “Fuck yea, baby. Take my cock.”
Thrusting in deeper, his body squeezes me tight, holding me in almost unbearable heat. I push in more, and more, deeper and deeper, watching with greedy eyes as he swallows me up.
“You look so good taking me in,” I breathe to him, sliding my hands up his waist.
He lifts his head and gazes down at where we’re joined, cupping his balls while I give him the final push, getting seated between his legs. All the way up in his body and fucking loving it.
“I love your dick deep inside me,” he purrs. I shift my hips, and he groans, cock flinching on his abs. “Right there… yes yes yes.”
“That’s the good spot, sweet thing?” I lean over him, drawing back and thrusting in again.
A strangled sound erupts from his lips as he reaches for me, gripping my arms. “Fuck me…”
Developing a slow pace, I pump into him, watching his face and his dick while I ride him out. I take his hands in mine and place them on my chest, where he immediately squeezes my pecs, tweaking my nipples.
“Who fucks you good like this, baby?” I growl, driving into him harder.
“Y-you… you do.” He’s visibly coming undone as he whimpers, “Daddy.”
This time, my eyes roll back.
My cock has never been harder, stroking in him, tearing him apart and fucking struggling to breathe while I pump the air from both of our lungs.
“Daddy fucks you good, right?” I’m barely even aware of the filth pouring from my mouth.
But Jesse loves it. He’s trembling all over, precum leaking out of his cock, making a sexy mess between us as I hover over him, grasping his jaw.
“Look at me, baby.”
He does, eyes fighting to stay open to hold our deep gaze, my hips smacking his ass over and over, turning him out while he mumbles incoherently, “I love how you fuck me, Daddy.”
“God fucking damn, I’m gonna come…”
I force myself to hold back, but it’s crazy difficult. All I want to do is pour my orgasm deep inside him. But I want to get him off again first.
“Come in me.” He pulls my lips to his until I’m draped over him, fucking him on the counter as hard as I can, holding him up so I don’t hurt him. “Please come in me, James.”
“Uh-uh.” I shake my head, then bite his lip until he flinches. “You first.”
His lips move on mine. “I’m so close.”
Kissing him rough, I wrap a fist around his erection and tug to match my strokes, diving deep in his warmth, teasing the wet underside of his crown with my thumb. His breathing is out of control, panting and gasping and groaning escaping us both as I burrow every inch of myself into his tight ass.
The sounds of us fucking ring through the room, the slapping of my pelvis on his cheeks, the animalistic growls, things from the counter scattering onto the floor. It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced in my thirty-five years of life.
I’m coming undone, ready to burst as Jesse cries, “I’m gonna come… I’m gonna…”
Resting my forehead on his, my eyes lock between us. “Come for me like a good boy.”
His entire body tightens, coils up, winding and winding until he snaps.
And his dick shoots cum everywhere, spraying it all over both of us while his hoarse voice stammers, “I’m coming, Daddy. Yes yes yessss…”
“Mmm… Good boy. Come hard for Daddy.”
His fingers dig into my flesh, bruising me in the best possible way while he unravels in my arms. I can’t even take it anymore.
My balls seize and I erupt, cum bursting from my cock, pulse after pulse, deep in his ass, his sexy body taking every drop.
“Mmmm… baby… You make me come so good.” I kiss the words onto his lips, sucking and biting him while I spin out.
“I do?” He gasps, sensually rubbing me all over; my chest, my neck, fingers twisting in my hair.
“Yes, sweet thing,” I mumble to him as the world finally evens out. “You’re fucking perfect.”
He hums an easy sigh of contentment, like that statement pleases him more than the explosive orgasm.
I’m captivated, slayed in this moment, unsure of what to think.
Being with him is… It’s like living on a rainbow.
He makes everything good.
How is it possible that this is the same kid I raised from the time he was two?
My fingers trail his jaw while we kiss for a while, catching breath and giving it to each other, coming down from our high and sweeping straight up into another.
“I want this always…” He murmurs sleepily, legs locked around my waist, clinging to me.
I move my kisses down his jaw into the crook of his neck, to smell him and treasure him, but also because I don’t know if I can look at him right now. This whole thing is throwing me for a loop.
When I finally lift myself up on shaky arms, I pull out of him slowly, buzzing head to toe at the sight of my cum dripping from his ass. He’s flushed all over, pale complexion the sweetest shade of pink. Glancing at his throat, I notice that there is a small purple mark there…
I left a hickey on him.
Fuck. I wasn’t supposed to do that.
I help him down from the counter, but when I go to release his hand, he holds mine tighter. There’s so much longing in his golden eyes, so much he clearly wants from me, and I just don’t know if it’s possible to give it to him.
My eyes fling to the window next to us, above the sink. One of our neighbors is out there, shoveling his driveway.
My heart lodges into my throat.
He never would have seen anything. It’s too far away. Plus, Jesse was lying on the counter, out of view of the window.
But even that trips me the fuck up.
What if the neighbors did see? What if anyone saw??
I’ve been raising this kid since he was two. I’m not supposed
to fuck him. It’s like the number one rule.
Despite these new feelings spreading inside me, confusing me down to my core, it’s still wrong. It’s so wrong and no one could ever understand.
“Stop,” Jesse mumbles. I look up. “Please stop. I can see you shutting down… Freaking the fuck out over this. Please, James, don’t do this…”
I shake my head. “Jess… It’s so wrong, though. No matter how good it feels in the moment… the forbidden thing… It’s fucked up. We shouldn’t be doing this.”
“So it’s only hot to you because it’s forbidden?” His forehead lines in hurt.
“No… yes… I don’t fucking know.” I rub my eyes. “I have no idea what’s going on.”
“Well, I do,” he snaps. “I’ve been in love with you since I was like fourteen. I know it’s wrong. I know that… I’m not stupid. But it changes nothing.” He pulls me by my hand until I stumble into him, and he wraps his arms around my waist, holding me tight. “I don’t care what anyone else thinks…”
For just a moment, I mold myself to him. I hold him back and rest my chin on top of his head, letting how right this feels wash over me.
He’s been in love with me…?
Do I love him, too?
Do I want to be with him? Could I?
But my fear, my utter terror at what anyone in the fucking world would think about this, zips up my spine, and I break out into rampant chills.
I wriggle out of his hold. “It’s not just about what the world thinks, Jess. It’s about what I think… I know it’s not right.”
“How is this not right?” He hisses, eyes wide and shimmering sadness. “Explain it to me… Because it sure as fuck feels right when we’re together… doesn’t it??”
I nod solemnly. “But it doesn’t matter, Jesse. You said you’ve been in love with me since you were fourteen? Well guess what… I was your father then. I still am now, whether or not you’re an adult. Legal fucking documentation states that I’m your fucking father. Even if we don’t share blood, even if you don’t see it that way… It’s still the truth. I can’t… I can’t look past that.” I let out a breath, heavy with devastation. “Even if I want to.”
I despise the look on his face. It’s ridden with so many emotions, none of them good. Anger, frustration, sadness, guilt, shame… It’s all there, and it’s all awful.
“So you’re too afraid to say fuck you to society?” His voice quivers. “For me?”
“I… I don’t know if I can…”
My heart is sitting weighted in my gut, like a bowling ball. I watch Jesse’s eyes water as he reaches onto the floor, gathering his boxers and stepping into them fast.
“Well, then I guess it doesn’t fucking matter, does it?” He storms past me, and I’m dying.
I need to call after him. I need to tell him I’m sorry, and that I do love him… even if it doesn’t make sense.
But I can’t.
I don’t want to lose my son, and I don’t want to lose this new love before I even get to truly experience it…
But I just know I’ll end up losing both.
Chapter 12
Jesse
* * *
I have to get out of here.
Just hiding out in my bedroom isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to leave.
I need space and I need to figure out what the fuck I’m doing.
For some reason, the last two days have flipped a switch, and things I’ve been wanting, craving for years, have come to fruition.
But it’s not glamorous. It’s not happy and sexy and exciting anymore, like it was only a couple of hours ago. Now it’s damaging, and painful. It hurts.
My heart feels like too much for my chest, and my stomach is in knots as I get dressed in jeans and a pullover. I texted Tanner, asking if he wanted to meet up… and I don’t know why.
I don’t want to see him. I don’t want any of the mildly entertaining things we’ve done together, in secret, of course, because no one can ever love me out in the open, apparently. I’m nothing but a dirty tryst, to everyone, and I can’t fucking take it anymore.
But I don’t know where else to go. All my other friends are busy with their families or their relationships. The only person who’s been consistently texting me is Tanner. Because he wants to get his dick wet.
I understand that. I know he’s using me, but at this point, I’d rather be used by some dumb jock who means almost nothing to me than the man I live with… The man I’m hopelessly in love with, who can never give me back what I’m desperate to give him.
So I rush downstairs and step into my boots, praying James won’t notice as I shrug into my coat and grab my car keys. He’s probably off in some corner of the house, hiding from me anyway.
Whipping open the front door, I step out into the frigid air, trekking down the snowy steps as wind pelts sleet at my face. It’s afternoon, but somehow dark from the weather, the skies gray and rippling with cold, icy condensation. I stomp the walkway as fast as I can while still trying to be careful, not wanting to slip and fall. James put salt down everywhere yesterday to combat the ice forming, but it’s still there.
Jumping into my car quickly, I start the engine and it roars to life. I have an STI, a little beast of a sedan in cobalt blue that James got me last year for my birthday. It’s fully loaded and pretty much the most badass thing ever, though right now I can’t appreciate any of that. I’m too focused on getting the fuck out of here. Escaping the bullshit piling high in my life to the point of suffocation.
My breaths are heavy as I give the car only a moment to warm up before I’m backing out of our driveway.
The second I get onto the main road, I’m nervous. The roads are really bad. My car is all-wheel drive, a necessity living in Maine, but still. I can feel the tires slipping as I pull off, picking up speed quicker than I normally would in these conditions, because I’m so fucking eager to put distance between me and that house.
The radio station is still where I last left it, playing Christmas songs at low volume. That Wham! song they play to death is on, and right now it’s really irking me more than it usually does. The lyrics are crooning about giving your heart to someone special, and I want to retch.
This fucking sucks.
Glancing at the screen, I contemplate switching to one of my playlists through the Bluetooth. I want to rage right now. I want angry music about heartbreak, not this dumbass whining in my ears. But I can’t take my attention away from the roads. My wipers are on mid-to-high speed, and it’s still difficult to see with all the snow and sleet flying at my windshield, practically blinding me.
Driving for only about a mile, my speed picks up, and I’m so distracted by the bleak state of my life, I barely notice my foot pressing further and further down on the gas.
I can’t believe how stupid I am. I can’t even fathom that all of this is happening as a result of me crossing a line in my sleep.
This is what happens when you stifle your subconscious for so long. When you want someone so badly it blurs out everything else, and you end up stumbling over the edge of rational thought and action, into the exact thing you’ve been keeping locked up tight.
My heart worked with my brain and my body, conspiring to fuck me over. And that’s exactly what happened.
I fucked everything up, and I’m sick over it.
What did I really think would happen?? James would hook up with me a few times and realize he loves me back, as more than a guardian? That he would throw caution to the wind and agree to more with me, just because of how badly I want it?
As angry as I am, he’s right. No one could ever understand…
Look at Woody Allen, for fuck’s sake. He married his adopted daughter and has been permanently labeled a creep. And he didn’t even raise her from that young, I don’t think!
Ugh. Fuck this. Fuck love, fuck feelings, fuck the best goddamn sex I’ve ever had or could ever imagine… Fuck everything.
Speeding the street with my head
fogged by nonsense, I hit a patch of ice, and my car swerves. The steering wheel vibrates from the traction control, the tires attempting to grip at a surface too slick, and I fishtail.
Not much, but still. It scares the fuck out of me.
And something flashes through my brain.
Something I don’t particularly remember, though I know it happened… just like this.
Two-year-old me in the backseat of my parents’ car, strapped into my car seat and shivering with fear. My parents losing control of their vehicle…
Skidding off the road, directly into a telephone pole.
I’m not sure how it happened. I never needed the grisly details of my parents’ deaths. All I know is that they both died that night.
They died doing the same thing I’m doing right now. And that horrific moment, that flit in the blink of an eye, changed the course of my entire life.
It brought me to where I am right now…
Sliding on ice.
Terror racks my limbs as my car collides with a snowbank. The car comes to a jolting stop, and nothing is damaged. I’m not hurt. I don’t think I was even going that fast.
But I’m fucking shaking. I’m struggling to breathe, tears welling in my eyes as I look around, seeing nothing but white all around me, just barely remembering to shift into park. I’ve never been so afraid in my life.
And I think I’m having a panic attack. Great.
Whipping off my seatbelt, I fight to calm myself down. My heart is racing at a dangerous pace as I curl at the waist, holding my head in my hands and just trying to pull in air, though it’s not enough.
My body is convulsing with tremors, icy cold hands gripping at my throat and my face.
Breathe, Jesse. Just breathe.
You’re fine. You’re alive.
Sobs gasp from my shivering lips, tears flowing down my cheeks. My parents are gone… They fucking died, and I never got to know them. It’s something I’ve carried for sixteen years, and I think I brought that into my relationship with James.
I’ve always been acutely aware of the fact that he isn’t my father. He tried his best, and he did a damn good job giving me everything I could ever need as a child, into a teenager, and now into an adult. He’s been nothing but supportive and loving, no matter what.