by Sara Cate
Knock, knock.
Knock, knock, knock.
“Fine!” I growl, tossing my sheets over my body and stomping to the front door. I almost trip over a pile of clothes, and I swear under my breath as I kick them out of the way. Opening my door, I’m ready to curse out whoever’s standing on the other side, when I come face to face with Violet.
“Jeez, expecting someone else?” She stares at me, laughter in her eyes.
My face drops, and I blink in shock.
What the hell?
It’s been two days since I’ve seen her. After she dropped me off the other night, I kind of figured that was it. It was nice to see my friend again, the one who I somewhat, kind of, maybe talk to in school on the occasion. But her showing up on my doorstep only two days later? What the hell is that.
“What’re you doing here?” I ask, feeling a little on edge.
She shoves her way around me, pushing herself through my doorway and into my tiny apartment. I suddenly feel self-conscious, and I glance around at what embarrassing things she could find in here.
It’s not clean, and half of the appliances don’t work. Only one burner on my stovetop is hooked up, and my oven doesn’t work. My microwave is mostly functional, but unfortunately, I have to hit it a few times on the top to make it heat up correctly. And I can’t go more than two minutes or else it might start a fire.
Yeah, I have a great house.
I shouldn’t feel embarrassed by my home, and mostly to Violet, whose been in the same situation as I was a while back. But I am. I’m so damn embarrassed.
“I had fun the other night. And with Ivy always with Z, and Katie always with Jex, I don’t have anyone to hang out with. And you’re kind of cooler than they are.”
I shake my head, confused. “What about all the people at school?” She has so many friends. She’s always surrounded by people, like a social butterfly wrapped in leather. They flock to her. Why wouldn’t they? She’s so fucking beautiful.
She laughs, but it’s not a happy sound. “They aren’t really my friends, Iris. I mean, I guess they are, kind of. But not really, since they only like me because I hang out with a ton of bikers and can kick all their asses. They don’t really care about me. They just care about who I’m affiliated with.”
I frown, not feeling that way at all. But what do I know? I keep my nose down half the time, so maybe I’m just blinded by my own introvertedness.
“So, I think you should come over. Come hang out with me again today.”
I glance around. I was going to clean this shithole. Finally get it in order. It’s Christmas in just a few days, and even though I don’t have enough money for a tree, maybe I can at least relax in a clean apartment for the evening. That would be enough of a gift, I suppose.
“I, uh, I was going to pick up around here.”
“I can help,” she says, looking around.
My eyes widen. “No. No thanks. I can come with you if you give me like, fifteen minutes or something? I just need to get ready.”
“Oh, sure,” she says, looking around again for a place to sit.
There’s nowhere. Our couch is overtaken with an assortment of junk, and the one kitchen chair is covered with a pile of dirty or clean clothes; I’m not sure which.
“I can just meet you in your car if that’s all right.”
She frowns, sensing my discomfort. “Yeah, sure. Okay.”
Once she’s out the front door, I rush to my mom’s room, opening the door a crack to see her and her newest boyfriend, Ray, lying on the bed together. Her shirt is off, and his hand grasps her naked breast, even while they sleep. It smells like stale beer in here, and I instantly want to gag.
I could just leave without saying anything, but on the off chance she’s feeling somewhat motherly today, I really don’t want her to call the cops and report me missing.
I walk as quietly as possible over to her, laying my hand on her shoulder. “Mom.” I shake her, and her head lobs back and forth. “Mom,” I say a little louder.
“Huh? What?” She cracks open her eyes, and Ray stretches out next to her, rolling over and exposing his flaccid dick. It’s repulsive, and I can feel bile working its way up my throat.
“Mom, I’m going out with a friend.”
Ray starts laughing, and my mom finally opens her eyes, looking up at me. “Friend? Since when?”
I roll my eyes. “It’s a friend from school.”
Ray laughs even louder. “Is it a guy? I hope he isn’t looking for you to suck his dick. You’ll probably bite the damn thing off.”
My mom starts drifting off again.
“Okay, Mom. I’ll see you later!” I shout, and she stirs again.
“If you need a lesson in the blowjob department, just let me know,” Ray rasps, his morning breath wafting toward me.
A gag does break free at that. Ray is fucking vile. An old man that’s at least in his fifties and not nearly as attractive as he thinks he is.
My mom nudges him. “Don’t be a pervert, Ray.”
“It’s not a guy, and absolutely fucking not,” I sneer, disgusted as hell by his dick and his words. It makes me want to get out of here even more. “I’m leaving.” I turn around, walking out of the door without another word. If I glanced back at my mom, she’d be sleeping all over again. She came in way too late last night, and I know she was fucked up by how loud she was.
I close my eyes, shaking my head, when I hear the noise of shuffling shoes. My eyes pop open, and there stands Violet, back inside my house with a solemn look on her face. I cringe, hating that she heard what just happened in the other room, and knowing she heard every single word.
“I told you to wait outside,” I whisper.
She shakes her head, sighing as she opens the door, letting me lead the way. Not a word is spoken as we walk downstairs, passing one of my neighbors that’s half asleep on the steps with a bottle of vodka in his hands.
The moment we step outside, the cool air washes over me, and I want nothing but to rush to Violet’s car. But from the way she plants her hands on her hips and stares at me, I know she wants to talk.
“What the fuck was that?” she snaps.
I feel uncomfortable, and kind of out of sorts. She’s being protective, and she hasn’t even been around in the past six years. “It’s nothing. My mom… you fucking know what it’s like.” I feel defensive, because I don’t want anyone feeling bad for me or like I can’t help myself. I can. I’ve been doing it for years, and I can guarantee I’ll be doing it for years to come.
“You don’t have to live like that. The guy sounded like a creep. Has he ever tried anything with you?”
My face scrunches in disgust. “No. I just stay away from them. And no, Violet, I have to live like this. But not for much longer. Once I graduate, I’m getting the fuck out of here.”
She starts walking, and we hop into her car. “You don’t have to stay there, Iris. You can always come stay with me. Lynx would take you in.”
I shut my door, my teeth sinking into my sore lower lip as I think about Lynx.
Living with him, all the time? Not only would my mother never allow that, but after the other night and how tension-filled it became between us, I feel like that spells complete disaster.
Chapter 6
The place is more packed this evening, with countless dark, black bikes lined up along the front of the main building. Nerves fill me, seeing people flood in and out of the front door and the nearby mechanic’s shop.
“Is there a party going on?” I ask.
She nods, switching off her car. “Yeah, well, I guess. We don’t really have parties. People just come over and fuck around.”
“Why don’t I just come over tomorrow, then?” I stay in my seat, even when she unbuckles her belt and opens her door.
She laughs. “No. Come on, Violet. Don’t be a pussy.” She shuts her door, and I realize if I don’t get out, I’ll be spending the rest of the evening in here.
With a gr
oan, I open the door, sliding from my seat and instantly becoming overwhelmed with the smell of marijuana and cigarettes. A low rumble of music rolls through my chest, and I look at Violet, seeing her already bobbing her head to the beat of the rock music.
As we approach, the door swings open, and two guys step out. My jaw drops, and I want to whimper at the sight of them. One has darker hair, with tattoos up and down his arms, and a fierce expression on his face. The other one looks mean, a scowl morphing his features when he looks at Violet. The moment his eyes swing to me, they become lazy, a cocky smile lifting his lips. “Who’s your friend, Violet?”
A swear I hear a growl come from Violet, and I can feel her body stiffen beside me. “Fuck off, West.” She turns her head to the dark-haired guy whose eyes haven’t left mine. “Z, do you remember Iris? She used to come over here back in the day.”
His eyes narrow as he inspects me. “Maybe.”
It’s been a while since I’ve seen him. He used to be younger, a teenager. No tattoos, barely any muscles, no facial hair. He looks like a man now. And he has a girl and a kid? Shit.
“We’re going inside since it’s cold as shit out tonight. Are Ivy and Katie in there?”
Aziel nods.
West still glares at Violet.
With a sigh and a middle finger toward West, she grabs onto my wrist and pulls me through the door. There’re even more people in here, the music’s louder, and the Christmas lights are on and bright in the dim room. Two girls sit at the bar, talking intently with each other as the party ensues around them.
“Ivy!” Violet barks.
The girls separate, looking over at us with curious looks on their faces. Violet walks over to them, keeping her fingers cinched around my wrist. “This is Iris. She goes to my school.”
Both of them look me over, their eyes roving from my toes to the top of my messy bun. I didn’t know there was a party, and I mistakenly stayed in my leggings and black Nike hoodie. This isn’t a nice one, though, this one is worn with holes in it from some thrift shop I passed by the other year. I don’t look cute.
I look homeless.
“Hi, I’m Ivy.” The genuine smile on her face throws me, but I smile back at her, giving her a small wave.
“I’m Katie.” Katie seems a little more closed off, her brown hair framing her face like a shield.
“Want a drink, Iris?” Violet asks, sitting down next to Ivy.
My eyebrows shoot to my hairline. “They let you drink here?”
The three of them laugh, and my cheeks pinken in embarrassment. I mean, we’re only seventeen. Seniors in high school. I don’t feel like my question is way out of line.
“Yeah, Iris. We can drink.”
I really don’t drink. Not at all, actually. Where would I? I don’t go to parties. I hate when my mom drinks; she’s embarrassingly slutty and always curls herself around every man that passes her by. I never want to be like her.
But should I really let her overtake my life? Should I stay shelled off from every social interaction because of her own mistakes and actions?
No, I fucking shouldn’t.
“I’ll have one, but that’s it. Something light, though. And no fucking shots.”
“Haley!” Ivy screams, slapping her hand on the bar top.
The small child from the other day with curly hair bounces out from the back room behind the bar, with Haley following close behind.
“Mommy!”
Ivy’s face breaks into a bright smile, and she hops off the bar stool as the girl barrels into her arms.
“I’m ready to go home!” the kid shouts.
“Already?” Ivy rears back, a shocked look on her face. “How come?”
“Because Haley said in two sleeps Santa will come, and I’ll get even more presents! I want tomorrow to come so I can go to sleep again and open all the presents!” she screams over the music, her hands going as wide as they can on each side of her body.
Ivy laughs, standing up and grabbing onto her hand. “Looks like that’s it for me tonight, guys. This one needs to get to sleep.”
Katie slides off her stool. “I’m come with you. Nothing else to do with Jex out of town.”
Ivy nods, and both of them look over at us. “Have a good night, girls. Don’t be stupid.” They aim the stupid toward Violet before speaking to me. “Nice to meet you, Iris,” Ivy says, and they head out, leaving Violet and I alone, save for Haley, who stands behind the bar with an irritated look on her face.
“You aren’t drinking, Violet,” Haley says before Violet can even ask.
Violet sneers. “I’ll come back there and make my own drink, then.”
Haley stares at her a second then sighs, pulling out two glasses. “I’m feeling fucking nice, or I’d slap you across the face for your attitude. One drink each, max. If I catch you getting another, I’ll steal your keys for a week.”
“I’ll take your car.” Violet smiles.
“I’ll tell Lynx about that tattoo you got.”
Violet’s face pales, and she shrinks back. “You win,” she grumbles.
I turn toward her as Haley mixes us some mysterious drink. I don’t even want to see what she puts in it. “You have a tattoo?” I whisper.
She shakes her head. “I’ll tell you later.” Her eyes shift to the left, and I watch the one man I wanted to see and didn’t want to see at the same time make his way right toward us.
Lynx.
He walks across the room like a god. A masculine, rugged as hell man who doesn’t back down to anyone.
And his eyes are directed on mine.
It feels like a wave of heat and ice washes over my body. Without even thinking about it, my hand reaches out, grabbing onto the glass in front of me. Lifting it to my lips, I take a sip, wanting to wince at the sweetness and strong flavor of alcohol. But I don’t, because I would feel even more like a child, and I so badly want to act like an adult.
More than ever.
“Why’re you drinking, Violet?” Lynx barks at her.
She rolls her eyes, lifting her own drink to her lips. “Because I want to.”
His nostrils flare, and his eyes swing over to mine. “What’s your name again?”
“Iris,” I whisper, my voice suddenly not working.
“Iris,” he rasps.
Fuck, his voice is so deep. So fucking manly.
My voice fails me completely at this point. I nod. No one has ever said my name like that. So smooth, it almost sounds decadent.
“How old are you, Iris?”
“Seventeen.” My voice cracks, and I take another sip, this one not as terrible.
He glances at my drink, his nostrils flaring as he watches my tongue dart out along my lips, tasting the sweetness. His jaw clenches, the muscles along his cheeks twitching beneath his dark scruff. I feel a thump low in my belly, and a rush of heat bottoms out between my thighs.
Holy shit, what is going on?
I know Lynx is attractive, but whatever is happening is on an entirely different level.
The heat between us is undeniable. But it’s so wrong.
“Haley, no more drinks for these two,” he growls, spinning around and walking off without another word or look in my direction.
“Wasn’t planning on it. Fuck, he’s been off the last few days,” Haley says, tossing the rag over her shoulder and walking to the back room.
“She’s right, these last few days he’s been weird as fuck.” Violet downs the rest of her drink, sliding off her stool and walking back behind the bar.
“You’re having another?”
She shrugs, a sly smile on her face. “They pretend like they can tell me what to do, but they know I’m doing whatever I want.”
I laugh at that, tilting my drink to take another sip. It’s starting to taste good. Fruity, and actually kind of delicious. “What did you mean about Lynx? That he’s acting weird lately?”
She nods, looking up at me with wide eyes. “Yeah. He’s been acting super off. Moody
and shit.”
“Hmmm.” I swirl my drink, the ice cubes clinking around the glass as Guns n Roses plays in the background.
“Violet, if you don’t pick your shit up from my room right now, I swear to God I’m throwing all this shit in the garbage!” A voice comes from upstairs.
“Fucking West,” Violet growls, slamming her new, full drink down on the bar top. Some of the pink liquid sloshes onto the wooden bar, and she leans forward, taking a sip from the rim. “I’ll be right back, unless you want to come with and see me beat the shit out of a grown ass man.”
As appealing as that sounds, I’m honestly feeling a little tipsy already and don’t want to make a fool out of myself walking up the stairs. “I’m good. I’ll wait down here.”
“Violet!” The shout rips through the music and down the stairs.
“Fucking hell, I’ll be right back.” She races around the bar, her feet heavy as she makes her way upstairs.
I giggle, feeling lightheaded and heavy at the same time. I glance down at my drink, seeing it more than halfway gone.
Shit, maybe I should slow down.
I set my glass on the bar, sliding off my stool and making my way to the extravagant Christmas tree. The lights flicker and sparkle on the branches, the overwhelming smell of pine making its way into my senses. I inhale as I walk around it, enthralled and so overwhelmed by the lights and colors and emotion it invokes in me.
I wish I could live like this. This massive production of holidays and celebrations that is treated just like any other day in my life back at home.
But it’s not. It’s not at all. Christmas is special. It should be exciting and wonderful and make your heart race for all the days before. That’s what I want.
I want special.
“You look like you’ve never seen a Christmas tree in your entire life.” The voice rasps behind my ear, and a shiver breaks out along my body.
Lynx.
“I haven’t. Not really.”
“Why is that?” he asks. He stays an appropriate distance away. Close enough that I can smell his smoky scent, but far enough away that he isn’t invading my bubble.
But, what if I want him to invade my bubble?