by Sara Cate
His teeth bite down like a savage, igniting the match inside me. My body snaps straight, and I let out a cry as he buries his fingers inside me.
I feel a burning ache at the intrusion, whimpering as I try to move away from his large fingers curled in me, which are suddenly frozen. Unmoving.
My orgasm abates, and I lift my head, finding his eyes already on me. He stares at me furiously, angrily with his fingers still buried knuckle deep. “You’re a fucking virgin?” he growls, and I swear he’s moments away from bellowing the words.
I chew on my lip, unsure whether I should lie or if that would be foolish. “Why do you say that?” I murmur.
“Because the moment my fingers go any farther, I’m going to break your hymen. So fucking tell me, Iris, are you a damn virgin?”
I stare at him a moment, blinking.
One small nod.
He rips his hands from between my thighs, the slightly pink tint on his fingers making a raging blush break across my cheeks. He retreats from my shocked-still form, shaking his head, ready to bolt from the house and never talk to me again.
That makes such terror erupt from my chest that I leap forward, clinging to him like a fucking desperate psycho. If I wasn’t so terrified of him leaving, I’d be embarrassed.
But I can’t be, because my body throbs with a need for him in the same way my heart aches for him. They synchronize together, and my desperation feels unbearable.
“Get off of me, Iris,” he rumbles, his voice detached. Emotionless.
“No, please. Please don’t leave me. I don’t want you to go,” I cry, my eyes burning with tears that are ready to overflow.
His hands go to my arms, pulling me away from him. “No, I can’t do this. I can’t be with you. It’s wrong as it is, but you not telling me you’re a virgin? Fuck that, Iris. Fuck. That. You should have told me last night.”
“Please, I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to see me differently. Because I don’t care about it. Th-the pain. I don’t care about the blood. I-I just want you. I want you to be the one.”
His hands weaken, but only slightly. His fingers are still tensed against my skin, but they don’t pull me away anymore, they only hold me at a distance.
“Please, I just want you,” I whisper.
He shakes his head. “A fucking virgin.”
“I don’t care about being a virgin! I’m not fucking saving myself or anything. If you want… I’ll… I’ll go fuck someone, anyone, I don’t even care! I’ll lose my virginity that quickly because it means that little to me. Will you want me then? Will you be with me then?”
His fingers tighten again. “You fucking wouldn’t.”
My eyes water. “If it will get you to want me.”
His hand goes to my jaw, and he yanks my gaze to his. “You will not go fuck some random dick. You being a fucking virgin is the most tempting thing ever, but I can’t fucking taint you. I’m not good for you, Iris. Don’t you see that?”
“I’ve never felt more… wanted, or needed, then I have these last few days. How can you tell me you aren’t good for me?”
“Because I’m too old, too fucking dark for you. You’re pure. I’m anything but.”
“Maybe you should let me decide my fate.”
He turns his gaze away from me, closing his eyes as he takes a deep breath. I can feel it, his restraint wavering. He wants to break. He wants me just as badly, if not more. But he doesn’t want to have me make a bad decision. He lets his pride get in the way.
“Please, Lynx. I want you so badly. I need you,” I plead.
His eyes snap back to mine, his eyes burning once again. “You’ll never be able to come back from your decision, Iris. What you say now will change your life forever.”
“I want you,” I say with such certainty, so assured of my decision, that I don’t even need a moment to contemplate.
He pushes me back, and I’m about to whimper in disappointment, when he comes with me, once again laying my back against the cushions as he hovers over my body. His lips come down on mine, his knees shoving my thighs apart.
He kisses me deeply, softer this time. He’s not tender. I don’t believe there’s a tender bone in his body. But he’s cautious, aware of every move he makes as he touches me. Handles me.
I hear the clanking of a belt for a moment before he shuffles around. I glance down between us, seeing his massive erection, long and thick, and so damn intimidating that a whimper slips past my lips.
“It’s going to hurt,” he warns, his hand going to his back pocket. He slips out his wallet, unfolding it and pulling out a condom.
“I know.”
He stares at me a moment, like he’s waiting for me the toss up the flag and pull away.
“Just do it, Lynx. Get the worst part over with.” I wiggle beneath him.
He shakes his head like he thinks I’m crazy, tearing the wrapper with his teeth and sliding the condom on. I watch each move he makes, the expert handling he has of the condom as he rolls it on. It takes only a moment, and I wish he could take it off and put it on again. I’m mesmerized by his manly cock, completely enthralled, yet nervous at the same time.
He positions himself between my thighs, the head of his cock pressing against my folds. I’m wet, so fucking wet from his mouth and his touch.
He bends again, kissing me deeply as he pushes forward. A burn starts pinching between my thighs, making me wince in pain. I break the kiss, burying my face in his neck as he continues to sink into me. The burning spreads through my legs and stomach, the width of him so much more than I was expecting. He’s huge, so much man for my tiny body. I can’t swallow down the whimper. I can’t breathe through the cry.
“Let it out. It’ll feel better if you just let it out.”
A tear leaks down the side of my face, and his tongue darts out, lapping it up before it can reach my cheekbone. I don’t ask him to stop, and he doesn’t ask me if I want him to stop. He just continues pushing into me until our hips meet, and he’s fully seated inside of me.
He lets out a low groan, and tenses above me. I can feel his cock twitch, growing even bigger. My walls tense, the pinching strong, but the burn slowly lessening.
Once it becomes bearable, I let out a shaky breath. “Move,” I murmur against his neck.
His thighs twitch against mine, and he begins to move slowly. Each pull of his cock as he slides against my walls creates a tingling in my belly. My whimpers turn into moans, and when he sinks back in, my eyes roll in the back of my head.
I can feel myself growing wetter, my body growing accustomed to his as he starts to pump faster, bury himself deeper. I begin rocking against him, meeting him thrust by thrust, until we create a rhythm.
My head lifts up, and I glance between our bodies, seeing his reddened cock. Covered with streaks of blood. His head tilts, following my gaze, and I swear it only makes him grow harder when he sees it too.
The tingling turns into an overwhelming heat that spreads across my body, this orgasm growing unlike the other two he’s given me. This one is stronger, more intense than any sensation I’ve experienced in my entire life. This one may destroy me.
He bites at my collarbone, at my neck, at my cheek, taking and taking bits and pieces of me until there’s nothing left. He sucks and kisses until my skin is raw from his beard and filled with what I’m sure will be teeth marks and hickies. His thrusts become wild, menacing against me. The control he was trying to keep is gone, the thread of humanity that he holds onto so strongly about to snap.
“You going to come, baby?” His fingers slide between my thighs, his thumb pressing against the swollen button, lighting me on fire as I start gasping and writhing beneath him.
“Fuck yes,” he growls, his fingers pressing harder and faster as his hips piston against me. The orgasm takes hold suddenly, sending me into a spiral of bliss. I can do nothing but reach to his arms, gripping them as I attempt to hold onto my sanity. A moan rips from my throat, so loud it doesn’t even sound
like me.
He tenses above me, and I can feel his cock twitch, emptying every last drop of his release into the condom. A drop of sweat drips from his forehead, landing on my temple and running into my hair. Another drips, and another.
I close my eyes; my mind sated, my body depleted, my heart full for the first time in seventeen years.
Our breathing eventually settles, and my vision comes back. He stares down at me, searching for answers and emotions that I’m afraid to give. I can only give him a sliver, because I’m afraid if he knew how deeply my heart aches for his, I think he’d flee.
“I think you were right,” he mumbles, pulling out of me.
I blink up at him. “About what?”
“I think it was you I was supposed to meet all along.”
A blush creeps across my cheeks, and I lean up, pressing my lips against his. He kisses me back with vigor, claiming me and taking every ounce of breath from my lungs. Once he releases, I gasp in a mouthful of air.
He smirks, knowing exactly what he does to me, then he leans back, pulling the condom off and tying it. It’s red, and his nostrils flare as he glances it before tucking himself back into his pants. “I should get out of here before the girls get back.”
I sit up suddenly, completely forgetting we’re at Violet’s house. “Would you actually take me up to the clubhouse? I should go hangout with Violet.”
He glances at me. “Yeah. Yeah, I can.”
We dress in silence, making our way out into the cold night. I can’t believe it’s Christmas Eve already, only hours until Christmas. The snow falls lightly in the mountains, such a rare occurrence so close to San Diego. There is never snow on Christmas at home.
Lynx hops on his bike, revving it without hesitation this time, and I’m shocked I didn’t hear it as it pulled up earlier. Looking over at me, he waits, an expectant look on his face.
With a deep breath, I walk over to him, and he grabs my arm, lifting me and settling me behind him. Between my legs instantly aches, the leftover burn painful and uncomfortable, but I relish in it. It’s only a reminder of what just happened.
Some might think it wasn’t romantic enough for a first time. But I wouldn’t care whether it was on the beach or a bed, or in the back of a car. It was with Lynx, and that’s all that matters to me.
He revs again, pulling forward and taking a U-turn, riding slowly back up the hill. It only takes seconds until we make it to the top, the clubhouse coming into view. The lights outside are extravagant, covering the entire roof and some of the nearby trees. It’s an absolute winter wonderland, and I’m shocked by the beauty of it.
Who knew these gritty as hell men could create something so festive and beautiful? How is it that these bearded savages can put together a perfect Christmas, but my mom can’t even bother to get a Charlie Brown Christmas tree?
Sadness tears at my heart, and as he pulls up to the front of the clubhouse, the door opens to Violet’s face staring back at me. I slide away from Lynx a bit, trying to not be so close and familiar toward him.
He turns off his bike, and Violet walks over to me. “I was just going to come and get you. Did he see you on your way up here or something?”
I glance over at Lynx, my eyes widening. “Yeah, he did actually.”
She nods, completely at ease as she grabs onto my wrist. “Good, let’s go have some fun. I’ll show you all the bullshit I got wrapped into tonight.”
I laugh, and with one last glance into Lynx’s dark eyes, I’m hauled away from him.
Chapter 11
Do you know that feeling when you see so much good it kind of hurts your heart? Like there’s too much happiness around you, and it spirals you into a miniature depression?
That’s where I’m at.
Hours of hanging out with Violet and the rest of the clubhouse has left a sadness in my heart. Not because they aren’t awesome, no, the opposite, actually. It’s because they are so fucking awesome.
Why can’t my own mother be this fun, this inviting, this amazing?
These people are exactly that—amazing.
But after hanging with Violet for hours, the pit in my chest just makes me want to fade it all out. Go back to my lonely room and decompress. It’s too much right now. With all the lights and noises.
Not only that, but Lynx has been slowly retreating.
The second he stepped in here, his heated eyes were burning into the back of my head, and they followed my every movement. That heat has since abated, and the occasional glances toward him only proved it. He’s been putting up an invisible wall, and I can see it happening. His eyes have been steadily growing colder and colder as the night has progressed.
Now there’s a wall in front of him so impenetrable that nothing will knock it down. A part of me wants to rush to him and ask him what the hell happened. I still have the ache between my legs from his touch, and the vibe he gives off is like he doesn’t even know me.
Another part of me wants to run away and never come back. Hope that my heart will heal over time, because right now, it doesn’t feel like that at all. It feels like it’s in a pile of shattered dust at my feet.
“Hey, you okay? You seem upset,” Violet presses her hand against my arm. “I hope you aren’t still thinking about the shit we talked about earlier.”
I shake my head, completely having forgotten about our conversation before my nap. “I’m just getting tired. I should probably go home in case my mom wants to surprise me tomorrow morning or something.” I’m tempted to roll my eyes, but I don’t have to, as Violet does it for me. We both know my mom isn’t planning a damn thing, but she doesn’t pry.
“Yeah, for sure. I’ll bring you home. Just let me get my keys.”
She walks behind the bar, talking to Haley for a moment. I spin around, giving one last glance at Lynx. Like he knows I’m watching him, his eyes lift to mine. They’re cold, though, and I can see the waver in them, like he’s forcing himself to be this way.
What happened in the last few hours? I don’t get it.
I ask the question with my eyes, and with one last blink, his face blanks out and he turns the other way.
I want to scream and thrash, break everything in here and burn this tree down. But Violet means too much to me. Instead, I turn around just as Violet’s walking back.
“Ready?” she asks.
I nod, my entire Christmas spirit completely depleted.
With a sigh, I follow her out of the clubhouse and away from the man who hasn’t only left an ache between my legs, but also beneath my chest.
Chapter 12
“You sure you’re okay?” Violet asks as she parks the car in front of my apartment.
“I’m fine. It’s just been a long day.”
She nods, chuckling. “I do feel that one. Okay, well, want to come over tomorrow?”
A frown pulls at my lips. “I shouldn’t. I should probably stay with my mom.” If she’ll even be home, that is. Otherwise, I’ll be here by myself. But the thought of being around Lynx, coldhearted and straight-faced, would be worse than anything else. I couldn’t handle it.
“Okay, well maybe another time, then.”
I smile. “Yeah, soon.”
I hop out of her car, giving her a small wave as I make my way up the steps to my apartment. Glancing up to the second level, I see the lights on, and I’m not sure whether I’m relieved or disappointed. I’d love to hang out with my mom, as unconventional as we are. But with Ray here all the time now, we never get the chance. It’s always the three of us, and I really fucking hate the guy.
I kick the carton out of the doorway again, hating how the cool breeze makes its way into the halls and our apartments because of it. Why do people want it to be an icebox in their houses? Is this what they like? It makes no sense.
My feet feel heavier than normal as I trudge up the steps. The heavy scent of marijuana makes its way to my nose, and I shake my head in distaste as I open my apartment door.
“Well, look at t
hat, the bitch walked in,” Ray says with a cigarette perched between his lips.
“Ray,” my mom growls. I would be happy she defended me, but she chuckles at his words, and that makes her defenses bullshit.
“What? I’m just saying, after how she treated both of us earlier, she deserves a little slap across the face or something.”
“Hi, Mom,” I say, completely ignoring Ray all together.
“Where’ve you been, Iris?” she asks, pulling the cigarette from between Ray’s lips to take a drag of her own.
“Out with a friend.” I walk into the kitchen, pulling a chipped glass from the cupboard and filling it with water from the sink.
“This the same friend who’s dick you sucked?” Ray grumbles.
“Ray, that’s enough.” At least she sounds slightly annoyed this time.
I slam my glass on the counter. “Would you fucking stop? I was with my friend Violet from school. And before you start making some lesbian joke, no, we’re just friends. So why don’t you fuck off a bit and quit being an asshole.”
He stands up. “You know, talking like that back in the day would mean your ass cheeks are about to be black and blue.”
“Good thing you aren’t my father then, so I don’t have to deal with your perverted ass.”
He takes a step toward me, his fists clenching at his sides. “I can be your daddy if you want. Teach you a fucking lesson in respect.”
I sneer. “I’d rather bleed out in shark infested waters. Thank you, though.”
He steps up to the counter, him on one side and me on the other. “You little bitch.”
“The both of you, knock it off,” my mom whines from the couch. Not getting up to defend anyone. To defend me.
“How can you let him talk to me like this?” I cry out, my hands flinging into the air.
“You’re being a brat, Iris,” my mom snaps.
“Well, if your scumbag boyfriend wouldn’t be such a fucking leech, maybe I wouldn’t be such a brat.”