Sophie Under Pressure

by Nancy N. Rue

  That was easy. Stars and planets began to zip by in her mind.

  “Now, as you know, Captain,” he went on, “sometimes meteors go through space and leave a trail of debris on things they hit.”

  “Is any of it going to hit my capsule?” Sophie said.

  “It may. If that happens, you need to stop and see what it was and how much damage it has done. Then you can decide if you can fix it.”

  “Yes, sir,” Sophie said.

  “All right, proceed through space and let me know when something collides with your craft.”

  Sophie opened one eye. “What if I ask Jesus not to let anything hit me?”

  “You can ask that. But it might be better to ask him to keep you from being damaged when something hits you. Outer space is filled with flying objects for reasons we don’t even understand — even though we’re scientists. Being strong enough to handle them all is what we need to ask for.”

  Sophie closed her eyes again and almost immediately she imagined something hitting square in the middle of the space capsule’s window.

  “Reduce speed, Captain, and let’s examine it.”

  “Do I open my eyes?” Sophie said.

  “Whatever helps you see best.”

  Sophie kept her eyes squeezed shut and let herself imagine the big rock that had split apart against the space-worthy glass.

  “What do you think it is?” Dr. Peter said.

  “I can’t tell.”

  She could picture Dr. Peter’s nose wrinkling to push up his glasses. “It looks to me like a piece of a family,” he said.

  “A family? You mean, like, people?”

  “It’s more like an idea of a family.”

  “Oh,” Sophie said. “And it came apart.”

  Suddenly, she felt squirmy, and her chest hurt.

  “Permission to move on, Huntsville,” Sophie said. “I have decided my capsule wasn’t damaged.”

  “Loodle,” Dr. Peter said. He was using his soft come-back-to-earth voice.

  Sophie hugged the pillow to her chest and opened her eyes.

  “I don’t want to talk about families falling apart, Dr. Peter,” she said.

  “Is that because you’re afraid your family is falling apart?”

  Sophie nodded.

  “You want to tell me about it?”

  No, she didn’t. But the words came out anyway, in one big blurt.

  “Zeke is acting out all over the place like he’s Terrible Two again,” she said. “Lacie is being all weird about boys. Daddy says I’m the only sane one left in the family.”

  “What about your father? Is he being ‘all weird’?”

  Sophie shook her head. “We’re getting along better than ever in my whole entire life.” She hugged the pillow until its nose dug into her stomach. She knew what Dr. Peter’s next question was going to be.

  “And how about your mama?” he said.

  “I think she’s gonna leave us! She hardly laughs or talks, and she acts like she’s always mad at Daddy. And it’s all my fault!”

  “Your fault?” Dr. Peter said. “You want to tell me why you think that?”

  “Daddy told me if I kept making good grades and staying out of trouble, she would feel better. That’s why I didn’t tell her about what happened today. She might just pack her suitcase and go. I would hate it without her. She’s my mama!”

  Sophie didn’t realize until then that she was crying. Dr. Peter handed her a Kleenex out of a box with moons and stars on it.

  Sophie plastered one over her eyes and cried into it some more. Dr. Peter just waited. When she looked up at him, he was studying her carefully.

  “You know, Loodle,” he said, “I almost never tell you that you’re wrong.”

  “Are you going to now?” Sophie said.

  “I am.” He leaned forward. “You are so wrong about anything between your mother and father being your fault. Or Zeke’s, or Lacie’s.”

  “But I don’t want her to leave for any reason. I’m trying to fix it. I’m helping with Zeke when he starts acting like a little brat, and I’m not fighting with Lacie. But I already miss Mama, and she isn’t even gone yet.”

  Dr. Peter nodded. “Do you feel like she’s gone because she isn’t with you like she used to be with you?”

  “Yes!” Sophie said.

  “You know something, Loodle?” he said. “You sometimes know things about people they haven’t even figured out about themselves.”

  Sophie felt the pain in her chest again. “Then she is going to leave. I have to stop her!”

  “Now hang on,” Dr. Peter said. “All I’m saying is that you seem to understand that she is taking a little mental trip right now, just like you do when you get scared about things and go into Sophie World.”

  “What’s she scared of?” Sophie said.

  “That I can’t tell you. But I think you’re the best person in the house to understand about wanting to escape.”

  Sophie straightened her shoulders. “I can help her then.

  I’ll give her a signal when she starts drifting off, like Fiona coughs when she sees me zoning out in school.”

  Dr. Peter’s face grew serious. “I don’t want you to try to fix your mother, okay, Loodle? First of all, that isn’t your job. It’s God’s.”

  “But I keep asking him to fix it and he doesn’t!”

  “I think he’s working on it. In fact, I’m sure of it. What do you say we let him do his job and you do yours? Just like the astronauts on your crew.”

  “But what’s my job?” Sophie said.

  Dr. Peter’s eyes twinkled again. “I think it’s time to get to know Jesus a little bit better so you can see how God handles stuff like this.”

  “Back to the Bible,” Sophie said.

  “You’re brilliant,” Dr. Peter said, handing her a piece of paper with Bible verses written on it. “That must be why they made you captain of the spaceship. Now remember, read the story and imagine yourself playing one of the parts.”

  “I can do that.”

  “Yes, you can. And I’m going to give you a little hint — pay attention to what the little kid does and what Jesus does with that.”

  “Roger,” Sophie said.

  She wasn’t crying when she left Dr. Peter’s office. She had the Bible verses tucked in her pocket, and a new idea tucked in her head.

  It’s like another mission. God is Huntsville, and I’m flying the space capsule.

  She was almost smiling when she met Daddy in the waiting room. One look at his face, though, and the desire to grin shattered like a piece of space debris. His mouth was in a tight line she hadn’t seen there since the last time she was in big trouble.

  Eight

  Daddy didn’t say anything until they got into the truck, and Sophie didn’t ask him any questions. But as soon as he pulled out into Hampton traffic, he said, “I thought we had a deal.”

  Sophie readjusted her glasses to peer at him. “We do!” she said. “I’m not even making any C’s right now.”

  “You will be soon if you pull another stunt like you did in school today.”

  A mental picture of Julia showing up at the LaCroix’s front door telling all flashed through Sophie’s mind.

  “Ms. Quelling called to tell me that you almost tackled somebody to catch a pea some kid shot out of a straw, just to get the kid in trouble.”

  “That isn’t what happened!” Sophie said.

  “I know that isn’t what happened. What happened was you got so wrapped up in one of your daydreams you started acting it out, and suddenly there you were, sprawled out on the floor with a smashed vegetable in your hand.” Daddy pulled up to a red light and lowered his eyebrows at her. “That’s what happened, right?”

  “Yes!” Sophie said. “But it won’t happen again. I promise.”

  “Do you need a little reminder? Do I need to take the camera away for a while?”

  Sophie tried to remain calm, although she had to clutch the door handle to do it.
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  “No,” she said. “Dr. Peter helped me with that today.”

  Daddy was quiet for a few blocks. Sophie chewed her hair and swung her legs against the seat. Her feet didn’t touch the floor in Daddy’s truck as it was, and she was feeling smaller by the minute.

  “It isn’t just about your grades, Soph,” Daddy said. “I told you I didn’t want you upsetting your mother.”

  “Does she know about this?” Sophie said.

  “No. Ms. Quelling called me at work.”

  “She interrupted you trying to save the planet to tell you that?”

  Sophie thought she saw the corners of Daddy’s mouth twitch.

  “Yeah,” he said. “And I think she enjoyed it.” He shot Sophie a Daddy-look. “But that doesn’t mean you didn’t mess up.”

  “Am I going to get a punishment?” she said.

  “Definitely.”

  Sophie felt her heart take a dive. It probably wasn’t going to be as bad as banishment from the planet, but still.

  “Tonight, after you finish your homework,” Daddy said, “you have to bring a glass of milk and exactly twelve cookies to my study and stay there until they’re all gone.”

  “I can endure that.”

  “Is that a Fiona word?” Daddy said.

  “Yes, sir,” Sophie said.

  She waited until she got up to her room after supper to really sigh, so Daddy wouldn’t think that she thought she was getting off easy. The feeling didn’t last long though. Fiona called, puffing like a bull on the other end of the line.

  “Huntsville, we have a problem,” she said.

  “What is it, Jupiter?” Sophie said.

  “I just went up to Freedom 4 to get my backpack I left up there after we were working today — and the robot arm was totally torn off.”

  Sophie gasped. “Did the wind do it?”

  “There was no wind today.”

  “Didn’t we attach it right?”

  “It didn’t happen by itself,” Fiona said. “Boppa went up there and looked at it. He said somebody tore it off!”

  Sophie’s tongue went stiff. “Who would do that? Oh — it was Rory and Isabella, huh?”

  “No — they were at the library with Kateesha all afternoon.

  Besides, I know who did this, and so do you.”

  “I do?”

  “It was so Maggie. She brought costumes today, by the way — ”

  “Are they amazing?”

  “They look just like the pictures,” Fiona said. “But that isn’t the point.”

  Sophie could almost see Fiona’s eyes going into Corn Pop slits.

  “She was even pretty decent when she and Kitty were up in the space station with me,” Fiona said, “but that was just an act. She’s still mad because we didn’t do it her way.”

  Sophie was shaking her head as if Fiona could see her through the phone. “It doesn’t make sense. If she messed it up, it would ruin her grade too.”

  “That’s just it. She thinks she’s going to tell us how to fix it and she’ll get her way because our way didn’t work, and when we get a good grade she’ll say it was all because of her. We could even get taken out of GATE for not doing more work than her.” Fiona gave a hard little laugh. “But I have news for her. Boppa already fixed it. He said it was something we couldn’t do and he’ll explain it to Mrs. Utley. I’m sure glad Ms. Quelling isn’t our science teacher.” Fiona finally took a breath. “So what are you going to do now?”

  “Me?”

  “You’re the captain. You need to have a plan or Maggie is going to keep doing things until she ruins it for all of us. I think you should call a meeting of just you, me, and Luna, and tell us what you want us to do.”

  Sophie mumbled something and hung up and closed her eyes. Jesus showed up right away, looking at her with kind eyes.

  “Is this your job or mine?” she whispered to him.

  He didn’t answer of course, but it did make her think of the Bible story Dr. Peter had told her to read. That was supposed to be about the Mama Mission, but she needed some help with this mission or it was going to fall completely apart.

  Sophie pulled her Bible out and propped up against her pile of plump pillows. She noted that she and Dr. Peter were both into big cushions. Another reason she liked him so much.

  It wasn’t hard to find John 6, verses 1 through 13. Since before Christmas, Dr. Peter had her read a Bible story almost every time she saw him and she was getting good at finding her way around.

  Jesus crossed to the far shore of the Sea of Galilee, she read, and a great crowd of people followed him because they saw the miraculous signs he had performed on the sick.

  Sophie could already imagine herself as one of them. Any minute now he would perform a miraculous sign for her and fix this whole space-station dilemma. She got a picture in her head of herself in a little purple robe and a rope belt and sandals.

  When Jesus looked up and saw a great crowd coming toward him, he said to Philip, “Where shall we buy bread for these people to eat?” He asked this only to test him, for he already had in mind what he was going to do.

  Sophie was glad she hadn’t imagined herself as Philip. She didn’t know the answer to that question.

  Philip answered him, “Eight months’ wages would not buy enough bread for each one to have a bite!”

  Another of his disciples, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up. “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but how far will they go among so many?”

  Sophie thought that must be the little kid Dr. Peter had mentioned. She decided it was okay if she made the boy a girl. Quickly she created a picture in her mind of her sandal-footed self, holding up a couple of fish and five very small loaves of bread. She wasn’t sure what barley was, but she mentally sprinkled some seeds on top of the loaves and let it go at that. The important thing was the feeling she was already getting in her chest, like her heart was so afraid Jesus wouldn’t like what she had to offer. But after all, she was the only one in the whole crowd who had bothered to bring a lunch.

  Jesus said, “Have the people sit down.” There was plenty of grass in that place, and the men sat down, about five thousand of them. Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish.

  Sophie breathed a huge sigh. He liked the lunch, or he wouldn’t be giving thanks for it. She took a few seconds to imagine Jesus holding the little rolls up toward heaven and saying, “God is great, God is good. Now we thank you for this food.” The smell of them wafted down to her nose. She was starting to get hungry.

  It was one of those all-you-can-eat things, Sophie thought. All Daddy could eat was enough for about three people. If there were five thousand like him, that was a lot of food. Sophie closed her eyes and saw it all, steaming loaves being passed to the ones in the back who thought they wouldn’t get even a crumb. Herself running up and down the rows, grass tickling her stuck-out toes as she handed out basket after basket of fish until everyone was groaning because they’d completely pigged out.

  Opening her eyes, she continued. When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” So they gathered them — with Sophie helping — and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.

  Sophie closed the Bible on her lap, but she kept her eyes open. The story was as clear as if it had happened right down at Buckroe Beach, but she knew her forehead was wrinkled into about five thousand folds.

  What’s that got to do with Mama — or the Freedom 4 — or any other problem I have? she thought. I don’t get it.

  She wished Dr. Peter were there so he could explain it to her. With Fiona and Kitty expecting a plan tomorrow morning, she didn’t have time to wait two weeks for her next appointment. She ran her finger down the wrinkles in her forehead as she tried to imagine his voice, coaching her. All that came we
re the words he’d already said to her that afternoon.

  Pay attention to what the little kid does and what Jesus does with that.

  Sophie went back to her imagination. The little kid was her. What had she done?

  “I gave up my lunch,” she said out loud. “It wasn’t that much, but it was all Mama had packed for me. That must have been the Bible-days version of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.”

  She dived back in. What had Jesus done with it?

  Du-uh, she thought. He fed, like, a bazillion people. He put his hands up with the bread and the fish in them and he gave thanks. And whammo — it was enough for a feast.

  Sophie gnawed at her hair. Was she supposed to take lunch for the Corn Flakes tomorrow? No, that couldn’t be it. What else had Dr. Peter said about God?

  What do you say we let him do his job and you do yours?

  “Okay, so I bring one sandwich and he makes it enough for the whole cafeteria. No — la-ame.”

  Sophie devoured several split ends before she gave up and went downstairs to take the twelve cookies and one glass of milk to Daddy. She was tempted to ask him what he would do, but she decided that wasn’t the best move. She wasn’t supposed to try to fix Mama, but she didn’t want to make her worse. If Mama found out there was trouble among the Corn Flakes and they might fail their science project if they didn’t make it better, she would definitely be upset.

  On the way down the steps, Sophie switched back to Jesus. I guess I’m back to “you show me my job and I’ll do it, and I’ll let you do yours.”

  And could you please hurry up?

  The next morning Sophie got a ride with Daddy instead of taking the bus so she could get to school way early. The sun wasn’t shining except for a blur in the gray clouds, struggling to seep through, and there was frost on everything. Sophie found Kitty and Fiona backstage in the cafeteria, where they always met in bad weather, sitting in the middle of some old set pieces that they had pulled together to make a closed-off place.

  Kitty jumped like somebody had popped a balloon when Sophie said, “Hi!” and she banged her head on a wooden tree. Fiona put her finger up to her lips.

  “We’re trying to keep a low profile,” she whispered.