Fading Memories

by A. M. Willard

  “No tears tonight, Izzie. Not for him or anyone. Let me care for you,” he whispers into my ear, and I pull back to take him in.

  Just as I pull away, he leans my upper body outward causing me to circle around and back up to his chest. The smile on my face shows him that it was a good move, and in return I’m graced with his handsome smile. The song stops, and as I try to pull away, he reaches for me to come back. With a quick shake of his head, he says, “Tonight is about fun, dancing, and enjoying each other. Plus, you owe me another dance or two.”

  “Really? I owe you more dances? Says who?”

  “Says me, now dance with me, woman.”

  “Dakota, I’m warning you,” I respond as stern as I can without breaking into a smile.

  “You can warn me later,” he says right before he spins me out in front of him again. Throwing my head back, I laugh as I watch him come closer to me. “Come on, show me how to have a good time.”

  “Bring it on, mister.”

  At some point Kelsey, Leah, and Joseph join us on the dance floor, and we all take turns dancing with each other.

  “Can I say watching you two dance was a complete turn on?” Kelsey says as she leans into me to speak over the music. “I thought I was going to have to jump into the water and cool down.”

  “It was okay.” I shrug. It’s the only response I can give because I notice those green eyes of his claiming me as he moves in my direction.

  “Excuse me, but I have a particular song for my lady in just a moment.”

  “By all means, don’t let me interrupt you and Kelsey,” I say as I try to walk away, only to be yanked back to him.

  “The only person I’ll dance like this with, will be you, and you only. As soon as you get this through your head, you can stop fighting me.”

  Just like that he’s taken control of the situation again. I have to wonder how he knew I loved this song. It’s another one by Norah Jones, “Turn Me On,” and as I turn my head to our group, I know who told him. Kelsey has the ‘cat ate the canary’ smile plastered on her face.

  Dakota has positioned me over his leg as he moves us as one to the words. The gentle sway back and forth and steady dips have ignited my core. It’s not just the words being sung, it’s his touch, and the way he’s staring into my eyes. The song I’ve loved for years is becoming something that is my life. He’s the one who not only turns me on, but can turn me off in a split second. No one has ever been able to cause the surge of emotions within me like he has in this short time. The song ends just as he brings me up to his chest allowing out foreheads to touch. My heart is beating so hard against my chest that it feels like it’s going to jump out and into his. I know he hears the fast pace of my breathing, just as I can hear his.

  Breaking the moment, I clear my throat. “Umm … I need to get a drink.” I pull out of his embrace and walk over toward Kelsey.

  After I plop down into my chair, she immediately hands me water, and I take this chance to look around as I sip from the bottle. Peter is glaring holes at me, and Leah is in a heated discussion with Joseph. Confused about why Peter is casting daggers toward us, I lean over to Kelsey. “What’s up with him?” I ask as I jerk my head in their direction.

  “If I have to guess, I’d say he’s not too happy with the person who’s smitten with you. That was seriously the hottest thing I’ve ever witnessed coming from you. The first dance with you guys was nothing compared to that one, Izzie. How are you even standing? If someone were holding me like that, I would’ve fallen to the ground.”

  “Processing, Kelsey, so I need a moment still.”

  “Girl, I know why, and process all you want ’cause I sure as hell am.” She chuckles.

  This brief moment allows me to watch Dakota interact with Joseph as Leah stalks back toward us. Those two will never settle for anyone else, and we all know they will continue to banter back and forth as they fight it. The sunset has turned a shade of orange, gray, and black that happens right before the last bit of light is totally gone. As with anything, we all know that soon the sparks will fly high above our heads. Except right now, the sparks are still igniting from my body, the fireworks display will have nothing on what Dakota has caused for me.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  SITTING HERE IN A DAZE, all that runs through my mind is Dakota and the way he makes me feel. It’s not even how my body reacts to his touch, it’s the simple fact that I can’t get him off my mind. For a year all I’ve been able to focus on was the bad, the anger that I still harbor; now it’s this. Before my father passed away, I was scared, petrified of what would happen after it was all over and done. Would I be able to pick myself up? Would I be able to live without his guidance? During that time, I never stopped to ask myself what I would do if Peter left. It wasn’t on my radar, not even a blip on the screen. With everything that’s happened and changed, the content person came out. Life became simple, and in a way, still painful.

  Is Dakota the one I was meant to wait for? My body sure tells me he is, but my mind is still debating.

  “Earth to Izzie!” Peter says as he snaps his fingers in front of me.

  “I’m sorry, do you need something?”

  “Care to dance with me?”

  “I’m pretty sure your fiancée would have something to say about that.”

  “She’s fine with it, come on.” He reaches for my hand as if I don’t get a say in this.

  “What’s the deal? Are you seriously asking me to dance with you?”

  “Izzie, come on, let’s not cause a scene, okay?”

  Jumping up and tossing my water bottle down on my chair, I stomp out toward the floor, the whole time mumbling that this is crazy and not going to end well for anyone. When I get to the middle of the floor, I turn quickly and plop my hands onto my waist and glare at him. The music starts and it’s “Somewhere with You” by Kenny Chesney; this just pisses me off even more.

  I’m an arm’s length away and trying not to look at his face. He says, “You know I don’t bite, come here.” And he jerks me into his chest. My body feels like it’s burning, but it’s different than when Dakota touches me. This is a wound of hate, disgust, and a bit of sadness wrapped up into one.

  “Peter, I agreed to dance and that’s all. I’m not even sure why you feel the need to be nice. We’ve been over for some time now, no need for a happy façade.”

  “Listen, I need to know you will have breakfast with me tomorrow. It’s important, okay? And this was the only way I could speak with you without him listening.”

  As he speaks, the words from the song hit me. “Did you ask for this song? And by him, do you mean the one who’s currently giving you the death stare?”

  “Yes, because you always listen to the words of a song. No need to worry about him, he’s not right for you. If you feel the need to have a summer fling, then go ahead. Things will change after tomorrow.”

  My feet come to a halt and the couple behind us doesn’t notice, which causes them to bump into me. Chest to chest with Peter, eyes wide, the fury bubbling deep explodes. “Nothing changes after tomorrow, you are getting married. You left me, not the other way around. You destroyed me that night and it wasn’t until today that I realized you never loved me, the plan was always for you to leave me.” Stopping because I realize my voice has risen and I’m making a scene, I push away from him and march over toward Kelsey.

  “I’m leaving, and no one follows me. Do you understand?” I say as I point to each of them.

  “Izzie, wait, you can’t leave,” Kelsey yells out for me, but I wave her off as I run down the wooden stairs to the beach. I’ve got to get away from him, or tonight will definitely not end well for anyone near me. He has a way of causing all these emotions from within me to come to the surface. How can I hate someone as much as I do, but then feel love and comfort at the same time? Four years wasted away with a man that I thought loved me, four years of what I thought was happiness, four years ended in a matter of minutes.

  The te
ars are threating to flow from my eyes and my pace quickens into a run. If I run, I can’t cry, I can’t feel the pain squeezing my chest. Crashing down on the sand between the paths that lead to the house, I’m heaving for air. My lungs burn like someone lit them on fire as I try to catch my breath. I lean over and grip the sand between my fingers as I ball them into a fist. Then, finally, for the first time since that night, I let the bottled-up scream out from my lungs. I cry at nothing but the empty air around me. Once all the air is gone, I collapse forward leaning on my arms as the tears I’ve been fighting back finally let loose.

  Right now in my emotional break-down, I realize I still care for Peter. Confused about why and how, the next scream that leaves my body, I know is for him. It’s for showing up today and causing havoc in my life once again.

  Time passes as I lie in the sand and listen to the fireworks, the crackle in the sky along with the gentle break of the waves soothes me. It’s not long before I feel his arms pick me up and cradle me to his chest. Closing my eyes, I know who it is without looking. My head is buried into his chest and the tears start again.

  “I’ve got you, sweetheart. Shhh … Calm down,” he whispers as he carries me up the beach. The sound of the waves is fading as we move further away, and right now I feel at peace. The only problem is, he’s going to have to let me down soon and this will disappear. The sound of the door sliding open causes me to open my eyes, as I know this isn’t my door.

  “Dakota, take me home.”

  “You are home, for tonight at least. Now, don’t argue with me or I’ll be forced to shut you up.”

  “I’m not in the mood for this tonight. I just want to go sleep in my bed and forget today ever happened.”

  “You can sleep in mine, I’m not leaving you alone tonight.”

  He’s carrying me to the bedroom as we go back and forth about where I will sleep. Dakota sits me down on his bed and walks to the dresser against the other wall. I watch as he pulls out a T-shirt and turns back toward me. “Put this on and I’ll be back in a moment. Do you need anything?”

  “No.” And just like that he’s gone. I sit here for a few minutes, raking over everything as I try to figure out why I listen to this man. A cross between pissing me off and turning me on at the same time leaves me breathless and confused. I strip out of my dress and slide the shirt over my head. I place my clothing on the bench at the end of his bed and decide to curl up under the blankets. The bed sucks me in as the cold sheets touch my skin, the gentle feel of a silk-blended cotton is welcoming. My eyes drift closed, but in the background I hear muffled voices. I’m barely able to make them out, but I can tell that it’s Kelsey and Dakota. I’m sure she was worried, but at least she knows where I am.

  Time passes as I rest my eyes, and then I jerk as I feel the bed shift next to me. My body stiffens. I listen, and feel him settle beside me. Dakota wraps his arm around my waist, gently pulling my back into his chest. The stress from the day fades away, the mere touch of him causing it to leave my body. As much as I want to fight this, I’m allowing it tonight. I need this comfort and the feel of being needed.

  “Sleep, Izzie. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

  “Night, Dakota,” is the last thing I remember before sleep takes over and I enter a dreamland.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  THE SUN IS SHINING into the room and I cover my eyes, for a brief moment I don’t know where I am. I look around and remember last night. Dakota is on his side, and apparently we switched positions on who would hold whom last night. My legs are wrapped around his, and my arm is under his with my hand spread out against his chest. How do I move without waking him, is the only thought racing through my head at this moment. The need to escape without disturbing him is compelling.

  I slide my legs away slowly as I look for any movement from him. Next, my arm slips out from under his. The covers ease away as I back out of them, and I stand to look for my clothes. It’s early and I know I can dash home in the thin material covering my body without anyone noticing. Tiptoeing out of the room with my clothes bundled into my arms, I leave as quietly as I can. As I step out onto his deck, I take in the sight around me. The sun is up over the horizon, the wind is brisk causing a slight chill to run across my body.

  My phone vibrates in my hand, startling me back to the now. I take a quick glance, and as I realize who it is, my shoulders slump forward in defeat. It’s like he knows when to ruin things, or when to cause more grief in my life. Peter still wants to meet for breakfast this morning, and I haven’t made up my mind yet. A part of me wants to get it out of the way and figure out what his plan is, while the other part of me says stay away.

  I walk into my house and discard the clothes from last night into the laundry room, then head back to the kitchen. I need coffee before I can make any discussions for today.

  As I wait for it to brew, I send a quick text to Kelsey just to let her know that I am alive and well. Once she wakes today, she will read it and then want to know what happened last night. As much as a part of me wishes something had happened, I’m glad it didn’t. The feeling of falling asleep in his arms is enough to confuse me. I’ve never felt as safe and comfortable as I did with him next to me. It was the first time in a while that I actually slept, and I mean no dreams, nothing but a hard sleep. My body feels alive this morning for the first time, and no matter what I decide to do, it’s going to be a good day.

  Coffee and toast in hand, I make my way out to the deck, choosing to sit outside and feel the sun against my skin instead of being in the sunroom. I’m wondering how long it will be before Dakota wakes and realizes I’m gone. He has to understand that I’m confused, I don’t know how to let anyone into my life anymore. Every person I have ever loved has left. It’s not in the cards for me to find the happiness that I once thought I had. It’s a new part of life that I’ve got to get used to. We can be friends, but nothing more. Now, I just have to make him understand this.

  The phone beeps next to me, and as I reach for it, I notice Dakota out on his deck staring this way. With a polite wave in his direction, I pick up the phone to figure out which person it is. Of course, it’s Peter again.

  Peter: Breakfast at Kay’s?

  Me: Fine I’ll see you within an hour.

  I text back and blow out the air that I was holding in my lungs.

  I was so focused on this that I didn’t notice Dakota walking in my direction. “Morning, do you have any coffee left?”

  “In the kitchen,” I say, not making eye contact with him. He knows where most everything in there is and can help himself. I have enough time to finish my cup, get dressed, and then head toward the diner.

  “You left early this morning,” he says as he sits in the arondyke chair next to me.

  “Didn’t want to wake you, so I came home. Thank you for last night.”

  “I was hoping that I’d get to see your face when you woke this morning.”

  “Why would you want to witness that?”

  “Just to see if you’re as beautiful in the morning as you are right now.”

  I don’t respond, I only give him a look. The one you give someone when they are full of shit and trying to earn brownie points. You know that one look you reserve for people who are trying to be nice and you’re not in the mood for it. Yes, that’s the one scattered over my face this morning.

  “I really need to remember that you’re not a morning person.”

  “Not this morning, I’m not,” I say with a clipped voice. My head is too full of crap to be nice this morning. I know Kelsey is going to flip, and hell, for that matter, Dakota will flip if they find out that I said yes to meeting Peter for breakfast. It’s like I’m begging for punishment, but I’ve got to know what it is that he feels is so important to talk to me about.

  “Have a great day, Dakota, and thank you for last night. I’ve got to get going this morning,” I say as I stand and take in his profile. He’s focused on the water in front of us and hasn’t made eye contact with me sinc
e I stood. When I walk away, I hear his voice but can’t make out what he said. My feet stop as I wait for him to repeat it, but it never comes. When I enter the house, I stop and turn. He’s still sitting in the same chair I left him in. I’m fine with him finishing his coffee, it’s a beautiful morning to do just what he is doing. Now I have to pull on the big girl panties and deal with the other man who seems to be still in my life.

  The temperature outside is already well into the nineties and humid. I dress in a simple purple sundress and sandals, and my hair is pulled up in a high ponytail. The humidity is causing my skin to feel sticky as I drive toward the diner, and I realize that we are in the middle of summer already. Time for me to keep the top up and the air on at all times. This time of the year is when you forget about makeup and pick lightweight clothing that allows the breeze to blow through. It’s these days that I think about in the past. The days of building sand castles and jumping in the water to cool off when I was a child. When the beach was full of vacationers and you always got to meet someone new. That was the fun part of each summer growing up. You knew that as soon as the first week of school let out, someone new would move in for a few months. Different cultures, different families, and better yet, a new round of friends to have fun with. Some I still keep in touch with and some have been a figment of my imagination over the years. They all run together eventually. As I watch the crowds pile into the diner, I remember the summers growing up. The different walks of life completely taking over the island, and it has a calming effect today.

  Kay brings me my coffee and knows that I’ll wait for my guest to arrive before I order. It seems like an eternity passes before Peter walks in. The bell over the door rings and my eyes fly up in his direction as I watch him walk toward me. I’m a little shocked to see him alone. I wasn’t sure if Stacey would be joining us this morning.