Now I understand the reason it has always been front and center in our family. Did she know that a storm was coming? Did my mother already realize that her life would be taken too soon? Or was it really because she loved watching the storm roll in over the open ocean? I’ll never know the answers to my questions, as the father of the man I love is the reason behind her death.
The slamming of the screen door startles me back to what is going on around me. I don’t bother turning to see if they are gone because I don’t need to witness him walking away, I feel it. He’s taken my soul with him, and I’ll never get it back.
Hours must pass by, I don’t move and I’m pretty sure I haven’t blinked since I sat down. The light knock coming from the front door doesn’t even bring me out of this trance. It’s Kelsey’s voice that I hear, but the words haven’t formed for me to respond. My head turns to look at her in confusion, and she explains her presence without me asking her. “Dakota called and I came right over. What do you need?”
Words are gone, all I can make happen is a shake of my head from side to side. How can I answer her when I don’t know what I need? Actually I do know, but they are gone just like everything else in my life. I’m now left with my best friends, and that will have to be enough for me to survive. Life could always be worse than this, I have to try to remind myself. My friends have been my world, they’ve picked me up as I’ve picked them up in the past.
I reach behind me to grab the blanket, lie down on my side, and pull it over my body. The weight of the material takes hold of me, a hug from a person that’s no longer here with me. Never have I missed her as much as I do right now, it’s greater than the absence of my father. The realization hits, the reasons behind why I missed out on my mother explaining life, the reasons why Dad had to braid my hair and not her. Most of all, the reason I never built another fairy tale sand castle. My supplies are packed away in the plastic bench on the deck, untouched for years as they hold the past that deep down I didn’t want to let go.
“Izzie, you need to go lay in bed. Come on, I’ll stay with you,” she says, but I don’t move. I’m comfortable here, this is where I feel the closest to her and I refuse to move. Maybe tomorrow, but tonight I’ll lie in the room where she rubbed my head and made my tummy aches go away when I was little. Kelsey shifts my legs in order to take residence next to me, and places them on top of hers. Her gentle touch and just knowing that she’s here lulls me to sleep. A place where I can dream of happy endings, a family that once was is still here. A place where sand castles become real, and memories are a thing of the past.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
One month later
IT’S BEEN A MONTH since I’ve spoken to Dakota, and that’s not without him trying. Every day he walks over and stands at the screen door that I keep latched tight like Fort Knox. When he opens his mouth to ask to come in, my hands stop him and I shake my head. This usually results in me getting up and going back inside. The guts of my home are starting to feel like I’m a prisoner here, and I need to go out. School starts back soon, the summer nights will get shorter, and before I know it the weather will turn cold.
The girls and Joseph have been great with not pushing me to talk about it, or for that matter, to work it out with Dakota. I’ve noticed that Joseph still goes over and hangs out with him, and I trust that he reports nothing about me back to Dakota. If I admit out loud that I miss him, it becomes real, and currently, real is not something that I’m ready for. Kelsey hounds me daily about the fact that I need to hear the story from him, and to go visit Mrs. Jacobs. She’s the only one on the island who knows the answers to this riddle, the truth of that evening. Dakota and I know what we’ve been told, and nothing more.
Maybe tomorrow I’ll visit Mrs. Jacobs for answers, but it doesn’t correct the dishonesty that he’s established with me. Peter lied and acted as if I was his world for years, I deserve more than that. I deserve the truth from day one.
“Let’s go enjoy the sun today? You need a little color on your paling skin,” Kelsey says and hands me a drink.
“That sounds good; I think it’ll do me some good.”
“I don’t just think, I know. You haven’t been going down to the water at night either. Why?”
“How do you know this? You aren’t always here, so I could when you’re gone.”
“I know because he tells me everything.”
“Who?”
“Who do you think? Dakota, that’s who.”
“Are you telling me that you still talk to him?”
“I do … Every day for that matter. We all do, well, maybe not Leah as much as Joseph and I.”
“I think that breaks a code or something, doesn’t it?”
“Nope, we checked and the coast is clear. Now, go get your suit on and let’s hit the beach.”
“Fine, I’m still mad at you though,” I say as I leave in search of my bikini.
“No, you’re not!” she screams back at me, causing me to laugh because she’s right. Kelsey’s been my rock from day one. Her family has been my second home since we met all those years ago.
Bouncing back out to the sunroom with our tote bag and cooler, I notice that Kelsey has moved and is standing out back talking with Dakota. I can’t hear them, but I can tell it’s heated from the way her hands are flying around. She only does that when she’s worked up about something. Dakota being the guy he is, is just listening as he takes in every word. His eyes dart up to the patio and take me in. His posture shifts as his jaw sets and he gives me a curt nod. I’d be lying if I said he doesn’t do anything to me.
If I’m not pushing him away from my door, watching him from behind closed curtains, I’m dreaming about him. The absence of his touch, the way he’d look at me like I was the only one in the universe, I miss it more than I thought I would. The problem is, how do I overcome it all? Can I accept the past like that, and move on to a future with a man that I know belongs to me?
“Kelsey, you ready?” I break in, holding up the bags, and nod my head down toward the beach. She heads in my direction, but the only problem is, Dakota’s fast on her heels.
“Let me take that down for you ladies.” He reaches out for the bags I’m holding.
“Thanks, but we can manage. Isn’t that right, Kelsey?” I give her a death glare hoping she understands that she needs to agree with me.
“No, I think it would be very Southern of you to help us,” she says in her best Southern drawl and snatches the cooler from my hand and gives it to him.
“You know, I’m taking a liking to this whole Southern thing, I think it’s fitting,” he says playfully, which causes me to hide the tiny smile I have. I don’t respond because I want to agree with him, this place does agree with him.
I push past them, leaving them behind as I make my way down to my spot. The beach is starting to get a little packed with the last bit of tourists left, but not enough to take the area that I enjoy. With a flip of my arms, the blanket spreads out evenly and I bend down to tuck the corners down into the sand. Satisfied that it’s perfect, my tote bag lands on the corner closest to me.
“I’ll talk to her, but you know I can’t promise anything,” I hear Kelsey say from behind me and I prepare myself for it.
“Thanks, here’s your cooler. Izzie, don’t forget to put the sunscreen on your shoulders.” He turns away from us just as I turn to look at him. Now that the past is front and center, I remember he used to always put it on my shoulders when we would play. I’d race them down to the beach with my hair pulled back, allowing the sun to kiss my shoulders.
After I got burned so bad one day that blisters formed on my skin, he made it a mission. I’d show up and he’d reach in his bag for the thick white paste and slather it on. Usually, he used way too much, but I thought it was sweet. Even our parents thought it was the cutest thing; he protected me like a sister. I allow myself to smile at the memory. He can’t see it as his back is turned to us, but I know he feels it. Mid-stride up the path, he
stops, turns around, and flashes his Dakota smile right at me. He knows I remember why he said that, he’s trying to knock down that wall yet again.
Kelsey gets comfortable and waits for me to lie beside her before she starts. At least I should be thankful she gave me that much time.
“You need to talk to him, and I don’t want to hear any of your bullshit,” she says, facing the sun from her back.
“I’m not going to give you any bullshit, it’s over and I’m moving past him.”
“Keep lying to yourself, Izzie. It wasn’t him that did the crime and have you stopped long enough to think that he’s paid for his father’s mistake? No, you haven’t, and I don’t blame you. I would do the same in your shoes. I just know that after listening to you, and then him, this is meant to be.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Look at it this way, and just think about it. You guys spent many summers together, then all of a sudden, nothing. You forgot about him because it resulted in a painful memory. How many guys have you dated, including Peter, that it didn’t work out with? Hell, you were going to marry the ass, but called it off.”
“Excuse me, he called it off by leaving, not me.”
“That’s not the point, he knew you didn’t love him. That’s why it infuriates him to see you with Dakota. The way you look at him, the way you act around him, it’s like no one before.”
“Maybe … I don’t know what to say. Okay, I miss him.”
“Well, that’s a step in the right direction. Tell him that, the rest will just fall into place.”
“I’ll think about it. Is that a good enough answer for you?”
“It’ll work for today. Now shut up and get some sun because your white skin is blinding me.”
“Drama queen much?”
“You know how I am. It’s my only day off for the next two weeks and I want to bathe in the glorious sun and watch you wallow next to me.”
“I’m not wallowing.”
“You are … I got into your head, tell me I’m wrong.”
With that statement, I don’t even respond because she’s right; she got me. If only I could figure out how to disconnect my thoughts and my feelings. Is it worth taking another chance? Will more lies come out as we move forward? All I can do is ask him and hope for the truth. I know Kelsey’s right about the fact that I’ve never wanted someone as much as I want him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
KELSEY LEFT ME to deal with my misery alone, which is for the best, since all she could do was laugh at me. Did I listen to Dakota and lather up my skin? No … I ignored it and lay down in the sun for over four hours without any protection. Now, I’m covered with white blisters bursting up from my red skin. My shoulders look like a huge nasty blister, my nose is covered in the smaller pimple types, and let’s not mention the ones on my back and stomach. It’s so bad that I have to stand like a human windmill, and can’t even reach the areas that need covering with aloe.
“Ugh … this sucks … Damn you sun and damn you Kelsey for leaving,” I say out loud to no one other than myself. I waddle to my phone, in hopes that I can reach one of them. After dialing Leah, whose voicemail picks up, I try Joseph. On the second ring, he answers, “Hey Izzie, what’s going on?”
“I need you to come rub aloe on me, please. Kelsey left me dying and thinks it’s funny.”
“Sorry girl, I’m on a date and can’t leave right now. Maybe tomorrow.”
“On a date? With who?”
“Leah, who else?”
“Well, then she wouldn’t mind if you cut it short and come help me out.”
“We aren’t coming, Izzie!” Leah yells into the phone at me, which pisses me off and I hang up on the two traitors. They are not giving me any choice, but I see through the plan and refuse to go ask him for help. Stubborn is the only thing I can call myself right now, as I just came up with the plan to soothe my own skin.
My windmill-self heads toward the bathroom. I pull out the bottle of aloe and climb into the tub. As I stand here, I rethink this idea, which is to pull off all my clothes and squirt the liquid down my body and press up against the tile on the back of the tub. Brilliant, right? No, because then I will not only need to clean it up, but I will have to run my burnt skin up and down the tile. Deciding to pass on this brilliant idea, I slump forward in defeat.
The green bottle filled with the precious plant and lidocaine, and my pitiful self, go out the back and head to Dakota’s house. I knock a few times and wince as my skin is so dry it feels like it’s going to crack away from my bones.
Dakota opens the door and takes one look at me. “You forgot, didn’t you?”
“Yes …” I whine.
“How bad is it? Turn around?”
“Bad,” I turn for him to inspect my battle wounds. I’m lucky that I was able to put on a simple strapless sundress that flows. Nothing feels right on my body, and I just need for him to spread this on my back and then it’s home to lie naked on my bed as the ceiling fan cools me down.
“Come on in. I thought I told you to lather.”
“You did, but I forgot.”
“You always manage to forget. I knew I should have stayed and done it for you.”
“I’m not a child anymore, Dakota. I can handle this.”
“Really … Have you looked in the mirror? Because you sure as hell weren’t thinking. You probably have sun poisoning.”
“It’s not that bad,” I try to convince him when I know it really is that bad.
“I need you to lay down so I can rub this in. I promise to be as gentle as I can be, but the blisters are awful.”
“Just get the area on my back that you can get to, I’ll get the rest.”
“Now, care to explain how you plan to reach your arms around here? Did you become some stretchy person since we saw each other last?”
“I haven’t, but you aren’t going to see me without my dress. Just get this over with so I can go home, please.”
“You aren’t leaving tonight, Izzie. You’ll stay here so I can do this a few more times and keep an eye on you. After this is done, I’ll make some dinner.”
“I’m not staying, all I need is one dose and then some medicine and sleep.”
“Listen, I never thought you would knock on my door again, okay? So understand that you can call this kidnapping or whatever you want, but you are staying here tonight. You will get a good dinner, get covered in green crap a few times, and most of all, you are going to listen to me.”
“God, you haven’t changed one bit.” I turn to face him, slanting my eyes in his direction.
“No, I grew up, but one thing has always stayed the same.”
“What, that you’re still an ass?”
“No, that I love you. I love you, Isabel Marie Nichols, and I have since the first day I watched your golden blonde hair dance in the sunlight. That day, you became mine.”
Tears threaten to escape; no one has ever said that to me before. Not one person that I’ve ever dated has declared such love for me. The only problem is I can’t say it back. My heart says to scream it out at him, but the words won’t leave my mouth. Instead of responding I turn back around and spread my arms out to indicate that I am ready to endure the pain of this magic lotion.
“That’s cold … Can you warm it up or something and stop being so rough?”
“No I’m not going to warm it and sorry, but next time, protect your skin.”
“I’m never lying out again; it’s all your fault.”
“How is it my fault?”
“You distracted me, and then Kelsey started in and I forgot.”
“So it’s your fault, not ours. I remind you and can’t help the fact that you wouldn’t let me rub you down,” he says, and I just blow out a sigh.
“Come sit and let me get us something to eat.”
As I follow, I take a good look around his place. I’ve been inside before, but it was empty, with boxes still stuck in the corner. Now, he’s unpacked and i
t’s casual. Dakota has hung up a few pictures with a nautical theme, and when I turn I notice a familiar print in the dining room. Still walking like a human windmill I make my way over to inspect it. Just as I knew what signature was going to show on the bottom, my hand reaches up and runs over it. It’s as if I can feel her here with me, explaining the color pattern that she went with for this particular painting.
“How do you have this?” I ask as I stare at one of my mother’s paintings.
“She gave it to my mother as a reminder, from our first summer here. Mom used to keep it in the foyer back home and when I moved out I took it with me. It was my reminder of the girl I lost all those years ago.”
“I remember her watching us as she painted this one. Do you?”
“I do. Here’s some water and ibuprofen.”
After I take the two pills and swallow half the glass of water, I look back at the framed artwork and then to Dakota. “Why didn’t you tell me when you first showed up?”
“I didn’t know how. I wasn’t sure if you would remember me, or if you hated me for what happened.”
“You do know that you didn’t do it, right?”
“I might not have, but I was the reason why we kept coming back summer after summer.”
“What reason would that be?”
“I had to see you. We would leave, and once I got back home all I could think about was you. I know it’s weird since we were kids, but there was something about you that I never forgot.”
“How did you know I was still here?”
“I saw your picture.”
“And where would my picture have been for you to see me?”
“I’d always searched the real estate market here in hopes that this house would go up for sale. And then it did. When I went to view the pictures and details, that’s when I saw you. You were sitting out back in a white sweater, your knees pulled into your chest as you rested your chin on top of your knees. I could only see your profile, but you looked so lost, and that’s when I did a little research and bought the house.”
Fading Memories Page 17