by Jordan Marie
The only smart thing I’ve apparently done in my life was give my money to Maria and Skull. We used it to fight the cancer and make sure Maria was comfortable. When Skull’s uncle came into the picture and Skull decided to become a prospect to Devil’s Blaze, I followed him. It wasn’t because I wanted to be part of the club so much; rather, I couldn’t imagine not having Skull beside me. He was all I had left. Maybe it’s my fucked-up past, but if you don’t get close to people, they can’t fucking hurt you. They don’t get the chance to. Women were too much effort. So besides the occasional fuck, I didn’t bother with them.
Fucking Jan without a condom trapped me. I got drunk off my ass one night and woke up in bed with her the next morning, damage done. I panicked the whole fucking time, terrified she’d be knocked up. I prayed even. Not that I knew much about praying, but it seemed like the thing to do. When she turned out that way, I stepped up. Made her my old lady, even though Skull did his damnedest to talk me out of it. I didn’t listen. I didn’t want to put much effort into having a woman. This made that easier. The only fucking time I had to talk much to Jan was when she wanted something and that got me sex. It was easy and it protected my child. I may not have wanted Jan pregnant, but I did want Annabelle.
It’s four in the morning and I’ve drunk so much that I’ve come full circle—I’m practically sober again. My head is foggy and it hurts to breathe, but I don’t think that has shit to do with the hangover. Torch and a couple of the boys grabbed a cage and insisted I ride with them to the Boot. The Boot is an old honkytonk. It doesn’t get much business, and that’s what I wanted. I didn’t want to be bothered; I wanted to sit at a bar and drink my ass off, and that’s exactly what I got. The men know me, so they didn’t talk to me either. They just watched my back. Still, I didn’t want them around me. They saw that fucking shit with Jan and I didn’t want anyone to realize what a sad fuck I was or how stupid I’d been.
I make my way down into the shelter part of the club. I should have stayed topside in my room up there as far away from Jan as I could. I need to see Annabelle just once. Her and Jan’s room is separate from mine, and Jan stays in there sometimes. I doubt it’s out of any motherly feelings; she’s a piss-poor mom. It’s probably to get away from me, and I’m okay with that.
Luckily, the bitch isn’t here tonight.
I clean the loose money out of my pockets. I’m not sure how much is there, four or five hundred dollars. Hell, I think I tipped the bartender two hundred. I lay it down, as well as the keys to the Durango that Torch threw me when we parked up. They drove me home, but it was my cage. I guess he trusted me not to take off again tonight. Softly, I lie down on the bed beside Annabelle. She’s truly beautiful: dark-brown hair that glistened, a cute little button nose, and the longest eyelashes I’ve ever seen. You can’t see them right now because her eyes are closed, but when they’re open, her irises are a mixture of browns, golds, and greens, and they sparkle. I have blue eyes. My baby’s eyes are totally different and always makes me smile.
I find myself thinking how Terry’s were the same color.
The knowledge is burning a hole in my gut. It’s tearing me up inside and mostly because I think Jan’s words might be the truest thing she’s ever said. Terry is probably Annabelle’s dad, not me. The one thing I’ve ever done in life that I was proud of, and…
My hand comes up to hold my daughter’s. It’s so small and delicate, so pale and white compared to the sunbaked, inked-up dark complexion of my own. We’re so different, especially in ways that a father and daughter ought to be at least a little similar.
That hole in my gut burns brighter, harder.
“Daddy loves you, Belle,” I tell her, letting the tears run free. They’re silent, but they’re torn from me because I’m broken. It won’t matter. Terry’s rotting in the ground and that fucking bitch Jan is one line away from snorting her last. She’ll overdose without me watching over her and I don’t fucking care anymore.
Nothing matters but my daughter. And she is mine.
I may not have fathered her with my seed, but I’ve been there. I held her when she had high fevers and Jan was out partying. I read her bedtime stories, rub her stomach when it hurts, chase off the monsters that she insists hide under her bed… I’ve done all of that and I’ll continue to do it. She’s mine. “Daddy loves you, Belle,” I whisper again, dried tears on my face as my eyes close and I finally let alcohol and sleep claim me. “Daddy, loves you…”
I really fucked up tonight.
Spending an hour sucking some damn prospect’s dick didn’t help shit. The asshole told me he could get me a key to one of the vehicles outside. After I got him off, he told me Skull and Torch had taken all the keys during lockdown. Bastard could’ve told me that shit before I swallowed his pencil dick.
I need to lay low until I can find a way out. There’s no way I can face Beast until I have a plan. He’s an idiot, but I doubt he’ll even buy that I was lying about it all. Now that I’ve ripped the blinders off, he has to know that Terry is Annabelle’s dad. Shit, I never even fucked Beast that night. I knew I was knocked up, and Terry and I drugged his ass so that when he woke up, he’d think he could be the father when I told him.
Terry was the love of my life, but he didn’t have a dime to his name. Beast was loaded, and Terry was already facing ten to fifteen in jail for attempted manslaughter. We needed Beast, so we used him, plain and simple.
And I still can’t believe I fucked it all up last night.
I freeze when I get to Annabelle’s room and find the bastard lying on her bed. He’s huge, way over seven-foot and he looks like the side of a house, he’s so fucking big. His dark hair is long and he constantly wears a beard—entirely too much hair. He can’t even carry on a conversation unless you count grunting. I hate him. He could’ve kept Terry out of jail.
I look at him lying beside my daughter and figure there’s a way I can make him pay. Finding the money and keys on the nightstand just makes it that much easier. I quickly pack the whelp’s overnight bag. She annoys me almost as much as Beast, but she’s the last piece of Terry I have. I grab the money and the keys and stuff them in my pockets. Beast is snoring loudly. Fucker always did—another reason to hate him.
I pick up Annabelle. “Mommy?” she asks sleepily.
“Quiet, Belle. You’ll wake your daddy,” I tell her, choking on the words. “We’re going to run out and get a surprise for daddy.”
“We are?” she whispers excitedly. “What are we gonna get? A puppy? Daddy likes puppies!”
“That’s it. Exactly. But we have to be quiet so no one sees or hears us. We have to sneak out so it will be a real surprise,” I tell her, and I could nearly laugh out loud when she does as I tell her. She’s going to have to toughen up in this world. She can’t be as stupid and clueless as a man. Women have to make their own way. I’ve depended on Beast, and he just kept fucking me over and holding me back. This will be a new start.
Annabelle’s car seat isn’t in the vehicle. Fuckers must have taken it out when they went to drink. I just buckle her in the seat without it. That’s good enough. I get in the car, start it, then drive through the lot. The tricky part is, there’s a gate up ahead. I slow down. That fucker I sucked off is manning the gates—him and another prospect.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he asks through my window. “Skull said no one in or out.”
“Beast gave me his keys. I have to take my daughter to the doctor. She has a fever.”
“They didn’t tell me. I think Beast would’ve said something, or else be with you. I’m going to have to clear it with them before I can let you go.”
Son of a bitch.
“What? Why? I just sucked you off! You owe me, you miserable fucker!”
“Please, you weren’t even that good,” he says, walking away and grabbing the phone inside the small guard shack.
He’s going to ruin it all. I can’t let that happen. I look over at Annabelle. “Hold on. Mommy’s g
oing to drive through the gates so we can get out of here.”
“But mommy… daddy can go with us to get the puppy! We don’t have to—”
Her voice drones on, but I ignore it, jerking the car into reverse, then pushing the accelerator to the floor. It lurches backwards, then I brake hard. That stupid idiot jumps in front of the Durango like he can stop it. I jerk the lever back to drive, floor it again, then bounce him off the hood. Annabelle screams and even that makes me smile.
Yeah, I’ll toughen her up. She’ll learn what the real world is about.
We slam through the gates and they break away with the sound of crashing metal. Once we make it through them to the main road, I don’t slow down. I’m laughing louder than Annabelle’s crying. I’m free! I’m finally fucking free! I don’t let off the accelerator. It climbs to fifty, fifty-five, sixty, and then something strange happens. At sixty-five, there’s a loud click. I can hear it over everything else, even Annabelle’s screaming. The car loses power. There’s a loud boom from the back of the vehicle, startling me out of my laughter. Heat swallows us from all directions.
“Daddy! Daddy! I want my daddy! Take me to my daddy!” Annabelle cries, her tears and sobs racking her little body. Fear blooms through me. I look in the rearview mirror just in time to witness the explosion. Fire consumes everything—including us.
It’s a fucking mess. Beast’s kid and that bitch Jan are gone. There’s nothing left of that vehicle. We finally got the fire out, but there’s… nothing. Beast won’t even have true ashes to bury.
He went crazy. It took four men, myself included, to pull him away from the fire. We finally had the club doc tranquilize him. He gave him a double dose and still the fucker fought it. His hands suffered horrible burns, his face and chest too. Another member had to beat the flames out while the four of us held him down. They took him to the hospital while we stayed here and tried to regroup.
We haven’t told anyone but the patched-in members. I don’t want Beth to know. She’s already feeling like this is her fault. If she finds out about Beast’s kid, she’ll completely lose it. Me? Fuck, I’m dealing with my own guilt. I made my choices and I didn’t even think how it would affect my brothers. I guess I didn’t realize this type of blood. All of us know that death can come at the drop of a hat. We know it and embrace it; it’s part of why we live wild. We take our freedom and we make our own rules because that freedom was built with our brothers’ blood.
But nothing can prepare you for the death of a child.
I caused Annabelle’s death. I did this. I should have just taken Beth and left my brothers out of it. This is my war. Instead, I went full steam ahead. If I could go back, I would have done things differently. It’s just too fucking late now.
I look over at Pistol. “Call your brother. We need the men now. We attack at nightfall and we attack hard.”
“Plan A?” Torch asks, and for once, the motherfucker isn’t cocky. No, he’s something else entirely: he’s furious. That’s good. We all need to be.
“Plan fucking A. Saddle up, boys. Before dawn breaks tomorrow, I want every piece of property and every business the Donahues own hit and in flames.” My words are met with a huge battle cry. My men scatter, except for Briar. I grab him by the arm. “I need you to stay with Beth. I want her away from the others. Tell her there’s been a breach in security and I’m doing all I can to make sure she’s safe until I’m back. Do whatever you have to do. I don’t want her to know about Beast or his family until I can be the one to tell her. I can’t take the chance she won’t go off half-cocked.”
Briar doesn’t look happy, but I didn’t expect him to. He’s like the rest of us: he wants to get revenge.
“Boss,” he starts, but I stop him.
“I can’t trust this to a prospect, Briar. Torch and Sabre are in charge of the explosives. Besides him and Beast, you’re the only one I trust my woman with. I know you want your ounce of blood, but I need you here. I promise you’ll get your shot before this is over.”
“Okay. I’ll do it, but she’s not going to be happy.”
“I know. I’ll deal with it. I just need to not worry about her right now.”
“Okay. Go make the motherfuckers pay.”
I slap him on the back. “That, I can promise.”
I walk off. I want to go check on Beast before we ride out. It will take Cade’s men a couple hours to get here. They’ve been held up at the state line to avoid detection from the Donahues. I pull Beth’s cellphone out of my pocket, staring at it. I go through her contacts and hit dial when I find Colin’s number.
“Beth. It’s about time.”
Figures the sorry fucker would give her his private number. I’m going to hang him up by his balls.
“Wrong, motherfucker. And you just made a big mistake.”
“I see you found our present,” the smug bastard answers. “Sad that we didn’t take you out, but you had three of your finest in that car, right? Irresponsible, really, to leave your vehicle unwatched when you’re at war. Then again, I don’t expect much better from you. You’re outclassed here, spic. Time for you to pack up and get the fuck out.”
His slur rolls off of me. I could give a fuck what he says.
“No, you fuck. You killed a woman and a child. A three-year-old girl who did nothing to anyone. All you managed to do to me and my brothers was piss us the fuck off. We’re coming for you, asshole. We’re coming.”
I click the phone off, slam it on the ground, then stomp it under my boot. My whole body vibrates with anger. If the fun we have planned for tonight doesn’t kill him, then I will kill him myself, slowly, and enjoy the fuck out of it.
I walk to my bike, surprised to find Pistol there.
“You going to see Beast?” he asks.
“Yeah.”
“I’ll ride along.”
“You need to spend your time making sure your brother’s men are on their way and things are in place.”
“Already done. I may not agree with some of the shit you choose, Skull, but Beast is my brother too, and you’re still my president. I’m watching your back. The Donahues may be monitoring the hospitals.”
I shrug, not about to waste more time arguing with him. There’s too much shit to accomplish today. Besides, he’s right. I peel out of the compound, avoiding looking at the burned Durango we’ve hauled back inside. The men are busy repairing the gates. I’ve ordered a stronger gate, military grade. Wish to fuck I’d done it sooner. Apparently I’ve got a little to learn about being in a war, too.
Hopefully Colin won’t see the hits we have planned coming.
This is ridiculous. Skull’s had me locked in my room all day. I thought things were good between us. Now, I have no idea what’s going on.
Briar—seriously, if that’s not a road name, I feel sorry for him—has been with me all day and refuses to let me leave. He had our breakfast and lunch brought in. The only thing he told me was that there were some new developments and Skull wanted to make sure I was protected. He refuses to tell me what these developments are and, trust me, I’ve asked him a hundred times.
It’s been boring as hell, so I did the only thing I could think of to make Briar sorry that he’s stuck in this small room with me. We’re on our third movie of the day. We started with Bridget Jones Diary, moved on to Pretty Woman, and now…
“What the ever loving fuck?” exclaimed Briar. “You mean she’s not even going to move her fat ass over and let him float on that damn piece of wood? Jesus, two of him could fit on that shit.”
“You’re missing the point. He loves her. He’s going to die for her.”
“Big fucking deal. If she wasn’t a selfish bitch, she’d scoot her ass over and they’d both survive.”
Now, it should be said that I totally agree with him. However, I find I enjoy arguing with Briar. Well, that and I’m bored out of my mind. “She lives a full life because Jack loved her.”
“She’s a selfish cow. Why can’t she die? I mean, this st
ory would be a fuck of a lot better if Jack survived and lived high on the fucking hog with that damn diamond.”
Okay, actually that sounds like a more interesting movie if you think about it, but I ignore him. “Hush, Briar! There’s a happy ending, wait and see. You’ll love it!”
“Yeah, I’m sure,” he says sarcastically. It’s all I can do not to laugh.
“You know, if you told me what happened last night to have Skull worried about me, I might consider turning this off and letting you watch football.”
“Nice try, but no cigar, babe.”
“I guess we could watch ballet. There’s one on channel—”
“You turn on that fucking shit and I promise you I will put a bullet in the television. I’m drawing the line at this movie and that’s only because the redhead has some decent knockers.”
Okay, I snort at that comment. It’d take a better woman than I not to laugh. We’re silent through the rest of the movie until the end. Then, I thought poor Briar was going to blow a gasket. He literally turned red in the face.
“You’ve got to be kidding me! What the fuck?”
“What? They got their happy-ever-after!”
“They’re dead!”
“Well yeah, but they’re together.”
“Fuck, that’s just messed up. Is this really the kind of shit you chicks get off on?”
“It’s a great movie. Very romantic.”
“No fucking wonder,” he says.
“What are you talking about?”
“If this is the kind of shit you like to watch, it’s no wonder you bitches give us men such a hard time. Relationships would be a lot easier if women would just watch porn.”
“Is that a fact?”
“Fuck, yeah. Porn is straight-up, man. No bullshit. Instead of Ol’ Jack dying, he’d be helping her fiancé feed her dick.”