A look of sorely strained patience crossed his face as he caught her by the waist and lifted her down from the saddle after one particularly gruelling session. ‘God help me if I ever injure my back,’ he quipped.
‘God help you if you ever turn it,’ she snapped, her body sore, aching and exhausted, but she was beginning to enjoy herself.
* * *
The following day she had instruction on how to use a dagger, lunging and sidestepping and often being thrown to the floor and dancing out of her instructor’s way. Nathan was filled with admiration, telling her she fought well, that he had no idea a woman could be so ruthless.
‘There’s Lady Macbeth,’ Lucy pointed out with a wicked twinkle in her eye.
He laughed. ‘There is that. Most women of my acquaintance are not trained in such matters. You may not even need these skills. However, it is always best to be prepared for the worst.’
Learning how to use a firearm was not as difficult as she had imagined. She surprised both herself and Nathan. He presented her with a pocket flintlock pistol, its small size making it more adaptable to a woman’s hand. After showing her how to load it, he handed it to her, watching as her graceful fingers trained for etiquette now gripped the firearm.
Her instruction was given in an outbuilding adjoining the stables. She proved to be an exceptional shot. Her aim was true and she was an apt pupil. However, it was one thing to try to aim at a makeshift target, but she wondered if she would ever have the courage to actually pull the trigger if the situation arose.
Try as she might to keep herself aloof, her entire being was attuned to her instructor’s presence. It was necessary for him to come close, to stand behind her and guide her arm. Her composure was sorely strained. He was so close she could feel his warm breath on her neck. It was familiar. At those times everything else ceased to exist for her except for the man in such close proximity to her.
It was disturbing. Did he feel the same? Did he feel anything for her at all? She held her breath, hoping his arm might snake around her waist and draw her to him, that he would say he was sorry for hurting her, that there would be forgiveness and things could go back to the way they were before.
But he made no move to touch her in any intimate way. And why should he? she asked herself reproachfully. She had, after all, laid down ground rules. And after sending him away without a by your leave four years ago, the thought must be anathema to him.
And then the lessons were over and it was almost time for them to leave for Portugal.
‘When do we leave?’ she asked.
‘I’ll let you know.’
‘I’ll be ready.’
* * *
From her bed where Sarah had tucked her in, reclining on a mountain of pillows, Dora glanced up from her book as her niece, still dressed in her breeches, came in and padded in her stocking feet to the fire. Dora watched anxiously as she collapsed into a chair and rested her feet on the fender. There was a troubled, faraway look in Lucy’s eyes. It had been there for days now.
‘Are you all right, Lucy dear?’
Lucy was staring into the depths of the fire as though her very life depended upon it. She was caught up in her meditation and Aunt Dora’s voice brought her back to the present with a start. ‘I’m sorry. I’m just tired, that’s all.’ She sighed, settling herself against the cushions and suppressing a yawn with the back of her hand. ‘It’s been a long day.’
‘You look thoughtful.’
‘I was thinking of Portugal. I feel a great deal of uncertainty, I must confess.’
‘Ah, yes, but you may find it interesting.’
‘I believe I will.’
‘Does it worry you—going to a foreign country?’
‘Yes, it does—with the war and everything. I suppose it will be strange at first. I shall have to have my wits about me at all times.’
‘At least if you encounter any French soldiers you will have no difficulty with the language. You’ll be glad I taught you. You’re very brave to be doing this.’
‘Brave? Me? It’s a nice thought, but I haven’t seen it like that. I’m simply doing what Nathan has asked me to do—whatever that may be. I’ll soon be back in England and safe—and richer by five thousand pounds.’
‘It’s a great deal of money.’
‘Yes. I think we might buy a bigger house.’
Dora laughed. ‘I am perfectly happy here.’ Her expression became serious. ‘Just come home safe, Lucy. I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you. What is Nathan doing out there? Has he told you?’
‘He’s involved in matters of a sensitive nature. He hasn’t told me much, only that we’re to rescue a woman and her child who are being held captive in the mountains. He has told me there will be dangers. I’m sure he knows what he’s doing.’
Dora gave her a thoughtful look. ‘I really do hope so. Is everything all right between you and Nathan, Lucy?’
Lucy was about to answer in the affirmative, but the words would not come. In any case she never could hide her feelings from her aunt. ‘Not really.’
‘Do you want to tell me?’
‘I’m not sure I can. I’m not sure I even know myself.’
‘Oh dear. That bad?’
‘Yes. It feels so strange being with him again with all that is between us.’
‘Is it possible that you were mistaken in him—and Katherine?’ Dora asked tentatively.
Lucy shook her head. ‘The evidence at the time was quite damning.’
‘Which I thought very strange. Katherine was always so charming, so friendly with us all.’
‘Precisely,’ Lucy agreed. ‘I felt so lost and bewildered at the time, but I know what I saw—heard the rumours—and for a while, before we parted, there was a coldness about him when we were together. There was no mistake.’
Resting her head on the back of the chair, she closed her eyes. There had always been an element of doubt in Aunt Dora’s mind. She never believed that Katherine could be so calculating, that Nathan, in whom she could see no wrong, would do anything to hurt her.
‘I never imagined that I could feel so much for one man,’ Lucy went on quietly, ‘but Nathan had become indispensable to the point where it was impossible to visualise life without him. Which was why the blow when it came gave me twice the heartache. He threw away any happiness we might have had. Now I prefer to leave the past where it is.’
‘You poor dear. Katherine went to Spain, I believe. Have you heard what became of her?’
‘I assume she and Nathan went together—that she became one of the many women who follow their men into battle. It is common practice for wives to accompany their husbands on missions abroad, apparently. I heard she married. Perhaps she married Nathan. I don’t know.’ The thought struck her that if Nathan had married Katherine, why had he kissed her so passionately when he had arrived at her house on the night of the party? She sighed, too tired to think about that just now.
‘Nathan has never mentioned having a wife. I’m sure he would have. You must speak to him.’
‘I’d rather not and I would appreciate it if you didn’t mention it, either. I cannot forget how humiliated I felt—how angry I was with him at the time.’
‘That’s hardly surprising, but you’ll never know what really happened unless you ask.’
Lucy pondered the matter. ‘It isn’t as straightforward as that. The emotions are too painful. I don’t want to resurrect the past.’
‘For heaven’s sake, Lucy, you are going to be alone with him for weeks—perhaps months, in a foreign country. He will be your only friend—if you can still call him that. I think you should have a frank discussion about what went wrong. You may find the truth unpalatable, but it needs to come out. Until the whole truth is out in the open, you cannot address it. The past cannot be
ignored when it impinges on the present and threatens to blight the future.’
Lucy looked away. Was Aunt Dora right? Had she handled things badly? If she had, she had no idea how to put it right. It crossed her mind that Nathan might not want her to, that he didn’t want to go back to how things had been and his mind was set on his mission. If he were to reject her, she didn’t think she could bear it. The thought of further humiliation made her cringe inside.
* * *
Nathan found Lucy in the small, cosy sitting room at the back of the house in Bayswater. It was an intimate room, snug and informal, books and papers scattered about, a fire burning in the fireplace, a large window looking out over the small and flower-filled back garden.
Lucy had ensconced herself in the window seat, her delicate feet not quite touching the floor. She held a book and was lost in reading when he approached.
The first thing that struck him was her newly cropped mop of chestnut hair. The light lent gold highlights to it, which sat like a cap of curls about her head, stray wisps caressing her forehead and cheeks. Her profile was towards him and he admired her high cheekbones. Her long neck was as graceful as a swan’s. Her violet-coloured gown opened in front to display her white petticoats. The bodice, lined with white lace, plunged downwards, and he watched her breasts rise with each breath. Her hands were tiny, the fingers slender and graceful.
She was as lovely and desirable as he remembered and he felt the heat rise in his loins.
After a moment he walked farther into the room, suddenly filled with regret at what he was expecting of her. He had sent many men into battle and he had been sorry to see them go, but always he had known that it had to be done. But he’d never had to place someone he knew well, a woman, a woman whom he had loved—might still love—in such danger.
‘Lucy,’ he said at last. He watched with amusement as she started, nearly dropping the book. She glanced up and he smiled at her. She did not return the greeting. Instead she put the book face down on her lap and ran her fingers through her hair.
‘Well? What do you think? I had Polly cut it earlier. Does it suit me?’
He laughed softly. ‘Polly could have shaved your head and you would still be beautiful. Where we are going you will find it less trouble.’
Her face became apprehensive. ‘Is it time to leave?’
He nodded. ‘Tomorrow. First thing.’
‘The sooner we leave, the sooner the mission will be over.’
‘The idea of being on the road with me, alone and far from the places that you know, doesn’t daunt you, then?’
‘Not unduly,’ she lied, dropping her gaze, feeling the old familiar ache of desire wrenching at her insides. She should not have agreed to this. It was wrong—madness. If she did not know how it felt to be in his arms, to be loved by this man, then she would not be suffering this terrible longing now.
‘You are forbearing, Lucy,’ Nathan murmured, having no idea of her thoughts. ‘After a gruelling two weeks of intensive training, most women would have objected most strenuously.’ He smiled faintly and his next words were softly spoken. ‘But then you are not most women, are you?’ He saw she was unsure how to respond to that. ‘I meant that as a compliment. Very much so.’
Lucy’s heart beat a little faster. ‘I’m flattered.’
‘I meant it.’
‘I have tried very hard to learn. I am determined to help you succeed. I hope we can rescue the woman and her child. I also hope I don’t let you down.’
‘You won’t do that. Are you nervous about travelling so far from home?’
‘I would be lying if I said I wasn’t apprehensive about what will happen when we reach Portugal,’ she answered truthfully. There were times when she thought about it that the very idea of going all that way filled her with terror. That was when she would remind herself of the money. It was a fortune for her and her aunt. But even the thought of such an enormous sum was not enough to calm her. ‘It’s the first time in my life that I’ve ever travelled—abroad, that is. I’m apprehensive yet excited by the prospect of gratifying my curiosity in seeing foreign parts. Is there anything else I have to know before we leave?’
‘I think I’ve brought you pretty much up to scratch. Make sure you wear a hat at all times to conceal your hair. It’s best if people think you are a youth at first glance. We don’t want to attract attention to ourselves.’
He looked at her gravely. Knowing full well that he was taking her into a situation from which she might not escape was torturing him. But he had no choice. He did so because he had to. But he would do all in his power to keep her from harm. That, he was sure of. And if anyone should hurt her, or kill her, then that person would cease to live.
‘It won’t be easy, Lucy, I want you to understand that.’
‘I know. You have already told me.’
‘You must see Lucy comes to no harm,’ Dora said, entering the room with the aid of a walking cane at that moment. ‘I want her back safe and sound, otherwise your life won’t be worth tuppence, young man.’
‘I give you my word, Dora. I’ve an investment in her. I’ve achieved something remarkable getting her to join me. There will be no bullying, no browbeating, I promise.’
Lucy scowled at him, but a teasing light in her eyes lessened its severity. ‘Don’t believe a word he says, Aunt Dora. He’s done nothing but browbeat and bully me ever since he arrived. I have the bruises to prove it.’
‘Well, I think you’re very brave,’ Dora said, settling herself into a chair.
‘Me? What nonsense you talk, Aunt. I’m only doing what any woman would do when she can see nothing but penury ahead of her and is suddenly offered a substantial amount of money.’
‘I don’t think every woman would. I think there are special women and you are one of them. What say you, Nathan? Do you agree?’
‘Absolutely. I would not have asked her to assist me in my mission, had I not thought so.’
‘How long do you expect to be gone?’ Dora asked quietly.
‘It’s hard to say. If all goes to plan, we should be home within three months.’
‘You will not be home for Christmas?’ Dora sincerely hoped they would be, but nothing mattered as long as her precious niece came home safe and sound.
‘I doubt it, but we shall see.’ Nathan went to the door where he paused and looked back at Lucy. ‘Get some rest. We have a long couple of days’ hard riding ahead of us to reach Portsmouth.’
‘What will happen to the horses? Will we leave them there—in Portsmouth?’ Lucy hoped not. She had become extremely fond of Jess.
‘They are going with us. It will save us the trouble of having to purchase mounts in Lisbon.’ He smiled, his eyes caressing her face. He wanted to say something to reassure her, to ease her fear, but he could not. ‘Go to bed. We’ll be leaving at dawn.’
* * *
The sky was beginning to lighten. Soon it would be dawn and the city would start to stir. Kitted out in the clothes supplied by Nathan and a variety of clothes and other things she would require for the journey, Lucy gave a slight pressure with her heels and Jess fell into step beside Nathan’s horse. She was confident that Aunt Dora would be well cared for, although Lucy had almost been moved to tears when she had bid farewell to the woman who had taken care of her all her life.
They were on their way to Portsmouth, where they would take ship for Lisbon. Nathan, focused and marginally optimistic, turned his mind to their forthcoming journey. Barring setbacks, they would be in Portugal in two weeks.
The day was fine and it felt good to be setting off at last. Lucy could not regret leaving London behind in spite of the comfort it offered. She had always been happy to be on the road when she had played the provinces. But this was different, she reminded herself. This time it would be dangerous.
Now they we
re focused on their original purpose it gave them something else to think about other than what had happened between them in the past. Lucy wasn’t sorry for that. The thought of being alone with Nathan for long periods of time was a lowering one. They rode in an easy silence, but there was still a vague sense of constraint between them. They had agreed to concentrate on the present and leave the past as just that, but their affair and what they had been to each other still hung in memory, not to be forgotten. They had rested the night at a country inn. Unused to riding such long distances, sore and quite worn out, Lucy had sought her bed after a hasty meal. Next morning, roused at daylight by the twittering of birds and people moving about inside, she had dressed and found her way down the stairs to find Nathan waiting for her. After breakfast, they had resumed their journey.
* * *
After two days of hard riding, with just the occasional break to rest the horses and get something to eat, it was dusk when they finally reached Portsmouth. It was the most fortified town in Europe, with a network of forts circling the city. With a large, industrial complex of arsenals, storehouses and army and navy barracks, it was dominated by the dockyard.
Lucy’s gaze was drawn to a line of decrepit-looking ships in a line out in the harbour. She drew her horse to a halt.
‘What are they?’
‘Prison hulks. They’re ships that are no longer seaworthy, introduced about forty years ago to alleviate the pressure in prisons—although I have to say that the hulks are worse than the prisons.’
‘Do you mean they’re full of convicts?’
Nathan nodded. ‘They’re also used for prisoners of war from the Peninsular Campaign.’
Lucy shuddered. ‘I can’t believe anyone could exist on them. They look grim.’
‘They are, believe me. But come,’ he said, urging her on. ‘We’ll find somewhere to stay for the night. We’ll make an early start in the morning. The horses will have to be put on board ship and I must submit to the money changers before we board ship.’
‘Why? What do you mean?’
Lucy Lane and the Lieutenant Page 7