Pushed

by Corrine Jackson

  He stopped talking, and I realized it wasn’t so he could take a breath. He faced me with grim expectation for a moment. Waiting for me to answer. Duh.

  “I promise,” I said.

  His mouth pursed thoughtfully and he gave one stiff nod. Then he said, “Drink your coffee, Remy.”

  I did, even though it tasted awful.

  “I love you, too, Dad.”

  He didn’t answer, but a moment later he put an arm around my shoulders and we watched the sailboat until it disappeared over the horizon.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE

  I ran straight for the Edge of the World, passing landmarks so familiar I ached. The cement barricade I’d struck with my car the night Dean tried to kill me still stood sentry at the viewpoint, and I jumped over it easily.

  Two days had passed with no word from Gabe. I’d spoken to Asher, and he’d even come to my house yesterday. I hadn’t told him about bonding with Gabe, and it never seemed like the right time. But Asher could sense something was wrong. I’d spent most of our time together blocking him from my thoughts, and that wasn’t normal for us.

  Weather had eroded the cliff, and yet nobody had fenced it in yet. A few locals liked to stroll down the dirt path, but hardly anyone came here. I walked right up to the edge, and loose dirt and rocks tumbled down, down, down to the rocky shore below. Stretching as far as I could see, water and sky melded, the blue monotony broken by orange clouds lit on fire by a setting sun. The last time I’d stood here, Dean had tried to kill me, threatening to toss me to the rocks below like so much trash washed ashore. Since then, I’d been tortured, used, and nearly killed. Asher had been tortured. I’d been betrayed by family, and I’d betrayed my family.

  Everything had changed irrevocably. Things weren’t perfect at home, though I’d apologized. I told them I’d made a mistake by deciding to live with Franc, but I didn’t go in to the reasons. I’d lost my family’s trust, and it would take time to earn it back. They were worth the effort, though. I’d never been as happy as I had been here, and I’d given it all up for nothing.

  Suddenly, rage yawned out of me. All the emotion I’d been stuffing down for the last two days exploded as if I were a bottle of soda and a Mentos had been dropped down my throat. I threw back my head and yelled as loud as I could into the wind. My voice broke on a sob, and I braced my hands on my thighs, breathing hard. Deflated, I fell to my knees.

  My grandfather. Asher. Gabe. My family. My mother. Dean. Erin. Alcais. Yvette. The Protector I’d killed. Names and faces flashed through my mind without order or reason. Too much had happened, and I couldn’t get my bearings.

  I knew one thing to be true: I didn’t want to hurt anymore.

  The air cooled once the sun had set. I didn’t hear him approach, but a warm hand pushed my hair aside and settled on my neck.

  “Remington.”

  Gabe sat down beside me in the moonlight. The wind whipped my hair about, and he gathered it in his hands, pulling the strands through his fingers tenderly. He seemed to realize what he was doing, or maybe he saw himself through my eyes because he stopped suddenly and dropped his hands.

  He sighed. After a moment, he looped an arm around me and tugged me into his side. It was a position that had become familiar over the weeks we’d spent together, I realized, but one that was more intimate than I had considered. We’d grown used to taking care of each other. Somehow, the thing that had helped me survive felt wrong. What were we supposed to do with that now that Asher had returned?

  “I don’t know,” Gabe said. “I don’t know.”

  An owl hooted from a nearby tree. I wished the moonlight wasn’t so bright so I could hide my expression.

  “Where’s Asher?” I asked.

  “Looking for you. We thought it was time to talk. He thought you might go to Townsend Park. I volunteered to check here.” He shrugged and dropped his arm. “You can’t run away from this.”

  “I know. I’m sorry.” We have to tell him, Gabe.

  “We will, Remington.”

  This sucks.

  “We’ll do it together.”

  I thought of several ways to start that conversation, but nothing worked.

  “We just say it.”

  For all his bravado, Gabe sounded nervous, too. My stomach did a little flip.

  I nodded with more confidence than I felt. “Sure. It’s not like it’s a big deal, right?”

  Hey, Asher. I accidentally bonded to your brother while we thought you were dead, and now you can both read my mind. Please pass the sugar.

  “That could work,” a voice said behind us. “Or I could just overhear it in your thoughts.”

  I jumped. Asher stood behind us. Gabe didn’t move, and I guessed he’d heard his brother coming toward us. I knew he had when he looked guilty. That was probably why he’d dropped his arm.

  Asher stared at Gabe. “You knew she’d come here.”

  It wasn’t a question. Gabe lifted a shoulder in a shrug. “I guessed.”

  “No, Gabe,” Asher insisted, a new awareness settling over him. “You knew. The labyrinth was our place, Remy’s and mine, but you knew she’d come here instead.”

  Asher’s angry voice sent a chill skating down my back. His uneven hair stood on end and his half-grown beard gave him a dangerous appearance. I hadn’t consciously avoided Townsend Park, but it made sense. I was scared of Asher finding out about Gabe.

  “Asher?” I whispered.

  I took a step back at the ravaged look in his eyes. He stared at me like I’d betrayed him. I’d never seen that expression on his face, and I shoved a fist into my stomach.

  “You bonded to my brother.”

  The flat statement made me feel guilty.

  I raised my hands, helpless to defend myself, and Asher said, “Every damn day, they tortured me in that house. They tried to get me to tell them everything about you, and I kept my mouth shut. And the whole time, the two of you were . . .” His voice faded off, and he shook his head, gesturing to where Gabe and I sat together. “I don’t even know what you are.”

  “It’s not what you think,” I said.

  Under his breath, Gabe added, “Speak for yourself, Remy.” Louder, he told Asher, “It’s exactly what you think. At least for me.”

  Shocked, I shoved Gabe in the chest. “Why would you say that?”

  “Because it’s true. You may not like it, but I have feelings for you.”

  I pulled away from him. Shut up, Gabe! You’re making it worse.

  “Too bad, Remington. It’s time we get this all out in the open.”

  Asher laughed, but there was no humor in the sound. “This just gets better. Are you reading her mind?” Gabe didn’t answer, and Asher accused, “You are, aren’t you?”

  “Yes,” I finally said, rising to my feet. “It started weeks ago.”

  “Shit!”

  Asher’s shout echoed off the cliffs like mine had earlier.

  “Are you kidding me?” he yelled at the sky. He turned away from us, running a frustrated hand over his head. He’d gone a few steps toward the barricade as if to leave, but just as suddenly he shot back toward us. “How the hell did this happen? How could you let this happen, Gabe?”

  Gabe stood, crossing his arms over his chest. “It’s not like I planned it, man.”

  Asher froze, his eyes widening. “No, you didn’t plan it. You hoped for it, though, didn’t you?”

  I almost missed the guilty expression on Gabe’s face. Confused, I asked, “Gabe? What is he talking about?” He wouldn’t look at me. “Asher?”

  Neither of them responded, and I threw my hands in the air. “Somebody tell me what the hell is going on!”

  “He’s been pissed at me since the day I bonded to you, Remy,” Asher said in a harsh voice. “The eldest son bonds with the Healer, remember? It should have been Gabe, not me. And he never let me forget it.”

  I’d known that, but my bonding with Asher had always been one more way that I was different from other Healers
. I hadn’t really questioned the why of it. It didn’t matter, anyway. The night I’d bonded with Gabe, neither of us had been capable of thinking past surviving.

  “You’re wrong, Asher. He couldn’t have known it would happen,” I argued. “You don’t understand.”

  Asher ignored me. He strode up to Gabe until they were almost touching. “She may not believe it, but I do. How long did you wait after you left me to rot in that place? How long before you moved on her?”

  “You really don’t know what you’re talking about,” Gabe told him, a pulse beating at his neck. “Shut up before you say something you don’t mean.”

  “Family means everything, you said. Do you even care what they did to me, brother?”

  This was exactly what I’d feared. The two of them looked ready to tear each other apart.

  I stepped between them, placing a hand on Asher’s chest. “It wasn’t like that.”

  He stared at my hand and then looked at Gabe over my shoulder. “I won’t forgive you for this.”

  Asher stepped back with an air of finality, forcing my hand to drop from him. In defending Gabe, I’d lost Asher. How could I make him understand what had happened when I couldn’t understand it myself? I’d missed him so desperately, I’d wished I’d died in his place. How could Asher not know that?

  Gabe placed a hand on my shoulder, either in comfort or to stop me from reaching for Asher. Touching me was a mistake. Asher’s eyes lit on that hand and his sadness morphed into rage.

  “We’re finished, Gabe.”

  I opened my mouth to argue, but Gabe picked me up and set me to one side, his eyes narrowed in fury.

  “You’re pissed at me?” Gabe asked, his voice filled with scorn. “You think I wanted to be here? That I wanted to be forced to protect her when you couldn’t? Does that even sound like me?”

  That stung, and I protested, “Hey! Nobody asked you—”

  Gabe rode right over my words. “You did this, Asher. I told you to stay away from her. You didn’t. I told you she would destroy our family, but you wouldn’t listen. Have you even given a thought to what this did to Lottie?”

  Gabe shoved Asher. He looked shocked by what he’d done. The violence appeared to take his brother by surprise, too.

  Gabe continued, his voice getting louder with each word. “No, you kept bringing her around. And then you ran after her to San Francisco. You got captured because you weren’t careful, and you let them capture Remy. Hell, you practically invited them to take her. You don’t deserve her.”

  He gripped Asher’s T-shirt in both fists by the time he finished.

  Asher shook him off and straightened. “You think you deserve her, Gabe? If it was up to you, you would’ve let Dean kill her months ago.”

  Gabe’s hands clenched into fists. “Screw you.”

  Asher crouched in readiness.

  “Don’t do this. Please don’t do this,” I begged.

  They didn’t listen. They hit each other with such force that it echoed off the cliffs. Asher swung a fist at Gabe, and bone crunched into bone. Gabe’s head jerked back, but he retaliated by planting his fist in Asher’s stomach. Their supernatural strength made everything far more brutal. Blood spurted out of Gabe’s nose from one blow, and Asher’s lip split open on another. They pummeled each other like they would kill each other, and I could do nothing to stop them.

  Paralyzed by the violence, I shrank into myself. This wasn’t like training, or even my skirmishes with Gabe. This wasn’t self-defense. Every sound came straight from the soundtrack of my childhood, and I could almost taste the iron on my tongue. I covered my ears and squeezed my eyes shut, shrieking STOP, STOP, STOP, except my throat had closed and I couldn’t get the words out because I was drowning.

  Coward. You’re such a coward, Remy. Are you really going to fall apart and let them kill each other?

  The thought centered me. Somehow, like all those times with Dean, I fought my way back to shore. With my eyes closed, I dropped my mental walls. I filled my mind with an image of me snapping a bone in my arm. Something small, but painful enough that it would get their attention. And then I let the humming begin.

  “Stop!” Asher shouted at the same time Gabe said, “Remy, no!”

  Arm intact, I opened my eyes and let the humming fade. They staggered a few feet in front of me, barely able to stay on their feet. Gabe lifted the hem of his T-shirt to wipe his bloodied nose. One of his eyes had already begun to swell shut. As for Asher, his torso would be covered in bruises from Gabe’s fists. He had a fat lip, and two of his knuckles had split open and bled.

  It was so senseless. So stupid and reckless.

  I vibrated with rage. All of those hours spent healing Asher, all those injuries I’d taken from him, and he’d done this to his body without a thought. Why had I bothered? If they cared so little for their bodies, why should I give a damn?

  “No more,” I said. “I won’t come between you more than I already have.”

  I started to walk away. I had to.

  I’d hardly gone two steps when Asher asked in a bleak voice, “Are you in love with him?”

  The bit of calm I’d found snapped off and blew into the wind.

  “You idiot!” I shouted. I stalked up to him and shoved him as hard as I could. He hadn’t expected it, and he sprawled on his backside. I stood over him. “Why would you do this? Why would you think . . .”

  My voice tapered off, and I bit down on my tongue. Nothing had been resolved. These two had been best friends before Asher had met me. Everything was screwed up now because somehow I’d bonded to both of them. And Gabe thought it was my fault, that I’d been “driving the bus” even though I had no idea how. I ran my hands through my hair. I would fix this, even if it meant saying good-bye to both of them.

  “Just answer me,” Asher shouted. “Do you love him?”

  “No!” Gabe winced, and I wanted to scream. Everything about this sucked. I took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Gabe. You know I care about you. I just—”

  He shook his head, cutting me off. “Don’t lie to make me feel better. Please, don’t. It makes it worse.” He grimaced in pain and clutched his stomach.

  “I’m not healing you,” I told him. “You deserve whatever pain you’re in. You were trying to provoke him into hitting you.”

  He gave me a half smile. “You have a mean streak, Remington.” He shrugged, completely unrepentant. “What can I say? I’m pissed. He gets the girl.” He turned to Asher and threw a handful of dirt at him. “You get the girl, asshole.”

  “You’re in love with her.”

  Asher didn’t sound angry anymore, and Gabe nodded in defeat. “Yeah.”

  Don’t, Gabe.

  He gave me a funny half smile. “I love you, Remy.”

  He hadn’t said the words before. He’d known how I felt about Asher, and he’d been careful to avoid the words. Now they were out there in the world. There were no take-backs on “I love you.” What was I supposed to say?

  “Don’t say anything. Please.”

  His grim expression made me ache for him. I’m sorry if I made you think . . .

  “Stop. You were pretty clear about your feelings.” Gabe struggled to his feet and waved me off when I tried to help him. “I think you need some time alone. Tell him I didn’t do this on purpose. Make him understand. Do that for me?”

  I nodded.

  Gabe turned to Asher. “She should have bonded to me first, but she chose you. Over and over again, with every thought, she chose you.”

  With a sad smile, Gabe limped off.

  “Remy?” Asher asked, confused.

  “Oh Asher. You misjudged him.” I sank down beside him and held out my hand. After a moment, he placed his palm over mine. “I think you need to know what happened after I saw you die.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  At some point, Asher lay back and I curled into his side. I told him everything, sometimes letting the images flood my mind when I couldn’t find the words. One
scene after another, I showed Asher what had happened while he’d been held hostage. The Protectors torturing me. Gabe arriving to break me out. How destroyed Gabe had been to find out his brother was dead. Our bonding happened when Gabe helped me heal myself. Later, my grandfather betrayed me, and Gabe stayed, even when I fought him every step of the way.

  The sun had risen by the time I finished.

  “You care about him,” Asher said. “I can hear it in your thoughts.”

  I hesitated, unsure how to answer. Honesty, I decided. After everything that had happened, I owed him that.

  “I do care for him,” I confessed. Asher pulled away, putting more than physical distance between us. I rushed on. “He was there for me, Asher. I tried to make him go away. I was mean to him.” I shook my head, remembering. “Geez, I intentionally hurt him. But he wouldn’t go. Instead, he grieved with me. He was the only one who understood how I missed you. He kept me going when I thought about giving up.”

  “I get it,” Asher said softly.

  He stood, and I rose with him, placing both hands on his chest. He didn’t pull away again, and I took that as a good sign.

  “No, you really don’t. I care about Gabe, but not like you think. When I thought you died, a part of me died, too.” I smoothed a hand across Asher’s shoulder, the warmth of his skin through his shirt reminding me that once upon a time we dreamed of a future together. That hadn’t changed for me.

  “When we found you, and I saw you that first time, I felt . . . whole. Like a missing piece of me had been found.” Frustrated, I tossed about for the right words. “It sounds so lame to say I’m in love with you, but there it is. I wish I had more origin—”