“You never forget being hurt like that. Ever. You can block it out of your conscious mind. But you never forget. It colors everything for the rest of your life.”
“I think . . .” I tried to choose my words carefully. “I think a lot of your issues can be traced back to that man.”
“And yours, Ben.”
“What? I—”
“I’m not the only one who sees it. Christina does, too. Why are you so quiet? Reserved. I know, because I was there. You learned it was safer to keep your thoughts to yourself. Anytime you spoke up, it was an opportunity for that bastard to put you down, either with his tongue or his fist.”
“I don’t know .
“Look at you! Why does such a high achiever remain so insecure, feel so unaccomplished? Because your father never approved of anything you did, went to his grave complaining that you’d disappointed him.”
“He did that to everyone.”
“That’s exactly right. He never approved of anyone unless they did exactly what he thought they should do, which usually meant becoming a clone of him, or his nineteen thirties idea of what a man or a woman should be.”
“But he’s gone. It’s been years. It’s time—”
“Why are you so worried about your girls? You, Ben Kincaid, the best father I’ve ever seen.”
“I remembered Joey .
“No.” She removed the fake glasses and peered deeply into my eyes. “It’s because you’re afraid you’ll turn into the kind of father you had.”
I wanted to say something, but I knew if I tried, I’d choke. So I kept my mouth closed.
“Our father would’ve never spent enough time with Joey to notice anything was wrong. You figured it out the first week you spent with him. If our father did notice, he would’ve blamed someone and given it no further thought. You tried to find a solution. You are nothing like our father, Ben. Thank God. You’re making sure you are everything to your girls that he never was to you.”
I didn’t speak until I was sure I could keep my voice steady. “There are similarities sometimes. I can see it. Between him and me.”
“No.”
“Yes. And why was our father the way he was? Remember how he used to complain about his own father? Never had a nice word to say about the man. The cycle of violence and abuse is passed down from one generation to the next.”
“Until someone has the courage and strength to end it. And that person, Ben, is you.” Her voice cracked. “I’m amazed you can live in that house.”
“It . . . hasn’t been easy,” I whispered. “And I’m tired of pretending I like it there. I have some thoughts.”
“Like what?”
“Kir needs help. He’s a stupid kid who made some horrible mistakes. He’s not evil, and I don’t think he ever wanted to hurt anyone. He needs therapy. He’s basically got PTSD, just like Oz. He was manipulated, pressured, forced. I’m not sure he should get a free ride, but I don’t think his life should be completely destroyed. I doubt anyone could ever punish him as badly as he’ll punish himself. He was abused from the day he was born.”
“Like us.”
I couldn’t let myself go there. “He might be able to work a deal with the prosecutor if he agrees to testify against Abdullah. But they won’t volunteer anything. If he doesn’t get an experienced, aggressive lawyer, he’s going to be completely railroaded. I can’t represent him. Christina forbade it. Our family was too involved with these people already, and she’s drawing the line.”
“Understandable. But a good lawyer costs money.”
“Exactly.”
“And you don’t have the money to pay for it.”
I paused. “We could.”
The light came to her eyes. “If we sold the house.”
“I don’t want to live there. You don’t want to live there. It’s three times the house I need and not my kind of neighborhood.”
“It’s in your name.”
“It’s half-yours. I’m not doing anything without your approval. I figure we’ll give the lion’s share to Kir’s defense. Try to help the next victim. Stop another cycle of abuse from repeating. And then we give the rest to you. Just to make sure you’re comfortable while you keep your head down. That’s going to require some cash.”
“You don’t have to do this, Ben.”
“I want to do this.” I grabbed her hand. “Please, let me do this. Just this once. Let me do this for you.”
She looked at me a long time. “If you’re sure.” She swallowed. “Not like I have a lot of options.”
I slid an index card across the table. “Here’s instructions on the drop-off. Loving will handle everything so I stay out of it. As soon as I can sell or borrow against the sale, I’ll slide you some cash. And you can disappear for as long as necessary.”
I looked up and saw tears flooding her eyes.
“Julia . . . stop. This is a good thing.”
“I know,” she said, her voice cracking.
“Then why the tears?”
“I’m just—” She raised her hand to her face. “I’m just remembering why I love my big brother so much.”
She took the card, and we embraced. A few moments later, she was gone.
After waiting a decent interval, I stopped by the men’s room to wipe my eyes and blow my nose, then headed home to give Christina the news. We had a lot of work to do in the days ahead. We were going to be busy. But I knew she’d understand. She always did.
I hope now it’s clear why this was my most important case, important enough that I assembled all these memories and affidavits and tried to create a record that made sense. I saved Oz from a death sentence. But the person I really saved was myself.
I couldn’t help Julia, not back then. But this time I did. A little.
About the Author
William Bernhardt is the bestselling author of more than forty books, including the blockbuster Ben Kincaid series, the historical novel Nemesis: The Final Case of Eliot Ness, two books of poetry (The White Bird, The Ocean’s Edge), and the Red Sneaker series on fiction writing. In addition, he is one of the most popular writing instructors in the nation, hosting an annual writing conference and small-group writing retreats throughout the year. His monthly Red Sneaker Writers newsletter reaches more than twenty thousand people, and the Red Sneakers phone app reaches many more. He is the only writer to have received the Southern Writers Guild’s Gold Medal Award, the Royden B. Davis Distinguished Author Award (University of Pennsylvania) and the H. Louise Cobb Distinguished Author Award (Oklahoma State University), which is given “in recognition of an outstanding body of work that has profoundly influenced the way in which we understand ourselves and American society at large.” In addition to his books, he has written plays, a musical (book and music), humor, children stories, biography, and puzzles, and has contributed to the WWII computer game Burden of Command. OSU named him “Oklahoma’s Renaissance Man,” noting that in addition to writing novels, he can “write a sonnet, play a sonata, plant a garden, try a lawsuit, teach a class, cook a gourmet meal, prepare homemade ice cream, beat you at Scrabble, and work the New York Times crossword in under five minutes.” You can contact him by email at [email protected] or through his web page, www.williambernhardt.com.
Acknowledgments
I want to thank my wife, Lara, and my family for their constant love and support while I forged this return to the Ben Kincaid universe. I also must thank all the readers who insisted that Ben should return, even after I foolishly insisted that I was finished with him. I begin to suspect I will never be finished with him.
I also want to thank all my patrons whose generous support means so much to me: Jason Willis, Glenn Vermillion, Georgia Lee, Kathy McCullough, Belinda Bruner, Gary Conrad, Jennifer Ludwig, Glenda Thompson, Debi Harris, Jim Wolf, Mike Baker, Charles Robison, Sylvia Bauer, Brenda Partington, Mary Jo Hughes, Sue McMurphy, S. C. McCole, Doreen Anne Knight, Sarah Talton, Anthony DeWitt, Miori Dunseith, Donna Vieth, T. C. Miller, Selma Mann,
Karen O’Brien, Bob Mandala, Kevin Caliendo, RJ Johnson, Richard Knight, Winona Cross, Ann Elizabeth Compton, Justin Robbins, Robert Silberstein, Charles Templeton, Nikki Hanna, Dwayne Morris, Barbara Power, Loree Johns, Jana Porter, Sylvia Schneider, Roxie Kirk, Bailey James, Kimball Peterson, Lee Ann Cole, Theresa Key, Jennifer Reeves, Debbie Rhoades, Marni Graff, Nancy Meacham, Rebecca Weaver, Richard Lacey, Luke Hughes, Elise Roenigk, Dave Johnson, Shane Wilson, Madeline Flannery, Doris Degner-Foster, Dan Friedman, Kim Bailey, Leigh Singleton, Ginny Gardner, David Pfeiffer, Cherie Waggie, Otto Penzler, Adam Goldworm, Gini Campbell, Diana Corrigan, Sean Silver, Fran Thomas, Bren Keenan, Jon Weimer, and Dan Millman.
You can obtain more information about my patronage program and its benefits at: https://www.patreon.com/willbern.
Other Books by William Bernhardt
The Ben Kincaid Novels:
Primary Justice
Blind Justice
Deadly Justice
Perfect Justice
Cruel Justice
Naked Justice
Extreme Justice
Dark Justice
Silent Justice
Murder One
Criminal Intent
Death Row
Hate Crime
Capitol Murder
Capitol Threat
Capitol Conspiracy
Capitol Offense
Capitol Betrayal
Other Novels:
Nemesis: The Final Case of Eliot Ness
Dark Eye
Strip Search
Double Jeopardy
The Midnight Before Christmas
The Code of Buddyhood
Final Round
The Game Master
Challengers of the Dust
Nonfiction:
Story Structure: The Key to Successful Fiction
Creating Character: Bringing Your Story to Life
Perfecting Plot: Charting the Hero’s Journey
Dynamic Dialogue: Letting Your Story Speak
Sizzling Style: Every Word Matters
Powerful Premise: Writing the Irresistible
Excellent Editing: The Writing Process
Poetry:
The White Bird
The Ocean’s Edge
For young readers:
Shine
The Black Sentry
Princess Alice and the Dreadful Dragon
Equal Justice: The Courage of Ada Sipuel
Edited by William Bernhardt:
Legal Briefs: Stories by Today’s Best Thriller Writers
Natural Suspect: A Collaborative Novel of Suspense
Justice Returns (Ben Kincaid series Book 19) Page 35