‘Now, can I get you a drink? A glass of wine?’
‘I’d love a glass of white, please.’ Carmel was really blown away by the house. It was so elegant and restful. The huge range cooker built into the island at the centre of the room, the bleached wood table with fabulous carved benches on either side. She could imagine how happy Tim and Brian had been here.
‘I’d love a glass of anything, Tim, I’m not fussy.’ Joe smiled his thanks.
As they took their drinks out to the patio outside to catch the evening sun, they sat in companionable silence for a moment and then Joe held up his drink.
‘This is a beautiful home you two made, and a magnificent garden, I can see exactly why my brother dropped anchor here. To Brian.’
‘To Brian.’ Carmel and Tim clinked glasses.
‘So, you know?’ Tim asked quietly, staring at the ground between his feet.
Joe sat back and shielded his eyes from the sun, and sighed.
‘I do. Carmel told me last night. I can’t say I had any inkling before and, I’ll be honest, I was a bit sad that he never felt he could tell me, but I’m very glad he had such a great life…’ Joe took a sip of his wine and gazed at Tim, whose head was still down, ‘such a great love.’
Long seconds passed before Tim spoke quietly, never lifting his head.
‘He didn’t tell you because of me. It was something that caused him pain, I know it did, but he knew that my kids could never accept our relationship, so he didn’t tell anyone. I’d hate to think you were hurt that he didn’t say anything to you, he definitely would have told you if my situation was different. He did that for me. The split from my ex was very bitter, she had every reason to be; I married her knowing I couldn’t love her, not the way she should be loved. That destroys a person over the years, when she finally found out, she, well she couldn’t bear the shame of anyone knowing, so she made me promise to never reveal to anyone what I really was. Giving in to her request was the only thing I could do to lessen that pain I’d caused, so I promised.’
‘And your children, they still don’t know you’re gay?’
‘No, their mother is alive, and well…I gave her my word. I’ve kept it up this long, it won’t be so bad to keep it up for the rest of my life at this stage. To be totally honest with you, I’m not entirely sure what the point of my life is anymore. My children are grown up, and while I love them, they’ve got their own lives to live. I see them every few weeks but…it’s so lonely without Brian.’ Joe caught Carmel’s eye as they heard the anguish in his voice.
Joe leaned over and placed his hand on Tim’s, it was a strange gesture Carmel thought, for two Irish men of their age, but it was the right thing to do.
‘I miss him too, he was always there for me as well. Every day, especially these last few weeks, I’ve instinctively gone to ring him and then it hits me again, he’s gone. It makes me feel better now that I know the reason he never said anything. Brian was that kind, if he made you a promise, he stuck to it, no exceptions. I presume you know all about Dolly and all that story?’
‘I do, it was hard on him, he tried everything to get her to tell you but she was adamant. Between me and her, we put a lot on his shoulders.’ Tim topped up their glasses.
An easy silence descended once more, each lost in their own thoughts. Carmel eventually spoke, ‘I can understand why she didn’t want to tell, especially after what happened to her, but I think both Dolly and Brian would be glad how things have turned out.’
The two men nodded. Carmel then turned to Tim, ‘Joe and I have decided, well I’m not sure what the term is, but anyway, he’s my dad and I’m delighted he is.’ Carmel looked at him and thought how she could never get enough of his twinkly smile.
‘So, you’ve had the test?’ Tim seemed surprised.
‘No, and I’m not going to. What we have is perfect, we have found each other and we want to be in each other’s lives, and finding out that he wasn’t my biological father would be so hurtful and hard, especially given the situation. I think we’ll let that information with the dead, where it belongs. Joe’s family, Jennifer and Luke, have been amazing, and so welcoming, for me, this is just perfect.’
They chatted easily over a delicious dinner and they even laughed. Tim showed them a photo album, normally kept hidden from view, of holidays he and Brian had taken together, where they could be less formal than they were in England. While there weren’t pictures of them kissing or holding hands or anything like that, there was a closeness there, it was undeniable.
As Joe turned the pages slowly, he spoke to Tim, ‘Lots of people go their whole lives without a love like that, I know the pain of losing him is tearing you apart now, but it will get better, and soon the memories will keep you company and it won’t seem that bad, or at least it becomes bearable.’
Carmel marvelled at how Joe was so intuitive to what people needed, he would make such a good counsellor. He had empathy and kindness and yet he was fundamentally a jovial kind of man.
‘Were you like this after your wife died?’ Tim asked.
Joe thought about his answer. ‘Yes and no. June, she was a great mother and wife and I miss her every day. We had such a great marriage, open, respectful, loving and she was great craic as well. But, I’ll be honest, the greatest loss I ever had in my life was Dolly. Even now, all these years later, I think about her. Carmel showed me a video, the one taken at her birthday party at Aashna House, and even though a lifetime had passed, and time had done its work, there she was, my Dolly, still the same, the same glint of mischief in her eye. She was a rogue, that one, she wasn’t afraid of anyone or anything. At least she was before…’ a darkness crossed his face. ‘She was like a tiger, so loyal and fierce. That’s why it must have almost killed her that she couldn’t get you back, Carmel.’
Carmel sat with these two men, people she never even knew existed a year earlier and felt a profound sense of connection to them.
They chatted all evening about Brian, Tim filling them in on his life in London, Joe telling stories about Brian as his brother. It was a warm and gentle evening and it did both men good to reminisce. Carmel asked about Tim’s plans.
‘I don’t know, really, Brian and I had an idea to rent this place out, maybe go travelling for a few months. He wanted to go to Norway to see the Northern Lights and I wanted to see the migration of the butterflies to Mexico, so we had a bucket list. Unfortunately, Brian decided to kick that before we got to live out our plans. I’ll have to go back to Mayo sometime, there’s land and a farm there and I honestly don’t know what’s happening with it. I was an only child and so the farm came to me. A local farmer is using the land but as for the house, I don’t know. Though, to be honest, I don’t relish it. My father caught myself and a local lad in the barn one night, so many years ago now, anyway he threw me out, and told me never to come back again, so I didn’t while he was alive. I went to my mother’s funeral but that was over twenty-seven years ago.’
‘I know how you feel,’ Carmel agreed, ‘Ireland isn’t exactly calling me either. If I never go there again, it will suit me just fine.’
‘Ah, now, ye’re being a bit harsh on the old sod, if ye don’t mind me saying so.’ Joe seemed genuinely indignant.
‘Ye are both Irish, and you each had your own, very valid reasons for leaving, but it’s not fair to blame the whole flippin’ country. Seriously, Tim, you’d see lads and girls walking down Grafton Street on a Saturday afternoon, holding hands and canoodling of all kinds, straight, gay, transgender, gender fluid, whatever the hell that is, I don’t know, but the point is, the Ireland you left was a very different place. We were the first country in the world to legalise gay marriage by popular vote, you saw that on the news, and people are kinder, there was nothing good about the good auld days, certainly, but it’s a very different place now. And from what I know of Mayo nowadays, it’s all café culture and craft beers and fellas wearing shorts and going sailing. I think you’d be very surprised, but in a good wa
y.’
Tim held his hands up in capitulation, ‘Okay, okay…I never anticipated a Bord Failte representative! The Tourist Board should recruit you.’
‘Well, I just love my country and I think you’re letting one bad experience colour your view of the whole place, and as for you, young lady,’ he pointed at Carmel, mock stern, ‘Ireland is your home, it’s in your blood, and no matter what, you need to reconcile yourself with that. You’re coming over for Aisling’s wedding with Sharif. Why don’t we make a little holiday of it? Travel round a bit, I bet you’ve never even seen the West Coast, have you? Tell her, Tim, is there anywhere nicer in the entire world than the West Coast of Ireland on a summer’s evening?’
Tim nodded, ‘He’s right, Carmel. It’s like paradise, the crashing waves, the green hills rolling to the sea, tumble-down old castles beside white painted cottages, bright till eleven o’clock at night and then watching the orange sun sink below the horizon of the Atlantic, I miss that alright.’
‘Hey, why don’t you come too, Tim, we could all go together, rent a big people carrier and drive out west, stay in little B and Bs, and explore our country. You could sort out whatever you need to do with your homeplace, but at least it would be in the company of friends, maybe less sad. God knows, enough tourists do it every year and there we are, Irish people, and we not taking advantage of the bit of heaven on earth God chose to land us in. We’re lucky people. I know it’s hard, and life had been tough for all of us at one time or another. I’m not diminishing it, but there’s something soothing to the soul about standing on the soil of your own land, watching the sea birds nest on the big cliffs, drinking a pint of Guinness and eating fresh fish, while a bunch of hairy fellas belt out tunes on pipes and fiddles, come on, are ye with me?’
They both burst out laughing at his impromptu sales pitch.
‘Well, are ye coming or what?’ His face was like a child’s, full of enthusiasm and fun.
‘Fine, okay, yes, I’ll come,’ Tim agreed.
‘Carmel? There’s no backing out now if you say yes. Sharif will love it and he needs a holiday.’ Joe was determined, and she knew he wouldn’t accept procrastination.
‘Yes, I’d love to drink a pint of Guinness, the first of my life, with you two somewhere in Ireland.’
‘Great! I’ll book it all when I get back and let you know the dates, August sometime, okay? Would Nadia come, do you think?’
Carmel laughed at the thought of them all, bouncing around the west of Ireland. ‘Well, I don’t know, but you can ask her. I’m getting the feeling you’re a hard man to refuse.’
Tim smiled and, for a moment, the pain of his loss dulled a little.
Luke landed at Luton the following afternoon and Joe went to pick him up. They all met, along with Nadia, in Carmel and Sharif’s flat. As usual, Nadia brought some amazing smelling pastries.
‘If we are having a council of war, then an army marches on its stomach, and we’ll be no exception.’ She smiled, but there was steely determination behind it all. Nobody threatened her son and got away with it.
Carmel was surprised how Luke’s demeanor had changed. Gone was the jokey, semi-student to be replaced by a serious law enforcement professional.
‘Okay, so what we’re looking at is blackmail, and that’s an offence under section 21 of the Theft Act 1968. Basically, it means someone being convicted of the act of making an unwarranted demand with menaces with a view to making a gain or causing a loss.’
‘Which is exactly what Johnson is doing,’ Nadia was adamant. ’And this Julia woman. I wonder if he had this idea and she spurred him on or if it was all her doing? She is definitely the brains of the operation. Johnson has been moaning for ages but going to a solicitor, the photos, he’s not smart enough to do all of that on his own. And how did they meet? It seems so odd that she from Ireland would know this Derek Johnson.’
Sharif spoke up. ‘I wondered that too, but I got a few key members of staff together this morning to fill them in on what’s happening. I don’t want it broadcast, obviously, but we have a great team here, so I spoke with them. Johnson was complaining long before Julia arrived, but we do know they had a conversation on the day Julia appeared in Aashna House. Oscar, the yoga teacher, mentioned that Johnson was in the car park, complaining about everything again, he stormed off on Carmel earlier that day but he must have come back later. Julia went over to him and started a conversation. She was on her way out after I more or less threw her out of here. Oscar thought nothing of it until I told him what was going on.’
‘Well, yes, that makes sense.’ Luke was thinking aloud. ‘She’s got a grudge against you, Carmel, and now Sharif as well, if she thinks you’re behind Carmel wanting a divorce, and Johnson was the willing stick she could use to beat you with. That’s almost certainly the truth, but proving it is the tricky bit. I spoke to my opposite number in Scotland Yard off the record this morning, and he was of the same opinion as me. To just wait and see what happens. Do nothing.’ He noted their faces.
‘Look, I know it’s so frustrating just to watch and wait, but he’s claiming that his mother was badly treated and he has some evidence, however fraudulently achieved, to that effect. As Sharif has been advised, malpractice suits are notoriously hard to fight and very costly. You could pursue them through the law, and you should, I suppose, they are engaging in criminality, but this is the brother, not the cop speaking, it’s a long drawn-out process and all the reputational effect of all that negative publicity could never be quantified.’
‘Well, what about we play her at her own game? I mean she’s a school principal over in Ireland, for God’s sake; surely, she won’t want her employers to know what sort of thing she’s involved with over here. We could threaten to expose her,’ Nadia’s eyes flashed with fury.
‘I know why you feel like that, Nadia, but honestly, Sharif has the high moral ground here; he’s done nothing wrong, so if we threaten her, or make any suggestion of blackmailing her, then it becomes a tit for tat thing and that’s much murkier from a legal perspective.’ Luke was the voice of reason.
‘But, Luke, I heard them plotting; surely, they can’t just get away with this, it’s not right.’ Joe was getting aggravated.
‘I understand that, Dad, and if this wasn’t family, I’d probably be saying get straight down to the local cop shop, but I know how these things work. They are taking, or threatening to take, a civil case. In essence, by involving the police, you are turning this into a criminal case. So, you’d effectively be upping the ante on something that you really just want to disappear. Do you see what I mean? They haven’t escalated it yet, and maybe they’ll never have the guts to do it; the evidence is very flimsy, I think Johnson’s hoping you’ll just pay up and then he’ll scurry off into the corner. As for Julia, well she just wants to break you both. You can call their bluff, certainly, say sure, let’s see how this plays out in court, but then you’re back into negative publicity, no smoke without fire and all of that. And, with hospitals and doctors, there are always more moaners willing to jump on the bandwagon. Some other person’s family who sees a chance to strike gold. And to add to it, if the legal end of things doesn’t work out for him, he could just send the photos to an unscrupulous daily rag, and they’ll print them. It’s rotten, I know, but it’s how it is.’
‘So, is your advice just to pay them off?’ Sharif spoke for the first time.
‘My advice, and that of my colleague over here is just to sit tight and see what they do next. They’ve sent the letter to your solicitor, along with the photographs. They never made a demand. Now, we know from what Dad overheard that the first solicitor is after dumping them; clearly, he or she realizes this is fraud, so had the good sense to put the run on them. Most solicitors won’t even take this kind of thing on. Of course, there are some sleaze balls who will, but it might be tougher than they think. So, my advice is to wait. See what happens next. I know it’s hard and it’s a worry hanging over you, but if it was me, that’s what I�
��d do.’
Neither Nadia nor Joe was happy. They were both indignant and with good reason, that someone as unscrupulous as Johnson and now Julia, could just throw a grenade into Sharif and Carmel’s lives out of spite.
‘I appreciate what you’re saying, Luke, and I know on one level it makes sense, but even if they can’t get another solicitor to take a legal case on their behalf, what if they just email the photos off to the local paper? We are ruined then, either way. I just hate that they hold all the cards.’ Nadia was so angry, her black eyes glittered. Sharif looked shaken and Carmel knew he was ruminating on what Luke told them. He was the best authority they had, him and the solicitor, both of whom were now suggesting that they sit tight and hope that this died down. She knew that such a passive approach wasn’t in Sharif’s nature; he didn’t get this place up and running by taking adversity lying down. There were many hurdles to cross in those days and he went at each one head on. This was killing him.
As the conversation went on around her, she took it all in. These people had given her a happy, love-filled life, something she never imagined she could ever have. She knew what she had to do.
Chapter 22
‘A dhaoine uaisle, ta failte roimh go leir to Baile Atha Cliath. Ladies and gentlemen, you are all very welcome to Dublin. We hope you enjoyed your flight and look forward to welcoming you on board another Aer Lingus flight very soon. In the meantime, Slan agus beannacht.’
The Carmel Sheehan Story Page 27