“Have you been into town yet?” Beth asked gently.
“I’ve driven through it a couple of times.”
Beth nodded, hearing that for the non-answer it was. “The other day you mentioned that you needed to go shopping. Did you do that?”
“No.” Rory shrugged and stared out the window, avoiding Beth’s eyes. “I haven’t gotten around to it.”
“What’ve you been eating?” Beth wanted to shout, but she kept her tone level, knowing Rory’s pride was on the line.
“I’ve been going to the campus dining hall.” Rory laughed, but the sound was forced. “It’s actually pretty good for dorm food.”
“I know what you mean. Sometimes it’s easier to eat out rather than shop.” Beth inhaled a deep breath. This wouldn’t be easy, but she couldn’t let Rory continue like this. “Well, I need to run to the store after work tonight, and I hate to go by myself. We should go together.”
Rory shifted her weight from one foot to the other, seeming to mull over the idea. Come on, Rory, don’t be stubborn. Accept the help.
“I guess I could if you’re going anyway.”
“I am.”
“Won’t it be bad for you to be seen with such an obvious lesbian?” The corners of Rory’s mouth crooked slightly upward. “Not to mention what Kelly will say when she finds out.”
Beth hadn’t thought about that. Word would get around fast, and Kelly would go ballistic, but she couldn’t rescind the invitation now, could she? No, she couldn’t abandon Rory. Somehow losing Rory’s confidence seemed worse than making Kelly angry, though she didn’t want to think about why.
Beth tried to summon some of Rory’s cockiness. If Rory could face her fears, Beth could face her girlfriend. “I’m a grown woman. I’m free to go to the store with whomever I choose.”
The words came more easily than Beth expected. She hoped she could remember that statement when she had to repeat it to Kelly.
*
At almost five o’clock Beth pulled up outside Raine’s apartment building in a Chevy S-10 pickup truck. Raine had hoped Beth would be there earlier so they could get in and out of the grocery store before the after-work rush, but what could she do? It was too late to back out. Besides, she was starved and couldn’t stand one more night of cafeteria food. She’d put off her first outing into Darlington long enough, and she’d had three days to recover from seeing her parents, so that excuse was gone too. Taking a deep breath she closed the door and jogged down the stairs before she could change her mind.
Beth was her usual self, beaming and asking benign questions like, “How was the rest of your day?”
“Fine,” Raine answered flatly, not wanting to say she’d spent most of her afternoon staring at a blank page on her computer screen because she’d dreaded this trip too much to focus on anything else.
“That’s good to hear,” Beth said brightly, then switched to an equally mundane topic. “It’s sure been a mild summer.”
God, what was it with Midwesterners and the weather? Why did they think it was a suitable subject to replace discussing all things meaningful? They were incapable of conversing about politics, religion, or emotions, but they could go on for hours about the weather.
“I’m ready for fall, though. The campus is so pretty when the leaves start to change...” Beth chattered on, oblivious to the tension in Raine’s posture. She would’ve been too annoying to handle if she wasn’t so cute.
Cute? Is that what she was? No, she’d been cute when they were kids. Now she was beautiful. Beth’s body was soft, not like Patty’s firm muscles or Ali’s thin, hard lines. No, Beth was completely unlike the other women she’d been with.
She was decidedly feminine, and not in the manufactured, made-up way, but naturally. She had hips, and she had breasts that were full but not flaunted or pushed up. She had lips that didn’t need to be painted to make them noticeable. She had a perfect button nose, and her eyes were a pale shade of blue. Okay, so maybe some things about her were just plain cute, but the overall picture was one of a very attractive woman.
“What?” Beth asked.
“Huh?” Raine had been caught staring. “Sorry. Nothing. I was zoning out.”
They were in the parking lot of the local Kroger, and Beth got out. Raine steeled herself for whatever she might encounter then followed her inside.
If Beth knew how hard this trip was for Raine, she gave no indication as she pushed her shopping cart toward the produce aisle. Raine perused the small bins of apples and iceberg lettuce. The selection was one-tenth the size she’d grown accustomed to in Chicago. There were no kiwis or pomegranates or plantains. Not that Raine cared for or ever bought any of those things, but noticing their absence made her feel superior.
She grabbed a bag of potatoes and a bunch of bananas while Beth rattled on about cantaloupes. Several people paused to say hello to Beth, and she greeted each of them by name as she walked down the aisle toward the dairy section. Everyone in the store seemed to know and love Beth. She elicited smiles from several of the older shoppers and waves from a few children. Thankfully, no one seemed to notice Raine trailing a few feet behind her and stopping only to search in vain for goat cheese before settling on Colby Jack.
Raine was actually surprised at how few people she recognized. She used to know everyone she passed and, much like Beth, would get a greeting from each of them. Now she wondered if anyone would even say hello if they did realize who she was.
“How you doing?” Beth asked as they reached the meat cooler.
“I’m fine.” What had caused the question and the sweet expression that accompanied it?
“Hey, Beth,” a man called from behind the butcher’s counter. “What can I get you?”
“Hi, Tyler,” Beth replied, turning her attention away from Raine. “How about two of those filets, and could you cut a pork loin into two roasts and a few chops for me?”
“You got it,” the butcher said as he set to work. “How’s the first week of school going?”
The two of them chatted amicably, leaving Raine to study the seafood section. It was more of a lake-food section, really, since it contained mostly catfish, but she hoped for some salmon stuck underneath it somewhere.
Tyler handed Beth her order neatly wrapped in white paper, then turned his attention to Raine and exclaimed, “I’ll be damned. It’s Rory St. James.”
Beth nudged her gently. “Rory, you remember Tyler McKay.”
“Wow, yeah, Tyler, how’re you?” He’d put on so much weight he was nothing like the baseball star he’d been in high school, but when he rounded the counter to shake her hand Raine finally saw the resemblance.
He laughed and slapped her on the back. “I don’t know why I didn’t recognize you. You look just like your daddy. When’d you get back into town?”
“Last weekend. I’m teaching at the college.”
“Go figure.” Tyler scratched the stubble on his chin. “I’d have never picked you for a teacher after all the hell you raised when we were kids.”
Raine finally smiled. Tyler had helped with much of the hell-raising he referred to. “It was an unexpected career turn for me too.”
“Well, damn, this calls for a celebration. You coming uptown this weekend?”
“I tried to talk her into that earlier,” Beth cut in, a silly I-told-you-so grin on her face.
“It’s fall festival. You can’t miss that. Everyone would love to see you.”
He doesn’t know I’m gay. That could be the only reason for the warm welcome. “I’m not sure. I’m going to play it by ear.”
“I’ll work on her, Tyler,” Beth said when Tyler frowned at Raine’s noncommittal response.
“You do that, Beth, ’cause if she doesn’t come on her own I’ll have to track her down and drag her out.” Tyler laughed and headed back behind the counter. “And you know I’ll do it, Rory.”
“See you later,” Beth said, and steered Raine down the final aisle of the store. Raine grabbed a box
of Apple Jacks and a loaf of white bread before she headed to the checkout line behind Beth. She was almost finished and had miraculously run into only one person she knew. The light in the other checkout flickered on. Without thinking, Raine quickly switched lines, so eager to be done that she didn’t understand the mild terror on Beth’s face until she got a better view of the woman running her carton of eggs over the scanner.
“Shit,” she muttered. It was Old Lady Anthony, the choir director at the Southern Baptist church.
Raine kept her head down as she loaded her groceries onto the conveyor belt. When it came time to pay, she looked around for the credit-card machine and pin pad but didn’t see one. Darlington obviously hadn’t moved into the age of self-scanning. She didn’t have enough cash on her to pay for the groceries, so she set her jaw and handed the card to Mrs. Anthony. The woman read the name on the card, then peeked at Raine over the rim of her glasses.
“Rory St. James,” she said with a sniff. “To what do we owe this honor?”
Scan the damn card, Rory wanted to shout. “I’ve moved back to teach at the college.”
“Seems the liberal universities of this country are filled with people of your persuasion.”
Raine literally bit her tongue while the ignorant old biddy scanned the card and waited for the receipt to print. She then signed her name quickly and turned to go, but Mrs. Anthony wasn’t finished.
“Rory,” she called loudly, “homosexuals live outside God’s law.”
The old familiar anger welled up inside her. All those years of hiding, of fearing disapproval, of feeling like she was suffocating roiled to the surface, but as she spun around, unsure whether she’d lash out or cry, a hand rested gently on her shoulder and guided her toward the door.
“So do people who sit in judgment of others, Mrs. Anthony,” Beth said, loud enough to be heard by anyone near the front of the store.
Raine stopped once they got to the parking lot, her humiliation melted into shock. “Did you really do what I think you did?”
Beth’s cheeks were pink with either excitement or embarrassment, and she seemed astonished too. Her grim smile grew slowly until she broke into hysterical laughter laced with fear and relief, and Raine knew it well. It stirred in her, too, and they barely made it into the car before the giggles completely overwhelmed them. They laughed for what seemed like hours, like two people who’d reached their breaking points and lapsed into a moment of insanity.
When they gradually settled down enough for Beth to drive, she wiped her eyes and started the car. “I wish I could’ve seen her face,” Raine said.
“She was appalled.” The humor had left Beth’s voice.
“I bet. She’s probably not used to people talking to her like that.”
“Then she shouldn’t have spoken to you that way.”
Raine detected Beth’s protectiveness and didn’t know whether to be embarrassed that Beth had fought one of her battles or grateful that she’d cared enough to do so. In the end she chose the latter.
“Thank you,” she said as she got out of the car and grabbed her groceries. Then, turning to look directly into Beth’s baby blue eyes, she added, “for everything.”
Beth rewarded her with a broad, genuine smile. “Anytime.”
Once inside, Raine reflected on her trip to the store. While she’d been at the hub of Darlington’s population, she’d had to interact with only two people. Tyler had been welcoming and warm, but he hadn’t indicated that he knew she was gay. Old Lady Anthony, on the other hand, made it clear not only that she knew, but also that she disapproved. The whole trip was probably a wash, and Raine hoped she’d bought enough food to last awhile since she wasn’t eager to go through that ordeal again.
Then she thought about Beth lashing out at Old Lady Anthony in her defense. That old bigot must have looked like someone had thrown a bucket of ice water over her head. Even better than that was the smile Beth gave her before they parted. That alone was worth the trip. Raine might even start to enjoy her shopping trips if Beth went with her every time.
*
Later that evening Beth fried one of the pork chops she’d picked up at the store and mulled over her day. Seeing Raine in the classroom brought back so many memories of Rory. She’d seemed so cool and confident whereas Beth was bumbling and awkward. She hadn’t been a nerd or been picked on, but she was decidedly average, whereas Rory excelled at everything important. She was athletic, attractive, popular, and passionate. Watching her interact with her students today, Beth knew none of those things had changed.
Yet some things had changed. Underneath her façade Rory had old wounds that had never fully healed. Why else would someone with so much bravado be timid in the face of a bitter old woman like Mrs. Anthony? Why was Rory self-assured in one situation and mousey in another? She hadn’t had any trouble mustering up her trademark defiance when Kelly attacked her, but one off-hand comment by a checkout clerk caused her to clam up. It was painful for Beth to watch her withdraw, especially after seeing such a beautiful glimpse of the old Rory in her classroom that morning.
Beth flipped the pork chop and set a pan of green beans on a gas burner. She was staring mindlessly at the blue flame when the phone rang.
“Devoroux residence,” she answered, thinking only a telemarketer would call at dinner time.
“You sure sound chipper for someone who’s set the whole town to talking,” Kelly said sourly.
Beth grimaced. She should’ve expected this. She’d told off the town busybody in a public place. She honestly should’ve been surprised it didn’t get back to Kelly sooner. “Hello, Kel. How was work?”
“What the hell were you thinking, Beth? Going around town with her is going to cause a stir as it is, and then you give the choir director a lesson on gay liberation on top of that.”
Beth laughed. She knew she shouldn’t, but something about the statement struck her as too funny to ignore. “Gay liberation? Kelly, I don’t know what you heard, but I swear I didn’t lecture, and I never even said the word gay or homosexual, for that matter, which was the term Mrs. Anthony used.”
“Mrs. Anthony called you a homosexual?”
“God, no. She called Rory a homosexual.”
“Rory is a homosexual.”
“Honey, so am I,” Beth said, still unable to contain a giggle despite the fact that Kelly was blowing the incident out of proportion. “Last time I checked, so were you.”
“That’s not—I didn’t mean—You know what I meant,” Kelly stuttered, anger rising in her voice. “Raine’s a flamer. She’s a dyke. She brings everything on herself.”
“She wasn’t like that today. We were grocery shopping like everyone else. No neon rainbows over our heads, no lewd behavior in the cucumber section, no gay agenda whatsoever.”
“This isn’t funny, Beth, and it’s not like you to take part in something like this.”
“What exactly did I take part in?” The humor was beginning to wear off, and Beth was losing her patience with Kelly’s inquisition. “I went to the grocery store with a colleague, a bitter old busybody made unprovoked homophobic attacks, I pointed out calmly that her behavior was not Christlike, and then we left. Which of those actions was so grievous?”
“It’s the implications, and you know it.”
Beth did know that. She and Kelly had discussed similar things hundreds of times. Not only did they have to avoid stating they were gay, they needed to avoid anything that implied it. “Fine, what would you have preferred I do in that situation? Would it be enough for me to stand by and watch the attack next time, or should I jump in and attack Rory too?”
“You should stay away from Rory altogether,” Kelly snapped.
Beth was stunned. All the exuberance that had filled her since leaving Rory vanished. Kelly’s statement hadn’t changed only the mood of their conversation. It had altered the tone of their relationship. Kelly often made requests or judged things Beth did or said, but she’d never told her who she
could and couldn’t be friends with.
“Beth?” Kelly asked after the silence became too much to withstand. “Are you still there?”
“Yes.” Beth couldn’t bring herself to say anything else. Later, when she’d had time to think, she’d come up with plenty of witty rebukes, but now her mind was blank.
“Well, I don’t think we should go to the fall festival together this weekend,” Kelly said, her tone more apologetic than demanding.
“Right, because if I’m guilty by my association with Rory, you don’t want to associate with me.” Beth was devoid of emotion. “And the last thing I’d want is to have my actions reflect badly on you.”
“So you agree it’s best if we don’t see each other for a little bit?” Kelly sounded surprised at Beth’s quick acceptance.
“Yes, I do.” And she did, but not for the same reason as Kelly. Beth didn’t care what others thought of her, but right now she didn’t care much for what Kelly thought of her either.
“Good. Let’s give this time to blow over. Everyone will forget about it in a week.”
I won’t, Beth thought, but she said only, “Good night, Kelly.”
Chapter Six
August 22
Raine stared out her back window at the fences of the college softball fields. Which one was Beth on? Her game might be over by now. Raine tried to tell herself it was no big deal. Beth had invited her several times, and every time Raine gave a noncommittal answer but implied that she’d try to attend. She had tried. She’d tried to will herself to walk across campus, something she’d done every day for the past week, but tonight was different. Saturday night was townie night at the ball fields, which were occupied with various church and recreational teams from throughout Darlington.
Raine flopped onto the couch that came with the apartment. She couldn’t face the softball crowds, especially after her previous interactions with townies. While they hadn’t been the torch-wielding villagers that had haunted her dreams, she didn’t want to repeat the awkwardness of her family dinner and Mrs. Anthony’s blatant disgust. She just couldn’t stomach their disapproval. Even Tyler, who had been welcoming, would likely change his attitude after he heard what happened in the checkout line.
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