Of course, they were too cool for any of the kiddy rides and only occasionally deigned to play the carnival-style games, but the food, music, and each other always held their attention. They laughed, joked, and soaked up the thrill of the busy atmosphere to hold them over until another event came along. Raine grinned slightly. Not all her memories of home were unpleasant.
She began to loosen up as she followed Beth along the row of vendor booths. Beth knew everyone and stopped to make over the various products for sale. Raine didn’t see anything she wanted, but she loved to watch Beth. She smiled so easily as she shared greetings and brief conversations with several people they passed on their way around the square. Beth’s company was in high demand, and Raine stood back with Chris and Tyler as she talked to a group of older women at a bake-sale booth.
“This is what you get when you go out with the darling of Darlington,” Tyler told Raine while they waited for Beth.
“She’s pretty hard not to like,” Raine said.
“It’s more than that,” Chris said. “They all adopted her when her parents died. The whole town took responsibility for her, got her through college, kept her fed, helped her stay in her parents’ house, everything. They all think of her as one of their own kids now.”
“She deserves it,” Tyler said, and Raine nodded. She hadn’t considered how Beth survived after her parents’ death. She hadn’t been a minor, but she was young and totally alone. She wouldn’t have been equipped to handle everything she needed to do in order to put her life back together while dealing with that kind of grief.
The thought of Beth scared and sad made Raine’s chest constrict. Since she’d arrived in Darlington she’d been too wrapped up in reliving her own pain to consider the events that had shaped Beth’s life since she’d last seen her. She’d noticed changes in her, but those had mostly been physical. As far as her character and personality went, Raine still thought of her as the same girl she’d known in high school.
“Are you bored to death?” Beth asked when she finally freed herself from the company of the bakers.
“Yes,” Tyler and Chris responded in unison.
“What about you?” she asked Raine. “Are you dying to get back into a bar?”
“It’s all the same to me.” She was just as likely to encounter someone she didn’t care to see there as on the street. Though she was starting to enjoy her current company, this was Darlington, and trouble could find her any minute.
“You’re outnumbered, Beth, even with Rory wussing out of giving a real answer.”
“Fine.” Though Beth acquiesced, she appeared nervous. “We’ll stop in Busch’s for one beer, then come back out.”
The boys made a break for the nearest bar, with Beth and Raine a few steps behind them. The crowd was bigger in the bar than it had been at the restaurant, and the clientele was closer to Raine’s age, which put her on the defensive. She scanned the room to see if she recognized anyone, but was careful not to make eye contact. She spotted several people she’d gone to school with, but no one she considered close friends. Most of the girls she’d played sports with were probably married with children by now.
“You didn’t become a Cubs fan after all those years in Chicago, did you?” Chris asked Raine when he came back to the table with a beer for each of them.
“Not a chance. That’s one thing about that town I never got used to. They’ve got a beautiful stadium but a truly shitty baseball team. I still follow the Cardinals.”
“Then we’re all in agreement.” Tyler raised his beer and shouted, “To the Cardinals.”
“Hear, hear.” They all clinked their beer bottles together, and several people around them cheered as well. Raine smiled. She hadn’t realized how much she’d missed this kind of easy camaraderie. She loved Edmond, but there was something special about being with people who had known each other since preschool.
“We should go down to St. Louis some weekend and see a game together. They’ve got a big home stand in three weeks, and my brother can get us tickets,” Chris said. “It’ll be like old times.”
“Sounds good to me.” Raine welcomed the chance to get out of Darlington. “Beth?”
Beth stared at the table like the chipped Formica had suddenly become the most interesting thing in the room. “I don’t know.”
“What’s the matter?” Raine asked. They were having fun. She’d even started to relax.
“Nothing,” Beth mumbled so low that Raine barely heard her over the noise of the crowd. “I don’t know if I’ll be free that weekend.”
What was that supposed to mean? Raine sat back and stared at her before taking a long drink of her beer. What would she be doing that weekend that would be more fun than a ballgame?
Raine wasn’t alone in her confusion because Tyler asked, “You got a hot date you’re not telling us about?”
Raine realized Beth’s blush wasn’t one of modesty, but of nervousness, and her reluctance suddenly made sense. Beth had plans with Kelly, but she couldn’t say so in front of the guys. They didn’t know she was gay, and they certainly didn’t know about Kelly.
Chris jumped in. “Who’s the lucky guy?”
Raine grew increasingly uncomfortable as Tyler laughed and said, “I’m hurt, Beth. I thought you were in love with me.”
Chris picked up the joke. “No, I thought she was in love with me.”
“What about you, Rory?” Tyler asked. “Maybe she’s in love with you.”
Both guys threw back their heads and roared. Beth finally lifted her eyes. They were so full of fear and pleading that Raine’s stomach turned. “No,” Raine said a little too loudly. “Beth’s way too good for me or a couple of bums like you two, either.”
“Damn right she is,” Tyler said.
“To Beth!” Chris yelled, raising his bottle again.
“To Beth.” Raine smiled as Beth’s blue eyes lightened with relief while everyone drank in her honor.
“Time to go back to shopping,” Beth said, standing up.
“No.” The guys both whined and begged for one more beer.
“You said we could shop more after you had a drink.”
“No, you said that,” Chris reminded her. “We never agreed.”
“Cheaters.” Beth laughed. “That’s no fair. The bars will be open all night. The booths close at ten o’clock.”
“One more round, and then we promise to go peacefully.” Tyler put on his most innocent face, though it wasn’t a very good one.
Beth’s gaze fell squarely on Raine, and she arched an eyebrow as if asking if she was comfortable staying in the bar. Raine knew Beth was being protective, but Raine was pushing her luck by staying out this long. Still, everything had been fine so far. What did she really have to be afraid of, anyway? People staring at her or talking behind her back? That fear seemed juvenile after everything she’d been through, though something about being in this town made her feel like a teenager again—afraid of getting caught, afraid of disappointing people, afraid of being different.
But she wasn’t seventeen anymore. Who cared what other people thought? She was having fun. She didn’t want to be a killjoy for the guys, and she didn’t want Beth to think she was incapable of holding her own, so she put on her most confident smile and said, “This round’s on me, boys.”
The men cheered and hailed the waitress.
“Hey, Rory, remember the time out at the lake when you jumped buck-ass naked off the spillway bridge?”
Raine choked on the beer she’d just taken a drink of, not because he’d called her Rory, but because of the good memory he’d associated with that name. “God, I’d completely forgotten that.”
“I haven’t,” Chris said with a goofy grin.
“Man, that was a wild night.” The memory was coming back to her now. Tyler and Chris had been there, with at least ten or fifteen other people. They were all drinking from the same three bottles of butterscotch schnapps that someone had snagged from the back room of a liquor stor
e and smoking a joint that was so weak it could’ve been oregano. Raine warmed at the memory. She had been the life of the party even then. Maybe Raine wasn’t responsible for all her showman tendencies. “The softball team had just made it into the playoffs.”
“Because you scored the winning run,” Beth added
“That’s right,” Tyler said. “That’s why we were celebrating. You were on fire that night, both in the game and at the party.”
“And I stripped down and dove in,” Raine explained to Beth. “I don’t even know what I was thinking, but these damn fools followed me like I was the Pied Piper.”
“I remember.” Beth smiled. “We were all young and reckless.”
“We? You were there? I don’t remember that.”
“I do.” Chris laughed, and Beth punched his arm.
“No, seriously.” Raine couldn’t wrap her head around this new bit of information. “You went skinny-dipping with me in high school?”
Beth nodded bashfully. “You and about ten other people.”
Raine couldn’t believe she’d seen Beth naked and didn’t remember it. That couldn’t be possible. They hadn’t talked much in high school, but surely she would’ve noticed a body like that if it was naked in front of her. She had an image of Beth standing before her now, like the visions she’d had of her in the shower earlier. In her mind Beth’s full, supple body was uncovered and waiting to be touched. Raine took a hard swallow of her beer. “I always thought you were a good girl.”
“I didn’t think you knew I existed in high school.”
“I was stupid if I ever overlooked you.” Raine smiled a genuine, unguarded smile at Beth, and for that second they were the only two people in the room. “You’ve got my attention now, and I wish I’d paid more attention to you back then.”
Beth seemed pleasantly surprised, and a blush crept back into her cheeks. “Well, I’m here now.”
The comment was so intimate and sincere that Raine’s heart skipped like a rock across a smooth pond. She had no idea how long the two of them would’ve continued to stare at each other if Chris hadn’t interrupted the moment by muttering “shit” and slouching down in his chair.
Raine followed their line of sight but didn’t recognize the woman walking through the door. She wore khakis and a loose green blouse. “Who’s that?”
“Lindsay Kennedy,” the other three answered in unison.
“No way.” Raine hardly recognized their class busybody with her red hair pulled back tightly and large gold cross on a chain around her neck. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, she’s a real bitch on wheels now that she got Jesus,” Tyler said.
“She got Jesus?” Raine laughed. “She slept with half the guys in our class.”
“Let’s go,” Beth said forcefully.
“Why?” Raine was finally having a good time in spite of her surroundings. “Are we afraid of her?”
“Yes,” the other three answered quickly and stood up, but Lindsay intercepted them before they took two steps.
“We were leaving,” Beth said flatly.
“Then I got here just in time.” Lindsay gave them a fake smile. “I wouldn’t want to miss a chance to catch up with Rory after so long.”
“Actually, I go by Raine now,” Raine said defiantly. Tyler and Chris exchanged a quick glance of surprise. She, too, was uncertain why she chose to make that stand now, since she hadn’t felt the need to make a big deal about her name with the others. In fact she’d felt eerily comfortable slipping into her old self as the evening progressed.
“Raine. That’s original. A new name for a new lifestyle?”
“Lifestyle?” Raine grimaced. “You mean my sexual orientation? Yes, I changed my name after I came out.”
“I don’t know the lingo of debauchery,” Lindsay said dismissively.
“Really? You seemed to have a pretty good understanding of debauchery in high school.” Raine heard Chris and Tyler snickering behind her, and Lindsay bristled.
“Jesus has wiped my heart and mind clean. I don’t remember any of my previous sins.”
“Well, I’d be happy to jog your memory,” Raine offered. She expected the Mrs. Anthonys of the world to lambast her, but Lindsay Kennedy was a hypocrite, and Raine had no patience for that.
“That’s not necessary,” Lindsay answered, clearly flustered. “Anyone can change with the help of the Lord. He can make you a whole new woman.”
“What if the Lord made me gay?”
“The Lord does not make people perverts, Rory.”
“Whoa, Lindsay,” Tyler cut in. “You’re going too far.”
“It’s the truth, Tyler. Rory is sick. She will burn in hell if good people don’t convince her to turn her life around.” Some people around them stared. “I don’t expect you and Chris to understand, but Beth, you’re a God-fearing woman. I can’t believe you’d subject yourself to the poison of her lifestyle.”
“I believe it’s God’s place to pass judgment, Lindsay,” Beth said slowly, as if choosing her words carefully. “Rory’s life choices are no one’s business but her own.”
Lindsay and Raine both stared at her in disbelief, but likely for very different reasons. Raine couldn’t believe the hypocrisy in Beth’s statement, but Lindsay was the first to recover. “Beth, I’m shocked at you. I thought you were a better Christian than that.”
“And I think it’s time you move along,” Beth said stoically, and Lindsay stomped off.
“Damn, you told her.” Tyler laughed. “Another round of drinks on me.”
Beth flopped into her chair, her earlier objections to the drinking gone as she watched the guys head toward the bar.
“My life choices?” Raine finally managed to squeak out once they were alone.
“What?” Beth asked, clearly confused.
“My life choices, Beth? What the fuck was that supposed to mean?” Raine’s anger was burning again. She was being attacked and Beth looked like a protector coming to the rescue, when in reality she should’ve been in the line of fire too. Instead, she got to stay safely on the sidelines like Saint Beth and make lofty decrees about Raine’s life. Mrs. Anthony had been one thing, but Raine was fully capable of handling Lindsay. She didn’t need help from a woman who didn’t have the courage to come out of the closet.
“I got her out of your face.”
“I was handling the situation fine. I didn’t need your backhanded criticism, thank you.”
“You were causing a scene.”
“Lindsay wanted a fight. I gave her one. That’s how you handle bullies. You take what they give you, and you throw it back at them.”
“You sunk to her level, and it won’t make things any easier for you here if you let someone like her draw other people’s attention to you.”
“Draw attention to me? Everyone’s attention is on me. They already know I’m a freak. You’re upset because I was drawing people’s attention to you.” Raine spat the words and then watched as the force of them hit Beth, who sat back in her chair, mouth open. The wound showed plainly in the shimmer of her blue eyes. Raine immediately regretted the words, but her pride made her refuse to admit it.
“How dare you, Rory,” Beth whispered. “I’ve done nothing but go out of my way for you since you got home.”
“Well, you can stop.” Raine stood and bent closer. “I wouldn’t want my life choices to put your precious reputation at risk.” Then she headed for the door.
*
Beth watched Rory retreat through the crowded bar. What just happened? She was trying to be helpful and thought she’d done Raine a favor. What was wrong with standing up for Rory, giving her the support she’d seldom had in Darlington? Though she didn’t jump up on the bar and shout that she was gay too, she was sympathetic to what Rory was going through. What was she supposed to do, come out of the closet because some Bible thumper was impolite? Why couldn’t Rory recognize the fine line Beth was walking to even be seen with her?
Kelly was alread
y angry, and this conflict would complicate matters once word got around town, and it would. How would Kelly react when she found out that Beth had not only ignored her request to stay away from Rory but had also repeated the incident that had made her mad in the first place?
Rory thought she was worried about her reputation. Well, perhaps that was partially why she didn’t take a harsher stand with Lindsay. But she had a relationship to think of. How was she supposed to protect Rory and Kelly at the same time? She hadn’t accomplished anything except to disappoint them both.
“Where’d Rory go?” Tyler asked when he and Chris returned with their drinks.
“She left,” Beth said flatly, her energy gone.
“What? Why?”
“I don’t think she felt comfortable in here anymore.”
“Because of Lindsay?” Chris asked. “Geez, no one takes her seriously. Last weekend she told me I was going to hell. How many times has she told you that, Tyler?”
“At least ten times this year alone.” Tyler shrugged.
“Rory’s a little sensitive right now,” Beth tried to explain. “She expects attackers from every angle, so that’s what she’ll find.”
“What a life, huh?” Tyler drank his beer. “Can you imagine having to watch over your shoulder all the time?”
“It would eat at you,” Chris said.
They were right. Beth had always known it. From the time she realized she was different, she’d known the cost of hiding. She was never fully herself. Trying to avoid pain and strife, she never got to fully experience peace or joy either. Was she even capable of feeling any kind of unguarded emotion anymore? Surely there was some permanent consequence for hiding such a big part of herself for so long, and for what? To have friends she couldn’t confide in, to lose the respect of the people she admired, to have a partner who didn’t want to be seen with her?
“Guys, I’m ready to go home,” Beth finally said.
“Damn Lindsay,” Tyler grumbled. “That bitch totally ruined our night.”
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