by Rowe, Nicki
With Gabe everything felt so easy. He felt like a live wire every time Gabe was near. He thought about him every day. They weren't dating, but Lorenzo had eyes for no one else. He wanted to be with Gabe more than he wanted anything.
“Tell me a secret,” Lorenzo said into the phone Monday night. They had been talking for hours. It was going on two in the morning.
“Like what?”
Lorenzo put an arm behind his head and looked up at his ceiling. He could hear Gabe shuffling around, as if he were getting comfortable.
“Anything.”
“When I was six I paid Lacey Fern a dollar to kiss me,” Gabe chuckled.
Lorenzo laughed. “I'm sure she would have done it even if you hadn't paid her.”
“I'll pay you a dollar to kiss me again,” Gabe breathed into the phone. Chills went up Lorenzo's spine. “Unless you don't want to.”
“I do,” Lorenzo confessed. “Very much.”
He heard Gabe take in a breath. “Good.”
They sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments, neither of them wanting to hang up, but neither of them knowing what else to say. The silence didn't bother Lorenzo, he would sit in silence with Gabe all night if Gabe had asked.
“When can I see you again?” Gabe said into the phone. “Fuck. That sounded like a line, but I swear it wasn't.”
“It was,” Lorenzo said.
Gabe chuckled again. “Okay, maybe it was.”
“How about Wednesday? We can celebrate your brithday.”
“We already did that, remember? We had a party. You were there,” Gabe quipped. “Did my kiss give you amnesia?”
“I remember, jerk! I was thinking I could make you dinner.”
“A guy's never made me dinner before,” Gabe confessed. “Hey, dick!” he yelled, most likely to Dustin. “How come you've never made me dinner?”
“Fuck you!” He heard Dustin yell back.
Lorenzo shook his head at their antics. “You two are obnoxious.”
“We have been called that once or twice,” Gabe said. “Dustin is staring daggers at me. I have to kick his ass. I'll see you Wednesday?”
“Wednesday.”
There was another yell from Dustin and Gabe before the phone disconnected.
~ ~ ~
On cue there was a knock on the door at seven. Lorenzo had made his grandma's tamales. He had been slaving for the entire day trying to get the masa just right. Lorenzo pulled open the door to see Gabe with a bottle of wine and a six pack of root beer. He was wearing a black button up, dark jeans and boots. His hair was styled, and he smelled like heaven.
“You look great,” Gabe said, entering the apartment. “It smells good in here.”
Lorenzo looked down. He was wearing a long sleeve shirt and jeans. He looked...normal. Gabe was the one who looked great. “Thanks. I made tamales.”
“Shit. Really?”
Gabe set the soda and wine on the counter. He walked over to Lorenzo and hugged him. He buried his face in Lorenzo's hair. Lorezno's hands wound around his back, and he held Gabe to him. Lorenzo liked that he was shorter than Gabe, when Gabe hugged him it felt like his entire body was enveloping Lorenzo.
“Thanks for this,” Gabe whispered. “No one has ever been so nice to me.”
“What about your family?”
Gabe pulled back and looked at Lorenzo. His brown eyes shimmered with some unspoken emotion. “Sure, August has always been great, but I know he always resented me. My mom is great, but even she still sees me as a fuck up. My father is....my father.”
Lorenzo sat Gabe in a seat and served him two tamales. “Why did August resent you?”
Gabe shrugged, shoveling food in his mouth. “I think he always thought I was our father's favorite. August had always tried to make my dad notice him, but he never did. My father took interest in what I was doing because I played the same sports he had played in high school. He thought I was straight, and I pretended to be. I saw how our father ignored August when he came out, he didn't even give a shit one way or the other, but I always thought my dad's apathy towards August was because he always knew August was gay, so I thought if I played like I was straight than he wouldn't dislike me like he did August.
“I was unhappy as a teen though. I knew I was living a lie, and it drove me to do some stupidass shit. I would party too hard and drink too much. I had woken up multiple times not knowing where I was. I was a huge fuck up. I ruined any chances of me going to college. My parents just saw me as their rebellious teenage son, but all of it was a cry for help.
“I had gone to Dubai recently and I had a sort of ephiphany. I realized my unhappiness was because I wasn't living up to my full potential. I wasn't living truthfully. I returned home, got a job, came out to my family and started to turn my life around. I have never been happier.” Gabe snapped his mouth closed like he hadn't meant to say all that. “Sorry, that's some heavy shit.”
Lorenzo reached across the table and twined his fingers with Gabe's. “You are not a fuck up, Gabriel Marks. You may have made some mistakes, but you are not a fuck up.”
Gabe scoffed. “Yeah, well, you don't know me very well.”
Lorenzo tipped his head to the side. He studied Gabe. Gabe looked small like a child in that moment, but he stood by what he said. He never once thought Gabe was a fuck up, and he had heard stories about him before. “I would like to get to know you, Gabe. If you will let me.”
Gabe looked up at him and smiled. “I would like that.”
Gabe
Gabe had a runny mouth, that's what his mom called it. He had no filter so it made him foul-mouthed and honest to a fault, but it always made him a rambler. He usually was pretty good at keeping his personal shit to himself, but with Lorenzo he felt like he could spill his guts and not be judged. And Lorenzo hadn't judged him. Lorenzo was too kind to judge anyone.
They had finished dinner and moved things to the couch. They were talking about Lorenzo's grandma and how she had taken Lorenzo in after his mother died of cancer.
“She sounds amazing,” Gabe said. He had his arm over the back of the couch, close to Lorenzo's elbow. “She must really love you.”
Lorenzo beamed. He had been smiling like a kid since he mentioned his grandmother. “She does.”
“I don't blame her,” Gabe said, again forgetting about the filter.
Lorenzo blushed. Gabe ran his hand up Lorenzo's arm to his bicep. Lorenzo moved closer to Gabe on the couch.
Gabe couldn't keep his hands off of Lorenzo any longer. He needed to touch him. Fuck the friend-zone. Gabe's connection to Lorenzo ran much deeper than friendship, and they both knew it.
Gabe circled his fingers behind Lorenzo's neck and pulled him down for a kiss. The kiss was just as bruising as their first. Gabe felt like a man who had been starving and Lorenzo's mouth was a buffet. He pulled Lorenzo onto his lap. He nipped Lorenzo's bottom lip, earning a groan from him.
Lorenzo's hands kneaded Gabe's biceps, looking for an anchor to hold on to. His thighs squeezed Gabe's hips. Gabe ground his lower body up into Lorenzo, the friction of his jeans felt like torture on his swollen cock.
Lorenzo whimpered. His hands were all over Gabe's body, but they never touched where Gabe needed them most. He didn't want to push Lorenzo. He wanted to take his time. He wanted them to learn every inch of each other's bodies.
Lorenzo's fingers fumbled with the buttons of Gabe's shirt. He undid the last button and stared at Gabe's chest. He was big and broad from years of playing football and basketball; he still worked out four days a week. He had a tattoo that covered his left pec and down the ridges of his abs.
Lorenzo sucked in a breath. “You're so beautiful.”
No one had ever called Gabe beautiful. Hot? Yes. But beautiful? The way that Lorenzo said it made Gabe feel like he was special. Lorenzo made Gabe feel like he was worth something.
Lorenzo bent down and kissed the side of Gabe's neck, then his pec. Gabe's head tipped back against the couch. His hands s
queezed Lorenzo's ass, making the other man grind against his cock.
Gabe had never felt this way before.
Suddenly, Lorenzo flew off of him and stared down at Gabe in horror. He was visibly shaking. Gabe jumped to attention. Lorenzo looked like he was going to cry.
“Zo, what's wrong?” He tried to take a step towards Lorenzo, but Lorenzo shook his head. He held out a hand to ward Gabe off. “Tell me what I did.”
“You didn't...I....” Lorenzo started, he shook his head. “Please, just go.”
“No, tell me what's wrong?” Gabe demanded. He stood there watching Lorenzo feeling helpless. “What happened?”
Lorenzo shook his head again. He stammered an apology and walked out of the door, leaving Gabe alone in his apartment.
What the fuck? Gabe thought.
Two Months Later
Chapter Six
Lorenzo
God, he was miserable. He hadn't spoken to Gabe since his birthday. He was still too embarassed to face him. He hadn't meant to freak out. He missed Gabe so much it hurt.
Everything had been going fine—more than fine. Gabe had been funny and wonderful that whole night. He had shared parts of his past with Lorenzo that he hadn't shared with anyone else. Lorenzo loved that Gabe had trusted him enough to share his secrets with him.
They had started making out, and Lorenzo was consumed by Gabe's scent, his hands roaming all over Lorenzo's body. He had been consumed by Gabe's entire pesence. He had wanted Gabe, he had planned the whole night just so he could have that moment with Gabe where he finally declared that he wanted them to be more than friends.
Then he saw Max. A memory of Max unburied itself from deep inside Lorenzo's mind. It had been a bad memory: the night he had caught Max having sex with someone in their bed. He had forgiven Max, and he had moved on. He hadn't thought about that memory in years. Of course, the memory had nothing to do with Gabe. It was just one of those things that showed up at an unfortunate time, but it had caused Lorenzo to freak out.
He had started thinking that moving on with Gabe was too soon. He started thinking about Max and wondering if he was okay. He started thinking what if the things he was feeling for Gabe were just because he was hurt over what happened with Max and wanted to forget about his troubles by having sex with someone else, and he didn't really like Gabe at all. He didn't want to hurt Gabe. He didn't want Gabe thinking he was just Lorenzo's rebound.
The thought was ridiculous. Gabe was never just a rebound. Lorenzo actually cared for him. He had thought about the whole scenerio for weeks. He came to two conclusions: One, He was an idiot. Two, he had fallen for Gabe.
He didn't know how Gabe came to mean so much to him in such a short span of time, but he knew ever since he had seen Gabe lying on that hospital bed seven months ago that he was somehow meant to be in Lorenzo's life. Lorenzo had never believed in love at first sight, but he felt like he had started falling in love with Gabriel Marks the minute he laid eyes on him.
God, he had royally messed everything up.
He had seen Gabe around all time, he had even bumped into him once or twice, but he always just mumbled a small 'hey' and ran away. He didn't know how to explain to Gabe what had happened or what he was feeling.
“Lorenzo,” his abuela said, getting his attention. “Are you listening?”
Lorenzo hadn't just run away from Gabe, he had ran away from Glensville altogether. He had hopped a plane to LAX a week ago and had not thought seriously about returning to Glensville since he arrived on his Grandma's porch at eight in the morning on Tuesday.
“No, I'm sorry, Abuela.”
His abuela was a small woman with white hair and wise, kind eyes. She lived in a two bedroom house in a horrible neighborhood. She lived in an area with gang violence, drug dealers and whatever other horrors that Lorenzo couldn't even fathom. He had tried to get his abuela to move out of the area, but she had lived in that same house since she was a little girl. She refused to leave.
His granfmother set a bowl of posole in front of him with a batch of home made tortillas.
“You can't run away from your problems, hijo.”
Lorenzo nodded. For eight days his grandmother had been feeding him home made meals, and advice. While he hadn't eaten or listened to her in the begninning, he appreciated both.
“Get your ass on a plane and go back to Glensville. Face that boy and tell him everything you told me.”
Lorenzo nodded again. He didn't say anything, but he knew his abuela was right.
~ ~ ~
Lorenzo climbed the stairs to his apartment. He was physically and mentally exhausted. He had turned the corner, and saw Gabe sitting on the concrete just outside his door. Lorenzo fumbled with his keys as he closed the distance between them.
“Hey!” Gabe slurrred. He stood and fell into Lorenzo. Lorenzo could smell the booze on him. “You're back. August....August said that you went to California.”
“I went to visit my abuela.”
Lorenzo leaned Gabe against the wall so he could open the door to his apartment. He threw his bags inside and then grabbed Gabe around the shoulders. He pulled Gabe inside, and sat him on the couch.
“What happened?” Lorenzo asked. Gabe had been sober for nearly a year. He wouldn't have started drinking again if something bad didn't happen. Gabe had told him that booze was like a crutch for him; Gabe only drank when he felt like he was lost.
Lorenzo filled a glass with water and set it on the coffee table in front of Gabe. Gabe had sprawled out on the couch. Lorenzo removed Gabe's boots.
“Don't!” Gabe said. “You don't have to take care of me.”
“What happened?” Lorenzo asked again.
“My father's dying,” Gabe slurred.
Lorenzo finally sat on the couch by Gabe's head. Gabe moved up so his head was in Lorenzo's lap. Lorenzo stiffened and then relaxed. He ran a hand over Gabe's hair. Gabe looked up at him.
“He's like actually fucking dying, Zo. Ivy called from the hospital. He wants us all to go down and say good-bye.”
Lorenzo's heart broke. Gabe had told Lorenzo about his father being sick. He had also told Lorenzo that his father was a huge jerk. Gabe had tried to play it off like he didn't care about his father's life or opinons, but Lorenzo knew that Gabe cared whether his father lived or died.
“I have a half,” Gabe hiccuped, “a mind to not go.”
“You have to,” Lorenzo said, he wound an arm around Gabe's body. “I know your father was a jerk, but you have to say good-bye.”
“Jerk?” Gabe chuckled. “Do you ever cuss?”
Lorenzo shook his head. “Abuela would hit me with a spatula when I cursed. To this day I am terrified to even say damn.”
Gabe chuckled again.
“Do you hear me, Gabe? You have to go see your father.”
Gabe rolled over. He intertwined his fingers with Lorenzo's hand that was draped over his body. Within minutes he was asleep.
Gabe
Gabe felt like his head weighed two-thousand pounds. He also felt like tiny men were drilling inside his skull. Fuck, he knew this feeling all too well. He had swore to himself that he would never drink again, but when he had gotten that call from Ivy all bets were off.
He only remembered bits and pieces of the night before. He had gotten the call from Ivy that his father was in the hospital and he didn't have long. Victor had requested that Gabe, August and their mother go to Orlando to say good-bye. He had gone for a drive to clear his head, and before he knew it he was at the bar. He had knocked back one too many, and Lonnie, the bar tender had taken his keys. He had gone...somewhere before he ended up at Lorenzo's. He had waited, but he didn't know how long until Lorenzo showed up. They talked (Gabe thinks).
He hoped he hadn't puked in front of Lorenzo.
Gabe opened his eyes and found he was not in his room. The room he was in was smaller and decorated with movie posters. There was a collection of converse and sweatshirts in the closet. And the room had a scent
that he was very familiar with; Gabe had thought about that scent everyday for two months. The smell of it made his mouth water and his cock twitch. He was still at Lorenzo's.
Gabe groaned and rolled over. He felt a body shift next to him on the bed. He looked over to see Lorenzo still sleeping. In his sleep Lorenzo looked even more adorable. Gabe had the urge to kiss him, but he didn't. Lorenzo didn't want him; he had made that perfectly clear two months ago.
He found that they were both still dressed, but he didn't remember going to bed. The last thing he remembered was stumbling into Lorenzo's apartment. Gabe stood and went in search of his shoes. He needed to get out of there before Lorenzo woke up, he had already intruded on the other man too much already.
“Take those pills,” Lorenzo said, rolling over towards Gabe. His voice was still heavy with sleep. “Where are you going?”
Gabe stood in the doorway of the bedroom. He had one shoe on and was doubled over to put on the other. He looked up at Lorenzo sheepishly. “I have a flight to catch.”
Gabe broke down. A huge sob racked up through his body and he fell over on his ass. Tears burned his eyes. He found it hard to look at Lorenzo.
Lorenzo was at his side in a second. He wrapped a hand around Gabe's neck and brought him forward so their forheads were touching. With his free hand Lorenzo reached up and brushed away Gabe's tears.
“Hey, hey, hey,” Lorenzo whispered in a soothing voice.
Gabe shook with sobs. His eyes met Lorenzo's. “I can't do this alone,” he said.
“You aren't. August and your mom will be there.”
Gabe shook his head. “No, I can't do this without you.” Gabe felt Lorenzo stiffen. “I know you don't want to be with me, and it's fine, but I need you there with me. As my friend.”
Lorenzo pulled back from him, and looked at Gabe with an expression Gabe couldn't read. “We can talk about all of that later. I will go with you to Orlando.”