by Sabina Khan
“That’s not a problem. I will pay you whatever you need. Just get the jinn out of her.”
I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. I watched myself lying on the bed as I floated above. I saw Mom and the jinn-catcher. I tried to say something but my tongue felt swollen and the words wouldn’t come.
“You have to leave now,” the jinn-catcher said to Mom. “This next part will be extremely dangerous. The jinn will try to talk to you and persuade you. I can’t protect you if you are here.”
“I think I should stay.” She sounded uncertain.
“I am commanding the jinn to leave your daughter’s body immediately. It is not strong enough to resist but it is very clever. It may jump from her body to yours.”
So, then my mom would be the lesbian?
That prospect seemed to convince her. As she made a hasty exit, the jinn-catcher resumed his chanting. It rose to a crescendo and then dropped to a whisper as he got closer to my ear.
Through the haze, a flurry of thoughts rushed to the surface as I lay motionless on the bed, unable to move. My entire body felt heavy, but at least my mind seemed to be clearing up.
Two thoughts stood out almost immediately: My parents had completely lost their minds, and I had to come up with a better plan to get out of here.
The jinn-catcher continued with his ritual. He spoke to the jinn, first imploring, then commanding it to leave my body. At one point, he poured water over my head, hands, and feet, never stopping his chant. A few incense sticks burned in a holder on my nightstand. The overwhelmingly sweet smell was nauseating. My head began to hurt again, and just when I thought it would explode, he finally stopped. Mom must have been listening at the door because it opened right at that moment.
“Baba, is it safe to come in?” She peered into the room and came in when he nodded.
“It was very difficult,” he said. “This kind of jinn is very stubborn. It might try to come back.”
Mom’s face contorted with fear.
“Then what shall we do? How can we stop it for good?”
“She must avoid anything that will tempt the jinn. No music or movies. In addition, she must not laugh too much.”
“I will take care of all that,” Mom said.
She came to me then and put her arms around me. I wanted to recoil from her touch and it took every fiber of self-control I had to accept her embrace. I hated her for what she had put me through, but I knew I couldn’t let her see any trace of that. I returned her hug, resting my head on her shoulder. She leaned back, swept the hair back from my face, and looked at me.
“Rukhsana, I knew it wasn’t you. I knew my daughter would never be like that.” Tears began to fall down her cheeks, tracing the lines of her face.
I said nothing but forced a slight smile back at her, despite feeling entirely numb.
“Come now, get cleaned up and then come downstairs. The whole family is waiting for you. Your daddy is very anxious.”
“What did you tell them, Mom?”
“I told them the truth,” she said, without hesitation. “I told them you were possessed by a jinn and that is why you were being so disobedient.”
And with that she turned to the jinn-catcher. “Come, Baba, I have prepared some biryani for you,” she said as she shepherded him out of the room.
After they both left, I tiptoed to the door to check if it was really unlocked. I jiggled the handle and when the door opened, relief washed over me. My legs trembled from weakness as I walked back to the bed. I sat on the edge thinking about the mess my life had become. There seemed to be no way out of this situation. I had no phone and no access to a computer to let my friends know what was happening. Even if I did, what could they possibly do? They couldn’t help me from so far away.
Nani told me to fight for my happiness. And I was going to do just that. I thought about my life in Seattle. I thought about my friends and I thought about my plans for school. That’s what I would fight for. I would fight for Ariana when I got back. But first I had to get my life back. I decided to first clean myself up and get something to eat; I couldn’t fight anything if I didn’t have the strength to get through it. I took a long hot shower and changed into a fresh shalwar kameez.
I opened the door to Nani’s room and quietly tiptoed in. She was propped up in bed looking frailer than she had a few days ago, but when she saw me standing there, her face lit up. With a big smile, she held her arms out and I fell into her embrace, feeling truly loved for the first time in a while.
“I tried to talk to Zubaida,” Nani said, gently stroking my hair. “But she simply refused to listen to reason.”
“I’m okay now, Nani. I will think of some way to leave.”
I pulled back a little to look her in the eyes.
“Nani, promise me that you won’t worry too much.”
She nodded. “It is very difficult not to worry about the ones you love, my little spring bird.”
“Nani,” I began hesitantly. “How did you do it? All those years. How did you stay strong?”
She closed her eyes and I wondered if, in her mind, she had gone back to that place and time. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought it up.
“Sometimes the love you have for others can give you a tremendous amount of strength,” she finally said. “It was different in those days. I was just a young girl. What did I have but my good name? If I had left I would have condemned your mother and uncle to a lifetime of shame and ridicule.”
I squeezed her hand gently, then raised it to my lips and kissed it.
“Listen to me, Rukhsana,” she said. “Your parents will realize that they are wrong. Someday. But you cannot wait for that. There is another heart, your Ariana’s heart, that will break if you are not strong enough. You said you love her, more than anything. Well, then you must fight. Even when it’s hard. I am here for you. Shaila and Aamir are here for you.”
My eyes filled with tears as she spoke and I nodded.
“I promise, Nani. I will fight.”
The whole family had gathered in the living room. Mom hadn’t been lying when she said Dad was anxious. He looked as though he’d aged overnight. His hair was more grey than black. Tanveer Mama was smiling and Nusrat Mami looked at me with disdain, as usual. Shaila got up when she saw me and came to hug me.
“I’m so sorry,” she whispered. “I didn’t know Aunty Zuby had put something in the tea. I would have never let you drink it.”
“It’s okay, Shaila. I believe you,” I replied. “And I’m so sorry about this.” I touched her cheek gently. The bruise was turning green and I wondered which one of them had done this to her. They were all here. Everyone except Nani, and for that I was glad. She didn’t need to see this whole charade.
At dinner Mom kept a steady stream of topics going, ranging from prospective suitors to shopping for the trousseau, as if everything was back to normal. After dinner, Mom and Dad asked to speak to me alone, so we went up to my room. Someone, Rokeya most likely, had cleaned up. No traces of stale food or cups of drugged tea. It was all gone. As if the last few days had never happened.
“Rukhsana,” Dad began, “we are so happy that you are okay now. This was a very difficult time for all of us, but now we can put it behind us and never speak of it again. That is very important, do you understand?”
I understood perfectly.
“Yes, Daddy,” I said quietly.
“Now, you heard what the jinn-catcher said, Rukhsana, so we have to be very careful.” Mom sat down on the bed next to me.
“I know we said that we would wait for you to be married until after you finish college,” Dad said. “But with everything that has happened, we cannot take any chances.”
My heart sank, but I was careful not to show any signs of disappointment.
“What are you saying?” My hands felt cold and clammy and my head began to spin.
“You will be married before we go home to Seattle. There is no more time. Sohail’s parents might still be interested.
I will call his mother today.”
So, they’re just going to leave me here?
But the mention of Sohail gave me some measure of relief. Of course, he didn’t know what had happened yet, but I knew he would help. I nodded silently.
“Word can still get out very easily,” Mom cautioned again. “Servants talk, and Nusrat Mami too. God knows she is bursting to tell someone in her ladies’ club. Those women are champions of gossip.”
“Remember, Rukhsana, we can’t take any chances of someone finding out. We will become a laughingstock in our community,” said Dad.
I nodded again wordlessly.
“Okay, so now that’s settled,” said Mom. “You should get some rest. Tomorrow we will go shopping. There is so much to prepare. And then in the afternoon Parveen is coming. She is the best wedding planner in town. Luckily she was able to fit us in on such short notice.”
And with that they walked out. I was left to my own devices, which was good because I had a lot to figure out. The last time Sohail and I had spoken, we had both decided he would tell his parents that he would marry me after we’d gotten to know each other. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway, because by this time I was supposed to be back in Seattle. But everything was different now. I needed to talk to him, so we could figure this out together. I had no intention of going through with it, but for now, agreeing to marry Sohail was my best bet.
I was getting ready for bed a couple of hours later when Mom came back into my room.
“Mrs. Choudhury is not returning my calls. Who knows what she’s heard about you.” She narrowed her eyes. “That Nusrat must have already started a rumor about it. That woman does not know how to keep her mouth shut.”
My stomach dropped. Sohail had been my last hope.
The following day passed in a blur of activity. I was whisked from store to store as my mom began to assemble my trousseau. I must have tried on at least fifty different outfits, everything from heavily embroidered wedding saris to casual shalwar sets. The amount of money she spent in just one day would have been enough to feed an entire slum colony for a week. Not even having zero prospects could deter my mom from ordering several heavy sets of gold jewelry. I protested after she asked to choose the fifth set.
“Mom, do I really need another one?” I said, taking the necklace she thrust at me while she fussed with my earlobes.
“Do you think I want to give Nusrat a chance to talk behind my back again? Only this morning I overheard her on the phone with one of her card-playing friends from the club.”
“Mom,” I said fastening the clasp on the nav-ratan choker. The brightly colored gems caught the light as I looked at my reflection in the mirror.
“Yes, ammu, what is it?” She had been very affectionate since the jinn-catcher left. Maybe I was a better actress than I thought?
“I was thinking that I should let my teachers know that I’ll be here longer, so I need my phone back. All their contact information is in it.”
She looked at my eyes in the mirror. For a second I thought I’d blown it, but then she nodded.
“I have it at home. I’ll give it to you when we get back.” She looked at me intently for a minute. “But only for a few hours after dinner.” My heart sank.
I nodded quickly before she changed her mind.
We shopped some more until I was ready to collapse.
Back at the house, we readied ourselves to meet with Parveen, queen of the local marriage network. Since she had not yet arrived, I decided to try my luck again. “Mom, can I have my phone back, please?” I reminded her, and she studied me for a moment before heading wordlessly up the stairs. I followed her to her bedroom and watched silently as she rummaged in the cupboard. When she handed it to me it was as if I’d been given a lifeline. I went to my room and flung myself on the bed, turning it on to check what I’d missed.
Jen and Rachel had called about a dozen times. The longing to be with my friends was a physical ache. That life seemed so far away, even though it had only been a little over a month.
There were quite a few missed calls from Aamir and Irfan, as well as frantic messages from Sara asking me if I was alright. They must have been worried out of their minds when I didn’t show up at the airport.
There was nothing from Ariana. Why hadn’t she called even once? I tried to think of what she would have felt when I didn’t show up that day as planned. She couldn’t possibly think it had been by choice? But a nagging voice in the back of my head told me that maybe she did. She would have felt utterly betrayed. How could she ever believe I would just not show up? My eyes began to sting, but I swallowed the lump in my throat and forced myself to focus.
With the time difference, it was a little too early in the morning, but I was afraid I might not get another chance.
I dialed her number, prepared to tell her everything that had transpired since the last time we spoke. She had to understand. I was sure of it. But she didn’t pick up. And I couldn’t bring myself to leave a message. What would I even say?
I tried Aamir then, but he didn’t pick up.
I called Irfan next. He picked up right away, his voice heavy with sleep.
“Rukhsana … are you alright? We’ve been so worried!”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t call earlier … My parents took my phone.”
“So, they found out about your escape plan? I thought that’s what might have happened. Are you alright though otherwise?” he asked again.
“Not exactly. They’re forcing me to get married. They locked me up and there was this jinn-catcher—” My voice broke, but I couldn’t cry anymore.
“My God. I’m so sorry, Rukhsana, I can’t believe they’re being so stupid.”
I didn’t say anything for a while. It was just nice to know he was there, to feel connected. There was no one else who could understand what I was going through.
“I’ll talk to Aunty Meena and see if she can do anything.”
“No, Irfan, please don’t do that. I still have a shot of getting away, but if Mom finds out that I told you she’ll freak.”
“Okay, but I’m worried about you,” he said. “There has to be something I can do?”
“Give me a couple of days, please. I promise I’ll call really soon. And please tell Sara what happened.”
“I will, and you promise me that you will take care of yourself. If there’s anything I can do … you know I’m here for you.”
“Actually, can you talk to Aamir and tell him I’m alright?”
“Yes, of course, I’ll try him a little later.”
“Thank you … You don’t know how much it means to me right now.”
We hung up and I called Jen.
“Rukhsana, are you okay?” She sounded frantic. “We’ve been worried out of our minds. Why didn’t you come back last week?”
“They found out about my plan and locked me in my room.”
“What the hell?”
“I just got my phone back. Have you talked to Ariana?”
She didn’t answer right away.
“Jen?”
“Rukhsana, there’s something you should know.”
My heart plummeted. I didn’t think I could handle any bad news right now.
“What happened? Is it Ariana? Jen, please tell me what happened.”
“Nothing, she’s okay now. But when you didn’t show up … she sort of broke down.”
“What do you mean?”
“She wasn’t in school the day after you were supposed to come back,” Jen said. “And when I went to check on her, she said she needed to get away for a few days.”
“Where did she go?”
“To their cabin, I think. With her parents. She’s coming back tomorrow.”
“Did she say anything about me? Why won’t she answer any of my calls?”
“I don’t know, Rukhsana. I think this has all been really hard for her. I guess when you didn’t show up, she didn’t know what to think.”
“It’s not like
I had a choice.”
“I know, Rukhsana, but you have to understand,” Jen said. “There was no news, no way to get hold of you. I guess it was just too much for her. I also think her parents were really worried and didn’t want her to talk to you anymore.”
I didn’t know what to say. I felt awful that I had caused Ariana so much pain, but at the same time I couldn’t help but think that she should have known something had happened to prevent me from coming home. But maybe my expectations were too high. Maybe I was being unreasonable and unfair to her.
“Rukhsana, are you okay?” I was so deep in my thoughts, I’d forgotten I was still on the line with Jen.
“Sorry, Jen. Yes, I’m okay now, but could you please tell Ariana to call me? I really need to talk to her right now.”
“I will tell her everything. You just work on a way to get back. And, Rukhsana, please be careful. We were really scared for you.”
Another call was coming through, and I hung up with Jen.
It was Aamir.
“Rukhsana, my God, are you okay? Irfan Bhai just called and told me. Are Mom and Dad out of their minds?”
Hearing my brother’s voice had me crying again.
“I’m okay now,” I said between sobs. “I miss you so much.” I would give anything for one of Aamir’s big hugs, but he was thousands of miles away and I didn’t know when I would see him again.
“Rukhsana, I’m getting on the next flight there. This is ridiculous. They can’t treat you like this.”
“No, Aamir, don’t, please. I’m working on another plan. This time it’s going to work.”
“What’s your plan?” Aamir said.
Just then, the door opened and Mom walked into the room, carrying a pile of clothes.
“I have to go,” I whispered before hanging up quickly.
“You finished calling all your teachers?” Mom said. She laid out the clothes on the bed.
“Not all of them, it’s still early.” I looked at the clothes. “Do you want me to wear one of these for Parveen?”
A week ago, I would have scoffed at the lavish outfits Mom had picked out for me, but now I knew better than to antagonize her. I needed to make sure that she didn’t take my phone away again. That I had access to the outside world, to my friends, to Ariana. I could not fight my way out of this situation with snark or sarcasm. I would have to be very patient and bide my time.