Raj sat stiffly in a meditative pose, staring into the void.
I sensed that Sarah and Becky would be fine, but I was worried about Raj. He still looked troubled. I suspected his deep sadness had everything to do with the moment he failed to protect Sarah and Becky from the Swimmer. And I couldn't help but feel more connected to him because of it. His pain reminded me of my own. I'm sure he wanted to see himself as Sarah and Becky's protector, their hero, much the same way I had seen myself as Alex's surrogate parent. At least that was my guess. But Raj never stood a chance. Not really. Raj was even less of a Viking than me.
What Raj didn't understand was that I was every bit as fearful as he was. I knew Raj's fears had everything to do with Sarah and Becky's perception of him. What they thought of him meant the world to him. That much was obvious. And while he may have been afraid of the Swimmer, terrified even, he was even more afraid of what Sarah and Becky might think of him.
And then I suddenly realized the reason for my hesitation before killing the infected male who had been hidden underneath the car. For just the briefest of moments as I held the bat high above me, I too was afraid of what Sarah might think of me. She was the reason I'd hesitated, and it could have cost Raj his life, but the fear was there no matter how insignificant it seemed to me now. I wouldn't let it happen again.
My fears had carved their own path. I was afraid of failing the three of them. If I failed them, it would be like failing Alex all over again, and I couldn't live with that.
And then there was my fear-based need to survive that reared its ugly head the day I shot my brother. I knew its origin had arisen out of a grasping neediness borne from my childhood; it pervaded my being and corroded my soul from within, and it had been there for as long as I could remember. I may have managed to hide it well from others, but I could often feel the desperation lingering inside me. I could feel it now. But I also knew it had been that fear that had kept me alive all these weeks. Still, I longed to be rid of it.
I recognized my fears for what they were and knew them well. They were often what drove me to act. They had driven me to go after Becky earlier today. And in a warped way that defied reason, my fears had become the fountainhead of my strength, though it wasn't by any conscious design on my part. The greatest difference between Raj and I was that I had found a way to act when I needed to, prompted by my fears.
Without disturbing Becky, I reached down with my free hand and took the bag of mixed vegetables off my thigh. My thigh had turned red and was numb as could be from the ice cold vegetables.
Finally, I was able to breathe a sigh of relief.
*****
After she'd awakened, Becky showed me the scar on her arm where her friend had bitten her. The bite scar was on her upper left arm, the same area I'd seen her scratch at a few times in the past day and a half. I figured her scar was the reason for the long-sleeved blouses Becky had been wearing. She had clearly been hiding her wound, and I suspected it had been Sarah's idea. It was mostly pink scar tissue now, smooth except for some small indentations where her friend's teeth had sunk into Becky's arm. It had healed fairly well, but there would always be a scar there.
Becky told me how her mother had taken care of her and treated the bite wound. They hadn't been able to go to the hospital because by then they'd learned about the virus and the chaos at all the local hospitals. Sarah used what was available to treat Becky.
Becky described how her mother cleaned the wound several times a day and used apple cider vinegar and salt to treat the area along with some herbs. Becky winced when she mentioned the vinegar and salt. She said it was as bad as being stung by a hundred bees, and she got very animated when she talked about it.
Sarah also had used ice packs to help kill the bacteria in the wound. I was surprised about the ice pack idea. I'd never heard of it as a method for killing bacteria. But the idea made sense since bacteria thrives in warm temperatures. All in all, a comprehensive home-based treatment regimen.
It was then Becky told me that her mother worked at St. Mark's Hospital as an emergency room nurse. And then the picture I had of Sarah came into focus and began to crystallize. Not just because she had nursed Becky's wound efficiently. It helped explain her calm demeanor at the underpass and afterwards. She may have been frightened when she first saw the infected on the side street, but she adjusted quickly.
I thought it a misstep that I hadn't thought to ask Sarah what she did for a living. I hadn't seen it as relevant to my getting them to their destination. Or maybe I simply hadn't cared to know. I'd certainly been angry with her. Whatever the reason, not finding out what she did for a living was an oversight on my part.
By late afternoon when everyone had awakened, we ate hearty meals. I broiled the t-bone at a low temperature to keep the steak from spitting too much. I was concerned about making too much noise. Becky and I ate our meal greedily. It was delicious and we were famished. We ate the mixed vegetables too. Sarah and Raj had some penne pasta with tomato basil sauce. Everyone seemed to be in a better mood, even Raj.
After we ate, I told them about the attic. I told them getting the attic ready as a hiding place was the smart thing to do. I simply wasn't going to take any more chances with their safety, and the attic gave us another option.
Raj and I put enough supplies up there to last several days. I felt better knowing we had the attic prepared just in case. We stashed bottled water, a couple flashlights, some non-perishable food stuffs, and a few blankets and pillows in the attic. We even found some cardboard boxes in the garage and flattened them out for something to sit on or lie on if we had to stay in the attic.
I knew it would only take a minute or two to get settled in the attic if we had to. We would only use the attic if the house were surrounded by the infected. I still saw the backyard as the best option. Even if the infected knew you were there, they couldn't open the gates, only the Swimmer could do that. In any case, we also had the Tundra as an alternate option. And now we had the attic.
I was surprised how well they responded to the idea. And maybe it was just my imagination, but it seemed their trust in me had reached new heights. I thought their newfound trust was likely a result of the day's events, though I found it ironic. Hadn't my plan nearly gotten Raj and Becky killed?
I told them we should go to sleep early and get an early start in the morning. We were only five to six blocks away from the facility, and if things went smoothly, we could be there in less than two hours. But I was concerned about how many infected might be drawn to the vicinity by the gunshots. We were four blocks from the area where I'd fired the Glock on South Hale Drive. Hopefully, the infected would be concentrated in that area. If they were out in the streets nearby in the morning, we'd have to be incredibly quiet going over the fences since the air conditioners wouldn't come on till late morning. If there were too many infected on Fortuna way, maybe we'd have to wait till after the air conditioners came on before we left. But I didn't like the idea of waiting.
That's when I began thinking seriously about the Tundra. If there were relatively few infected out on the street, taking the Tundra made sense. The Tundra would be like a battering ram out on the street if need be. And we were so close to the facility now. If things went well, we could be there in a matter of minutes. I even thought about leaving now since Fortuna Way was clear of the infected as far as I could see, but I knew they were too tired to respond well if anything went wrong. I needed them fresh and alert in case something happened and we had to abandon the truck. We might have to move quickly. The more I thought about it, the more leaving early in the morning with the truck made the most sense.
I didn't mention the possibility of taking the Tundra to them. I didn't want to overload them with too many things to think about. It could wait till morning.
Sarah and Raj were sitting in the same arm chairs as before while Becky sat next to me on the couch. She was talking in hushed tones to Ralphy, warning him about the infected. Raj might have been feel
ing better, but his cheerful self had yet to make an appearance. His face was taut and serious and his eyes had a certain sharpness to them. He seemed more intensely alert than I had ever seen him. Sarah was her usual self save for her discolored face. The nap and the food seemed to have done her a world of good. The swelling below her eye had calmed down, and I didn't believe her eye would close all the way. The Swimmer had apparently struck her just below the eye.
"We should sleep upstairs tonight," I told them. "If we have to hide in the attic, we don't want to have to climb the stairs if they're anywhere close by. We don't want them to hear us. And that way we can get into the attic quicker too."
I began wondering how we would alert the people at Jorissen Pharmaceutical to open the door when we got there. So I asked Sarah about her communications with them.
She told me she'd first called them about ten days ago after she'd found out about the vaccine research going on and their call for anyone who had an immunity to the virus to contact them. She said she'd spoken briefly to a Dr. Janice Nardone, the virologist in charge of the research. And there was a second scientist there working with Dr. Nardone. Sarah called them the first time but had texted them since then.
"I texted them yesterday and told them we might be arriving as soon as tomorrow," she said. "I didn't tell them a specific time. We're suppose to text them to let them know the approximate time we'll be arriving. And then we're suppose to text them when we're ready for them to open the door. We'll be going in the back door of the facility."
"Okay," I told her. "Good." And I didn't see any reason to ask any more questions about it.
"What do you plan to do after we get there, Jake?" she asked.
I'd never said anything to them about where I was going, and they'd never asked. "I'm going to head up into the mountains," I told her. "I have a cabin there." I almost said my brother and I have a cabin there, but I didn't want to have to explain about Alex.
Sarah looked briefly puzzled and the effort required to make the face caused her to grimace. Then she looked annoyed by the pain as if it were a petty nuisance.
"How will you survive there?" she asked.
"There's a stream nearby with plenty of fish and drinking water and there's some canned food there too." I paused for a moment and then added, "I doubt there'll be any infected up in the mountains."
"Oh," she said.
*****
A little later, Raj asked me to accompany him upstairs. We went into one of the bedrooms upstairs and he closed the door as far as he could without shutting it completely.
Raj's face was tight and his expression grim, and the same pain that had been in his eyes since we'd left the backyard where the Swimmer had taken Becky was still there.
"Jake," he stated resolutely. "I need a weapon."
I didn't say anything because I didn't know what to tell him.
"I will not die a coward," he told me, the timbre in his voice rising with each successive word. He said it with a desperate but firm conviction.
"You're not going to die, Raj," I told him. I spoke as calmly as I could. But I knew my simply saying it would in no way satisfy him.
Raj's eyebrows were pinched together and the skin between them furrowed. He appeared conflicted. "My whole life, I have believed in non-violence, Jake. This is how I was raised." He was speaking nostalgically as if he were reminiscing about a lost love. "Non-violence has always been the core of my spirituality. I believe we are all connected, all a part of each other, and that all life is sacred. All life."
But Raj's voice was subdued and lacked conviction. He was obviously struggling to reconcile his beliefs with the insanity the virus had wrought and he seemed lost in the effort.
"I cannot sit by and watch them be hurt. Not again." And he said it with utter determination.
"Maybe we can look around and find you something," I told him, not knowing what else to say.
"We need to protect them, Jake," he said firmly. "We need to make sure they're safe. I do not know about guns, but I know I could hit the grays very hard if I had a bat like yours."
I had no idea if Raj's words were the stuff of false bravado or not, but I wasn't going to give him my bat. I knew he needed something, but if a dangerous situation arose, I would need the bat. The Glock would always be a last resort because of the noise factor. At the same time, I knew it would be best if Raj had some kind of weapon. I had no idea whether he'd use it when the time came, but if we could find him something, at least he'd have the opportunity.
"Okay, Raj," I told him. "We'll find something for you."
I wanted to let Raj know that there was nothing wrong with being frightened, and I thought about telling him how frightened I had been at various times since the virus struck, but I suspected it wouldn't do any good, and it might make things worse.
He seemed satisfied for the moment, but there was something else on his mind. He looked at me awkwardly and then looked down at his feet.
"I am sorry, Jake. I should not have made Sarah tell you about Becky. I did not do it for the proper reason, and I am very sorry." And he looked ill at ease and embarrassed.
I thought he should have been explaining it to Sarah rather than me, but I didn't say anything.
"Sarah is a very wonderful person, Jake. Very wonderful." He couldn't seem to look me in the eye and he said it with a deep sadness. "I know you will take very good care of them. I know you are a good man, Jake. They are going to need you now."
I knew what he was doing, or what he thought he was doing. Raj was stepping aside. But I had no interest in taking his place, whatever that entailed. I already felt responsible enough for them, and I didn't need anything more added to my plate. Where Sarah and Becky were concerned, my responsibility would end when I deposited them at Jorissen Pharmaceutical tomorrow. But I couldn't tell Raj that. Not now. I knew I needed to tread lightly. Raj wasn't himself and I knew how much Sarah and Becky meant to him.
"I'm sure Sarah and Becky will be just fine," I said softly.
But I don't think Raj heard a word I said. He was off in his own world. He shook his head emotively side to side as if he were frustrated. "Sarah always thinks she can do everything on her own, but sometimes she needs help. She can be very stubborn, Jake," he said. "Yes. Very stubborn. There will be times you will need to be just as stubborn as she is." And he nodded his head in self-agreement.
Raj seemed to be feeding me information he thought I'd need to know in order to take care of them. He continued to stare at his feet, his head canted at a thoughtful angle. In a strange way, it was as if he were talking to me without being aware I was even in the room. "Becky needs you too," he said gently in a soft, compassionate tone. "She needs a good role model in her life after what happened with her father. I think I did the best I could." And then Raj locked his warm, dark eyes on mine, and I thought I saw a flicker of the old Raj in them.
"You will take care of them, Jake?" he asked.
I couldn't possibly say no to him. "Yes, Raj. I'll take care of them."
And then he nodded, satisfied.
"I am a Hindu, Jake. When I die, my body must be purified by fire. That way I cut all ties with the physical body. This is a very sacred thing, Jake," he said quietly. "Very sacred. I am sorry, but you are the only one I can ask. Will you promise to burn my body, Jake?"
He said it as if his death were a foregone conclusion. But I wasn't going to let that happen. I couldn't. But I told him what he wanted to hear. "Yes, Raj. I'll do it."
"Very good, Jake. Thank you so much. I knew I could count on you." And he walked over and gave me a hug and clapped me affectionately on the back.
Chapter 15 – Dead Silence
We found a mallet hammer in the garage and Raj seemed thrilled with it. It had a thick steel head and looked like a mini-sledge hammer. If Raj could manage to hit the infected on the head with any kind of force, it would certainly kill them. He practiced swinging the hammer with a high overhead arc, using his long arms. Raj angled
his swings to avoid hitting himself with his follow through. He held the hammer with both hands and his eyes grew big each time he swung the hammer. Each swing brought a muffled grunt that Raj did his best to stifle. The pain that had been evident in his eyes had been replaced by a wild-eyed look that would frighten anyone. Raj had become a tall, gangly man with crazed eyes wielding a mini-sledge hammer.
When he was finished practicing, he placed the steel mallet hammer in his backpack. I suspected he didn't want Sarah or Becky to see it. I thought the hammer a little heavy to be carrying around in his backpack, but Raj was happy with it and that's all that mattered at the moment. Besides, if all went well, we'd be driving and wouldn't need to be lugging the backpacks with us over backyard fences.
I settled in a young boy's bedroom upstairs and lay quietly on a twin-sized bed. The room had a large window facing west, offering a spectacular view of the valley. I'd checked the view earlier and was struck by the idyllic beauty of the Salt Lake Valley. The valley was dense with lush green trees, and from the angled view I had, the trees appeared to hover over the homes like an emerald canopy.
The natural light in the room had faded with the evening's blue twilight. It would be dark in less than an hour. Before getting settled in the boy's room, I'd turned the thermostat up to seventy-five. I wanted the air conditioner to be quiet during the night so I could hear any possible neighboring sounds.
For once, I didn't try to figure out what had happened to the people who had lived here. I was too mentally and physically exhausted to expend any energy on it. Besides, I had my own dramas to deal with.
I lay on the bed and imagined everything going perfectly come morning. The way I pictured it in my mind, there were few if any infected out on the street. The street was quiet and peaceful like it might have been early on a Sunday morning before the virus hit. I imagined the four of us piling into the Tundra and driving quickly to the facility without incident. And when we arrived, we texted the virologists and they let us in the back door. Sarah and Becky and Raj were safe and I was free to go my own way. Everything had unfolded just the way I'd imagined it. But I knew my imaginings were pure fiction. The best-laid plans rarely unfolded without a hitch or two along the way.
Jacob's Odyssey (The Berne Project Book 1) Page 25