He’d promised her. But he’d promised her before and the job had taken hold. So what the hell was she going to do? Let herself fall back in love with Theo?
Ha. She’d never fallen out. But she had been on her own. She would have to keep her distance, emotionally speaking, until she knew how things were going to be.
And Christmas was in two weeks. The holiday made a good mental deadline. If he couldn’t put his family first for Christmas, he’d never put them first.
Hell, she wasn’t even asking for first anymore. Just equal billing. He wasn’t the only cop on the Wedlock Creek PD. He wasn’t the only dedicated, brave, experienced officer who could join task forces and work with federal law enforcement.
She’d see.
And today, she’d be proud of the man she’d married, who’d given up his life for her and her sisters and his father.
As Theo accepted his award to claps and whispers and exclamations of Oh, my God, Allie clapped loudest of all.
* * *
After the ceremony, Theo was mobbed by people—colleagues, neighbors, old acquaintances. All he wanted was to go home and be with Allie and the quads. He could see her, getting hugs from many, the giant four-seat stroller besieged by well-meaning people who were overwhelming the tykes. When all four started to cry at once, that was his cue that it was okay to excuse himself.
“Duty calls!” a colleague said to him with a smile.
Theo did a double take. Yes. His children were his duty just like his job had been. If he thought of it that way, it would make it easier on him to put them first.
“Ready to get out of here?” he whispered to Allie, who was being pulled into a hug from behind.
“Oh, thank God,” she said.
He smiled. “Let’s go.”
They made their way out of the packed room, saying goodbye and thank-you and Yes, it’s a miracle, a Christmas miracle.
Finally, they were outside and he quickly got the babies loaded up into their car seats in his pickup. Then he and Allie raced inside and he sped off.
“You okay?” he asked.
“More than okay. My husband is alive. My babies’ father is back. I knew there would be comments and questions. I guess I’m just still a bit in shock. I like how the captain ended his speech. ‘Welcome home, Sergeant Stark.’”
“I don’t think I could ever put into words just how happy I am to be here.”
His eyes on the road, he felt her gaze on him, assessing and wondering. He had a lot to prove to Allie. He knew that.
“So what’s next?” she asked. “You’re going to see your dad? We could go with you.”
He glanced at her. “Actually, I’d appreciate that.” It had always been hard on him to visit his dad, his only living relative who didn’t know who the hell he was.
Suddenly, with his family by his side, he felt less unsettled.
* * *
Theo had called ahead to the Wedlock Creek Nursing Home to alert the director and his dad’s aide that he wasn’t dead after all, his job made easier by the fact that they’d heard all about it on the local TV news and read about it on social media. When they arrived at the home, his father’s aide brought the family to the second-floor community room, where Clinton Stark was sitting in front of the big window on the second level, looking out.
A well of emotion rushed Theo and he took a step back. He hadn’t seen his father in so long, and even if the man didn’t recognize Theo, he wanted to tell his dad he was alive. Maybe it would get inside somehow and his dad would know. Two years ago, Allie had been the one to go to the nursing home and share the terrible news with Clinton. Theo sucked in a breath as he imagined that conversation, Allie likely in tears, trying to hold back the flood, his dad looking confused why this sweet, angelic lady he’d never seen before was crying on his shoulder and hugging him.
He owed Allie so much, he thought, realizing he was just standing there, lost in memories while Allie was waiting for him to go up to his dad. Clinton was facing away from them, and as Theo walked up beside him and knelt down, he realized his dad was looking out at the brightly decorated Christmas tree in front of the home.
“Hey, Dad, it’s me, Theo,” he said, taking his father’s thin, veiny hand. “Have I got a story for you.” As his dad turned toward him, a smile lit up the man’s face. He noticed Allie take a few steps back to give them some privacy. He told his dad the basics, aware Clinton Stark wasn’t following and wouldn’t remember and didn’t even know who he was. But it felt good to tell him face-to-face. His dad had been told he was dead. Sometimes he was grateful that his dad couldn’t remember him.
Every now and then, before Theo had left two years ago, his dad would have these amazing moments of clarity, oftentimes just for a few seconds. He would know who Theo was, and for that precious little while, Theo forgot about their old problems and just wanted to be in that place of connection with his father, a man he’d once idolized.
“Dad,” Clinton said with a smile. “It’s good to see you.” He reached for Theo’s hand.
Theo choked up, his eyes stinging. He blinked back hard. Theo knew he looked a lot like his late grandfather.
He held his father’s hand tight, glancing at Allie, who had tears misting her eyes.
“No one’s too old for time with their dad. Mom here?” Clinton asked, looking around.
“Just me today,” Theo said.
“Good to see you,” Clinton said. “Always so good to see you.” The man yawned, his eyes drooping. In moments, he was asleep, his snores like a freight train, as always.
His aide, who’d been sitting nearby, popped up. “I’ll take him back to his room for his nap. Glad to have you back, Sergeant Stark.”
“Thank you,” Theo said and watched the woman wheel his dad away. “Never gets easier,” he said to Allie. “There’s so much I want to tell him. And I can’t.”
“Well, you can,” she said. “Even if he doesn’t understand the way you want him to, it’s you who needs to talk, you who needs to explain, you who needs to get stuff off your chest.”
“We’ll never make peace,” Theo said. “That chance is long gone.”
“You can make peace, Theo. With yourself.”
He didn’t see how. But a cry came from the stroller, pulling him out of his thoughts.
He knelt down beside the quads, one asleep, one almost asleep, one screechy—Olivia—and one shaking a rattle.
The noise was getting a bit much for this crowd, so they headed out.
When they hit the bracing cold December air, he suddenly had an urge to go running like he used to on the cattle ranch, or get in his pickup and take a long drive. To clear his head, to be alone. Maybe to push everything out of his head.
But Olivia was holding up her arms, and suddenly, making her happy and comfortable was more important to him than making himself happy and comfortable.
He’d call that progress.
And Allie, who’d always known him better than he liked to admit, was watching him take Olivia out of her stroller and cuddle her against him. The look on Allie’s face was everything.
Chapter Seven
That night, with the quads asleep in the nursery—all at the same time, which had taken four trips in, two by Theo, two by Allie—Theo finally stretched out in bed. Today had been long and crazy, the award ceremony, the visit to his dad and a screech-fest on steroids from the quads after dinner taking more out of him than he’d realized. He was exhausted. But watching Allie put lotion on her legs had him wide-awake. The beachy scent of the lotion, combined with the long strokes of her hands on her legs, completely mesmerized him.
“I’m going to be honest,” he said. “It’s not easy being in bed with you and keeping my hands to myself. Especially when you do that.”
“Rubbing lotion on my toes is sexy?” she asked.
“Yes, actually.”
She laughed and set the lotion on the bedside table, then slipped under the covers on her side, facing him. But whatever she’d been about to say or do was interrupted by a loud cry coming from the nursery.
“Waah! Waah-waah!”
He waited another moment to see if the crier would soothe on her or his own—he’d learned that from the baby book he was reading—but there came another cry, and if the whole nursery got going...
Allie moved the blanket and started to get up.
“Stay and relax,” he said. “You’ve been getting up all night for almost a year. My turn is long overdue. I’ve got it.”
She smiled. “I’ll admit, it’s nice to hear someone say that.’”
He headed across the hall to find Tyler standing up in his crib, his face red and crumpled.
“What’s the matter, little guy?” Theo asked, picking him up and holding him against his chest. He rubbed Tyler’s back, but the crumpled face didn’t uncrumple. He’d recently been changed, so maybe it was a matter of a tummy ache. Theo shifted the baby in his arms a bit and rubbed Tyler’s little belly, and he began to settle down.
He sat in the glider and rocked Tyler until the baby’s eyes were shut, but thoughts of his own father kept him in the chair, the feel of the little guy in his arms very soothing. His father hadn’t been one to change diapers or help with homework or be there at all, actually. The job came first, and Theo had spent a lot of time alone and with his aunt Ellen, who didn’t have a ton of patience for a loud, wild kid.
He needed to put his family first now. But what if that didn’t come naturally? What if he didn’t even realize he was neglecting Allie and the babies? He’d stay late at work to tie up ends on a case or chase a lead and suddenly it would be 2:00 a.m, and then what? That was what came naturally to him. But he didn’t want to be the father his dad was. He wanted to be what the quads needed and deserved: present, there, in tune, aware. Allie had always said he’d be exactly the kind of father he wanted to be, but did it really work like that? He hadn’t chosen to be a distant husband who’d put the job first; that was just in his DNA and what felt right.
Or was it? Could he choose? Or was he who he was?
He knew what they said about leopards. That they couldn’t change their spots. But if you wanted something bad enough—this second chance—then you changed. It was that simple. And that complicated.
I have to do it for you, he whispered to Tyler, watching his little chest rise up and down.
By the time he went back into the bedroom, Allie was fast asleep, too, smelling like roses. He pulled the comforter up to her shoulders, and before he could stop himself, he kissed her cheek. Then he turned over and tried to sleep, but it was a long time in coming.
* * *
Over the next few days, life in Wedlock Creek and at 22 Wood Road settled down some—and so did Allie. People got used to the idea that Sergeant Theo Stark hadn’t really died, after all. True to his word, Theo was a full-time family man. In the middle of the night, as Allie would stir and be just about to leap out of bed to see who was crying and why, she’d discover Theo already in the nursery, taking care of business. They’d gone grocery shopping yesterday, Theo taking half the list and two of the quads. And after dinner last night, he’d cleaned up—stacking the dishwasher, spritzing the counters and wiping them down, sweeping the floor. In bed last night, a new book was on the nightstand on his side: Your Baby, Month by Month Till Two. She’d smiled at all the Post-its.
He was trying and succeeding and Allie found herself letting her guard down a bit. Stopping to admire how handsome he was, how sexy. At night, they’d lie side by side, talking about the quads, about whatever funny or not funny things had happened that day, little things that needed to be taken care of around the house. Allie would find herself dying to touch Theo but holding back.
One touch, on his shoulder, would be all it would take. A kiss on his lips. And she could be back in her husband’s arms. But it didn’t feel right yet.
Because you’re afraid, a little voice told her as she grabbed two cartons of eggs from the refrigerator. Sex with Theo would pull you right back in, completely, mind, body, heart and soul, and then there’d be no piece of you left to protect.
Focus on what you’re making, she told herself, trying to put Theo out of her mind.
Today, while he was taking the quads out on his own to the baby play space on a playdate with one of his fellow officer’s twins, Allie was catering lunch for the Gelman Girls Generation monthly get-together. Seventy-seven-year-old Virginia Gelman had started the monthly tradition so that she, her fifty-five-year-old daughter and twenty-seven-year-old granddaughter would spend time together every month, and she’d hired Allie on a standing gig to make something special for the third Saturday of every month. The hard part was that Grandma Gelman didn’t eat dairy, her daughter didn’t eat gluten and the granddaughter was a vegetarian.
So today, it was her spicy black bean burgers topped with avocado on a brioche bun—gluten-free, of course—with a side of sweet corn salad. While she added the sweet potatoes to the black beans, millet and spices in the big silver bowl, she focused on her work. Cooking jobs always calmed her. Her mind never wandered. She only thought of the people she was cooking for, what their needs and hopes were, and she wanted them to enjoy their food. If she put all of herself—and not a distracted mind—into the black bean burgers, they would be delicious.
An hour later, Allie had the burgers in a warming tray and the corn salad and dessert—her berry tart—ready to go. The Gelman Girls got together at Virginia’s house each time, and though Virginia had welcomed her to cook there, she much preferred messing up her own kitchen than someone else’s. This way, she could deliver, serve and then skedaddle, and worry about cleaning up her kitchen later.
Virginia lived in a Colonial just a few minutes’ drive from Allie. When she arrived, her client welcomed her and sent her off to the kitchen to plate. The Gelman Girls, Virginia, Leanna and Maya, were in the living room, and not that Allie liked to eavesdrop, but she did hear some juicy stuff. Maya, the twenty-seven-year-old, was getting married in a couple of months, and her mother and grandmother were giving her advice.
“The key to a happy marriage is—” Virginia began.
Unfortunately, Allie had interrupted at the worst possible time by coming in to set plates of burgers and the bowl of corn salad on the dining table.
Nooo, she thought. I want to know! Keep talking!
“Allie could tell us all better than I could,” Virginia said. “Imagine, your husband has to fake his own death to save your life and he sacrifices two years of his own on some dreadful cattle ranch in the middle of nowhere until the threat is gone.”
“But wait,” the twenty-seven-year-old said, heaping corn salad on her plate as she glanced up at Allie. “Weren’t you about to marry someone else when your husband rushed home to stop the wedding?”
Allie felt her cheeks burn. “Well, I was thinking more of my quadruplets and their need for a dad. I thought theirs was—”
“Oh, you poor dear!” Leanna said, taking a bite of her burger. “Wow, is this good! Are you sure it’s dairy-free?”
“Dairy-free, gluten-free and vegetarian,” Allie said with a smile.
“She got her husband back,” Maya said. “It’s Elliot Talley who’s the poor dear! Left at the altar!”
They all made commiserating noises as they ate. “I should let him handle my taxes,” Leanna said. “After the holiday season, it’s tax season.”
Allie mentally rolled her eyes. And she could announce that Elliot had gotten cold feet and run screaming from the town hall before he even knew he was off the hook for proposing to marry a supposedly widowed mother of four lookalike babies, but that would make her feel petty and gossipy, so she just thought it.
“Anyhooooo,” Virginia singsonge
d. “Back to what I was saying. The key to a good, long-lasting marriage is communication. You can’t expect your husband to be a mind reader. You have to tell him what you want and what you expect.”
The bride-to-be nodded around a bite of burger.
Her mother took a bite of corn salad and said, “Of course, I agree, but equally important is—” She paused for a very long sip of her white wine.
Get on with it, Allie thought as she made a show of giving the corn salad a stir. I need to know! Equally important is...
She really had nothing else to do and no reason to stay, so she headed for the kitchen to collect her things.
“Every day, every single day,” Leanna Gelman Clark began.
Allie stopped in the kitchen doorway, her ears peeled.
“You do one thing that you know will make your husband happy,” Leanna added. “Just one thing.”
“Moooom!” Maya said, rolling her eyes.
“I’m not talking about sex,” Leanna said. “Though that counts toward the one thing, of course.” Allie saw the woman give her blond eyebrows a wiggle.
She had to hand it to this trio of generations of Gelman Girls. They could talk like this. Allie’s mom had always blushed red-hot when the subject of sex had come up with her and her sisters. She smiled at the memory of her mom giving the triplets “the big talk,” as she’d called it, the day after their group sweet sixteen at an ice cream shop. Anything beyond kissing a boy will end up with you pregnant and heartbroken before you can even think about college, so say no, girls!
Allie smiled. She wished her own mom and grandmother were here to give her advice and the wisdom that came from experience. Allie sure had experience but felt like she knew very little—particularly about marriage.
“Then what do you mean, Mom?” the bride-to-be asked.
Leanna took a fast bite of her burger and waited till she gobbled it down before responding. Allie loved how these women lived in dramatic pauses and made everything they said seem like breaking news. Allie, for one, was hanging on every word.
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