He reached out a hand and she took it and squeezed. She’d never felt so hopeful.
* * *
“I keep expecting to hear a ‘waah!’” Theo said as they took their wine and the cookies Allie had baked this morning into the living room. They sat on the sofa, Theo loosening his tie.
“Me, too. And I keep forgetting that they’re not here at all, so every now and then my heart stops with ‘The quads! I left them alone in the family room!’”
Theo laughed. “That happened to me twice already.” He sipped his wine, then plucked a cookie from the plate on the coffee table. “What’s this?” he asked, eyeing the magazine folded open.
Allie felt her cheeks burn. Her sisters had “accidentally” left the magazine when they’d dropped off the gift certificate to Marcello’s earlier. Accidentally with a neon-orange sticky note sticking up. “Oh, just some silly quiz my sisters think we should take. One of those ‘Does your marriage need spicing up?’ kinds of things.” She shook her head. “So silly.”
He picked up the magazine and said, “‘Number one. What do you and your husband wear to sleep? A) Flannel pajamas—come on, it’s winter! B) Comfy sweats—the older the better. C) Our birthday suits—to generate our own body heat. D) Something sexy that gets pulled off fast.’” He laughed. “Well, that’s easy,” he said, wagging a finger between them. “When we got home, we both immediately changed into something a lot more comfortable. So the correct answer is B) Comfy sweats.”
Well, technically, changing had been Theo’s idea. The second he’d stepped inside the house, he took off his jacket and loosened another button on his shirt. “Why don’t we change and then we’ll pick a movie and make a big bowl of popcorn,” he’d said.
Change? she’d thought. Out of her sexy wrap dress? She liked how it made her feel. But Theo had been halfway up the stairs already. By the time she followed him up, he had grabbed his favorite army sweats and a flannel shirt and was heading into the bathroom.
Because despite being married, they didn’t change in front of each other. Was that a question in the quiz? She hoped so.
Now, instead of her romance-inspiring date-night dress, she was wearing gray-and-white-striped yoga pants and a long pale pink tank top. Super sexy. Not.
But all hope of romance for tonight was not lost. Because Theo Stark was taking a Cosmo quiz. Would wonders never cease?
“Wait,” he said. “I want to change my answer. These yoga pants and tank tops that you always wear to bed? I have to admit, Allie—they do make me want to rip them off you.”
She actually felt herself blush. They did? Who knew? “I actually find your army sweats very sexy. And you have one black T-shirt in particular...” Oh, God, what was she saying?
He started unbuttoning his flannel shirt, then took it off. “This one?” he asked.
Her mouth went dry as she stared at his chest covered in that fitted T-shirt, his biceps. She had to lick her lips in order to speak. “Yes, that one.”
And before she could think about it or stop herself, she ran a hand up his arm, on that incredible, hard bicep, then the other.
“If I don’t kiss you right now, I might have to go run ten miles or something,” he said.
She leaned her face toward his and that was it—he kissed her, softly, then more passionately, grasping her face in his hands. One hand slid around her back, pulling her closer against him, the other lingering on the hem of her tank top. He was waiting for her to back away or say That’s not a good idea or Let’s take this one step at a time. But she said nothing and up the top went, over her bra (which she hadn’t changed from her date-night choice) and over her head. Her yoga pants followed on the floor.
He took in her lacy black bra and matching underwear and groaned. She straddled him and pulled up the T-shirt, her hands exploring his chest that she was so familiar with. He flung the T-shirt off him, then lay her down on the sofa, kissing her, his hands in her hair, and suddenly they were both naked.
He reached for his wallet, which had fallen from his pants pocket onto the floor, and held up a little foil packet. “Unless you want twins or triplets?” he said. “Multiples clearly run in your family.”
She laughed. “No, I’m all set for kids.”
“Do you know that there’s a detective on the force who married a woman with triplets and then they had twins a year later?” he asked, trailing kisses along her collarbone.
Ah, yes. The Barellis, she thought, her eyes fluttering closed as his lips moved north, then south, his hands moving aside the lacy bra. She knew Norah, who taught a class on newborn multiples at the community center. “That could be us,” she said, then shook her head.
He kissed her again. “Exactly. Or not.”
“Or not, for sure.”
And then for the first time in almost two years, Allie Stark and her husband made love.
Chapter Ten
The problem with knowing your husband so well, even after a two-year hiatus, was that when he went quiet, you knew there was a problem.
Crud.
Allie’s heart sank. At the moment, she was snuggled up against him in their bed, still naked, her head on his chest. For the last few minutes, they’d both been catching up on their breathing, coming back to earth after amazing sex, Theo on his back, looking up at the ceiling with pure satisfaction on his gorgeous face. Then she’d said something about how all her dreams seemed to be coming true.
That was it; the turning point from bliss on Theo’s face to...something she couldn’t quite put her finger on. He stiffened beside her, turned his head slightly away and basically left the building.
Too much, too soon?
The sex? Talking about dreams coming true? The intimacy?
Grrrr! This was the whole reason she’d been afraid to do this, to get too close to him too soon. Because one of them wouldn’t be ready. She’d thought that person was her, and so she’d gone for it. Guess what? It wasn’t her!
“Everything okay?” she asked. Say what’s on your mind, she reminded herself. It has to be your mantra.
“Everything’s okay,” he said, kissing the top of her head.
But he didn’t say anything else, and because she could be chatty and start rambling and babbling about stuff that had nothing to do with what was poking at her, she forced herself to hold her tongue and just be quiet.
He’s just processing, she told herself.
And so she kept her head on his chest whether it made him uncomfortable or not and closed her eyes. She’d give him the emotional space he seemed to need right now, but not physical space. She needed to be close to him right now, and if he was going to emotionally distance himself, then tough noogies that she was a barnacle right now.
“I think I hear one of the babies,” he said and got out of bed. He was out the door before she could even think, Nope, not one made a peep.
Because the quads aren’t home, Theo. They’re at my sisters’ for the night.
Allie sighed and flopped over in bed.
One step forward, half a step back. That was only a half step behind, then. Not so bad.
Really? This was how she was rationalizing what was happening? She shook her head at herself.
Then again, finding their way back to each other would take time, especially because there was no there there. Back, actually, was all wrong. What they had, even two years ago, was love, chemistry and history—all good, yes, but they’d wanted different things, different big things. What they had now was a family and a commitment to not wasting this second chance.
So let him do this at his pace, even if it’s frustratingly glacial, she told herself. He’ll get there. Seventy-five percent of her believed that. Twenty-five, though, had been there, done that and truly wasn’t sure.
* * *
A cry woke Theo at just before 4:00 a.m. He waited fifteen seconds, p
er his baby-rearing book, to give whichever quad the opportunity to “self-soothe,” using the time to soak in how lovely his wife looked, her pink-red lips slightly open, her blond hair half covering her beautiful face.
Then he remembered the babies weren’t even here. He couldn’t have heard a cry, just like he hadn’t when he’d used it as an excuse to flee the bedroom not five minutes after they’d had sex.
With Allie snuggled against him right afterward, her head on his chest, he’d had the sudden urge to get away, to go out for a ten-mile run. His chest, his neck, the muscles in his legs had tightened to the point that he’d been physically uncomfortable.
What had that been about?
The more she snuggled and ran her hands up and down his chest, talking about how her dreams were coming true, the quieter he’d gotten. Suddenly, all he could think about was screwing up, choosing another complicated case over Allie, over his family, and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. He kept saying he wouldn’t let her down. But when she put it all there the way she had, he’d...panicked. He’d gone to the nursery and just sat in the glider, holding the rabbit puppet that had been on the seat, trying to get a grip. He wanted this. He wanted a second chance. He wanted his family. So what the hell was wrong with him?
When he’d finally returned to the bedroom, thinking about just telling her the truth, that he was scared spitless of ruining this beautiful, fledging thing between them, she was either asleep or pretending to be. And he’d been relieved to not have to say anything, so he’d gotten into bed, kissed her on the cheek and turned over. And hadn’t slept for a good, long time.
Now, wide-awake at 4:00 a.m., he realized it was his own racing mind that had woken him up.
“Can’t sleep?” Allie asked, tucking a swath of hair behind her ear.
He glanced at her. “Sorry I woke you.”
“I’ve been tossing and turning all night,” she said. “So it was about time for me to be awake anyway.”
Knife to the heart. She couldn’t sleep because of him! And he had no doubt she’d been unable to sleep since the night he didn’t come home. He closed his eyes for a moment, then looked at her, wanting to take away the hurt and confusion in her expression. Hurt and confusion he’d put there after something so beautiful between them.
“Craziest thing,” he said. “I thought I heard one of the babies crying again. Like earlier tonight.”
“Earlier tonight you stayed in the nursery for over twenty minutes.”
So she had been pretending to sleep. That she’d felt the need to do that said a lot about how tied up in knots he’d made her. This wasn’t how he wanted things to go or be. But how to fix this when he wasn’t sure what was going on with him?
“I do some of my best thinking in there,” he said. “Something about the cribs with their names, the sun-and-moon rug, the glider chair, that rabbit puppet. Just being in that nursery helps me put things into perspective, prioritize.”
“I know what you mean,” she said and squeezed his hand.
The hand squeeze told him she was letting this go, that she knew he had to process some mumbo-jumbo for whatever reason, and she was giving him time and room. She could have told him off and rightly so, how he’d pretty much ruined great sex because it was all too much, too close, too this, too that. But she didn’t tell him off. She’d squeezed his hand.
He turned over onto his stomach and faced her, but she stayed on her back, looking straight ahead. “So what time are we picking up the quads from Lila and Merry’s?”
“Not till ten. So we should try to get some sleep. The quads won’t care if we’re exhausted tomorrow.”
He smiled. “Right?”
“Actually, I just remembered that Lila wanted some girl time, so I’ll pick up the kiddos on my own. Maybe we can meet for lunch?”
He held her gaze for a moment and knew immediately that Lila didn’t need girl time. His wife did. To talk about him.
“Everything okay with Lila?” he asked, pulling the comforter up to his chest. He figured he’d give her the chance to talk in code. As in: No, because her dear sister is trying to make a real go of her marriage to her not-dead husband, who’s pulling away just when he’s reeled her in.
“Just some romance woes. We all have them.”
“We’ll be okay, Allie,” he said, stroking her hair. “This is all brand-new. Sort of.”
She laughed, thank God. “Sort of is right. And we have one question of a Cosmo quiz to thank for getting us into bed together. Naked.”
And then he’d gone and ruined it by feeling his collar squeezing his neck when he was buck naked.
“So Lila is having romance woes?” he asked.
“She’s had some blind dates. All disasters.”
“You should send Josie up the tree in front of her condo and then Mr. Right will pass by and climb up to save the mutt for her.”
She smiled a bittersweet smile. “Dogs can’t climb trees.”
I’m sorry I’m so bad at this, he wanted to say. That I don’t know how to be the husband you need. That everything feels so strange and so right at the same time.
“She’ll be okay,” Allie said, but she didn’t sound so sure.
When she turned over, facing away from him, he spooned beside her and put his arm around her. A second later, she wrapped her hand around his arm.
Maybe they really would be okay, too. He sure hoped so.
* * *
“So...?” Lila asked the minute she let Allie into her condo. “Please don’t tell me Merry and I spent a hundred bucks on a Marcello’s gift certificate for nothing.”
Josie, the adorable gray-and-black mixed breed that she and Theo had brought home from that camping trip seven years ago, came over and Allie kneeled down to give her a good scratching behind the ears and a cuddle, then stood up and gave her sister a soft punch in the arm. “No matter what, it wouldn’t have been a waste because we got you dessert to-go with the leftover money. Their tiramisu is out of this world.”
“Oooh, thanks,” Lila said, taking the bag into the kitchen and putting it in the fridge.
“Babies asleep?” Allie asked into the quiet. “Tail end of their nap?”
“Yes, which means you have a good fifteen minutes to tell me every detail of last night.” She went to the cabinet and pulled out two mugs, filling them with coffee. Allie went to the fridge to get the half-and-half and plunked some in. Josie padded in and curled up in the blue plush bed by the window.
“I’ll make you a deal, Allie. If you tell me, I’ll give you half my tiramisu. I can’t speak for Merry and her tiramisu, since she’s at work.”
Allie smiled. “Deal,” she said, sitting down and stirring a spoonful of sugar in her coffee.
Lila took out one of the tiramisus and brought over two spoons. Allie took a bite and savored the cool, sweet perfection. It was so good it almost made her feel better.
“Marcello’s worked,” Allie said. “You and Merry taking the quads worked.”
Lila’s face lit up and she spooned a mouthful of the dessert into her mouth. “And it was amazing, right? Told you! You two just needed a night to yourselves with romance on the menu as your dessert.”
“Dinner was amazing. Dessert was amazing. It was afterward that wasn’t amazing.” Allie took a heaping spoonful of tiramisu. “I think I scared him off by saying something about my dreams coming true.”
Lila put her spoon down with a little clang. “Scared him off? What is he, sixteen? A guy you’re dating? Give me an effing break, Allie.”
“I know. It sounds stupid. But we had big problems in our marriage toward the end. You know that. And we were apart for two years. In a way, it does feel like we’re dating—finding out who we are together, if we work—”
“Wait, if? What?”
Allie burst into tears, grabbing tissues from the box on the
counter. “He wants us to work. I want us to work. But what if the chasm was too deep and too far? I know Theo. I know what he’s worried about.”
Lila narrowed her blue eyes. “What is he worried about?”
“That he’ll revert back to Sergeant Stark. That he’ll put the job above me and his children. That it’ll be the same thing all over again except this time he’ll break five hearts instead of just one.”
“Oh, crud,” Lila said. “I kind of get it.”
“I get it, too. I don’t like it, but I get it.”
“So when he starts on the force, he’s out chasing a mobster or whatever and you text him to pick up a loaf of organic whole-grain bread on his way home, and not only does he not come home till 1:00 a.m., he forgets the bread. And then you have a fight that wakes up the babies, and they’re crying, then you’re both crying, and two nights later, the same thing happens?”
Allie’s shoulders slumped and she took another bite of her tiramisu. “Exactly.”
“He has to find a middle ground,” Lila said. “Plain and simple. He’s not the only cop on the force with a family. Look at Reed Barelli. He’s got five kids—toddler triplets and baby twins! God, can you imagine?”
Allie smiled. “Theo took the quads on a playdate with Reed and his twins. They have very good systems in place.”
“Yes, systems that keep Detective Barelli from following leads and tips all over the night, guns blazing in abandoned warehouses. Theo has the same reason to change how he operates—a family to think about.”
“Then why is Theo even worried?” Allie asked. And why did she think her sister possibly knew her husband better than she did?
“Because so much is riding on him doing this right. He wants to be a cop. He’s good at it. It was his life for years. Now you and the kids are his life. He has to make the two work. And he has some time before he even rejoins the force to think about it, make decisions—and to freak out about making the wrong ones.”
Allie shoved the rest of the tiramisu in her mouth. Her sister was too right. “If you’re not going to finish that...” she said, gesturing at what was left in her sister’s dish.
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