by T. S. Ryder
Naya rubbed her eyes. "I truly enjoy what's between us. I haven't said anything because I didn't want to wreck it. But I need to know what we are. Is there an us? Am I anything to you other than a warm body?"
"Naya…" Gabriel sighed and ran a hand through his dark hair. "I forget sometimes that humans don't know vampires well. I have only slept in your bed since we met. I have only drunk your blood. That might not mean anything to you, but it means a lot to me. And as for after our baby is born, of course I want you to be part of his life. I want you to be my lover, just as you are now."
His lover. But not his mate? No, of course not. She was human. She would die while he lived on. But a lover was better than nothing, wasn't it? She considered him for a moment, then nodded. "Then I will be your lover."
A sigh brought the attention of both of them back to Angel. The vampire woman was fairly beaming, her hands pressed over her heart. "So beautiful," she murmured, then sighed again. "I can take Ivanna out if you two want the room."
Gabriel grinned and nodded. But even as Naya let him lead her into the bedroom and gave herself to him, she couldn't help but realize–he wanted her for his lover. He said nothing about him being her lover.
Chapter Six: Four Months
The moment Naya was certain that the fluttering sensation around her navel was the baby kicking, she knew she had to tell Gabriel at once. Her heart soared with happiness. The instant love that filled her when she felt Gabriel's baby kicking was too much to keep to herself.
After getting Ivanna settled in the kitchens, where she very happily 'helped' the cooks make cookie dough, Naya went straight to Gabriel's private chambers. She had only been there a few times when they wanted to make sure they wouldn't wake Ivanna up with their lovemaking.
She didn't knock before she entered. And what she found had her heart plummeting. Her lungs locked and her eyes widened. No!
Angel stood behind Gabriel, her body pressed against his, her arms around his waist. His shirt was unbuttoned.
"What the hell?" Naya gasped.
Angel stepped away from the king, tugging her skirt down. Blood rushed to Naya's face and her hands clenched. She could hardly see, she was so angry. How could he? It was just a month ago that he said that he wanted her to be his lover. Did he mean he just wanted her as part of his harem? She knew she should have demanded more of an explanation!
"Naya," Gabriel said, smiling broadly as though there was nothing wrong with what he had been doing. "I didn't expect you."
"I can see that! How many other women do you have in here?"
"It's not what you think—" Angel started.
Gabriel cut her off. "You think we were having sex?"
"Getting ready for it!" Naya trembled from head to foot. She ought to have known. Angel quite literally looked like an angel. She was gorgeous. And what was Naya? Short, too round and too human. Gabriel had to hold back so he wouldn’t hurt her, and she couldn't keep up with him. Of course he'd look for completion elsewhere. "So everything you said last month was just to keep me around at night, was it?"
"Naya—" Angel started again.
"You're jealous?" Gabriel laughed, his own hands clenching. "You're jealous? You're the one who is always telling me to stop snarling, to let males near you. You're jealous now? Do you have any idea how hard this has been for me? Of course you don't, you're human. What do you know?"
"Gabriel!"
Naya ignored Angel's gasp. "I know that I'm pregnant with your son and I just caught you here, about to hook up with this... this skank!"
She knew she was being unfair, knew she needed to stop and listen. And she knew that Angel was no skank, that she was a sweet, kind woman who deserved better. But she was so angry that she didn't care. It hurt too much, knowing that Gabriel didn't feel towards her the same way she felt towards him.
Knowing that he didn't love her.
The king's face darkened. "What did you just say?"
"You heard me!"
"How dare you?" A deep snarl rose in his chest. "You stand there and judge me? Sex is as vital to vampires as food is to humans, and despite what you think and what your human morals declare, vampires are rarely exclusive, except in mated pairs. So don't you dare stand and judge me when—"
She didn't stick around to hear any more. Naya spun on her heel and tore out of the room, slamming the door behind her. Let him do whatever he wanted! She wasn't going to stick around to see it. She wasn't going to keep giving her heart to a vampire. He was right; she didn't know anything about vampires. How could she have expected him to feel anything more than lust towards her? And even the lust–it couldn't be as powerful as what he felt towards other, prettier women.
Now her heart was breaking. And it was all her fault for letting herself fall in love with him.
***
Nobody had argued with her when she had demanded to return to the city, although even now, whenever she looked out the window, she saw a dozen or so vampires hanging around the streets below. She and Ivanna were staying in the penthouse of a hotel, since her new house wasn't ready and her old apartment building was being renovated. Her escort was just outside the door.
She wouldn't have stayed in this hotel, paid for by Gabriel, but her escort had insisted, and she was too tired to argue with them.
"I want to go home," Ivanna whined, as Naya sat on the sofa, trying to read her daughter a story.
"It's being renovated, sweetheart." Naya focused on the book in her hands. It had 'mysteriously' been left outside her door, but she recognized it as one that Angel always read to Naya at night.
Angel had always been around them. She had acted as though she wanted Gabriel and Naya to get together. So why had she decided to sleep with him? Didn't either of them understand how it would make her feel?
"If we can't go home, can Angel and Gabriel come here?" Ivanna leaned against Naya's side and looked up at her with big, dark eyes.
Naya shut the book. Ivanna wasn't referring to their apartment as home. It was the palace. Of course it was. There she was always the center of attention. The vampires were constantly encouraging her to sing and dance for them. No matter what she wanted, she had it in a heartbeat.
It was best for Ivanna to get her away from there, Naya tried to tell herself. She was getting far too spoiled.
Her heart ached, though. Ivanna had truly bonded with Angel. It was like she had a live-in grandmother. And Angel was so good with Ivanna…
"It's time for bed," Naya said, shaking the thoughts from her head.
Maybe tomorrow, when she was a little cooler, she would phone Angel–not Gabriel, she still felt too vulnerable to talk to him–and ask for her side of the story. Maybe she had overreacted, or misread the situation. Even if she had, though, Gabriel's reaction still stung.
"I'm not tired," Ivanna insisted, as Naya lifted her off the couch.
"Mommy is. Maybe you can sing me a little song while we lie down."
Ivanna accepted that idea, and soon they were cuddled together in bed, Ivanna's soft little voice singing song after song before she drifted to sleep. Naya stayed awake, staring at the faint light that came through the hotel curtains.
Eventually, she knew she wouldn’t be able to sleep, and went back to the living room. Her phone lay on the coffee table, showing she had missed five calls. Scrolling through them, she found that they were all from Angel. Sighing, Naya slumped onto the sofa. Did she really want to phone her back?
No, her feelings were still too raw.
Instead, she flipped open the text messaging. Angel had sent her a dozen texts, telling her that she was only helping Gabriel get ready for a meeting, that nothing happened between them, and that Gabriel was exclusive with her.
Naya wanted to believe it. If Gabriel had told her, she would have, like she had before.
I'm just like my mother. She phoned Angel but, when the vampire woman answered, she spoke before Angel could.
"I'm sorry that I called you a skank. I was angry and i
t was unfair. But exclusivity is important to humans, and I thought that Gabriel understood how I felt when I asked him what we were. But he doesn't, he obviously doesn't. Maybe that's my fault, but all I know is that my father was always cheating on my mother. Every month there was a new woman and every month my mother said she forgave him and knew that nothing had happened, even when something clearly had. She always took him back and I hated her for it."
Naya sucked in a noisy breath. She had never told anybody this before, not even Ivanna's father. Tears burned her eyes, but she plunged ahead. "And maybe I misread the situation, but that's the sort of thing I would walk in on all the time with my father, and he always gave stupid excuses. I love Gabriel, I really do, but I'm not going to make my children grow up like my mother made me grow up! Either we're together exclusively or we're not together. That's it."
There was silence for a long, long moment. Naya clutched the phone to her ear. Eventually, Angel spoke. "You need to say this to Gabriel."
Naya snorted, though it came out sounding more like a sob. "I don't think I can."
"Why not?"
"Because if he told me all the buttons just magically fell off his shirt, I think I'd believe him. I would go right back to him the way my mother went right back to my father, and I'd still be left wondering what I am to him and if there's going to be a new woman next month. I wouldn't talk about it because I wouldn't want to fight, and I think it'll turn into a fight if I try to talk about it."
"Naya." Angel sighed. "Just ask him. I promise he's already yours. You don't have to be afraid. You're the only woman he's had since the Blood Moon. Trust me. He loves you."
Naya sniffed, wiping her eyes. "I have to go now."
"Naya—"
She hung up. Almost of their own accord, her fingers found Gabriel's number. Her thumb hovered over the call button, but she couldn't bring herself to do it and she turned off the phone. She felt the baby kick and placed a hand on her stomach, fighting back tears.
Chapter Seven: Six Months
If Gabriel could get drunk, he'd have taken vodka straight from the bottle. But the only thing vampire bodies could digest was blood, and the subtle flavors of various alcoholic beverages were lost on his deadened tongue. Still, he kept a good store of the finest, most expensive wines available to share with any human diplomats or dignitaries who he entertained.
In the two months since Naya had left him, he'd drunk the whole store, hoping that if he drank enough it would somehow find its way to his brain. It never did, even when he mixed it with the bags of blood he got from blood donation clinics. The prepackaged stuff was just awful, but he didn't even want to think about having a living donor.
Gabriel sighed, staring out the window of his private chambers. He missed having Naya around. He missed the way she laughed, and the way she rolled her eyes if a male approached her and Gabriel snarled at him. He missed holding her in his arms at night.
But was he meant to be with someone who didn't trust him?
He wanted to. He wanted to go to her and swear he'd do anything she wanted as long as she would return to him. And he was going to. He had been about to go to the city and promise her the moon if that was what she wanted. Just as he had been leaving, he received a text message from her.
A text message.
Not even a phone call. It had detailed the story between her mother and father and, as he read, his heart had sunk into his stomach. Even though he was still upset that she didn't understand his gestures towards her, he understood why she would think as she had. What sort of man was her father, to repeatedly betray his mate and break his daughter's heart? If that was all that Naya knew, how much worse must her fears about their relationship be? They weren't even mates, and he had out and out told her that vampires were rarely exclusive.
But why should he have to prove that he wasn't like her father? He could spend a lifetime trying to, but if she wasn't going to trust him then he would never convince her otherwise.
The door opened and he smelled the soft, lilac scent of Angel, but he didn't turn.
"Have you talked with Naya today?"
"We've texted," Gabriel muttered. "Not that it's your business."
"You have been grumpier than I've ever known you since she left. You just need to go to her and tell her exactly how you feel. You haven't been with another woman since the Blood Moon, and you know that hearing it from your own lips will do a lot towards getting her to forgive you."
"Trust should count for something." Gabriel's fists clenched. "If Naya can't trust me, then she can't… I can't…"
Angel moved closer, her footsteps so light and graceful that he hardly heard her. He turned towards her–and his jaw dropped. His eyes bugged out of his head as he took her in. Angel wore nothing but a pair of strappy high heels. Her head was high, her hands on her hips in that pose that never failed to get a reaction out of him.
Except that this time it was anger, not arousal. He thought she cared for Naya. How could she suggest this?
"If you and she are not going to mate, then perhaps you and I can have some fun?" Angel arched a delicate eyebrow. "After all, as you said yourself, sex is as vital to vampires as food is to humans."
Gabriel strode to the bed, snatching the comforter off it. He tossed it at Angel. "Get out of here this instant before I have you banished." He kept his voice low and calm, making sure she knew he was completely serious.
To his surprise, a triumphant grin crossed her face. "I knew it."
"Knew what?" Gabriel asked, taken aback.
"That you love her."
"That's what this was about? Proving that I loved her by rejecting you?"
Angel wrapped the blanket around herself. "Gabriel, I am going to give you a little advice. Go to her. Apologize for your behavior and let her apologize for hers. It doesn't matter who was right and who was wrong, even though she was clearly out of line."
"If it doesn't matter—"
"What matters is that she was hurt. She misunderstood the situation and lashed out, but you also dismissed her hurt. And you both have been miserable without one another ever since. So just go, tell her you're sorry and admit that you love her."
Gabriel frowned at his lover–no, former lover. He didn't desire her anymore. He didn't desire anybody but Naya. But how could he love a woman who didn't trust him? It was just setting himself up for heartbreak. "What makes you think that I love her?"
Angel groaned and rolled her eyes. "Please! Don't pretend I'm an idiot. Your majesty," she tacked on at the end, when he narrowed his eyes. "You have never been exclusive until you met her. Never. You have been sulking around the castle ever since she left. And every time you get a message on your phone—"
Just as she spoke, a ding sounded, indicating he had a text. Gabriel dived for his phone, snatching it up. It was from Naya.
"You do that." Angel cocked her head to one side. "You love her. You're just afraid. You always get what you want, and so what you want is never that important to you. Naya is important and you want her, but you're afraid that she won't want you back. You love her. You're afraid she doesn't love you."
"I'm not afraid."
"If you weren't, then you wouldn't care if she thought you were sleeping with me. You would be sleeping with me. Or you would be sleeping with other women, at least. I think I'm going to go exclusive…" Angel shook her head. "Go to her. Please. I love you both, and I hate that you're both so miserable."
She adjusted the blanket around her body and, with a final, small smile, she left the room. Gabriel let out a deep breath, considering her words. It was true. He knew it was, of course, but at the same time he didn't want to admit it. He was the one who was always strong and in control. But, with love, you had to give some control to somebody else. You had to give the most fragile part of yourself to another person, and if they weren't careful…
He closed his eyes. Naya was worth it. Her jealousy, her pain, it was parallel to his. Wasn't that why he snarled at the males ap
proaching her? Because he wasn't sure if she was his, despite his claim?
He began typing a text but dismissed that idea, phoning Naya instead. After three rings he worried that she might not answer, but after the fourth one she did.
"Gabriel." Her voice was soft and shy.
"Naya. Can I come see you?"
There was a moment's hesitation. He could almost hear her heartbeat over the phone. "Yes."
Gabriel's spirits soared, and within an hour he was outside the door to the hotel penthouse, his hands trembling as he knocked. Belatedly he thought he ought to have brought flowers, chocolates, diamonds. Something other than just himself.
Naya looked radiant as she opened the door. Her stomach had the gentle swell of pregnancy, and Gabriel could hear their child's strong heartbeat. She wore a simple t-shirt and skirt, but she looked more beautiful than all the diamonds in the world. As she stepped back to admit him into the hotel suite, a nervous smile played on her lips.
"Is Ivanna here?" Gabriel asked.
"No. I thought it might be best for the two of us to speak alone."
Gabriel nodded, understanding. He twisted his hands, uncertain of how to start.
"I'm sorry." Naya folded her arms over her chest, looking at the floor. "I'm sorry for the accusations I made, I'm sorry for not trying to understand the vampire way and I'm sorry for insulting Angel."
"And I'm sorry for not considering your feelings more," Gabriel replied, a sense of relief washing over him as he said the words. He always hated apologizing, but this felt good. "I'm sorry for not coming sooner."
"I'm sorry for—"
Gabriel put a finger on her lips and shook her head. "We're both sorry. We can talk about everything we're sorry about later. Right now I want to talk about us."
Naya's heartbeat increased and she sucked her plump lower lip between her teeth. "Us."
"I have not been with another woman since the first night we were together. I have not wanted another woman since then. No, don't say anything. Let me finish." His thumb traced her lips, and the soft sigh he got in response distracted him momentarily. "I know you're afraid. You saw what happened with your mother and decided you would never put yourself in that pain. But please know you can trust me with your heart."