by Casey Watson
‘Only that his flatmate – who’d been away for a few days, hence the timing of the escapade – had returned on the Sunday night, and had refused to let her stay. Which was why they ended up in the park, by all accounts. Though neither of them seem to have been very clear on the details. I believe a local party and a certain amount of drink might have been involved.’
‘And he’s thirty-five,’ I remembered again. ‘Honestly. It beggars belief. Still, at least you’ve found her. That’s the main thing. Though, as I say, does she even want to be returned to us?’
‘Oh yes,’ said the policeman. ‘She’s very clear that if you’ll have her she would like to be returned. And, like I say, tonight would be good.’
‘Well in that case, yes, please do bring her back to us. So, what sort of time?’
‘Couple of hours, or so, I think. We’ve had a bit of a delay, waiting for an appropriate adult to attend the station in order to go through her statement with her, but that’s all done and dusted now. It’ll just be a matter of getting through the rush-hour traffic now, so around half past eight or nine, I think. Will that be okay?’
I told him it was, sidestepping the girls, who’d just returned with my brace of cold but happy granddaughters. Riley was looking at me quizzically and holding up a thumb. I stuck my own up as I wished the officer a good journey – it seemed he’d been detailed to be the one bringing Keeley home.
‘So she’s had enough, has she?’ Riley said as she pulled Marley Mae’s gloves off. I nodded. ‘Seems so,’ I said. ‘Cuppa? I think we could all do with a defrost.’
‘Definitely,’ Lauren said. Her cheeks were almost carmine against her English rose complexion. ‘And while these two monkeys thaw out you can tell us all about it.’
So I did – well, as much as I knew, which was little. And with the reality so at odds with the picture we’d all painted, it seemed to throw up more questions than it had answered. Particularly in the matter of the guy being so much older than Keeley had thought and, by all accounts, not quite the meal ticket she’d imagined.
‘Ha!’ Riley said. ‘And she thought she was the duper not the dupe. Serves her bloody well right. So now what?’
I understood how Riley felt – she was protective towards Tyler too and she was also like her father; less easily swayed than I was by her emotions. I sensed in that instant that, whatever did happen now, sympathy for Keeley was in increasingly short supply. Which didn’t augur well for the immediate future.
‘But bless her,’ Lauren said. (We weren’t biologically related, but Lauren was a bit more like me. Definitely more inclined to be receptive to the idea of second – or in this case – third chances.) ‘That must have been a shock, however sure of herself she might have been. I’m sure she’s going to have her tail between her legs.’
‘Don’t count on it,’ Riley said. ‘I’m sure she’ll still be able to muster some attitude.’
Lauren frowned. ‘Do you want us to stay here till she gets here, Casey?’
I shook my head. A posse of cross-looking women was the last thing we needed. If there wasn’t any attitude when she arrived, she’d soon rustle some up. ‘No, no,’ I said. ‘You two get off and get your little princesses to bed. I’ll text Dad and make sure he gets home before she does. And I’ll have to go write my log up and let everyone know in any case.’ Including Tyler, of course. I didn’t expect a lot of sympathy there either.
Mike was only too happy to curtail his male bonding session, as it turned out. ‘Bloody Hallowe’en,’ he muttered when I called him to tell him. ‘Always forget about that. Place was crawling with bloody kids. Oh, and a clown. What’s this thing people have with clowns on Hallowe’en night? What’s that about? Poor Kieron was on pins.’
I could well imagine. Kieron had had an irrational fear of clowns since he was knee high to a sparrow. We’d never been able to go anywhere where we might accidentally see one, and the fear was almost as debilitating now. It had even become something of a comforting consolation; due to his Asperger’s he’d always struggled with making and keeping friends as a child, and the sadness that he rarely got invited to parties was at least tempered – not least by him – by the one positive aspect, that he’d be a whole lot less likely to be surprised by one.
I told Mike Lauren was on her way back and she’d see Kieron at home, and while Mike made his way home I made the required phone calls – to EDT, to confirm what they’d already been told by the police, just so they could formally remove her from their own missing list. Then to Danny and John, both of whom I left voicemail messages for; bar emergencies, their working days were obviously done, and we could have a proper debrief in the morning.
I’d just disconnected from calling the latter, when my mobile rang again. It was Danny. ‘It could have waited till tomorrow,’ I said. ‘There’s nothing you need to do. I just wanted to let you know she was safe and well.’
‘I know that,’ he said. ‘I’m just phoning you back to ask if you’re okay. As in okay having her back with you. It’s been a right pain, I know.’
‘No, it’s fine, Danny. Honestly. Anyway, where else is she going to go?’
‘You’re a saint.’
‘No, I’m not.’
‘Well, let’s agree to differ. The point is that I’m honestly more than happy to come round. You know, for when she gets to you. Take some of the pressure off.’
‘Danny, we’ll be fine,’ I said. ‘The police officer said she was desperate to come back to us, and apparently very sorry, so I don’t think we’ll have any problems. At least, not tonight. To be honest, I imagine she’ll go straight to bed. Tonight’s not the time to be giving her some massive lecture anyway.’
‘Well, if you’re sure …’ Danny said.
‘I am.’
‘But is there anything at all you need from me at this stage? Or should I just pop over some time tomorrow to read young madam the riot act?’
Again, I thought. Wasn’t there any other kind? One that actually worked?
‘That’ll be fine,’ I told him.
Mike had brought Tyler and Denver back with him – the latter to pick up all his stuff – and once he’d done so and Mike was off again to drop him back to his home that left just me and Tyler in the house. ‘I tell you what, love,’ I said, once I’d run through the edited highlights, ‘it might be best if you make yourself scarce when they get here. I imagine she’s going to be feeling pretty stupid and it might be best if she doesn’t have to face everyone at once.’
He agreed immediately. ‘I don’t particularly want to face her either, Mum. I mean I’m not saying I’m not cool with everything because I am. I need a shower anyway. Wash all this muck off my face.’
‘Oh, must you, love?’ I said. ‘That whole blood-spattered zombie apocalypse look really suits you. Whatever a zombie apocalypse is when it’s at home. What exactly is a zombie apocalypse anyway?’ I pulled him close for a hug, trying to read how he was feeling. Had a part of him been pleased to get Keeley out of his hair? Hard to tell.
‘You don’t need to answer that,’ I told him. ‘I’m just glad you’re cool. Ever the stoic, you, eh? It’s a hard pill to swallow when someone throws kindness back in your face, isn’t it?’
He smelt of night air and poster paint, and his special Tyler smell. ‘It wasn’t exactly like that,’ he said stoutly. ‘She didn’t mean anything. She’s just, well … got issues. That’s all. No biggie.’
‘No biggie,’ I agreed, thinking I could probably kill anyone who ever broke his heart.
PC Heggarty and his colleague, a lady in plain clothes, didn’t stay. So within less than a minute of finding her standing head down on the doorstep, I was alone with Keeley, both of us sitting at the table in the kitchen, while Mike (another premeditated action? I suspected so) had gone up to shower as well. What was with all the cleanliness drive all of a sudden? But I was glad because I didn’t want a row. Not tonight, anyway.
And she didn’t seem to want one. She looked e
xhausted and anxious – far more so than she’d done on the night she’d first come to us – and seemed to have little to say.
‘I’m not going to interrogate you, Keeley,’ I told her. ‘Just tell me why – what were you thinking of, going off with a complete stranger? I just don’t understand. I mean, what did you think? That the two of you were going to sail off into the sunset and live happily ever after? Did you really think this Jamie character was some kind of knight in shining armour? Seriously, love, what did you think was going to happen? Were you just going to throw everything else in on the basis of being with a man you’d never met? Forget about your college course? Your independence? I just don’t understand why you’d do that. Because the one thing I never had you down as was so incredibly naïve. I mean, think about it – how is that going to help your case for supported lodgings? If you show yourself to be so dangerously impulsive?’
The words I’d chosen – very deliberately – seemed to strike a sudden chord. She spread her hands on the table, palms down, fingers splayed. Her usually perfect nail polish was badly chipped. Then she gathered her hands up again and tented them against her temples. ‘Because I thought I loved him, okay? Because I knew he loved me! He still does!’ She was shouting. Not on-the-edge-of-losing-it shouting. Just as if she had to shout to make anyone understand.
I reached out to clasp her wrist, but she pulled her arm away and scowled at me. ‘You don’t get it. He loves me. He only lied about all his money and stuff so that I wouldn’t dump him!’ She leapt up from the chair then, and started to throw her arms about. ‘And he didn’t lie, okay? Never. Not once. He only told me that he was twenty-one on that photo – that photo – and that was the truth. Because he was. He just never said it was from a while back. That was all. It’s not a crime. Chrissakes!’
She was defending him, pretty forcefully, and I wasn’t sure it was for my benefit. I wondered how long she had been interrogated for earlier. Quizzed not just about her own teenage folly, but about the man who she’d gone to and what part he’d played. Because I didn’t doubt that in the first instance they’d have been deeply suspicious. An online relationship, a sixteen-year-old girl … and a thirty-five-year-old male of no fixed abode. What other conclusion would they be likely to reach?
‘Stop shouting please, Keeley,’ I said mildly. ‘And sit down.’
‘I don’t want to sit down,’ she said, petulant. Angry. ‘What’s the point of telling you anything? How would you ever understand?’
‘That might be right,’ I said, as she decided to slump back down anyway. ‘But I’m trying to, aren’t I? And how about you? Can you understand just how worried we’ve been? How I’ve been lying awake worrying that something terrible might have happened to you?’
She had her head in her hands now, and her shoulders had begun shaking. ‘Well, don’t bother,’ she muttered. ‘You don’t really care. It’s just your job.’ She lifted her head then. ‘You have no idea. You can’t. You think I’m stupid but that’s because you have no idea about me. No idea that anyone could ever love me for me. But Jamie did. He still does. You don’t realise. He got me. He was gentle and kind and they were all so bloody horrible …’
But the sobs overcame her. I stood up, went round the table and put an arm around her. ‘You just don’t know,’ she cried, leaning into me, as if craving the physical contact. ‘You just don’t realise how shitty I feel all the time. I hate me,’ she said. ‘I just don’t fit in anywhere! It’s like there’s nothing inside me. Just this hole. This fucking hole.’ She thumped her chest. ‘You don’t understand.’
I kissed her head. ‘Then you’ll have to help me, won’t you?’
It was probably going to be a long night.
Chapter 17
It was a short night in the end because Keeley was exhausted. Far too exhausted to sit in the kitchen and pour her heart out. She just needed the oblivion of sleep. So I helped her upstairs, switched the lamp on and pulled the covers back, and with a tearful ‘I’m so sorry for everything’ between sobs, she gave me a last hug and collapsed on the bed. Might have slept in it fully clothed. Probably did.
Which left me, with the correct complement of children under our roof, to enjoy an episode of The X Factor that Tyler had recorded for me and which I’d yet to catch up with, and then the gift of an uninterrupted (not to mention astonishing) eight hours of sleep. The first thing I knew Mike was shaking me awake, my coffee cooling, him about to leave for work.
I’d rubbed my eyes and sat up and reached for my coffee anyway. He perched on the edge of the bed.
‘What’s the plan, then?’ he said. ‘Do we have one?’
I was glad to hear the ‘we’. Apart from my telling Mike about Keeley’s desolate admission, we’d purposely refrained from doing our usual debrief the previous night. Better wait, we decided, till we had a fuller picture, and some idea of what direction things were going to go now. And I don’t think either of us wanted to open up a debate about whether we even wanted to be a part of that process.
I thought back to what little she had said the previous evening. Of the compelling nature of the way she’d described her assessment of her own worth. The visceral extent of her self-loathing. But being Keeley’s apologist wasn’t going to help me with Mike. She would have to win his heart back herself. If, indeed, that was what was going to happen. It may well be that she wasn’t destined to be with us much longer anyway – not the way she continued to kick against the traces. Perhaps being contained in the bosom of a normal happy family was actually making it all worse.
But I had to keep faith with her if that was what she wanted right now. ‘Still Plan A,’ I said. ‘That’s the one I’m keen to stick to, if you think you can bear it.’
He looked thoughtful. ‘Till the next crisis.’
‘I imagine that’s how it’ll go, yes.’
He leaned down to plant a kiss on my head. ‘Okay, you’re the boss. But look, love, I know you think you had some big breakthrough last night, but don’t let that completely cloud your judgement. I mean, it might be a turning point, but then again, it might not. Past experience has shown that’s she’s perfectly capable of manipulating things to suit herself. We both know that. So just be aware of it, okay?’
I didn’t mind getting a lecture because I knew Mike was right. I was pathologically just like a terrier down a rabbit hole. Once I’d wormed my way right to the heart of an emotional warren, I locked on and wouldn’t let go. But I felt sure I knew the difference between melodrama for purposes of cool manipulation and the anguished outpouring of a soul. ‘I know, love,’ I said, ‘and I will be aware. But it’s something. Let’s just see how today goes.’
I threw the duvet back, and went to the window to watch Mike leave. He was right. Past experience should obviously make me wary. Keeley had yet to show us one single example of her actually meaning anything she’d said. Still, if I were to do my job properly, I had to give her every opportunity to do that, and if I was committed to keeping her I had to do that every time.
First, though – first and foremost – more coffee. I grabbed my dressing gown from the back of the door and slipped it on, looking forward to a half-hour of quiet contemplation before the day got properly under way.
When I entered the kitchen, however, I was not a little shocked to find Keeley standing in the kitchen, with her back to me, looking out of the front window, in much the same way as I’d been doing in the bedroom above.
‘Oh!’ I said. ‘I didn’t realise you were already up.’
‘I wasn’t.’ She grimaced ruefully. ‘Well, correction, I was, but I stayed in my bedroom. Thought I’d better keep out of Mike’s way.’
Her candour made me smile. She smiled too. ‘Is he really, really, really cross?’
‘No, he’s only really, really cross. Well, really, really cross bordering on just really cross. Manageable cross, at any rate, provided you toe the line. How about you? I thought you’d lie in till at least noon. Catch up on some of the sl
eep you’ve been missing.’
‘I was wide awake at five,’ she said. ‘I went to bed so early, didn’t I? And then I couldn’t get back to sleep …’ She paused and then grimaced again. ‘Christ, I’m going to get hell from Danny, aren’t I? Is he coming round?’
‘Yes, he is. And yes, I suspect you are. But not till after lunch, so the condemned woman can at least eat a hearty breakfast. Hungry?’
‘Not really,’ she said. ‘Not yet. Thirsty though. Would you like a cup of coffee?’
‘Do bears live in the woods?’ I said, as I held out my empty mug.
Keeley grinned. ‘Mrs Higgins – my old social worker – she always used to say that. Except she never said exactly that. She said S-H-I-T.’
I smiled at her. ‘Clearly doesn’t have the same rule book as ours, then.’
‘Er, you could say that,’ Keeley agreed. ‘She was way cool. So nice.’
‘And I’m not?’ I pulled a face of consternation.
She managed a giggle. ‘You’re all right,’ she said. But she was still looking pensive about the here and the now.
‘Anyway, yes to the coffee,’ I rattled on. ‘And then we’ll sit down and you can tell me all about what happened. A problem shared and all that … Is that a deal?’
It seemed it was. With a bit of sleep under her belt, Keeley was clearly in the mood to talk now, and, with Tyler still in bed and unlikely to make an appearance any time soon, talk she did.
And for the most part she was dry-eyed and emotionless, describing how she’d accidentally on purpose set her cap at the hapless Jamie, apparently a friend of a friend on her fake Facebook set-up – she made no bones about that whatsoever. And I was happy to skip that part as I’d seen enough of the messages to know all the details already. And this was a girl who did phone sex with strangers for money. There was nothing new or shocking for me to learn here.