by Zoë Lane
She crossed her arms over her chest. “What medicine?”
Her defensive tone had me questioning my decision to say anything at all. “Something similar to the supplements Billy’s been giving me.”
She blinked. “What Billy’s been giving you? What have you taken?”
“It’s really just a natural supplement. Noting major.”
She gave a frustrated sigh, her brows angling downward. “Casper, are you sure? You don’t know what you’re taking.”
“I do know,” I said a little more forcefully than I’d wanted. “I do know. The doctor is aware. What more do you want?”
Siobhan frowned. Her gaze went to the left and the right before refocusing on me. “Cas, Vero told me that she thinks Billy is in trouble.”
“What do you mean?”
“That he might be using.”
I jerked my head back. “Is she sure or is this just accusation?”
“Just...” She bit her lip and looked away. “I wouldn’t take anything he gives you,” she whispered. Her imploring gaze met mine. “Okay?”
I nodded wordlessly. Billy seemed fine to me in practice and then tonight during our pre-game meeting. “Double check that banned list for me, please?”
“Okay...”
Her bushed brows created ridges in her skin that rippled down to her nose. I hated that she looked so worried. “I’m not even on Billy’s stuff anymore, so don’t worry. I’ll stop by after the game.”
“Sure. Okay,” she said, the worry lines in her face remaining.
I winked to reassure her and jogged in the direction of the staircase and to the locker room. I grinned all the way down. I had my medicine, Siobhan and I were on good terms, and I felt well enough to play.
*****
“What did Siobhan want?” Landyn asked over the shouting of the players around us as we stood in the hallway, waiting for the signal to run out onto the field.
“Huh?” I asked. Yeah, I’d heard him, but I had told Siobhan something that I couldn’t even tell Landyn, and I didn’t want to talk about that right before the game.
Landyn locked eyes with me, refusing to get out of my face. “What. Did. Siobhan. Want?”
Damn his beautiful, ice-blue eyes that froze me into place. Was this how women felt when confronted with his frost power? Like a superhero, only he was using his power for evil.
I didn’t want to tell him.
That was my right.
“Landyn, do we have to talk about it now?”
“Yes! You’ve been avoiding me, Casper, and I know you’re hiding something. Want to make sure you’re going to be out on the field when I throw the ball.”
I rolled my eyes. Such a drama queen. “I’ve been avoiding you? You’ve been spending every second with Rose.”
“And you know why!”
“Yeah, well, nothing’s wrong.” I tried to sidestep him and he dug his shoulder into my right one.
My right shoulder.
The one he almost never touched.
I cringed, feeling the weight of the impact like a spike through my flesh. What the hell good were these shoulder pads anyway, if they couldn’t even protect me against a hit from a quarterback? The one player on the field who slid to the ground for safety because their precious arms couldn’t take a hit nor could they give one.
“Casper! What the fuck?” he screamed.
I shoved him back and shrugged my shoulders to adjust the weight of the pads. “Get out of my face!”
His pointed finger almost came through my helmet to hit me in my eye. “I saw that!”
“It’s nothing.”
His helmet butted mine. “It’s not nothing,” he seethed. “If you get hit—”
“Then I’ll handle it.” I succeeded in moving past him, stepping forward with the rest of the team. We heard the signal and began to jog out to the mass of screaming, waving fans shoving gear in our faces for autographs or just a palm for a quick high-five. I ignored them all.
“Does Siobhan know?” I heard the question from the side of me.
Damn. Why couldn’t I shake this guy?
We reached the sideline, and instead of going straight to the coach like usual, Landyn stood before me again, his voice low for my ears only. “Does she know?”
“Yes,” I said simply.
He blinked, his head snapping back. It took him a minute to recover, his gaze going everywhere before settling back on me. I looked away at the sadness that hit me. “What...what are you taking for it? Doc give you something?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Gonna have it looked at after the game.”
“You think it’s serious?”
I nodded again.
There. It was out. Probably to the person I should’ve told first, but I didn’t, so...
Landyn put his hands on his hips, his tone harsh. “Why didn’t you tell me? And why the hell would you tell Siobhan?”
The answer to the second question was easier to articulate than the first. We were...bonding. We were more than—what were we? Friends? Almost lovers. Lovers as soon as she dumped Phillip.
I sat down on the white bench for players and fiddled with my perfectly tied shoelaces. “I didn’t want to tell you because of this conversation right here.”
“It’d be a different conversation if we weren’t playing in two minutes!”
“Landyn!” Coach Hicks yelled.
Landyn sent me one final look of displeasure and a grunt, probably for good measure, and jogged away. I collapsed against the bench and sighed. I didn’t need my focus to be off. I would need to be sharp the whole game if I was going to avoid all the hits that could potentially leave me sidelined for weeks, or the rest of the season.
We were playing the Patriots.
The pain wasn’t blinding, like it had been right after the accident when it had hurt so bad all I could do was shut my eyes. All I had to do was play my game and have the doctor look at me. Probably was a deep strain anyway.
I found Coach Hicks staring at me while Landyn talked to him.
Fuck.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
SIOBHAN
I’d been uneasy since last night’s game. Casper had made it out of the stadium without running into me, and now I was feeling like a crazy person thinking he was avoiding me.
Maybe he was, maybe he wasn’t. It wasn’t like I was his doctor.
But I’d thought that maybe we were at least...friends.
So when I’d watched him get hit, and seen how he clutched his shoulder when he’d had to be helped off the field, my stomach turned in on itself. The painful expression on his face made me cold all over.
Then when I returned home, I ended things with Phillip.
He didn’t seem that surprised. In fact, he had said he was working an extra shift and left right after.
Extra shift my ass.
I’d barely slept that night and came into work three hours early.
I scrubbed the already-clean sink counter in the large physical therapy room and then decided I should probably re-clean the equipment I’d just wiped down half an hour ago, after my last appointment. A few of the guys had taken a beating on the field, which had resulted in the first loss of the season. Four games in. It had to happen at some point.
I yanked a few wipes out of the container and went to work on the rowing machine.
“Hey, chica. Doc said you were in here.” I dropped the wipe into the nearest trash can and joined Veronica, who had taken a seat on the couch. She pulled her hair out of the tie, her bun falling in waves around her shoulder. She began massaging her scalp. “Ah, that’s better. We just got hit with a ton of drug tests, so Doc has me scrambling to make sure all of the files are up to date. When I applied to be a nurse here, I thought I’d be spending my days like you, touching hot guys.”
“Isn’t that kind of rapey?” I mumbled.
“Not if they enjoy it.”
“Veronica, ugh!”
“Anyway, we’re not talking about me
.” She rubbed my shoulder. “Feeling any better?”
Exhausted. Once I sat down, all energy seemed to have left my body. Now I wished I had stayed in bed, even if I couldn’t fall asleep. At least I wouldn’t be burnt out by the time my shift started. I groaned and put my head back against the couch.
“Well, you shouldn’t have come into work at four thirty in the morning.”
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“Well at least it’s over. I’m glad Phillip took it well, although I’m surprised you couldn’t sleep afterwards.
I kept my mouth shut about Casper or I’d never hear the end of it from Veronica.
“It’s nothing. Phillip left his stuff there so I’ll have to see him again.”
Veronica leaned forward, gripping my hand. “You know this isn’t going to be easy. You’ve been with him since college. But you made the right decision.”
“I know,” I agreed softly. “I don’t like conflict. Not really.”
Veronica laughed and leaned back against the sofa. “Girl, for as long as I’ve known you—”
“Like a minute.”
“—you love to share your opinion. Forcefully. It’s why we’re friends. I respect a person with conviction. But we’re adults, and we have to solve our own problems.”
I was lucky to have connected with Veronica so soon after being hired here. We had both gone through the same orientation program a few months before. The sheer number of people working in this facility was astounding. Medical, security, service. No shortage of people to make friends with, but you could only really ever trust a few people.
“Speaking of problems...”
Vero groaned. “Yeah, Casper was in there this morning. Doc is having him do some ice and heat therapy.”
I bolted up. “But what about getting an X-ray? He had to be helped off the field. He looked like he was in a lot of pain!”
Veronica looked at me like I was crazy and shook her head. “What are you, his mother? Casper insisted it was only a little bit sore. If he was in real pain, then he’s a hell of an actor.”
“What about range of motion?”
“Nearly all there. The doctor gave him the option, though.”
“Gave him the...”
I launched from the sofa and began pacing the floor in front of the couch.
“Maybe you should sit back down,” Veronica said slowly.
I stopped and faced her. I wrapped my arms around my body, but the feeling of nausea kept swelling. After what I had read about banned substances, I didn’t trust the doctor’s judgment. I needed to talk to Casper. “Vero...what if...?”
She tilted her head in my direction. “What if?”
I bit my lip and looked away. My eyes darted to the wall clock. Eight a.m. The team had their usual after-game meeting at ten o’clock. And I had an appointment at nine. Not enough time.
“Siobhan?”
“What if I know something that...that could really hurt someone if I said anything?”
“Could you be any more cryptic?”
I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I know something that could end someone’s career. But that person isn’t a bad guy and—”
“Is it the doctor?” Veronica leapt off the couch, and we stood toe to toe. She spoke in a hushed tone. “Because I always thought he was a little...I dunno, shady. I mean, sure, he flirts with me, and I’ve caught him staring at my ass, but what man doesn’t? But with his meetings with Billy, I think—”
“No,” I interrupt sternly, my heart beating a mile a minute, bile at the base of my throat. “Not the doctor,” I whispered. Except, Casper did say the doctor authorized it. He should’ve known it was on the list awaiting final adjudication.
Her brows came together. “Who, then?”
I shook my head furiously. “I don’t think I should tell you. I don’t want to implicate you or something.”
“Well, thanks, chica. But what is it you know? I’ll help you, if I can.”
I put my nails between my teeth, something I hadn’t done since I was in elementary school, before liking nail polish. But I didn’t have time to chew on my nails; Veronica yanked on my arm, pulling it down.
“Ew, that’s gross. Stop it. And you touch Casper with those hands?”
I rolled my eyes. “Not after I put them in my mouth! Wait a minute, that’s not important. It’s about drugs.”
Her eyes go wide. “Somebody else is on drugs?” she hisses. “Are you kidding? Have you told the authorities?”
I shook my head.
“Siobhan! You could get us all fired, do you know that?”
“Have you reported Billy?”
She looked away. “I...I don’t really know all the facts—”
“Look, I don’t think...this person knows the drug is banned. But...”
Oh, no. The same feeling I’d had right before I read Casper’s medical file. I knew looking at his records was wrong, but now he could get in trouble and I had no way to warn him. I could run all over this compound until I found him, or I could ask Vero for his number. She’d have access to patient information. Ugh, I can’t believe I’m back here again! Life really did make you repeat circumstances when you’d made mistakes.
The light from the ceiling irritated my eyes and I put my hands over my eyes and groaned. My stomach swiftly twisted into uncomfortable knots. “I just need to see...a patient file,” I whispered. “Just his phone number.”
Veronica yanked one of my arms down, her intense black gaze paralyzing me. “Siobhan. What the hell are you asking me?”
The words died on my tongue. I hadn’t asked, really. It was just a statement.
“Who is it?” she asked sharply.
I shook my head again.
“Ugh, Siobhan!” Veronica turned away, frustration and disappointment lining her beautiful oval-shaped face. Seriously, why was she a nurse when she could be a model?
“I know! Vero...please, understand me! I don’t want to get this person in trouble. It wouldn’t be their fault if they didn’t know.”
Veronica whipped her black hair back up into a bun. “Well, it doesn’t really matter now. The last of the guys to be drug-tested had to go in early this morning. Whoever it is, he’s caught anyway. Your best bet is to report it now or keep your mouth shut. The authorities won’t be able to prove you knew anything unless this guy says something.”
I watched Veronica hurry out the room as though she’d be tainted by association. My heart stopped dead in my chest.
He’s caught anyway.
Casper wouldn’t say a thing.
CHAPTER TWENTY
CASPER
Well, at least it wasn’t the whole staff. Just Coach Hicks.
I sat patiently in Coach Hicks’s office, in one of his custom leather chairs, a perk that almost made me want to coach football. Everything in his office was mahogany-colored, like an old-school rich guy or a guy that’s been the head coach of a winning team for decades. Didn’t think it matched the younger coach’s style, but what did I know?
He was creating a culture of excellence in our organization—pushing guys to go further, but maintaining the highest level of integrity, both on the field and off. And when you screwed up, empathy was his first response. He had said the Richmond Rhinos were family.
And that was why my stomach muscles were clenched so tightly it’d make a boa constrictor proud...or afraid.
I had f-ed up.
Big-time.
Watching Landyn talk to Coach Hicks right before kick-off, then being a target less than half a dozen times the whole game. I felt like I was being babied.
I hated that feeling.
Landyn and Coach Hicks would call it protection, but it would be the same thing: people would see me as limited and unable to be who I wanted to be.
The back of my eyes stung.
After the accident, I’d lost count of the number of times the doctors—and even my own mother—had made comments about what I wouldn’t be able to do, w
hile stuck in a hospital bed, unable to run out of the room, to put as much distance between me and the naysayers. I’d used their bleak outlook to fuel my drive to be back on the field. After the successful surgery, I had known without a shadow of a doubt that I had a shot.
But their doubts still ate away at my confidence and my grit.
The pain from physical therapy was a faithful and comforting friend who’d never said I couldn’t do it. Pain doesn’t tell you what’s wrong, it only speaks to what needs improvement.
My shoulder burned as pain radiated from what I knew was my repaired rotator cuff. Although I’d had to be helped off the field, I’d eventually convinced the doctor that I was much better, just had the wind knocked out of me.
Dr. Benzoli had been sweating profusely during the initial examination. Mumbling under his breath about kids and money. Not the collected, self-assured man I’d once thought him to be. Unhinged was how I’d describe him now.
When I’d refused any additional treatment—against the advice of the on-field medical techs—he’d cited some medical law or something and ordered me and everyone else out of the examination room. I was grateful, but the others had commented on his weird behavior, with one threatening to report him.
This morning, he’d seemed normal. Smiled, even which, okay, wasn’t technically his normal. Prescribed ice therapy followed by heat. Then he’d shooed me out, claiming to be in a rush. I had a meeting with Coach Hicks anyway.
I blew out a breath from between closed lips, my flapping lips hitting my nose and making it itch. I looked at my Rolex. Coach Hicks had one minute left.
“Hope you haven’t been waiting too long,” Coach Hicks said as he entered his office.
“No, sir. Not long.”
“Good.” He put a stack of folders on his desk and moved quickly to sit across from me in another custom leather chair. “I always try to be cognizant of and respect people’s time. I see you got some coffee—good. I’m already on my third cup. If I have another one, I might have a heart attack.” He chuckled.
I forced my lips to grin. I’d have a heart attack if he didn’t just spit it out.
Coach Hicks’s face relaxed into a somber expression. “Talk to me, Casper. How are you feeling? Physically.”