I nudged his leg. “Just a quick one. You’ve been all over the place today.”
It didn’t look like he wanted to, but he let go of Dolly, standing when I did. Bending down, he picked up Joe. He’d had a front row seat while Aiden milked. Holding the toy under his arm, he faced Rose. “Ms. Rose, can we use all the other stuff we got today for dinner?”
By “stuff,” he referred to all the magic of her garden. He picked all kinds of things today. All kinds of delicious-looking things.
Ms. Rose herself placed her hands on her hips. “Now, I can’t see why not. You have to be careful offering to help me with all this, though, youngin’. I might end up offering you a job as one of my hands.”
The proposal couldn’t have gone over better with him. Aiden looked on the verge of bursting, but my little ranch hand needed a nap first before doing any more heavy labor. I smoothed my hand over his head before taking his palm. “Come on, you little crazy. You can help after you’ve slept.”
He nodded his head of braided locks, that sleep suddenly moving over his face and hazing his eyes. I supposed this all was catching up with him after all. We started to walk away when a body stopped directly in front us.
Elena.
She looked half awake, barely there, and I didn’t miss the anger, the tension wrinkling her brow.
Does she know? Does she know I threw away her stash?
“Elena,” I said, trying to play it off. “Is everything, okay? Are you feeling better?”
Her eyebrows narrowed and honestly, I thought this was it. The bomb was about to drop and she was going to do this right now. She was going to do it in front of her son and Brody’s wonderful grandma. Instead, she grabbed Aiden’s hand. “Where are you going with my kid?”
“They were going inside to rest,” came from my side. Rose. Her hands in her apron, the warmest expression lit her face and it reminded me so much of another. It reminded me because it put me at ease. She smiled. “Do y’all want me to lead you back to the house?”
Elena’s jaw moved a bit and maybe because she couldn’t find a place for her anger in front of his kind woman. With Ms. Rose’s sunshine emanating, it was so hard. Eventually, Elena shook her head, telling her, “That’s okay,” before looking at me. “And I’ll do it. I’ll take him in.”
I let out a breath. “Elena…”
But she was already walking away, taking Aiden with her. He turned, gazing at me over his shoulder, but I waved him on, letting him know it was okay.
Joe went up to his chin and that had been the first time all day he had to have him so close. Eventually, he let his mama tug him forward and the two headed in the general direction of the house.
“You know, I had a sister, too.” It was Rose. It was Grandma Rose again. “An older one, once upon a time.”
“Yeah?” I questioned, watching mine walk away. It felt like so far away.
Rose nodded. “We fought all the time. Like cats and dogs, but things changed. They changed when I made myself known.”
I had no time to let my thoughts even wonder over that with her. Her grandson came in, big and all encompassing. Wheelbarrow full, Brody pushed those heavy bags and if he hadn’t told me about his heart, I never would have questioned any lack of strength. That’s because he didn’t lack any. He never would.
Rose touched my arm. “I’ll make sure they get back to the house okay,” she said, patting my shoulder before going over to Brody. She directed him exactly where to wheel them, but told him not to worry about putting them away. She had people coming in to do that later to feed the cow and the other animals. After that, she left and that left her grandson and me out of sorts. We were out of sorts because we were alone again.
Ten or so feet maybe stood between us, ten short, yet excruciatingly long feet. I felt them in so many ways.
His large hands went into his jean pockets, his brown boot digging into the dirt. “I uh, passed Aiden on the way back. Aiden and your sister.”
My own hands went into the back of my jean shorts. “Yeah. They went in for a nap. She took him.”
He nodded with that. “She didn’t look sick. Is she better?”
Better? No, she wasn’t better. I wasn’t sure she’d ever be. As I couldn’t answer him honestly, I simply shrugged and we stood there with silence, so much silence. The two of us in there so long, I thought Brody might simply walk away. We’d walk away from each other and everything else. What I didn’t expect was him to come closer. I didn’t expect him to come to me.
I felt him everywhere, though, he didn’t touch me. His body cast a shadow, a warm envelope that hovered all around me. His fingers went up and I lost my breath, the callused pads choosing to touch my sleeve. He played with the material between his fingertips, not saying a single word until, well, he did.
“Wanna take a walk?” he asked, and I… I said yes.
*
The walk turned out to be one of forever, his grandma’s beautiful property surrounding us as we strode through the abyss of it. We passed ranch hands manning the land. Others took care of the small animals grazing and Brody knew them all, lifting a hand in greeting to everyone. They all seemed happy to be here. I couldn’t blame them because here was wonderful.
I pushed my hands in my back pockets, kicking a stray rock ahead. “Your grandma is nice,” I told him. They were the first words I said really and I chose them well. They made him smile.
Brody’s head went back with it. “Yeah, she is.”
“What did, uh,” I started, placing a boot in front of the other. “What did you tell her about us? About where we came from and why?” That’s something I hadn’t asked him, but judging by the nonchalant way she handled us being here, he had to have told her something lighter than…
“The truth,” he said, suddenly surprising me. In fact, he said it so simply and without reprieve that I envied him. I envied his ability to tell the truth. Maybe if I had, things would have been different. We would have been different. His hands settled atop a wooden fence we approached, his gaze searching the wide field it incased.
“I tell them…” he started, but his eyes went narrow. They softened, creasing tight in the corners like he caught the high sun in them. The tip of his hat tipped down, the hem lined in a thin layer of sweat. He lifted it, catching a few beads with the back to his hand. “I tell them everything,” he ended up finishing his sentence with. He swallowed, lips tight. “My family. I tell them everything.”
My arm wrapped around the fence post, I studied him. I eyed his stature, slumped, and his eyes lost. This so wasn’t like Brody. It wasn’t like him at all. The appearance of a gentle beast brought me out of my thoughts, as well as ignited some light back into Brody’s blue eyes. The horse pushed its face into Brody’s hands when he lifted them, nudging him for attention. He gave in right away, his thick fingers moving in light strokes between two large nut brown eyes. The caress, the care of it, reminded me of the ways in which he, too, brought me to surrender. He touched me in ways so delicately. He made me feel. He made me want to feel.
“You ever ridden?” he asked, helping me escape the conclaves of me mind.
I shook my head, my arm falling down the post. “Not unless the ponies at the zoo count,” I said, laughing a little, and that made magic happen. He laughed, too.
Stepping with he or she, Brody brought the horse my way, a tip of his hat gesturing me to touch her. Reaching out, I was surprised by the silky feeling. I mean, the skin looked soft, but a fine velvet my hand didn’t expect. I very much liked it and turned out the horse did, too, running its face along my hand.
Brody fell back to the post, letting the two of us have our moment. His fingers tapping against his chest, he seemed to consider something while we did. “You wouldn’t want to…?” he paused, his jaw working a little. He tipped back his hat. “You wouldn’t want to ride her, would you? I can show you how if you want.”
My fingers slid from the horse, not really expecting that. Things had been so wei
rd and awkward between us, but now he was wanting to spend time with me again. Maybe it was fleeting but he did. Chewing my lip, I went to tell him I wanted to, but thought about something as I faced the direction of the house. I faced the weight of my obligations.
“It’s getting kind of late is all,” I told him. The words hurt to even think about, but felt far worse said. I wanted nothing more than to spend time with him, ride with him. I pulled my hat off. “It’s just, it’s Aiden. I probably shouldn’t be away too long. I need to be there when he gets up. And also… I think he’d want to ride, too. I know he would.” The horses were one thing he’d been super excited to see, but we hadn’t made it this far out today. If he were here now, he’d definitely want to ride with us.
Brody’s smile faded a little, which consequently made part of me sear inside. Gazing away, he looked like he’d let it go, but then he turned my way. “Maybe just a few minutes then,” he said, making me blink, and also blowing me away for the second time in short minutes. He shrugged a little. “A short ride won’t take long. We won’t go far and I’d be happy to take him out tomorrow. Weather is always good for it here. I don’t mind. I love riding.”
He should have given up after I declined. Everything pointed toward that route, but he didn’t.
And I loved him for it.
I never imagined myself to be much of a country gal and heck, no way a horse rider. But once I got up there, up on Delilah as Brody called her, I noticed immediately the air was different. The world was different and I got to enjoy it with him.
Brody trotted beside me, a cautious hand ready and waiting to help at any given moment. He’d been doing that the whole ride since the crash course he gave me. “You got her all right?” he asked, passing a look over to me.
With gentle steps, I did. I totally did. I nodded and that hand of his went back; Brody directing us. We went downhill a bit, a dirt trail that took us into another land, another land where the world opened up. There were no buildings, just mountainous land.
And it was amazing.
Canyons of a golden brown contrasted the green and yellow blades of short grass under our horse’s hooves. We bobbed with every step, the world a bottle of trapped sunshine in the oasis we’d somehow found ourselves in.
“Something, isn’t it?” They were the first words he said in many steps, many gallops. Brody seemed so at home here and seeing all this, I understood why. His eyes narrowed with the bright reflection of the lowering sun. He pulled down his hat, protecting his eyes and took us into it, those brown hilltops soaring with waves of sunshine.
I allowed myself to breathe it in. I took it all in. How cool would it be to live here? To be a part of this every day from the time of waking up to closing your eyes. I’d lived a lot of places, but nothing and nowhere was like this.
We stationed out there for a while, just sitting atop our horses, their warm bodies rising and falling gently underneath. Eventually, Brody summoned Charlie, his own riding horse, and my heart did a bit of a drop. We had ridden for a little bit and I assumed it was time to end the ride. It was time to head back to the house. Brody maneuvered Charlie, and though he did turn, we didn’t head back. He simply redirected us to the side, to a tree in particular. Brody ended up dismounting there, motioning me to do the same after he tied up Charlie to a thick branch.
Frozen, I realized I didn’t know how to do that—get down, and that must have read all over my face.
A smile pushed into the corner of his full lips. Taking off his hat, he placed it between two thick branches, then came over, holding out his hands to me. I took them without thought, bringing my leg around, and Brody did the rest. Before I knew it, I was in his arms, the back of my jeans sliding down velvet and my front sliding down him.
I brought my arms around his neck for security, but they stayed long after my shoes hit the ground. His heart beat so hard when I got there, thumping clear through both his shirt and mine. The muscle inside my chest matched the rapid beat and I followed them both, each responding to the other as if dancing.
My hands slid down his collar, this moment reminding me of one not so long ago. It was the first moment I silently begged him to kiss me at the bar. My lips pleaded for it now and my heart bled for it. It bled because I knew deep down he wouldn’t. There was still too much between us. There was too much that wouldn’t let go of us.
My fingers slid from his shirt when he created the distance I assumed matched what had formed between us over the last couple days. Reaching around me, he grabbed Delilah and I stepped back out of his way. He tied both horses to the tree and I waited patiently, trying not to let what happened play out all over my face.
You did this to yourself. It’s your fault.
His sweet smell brought him back to me and out of the thicket of thoughts in my head. In his hand, he had a blanket and as Charlie had saddlebags, that’s probably where it came from. Brody snapped it out and it fluttered like a calm wave to the ground. His hand splayed out toward the blanket, inviting me to it, and he took his seat only after I chose mine, the right side.
Sliding my hat off, I tucked my foot under my knee, marveling at the new vantage point. “This place,” I said, studying the amber hills. “It’s magic.”
Leaning forward, Brody’s arms wrested atop his large legs. He didn’t say anything, but a sudden smile moving across his face made me call attention to it. I couldn’t help it I guess.
“What?” I asked him, feeling shy all the sudden. “Is that dumb?”
Some of those lengthy blond tendrils moved across his brow with the breeze. He shook his head. “No,” he said, facing me. His boots secured into the blanket when he raised his knees higher. “It’s just funny you said that.”
“Why?”
His smile went full then. “Because that’s probably why he took us here,” he said, gazing toward the land again. “My pop. He brought me and my brothers here once when we were kids. This exact spot.” His finger pushed out toward the area. “I guess it just makes sense with what you said.”
I wanted to ask him more. I wanted to ask him how so, but something told me not to.
I crossed my legs, going silent, and that’s when he spoke. That’s also when the smile left his lips.
“He told us about momma here,” he said. Sitting back, he watched the sky. “An evening similar to this when the sun was setting.”
His mom. That had been one person he’d never mentioned to me before. He talked about his brothers every so often and his dad of course. His grandma was even in his pictures at home, but no mom. No mom. He squinted with the sun. “She liked to make her disappearances, my momma. We wouldn’t see her for weeks at a time.”
He picked up a blade of grass, tossing it before resting his legs on his knees again. He shrugged. “Here’s where Pop told us she wouldn’t be… she wouldn’t be here anymore. She left for good and wouldn’t be coming back this time.”
His voice didn’t hold any pain like I expected it would from his admission. Perhaps the wounds were no longer fresh. Perhaps he was at peace, but regardless, I didn’t miss the power in his words.
And the fact that he was sharing them with me.
“He said we’d be okay, though,” Brody went on. He faced me then, and when he did, he smiled once more. “And in the end, we ended up being so. That’s why I said what I did about you saying this place being magic.” He eyes scanned the sky. “I guess there is a little bit of it out here. A lot really.”
Those blue eyes found mine, those sparkling ones. I nodded in confirmation of his statement, acknowledging it, but that’s where it ended for me. I had to end it there. I couldn’t believe in magic, because every time I let myself… Every time I tried…
I closed my eyes, falling into myself, my head. I couldn’t break free of it this time. I couldn’t recover from the loss because I was still grieving. I once believed the gift of Brody had been magic, but he, too, I managed to lose.
His finger came to my cheek and that’s when
I realized I was crying. He turned me, a hand on my knee, and couldn’t have looked more confused as to why I’d broken down right here before him. I didn’t blame him. That was something I was also trying to discover, trying to fight. I averted my eyes like that would help, but then that finger tipped my chin and I couldn’t hide. He never let me hide.
“Alex?” he asked.
I looked away again, sniffing. “I know what you need from me. I know you want me to be open with you, honest.” I gazed away, the tears moving down my cheeks. “And you deserve that, Brody. You deserve that.”
The words looked like it pained him to hear, his eyes creasing. His hand came up to touch my face. “Alexa…”
I looked down. I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t strong enough and his eyes didn’t make it easier, the concern crumpled within them.
He raised my chin by my cheeks, leaning in. “You listen to me. You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. I’ve been a jerk, Alex. I’ve been…” His jaw moved, his blond lashes shifting over his eyes. He gazed up. “I’ve been dumb. I don’t want you saying anything you’re not ready to. I’ll wait, Alexa. I’ll wait as long as you want me to.”
But that’s the thing.
He shouldn’t have to.
*
Brody
“I’m the bad thing,” she whispered. Her voice was so quiet, so aching. “I was the bad thing he did.”
I stared at her, not knowing what to make of that statement. Bad thing? How was she ever? She was never.
She opened her mouth again, gasping for breath with no words and I wanted her to stop. Whatever she was trying to tell me… it hurt her. It was causing pain to line her face, her cheeks.
I touched one and a tear rolled down them. A piece of me broke inside when it did. This was my fault. I made her feel like she had to talk to me. I admit I had been frustrated. Alex had been closing herself off since I met her and I guess my breaking point made me freeze her out. This wasn’t what I wanted, though, her crying and forcing herself to talk to me. I wanted her to open her heart to me, but not until she was ready.
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