Dear God, he’d gone too far, revealed too much. How could she even begin to like or respect him now knowing he was such a loser? As soon as she finished her coffee she’d be sprinting for the front door and never look back.
Which was sad because he was really starting to like her. Like-like. Deep down and for real. She was the most genuine person he’d met in years and he’d probably just scared her off.
“Apology accepted. Now let’s move on.”
Confused, he shook his head. “But what about the hubris I admitted to? Doesn’t that make you hate me? Think less of me?”
She smiled and calmly sipped her coffee. “Nate, everyone likes approval. Do you think I don’t care about the reviews I get on my books or whether they sell? Hell, I love it when people tell me they enjoyed my stories. It’s okay to like approval. It’s not okay to do anything to get it. There’s a difference. As for women, well, look at you. It’s the butt crack of dawn and you look like you stepped out of the pages of fucking GQ while I look like something the cat threw up on the carpet. I can see why you expect female attention. And your career…”
She paused and seemed to be looking for the right words. “I get that your ambitious because I’m ambitious too, Nate. Do you think I would have agreed to the schedule of social engagements this next year if I weren’t? Think about that. Think about how brutally ambitious I have to be to go so far out of my comfort zone that I agree to a PR contract with you. Just sit on that thought for a while and let it ruminate. You’ll see that I understand what you did last year. I get it. You’ve worked hard and by God, you want your reward. You played the Hollywood game and lost but you could have just as easily won. It was a roll of the dice. I’m not judging you, handsome. You’re judging yourself.”
He sat in his chair, stunned, not knowing what to say but he should have known Paige would come to his rescue. “As I said I accept your apology. But I have to be honest—I was upset as well last night.”
He opened his mouth to apologize again but she held up her hand. “Let me get this part out because this is not going to be easy. I don’t like being angry with people.”
Having her mad at him wasn’t high on his list of favorite things. He might have only known her a short time but he found he wanted her friendship and approval.
“You don’t have to do this.”
She smiled and took a deep breath. “Yes, I do, but it’s not easy. You see, I’m kind of fake too. Isn’t that a slap on the ass? I accused you of being something I am as well. Most of the time I’m me, but sometimes I’m just a scared little girl. I’ve been alone a long time, even before Noah died, really. I had to be strong and in charge, always in control because who else was going to take care of my family? There was no one to take care of me though. I always came last and I got used to it but that doesn’t mean I enjoyed it. Every now and then I simply get terrified when I see all the things I need to do and be. My readers expect one person, my son another, my agent, my assistant, and now you. You, Nate, expect me to save your career and goddammit, I want to do that for you but I’m scared. I’m terrified that I’m going to fuck this up and you’re going to end up hating me for it and that’s something I don’t think I could take because I really like you when you’re not being a jerk.”
Tears were falling down her face now and Nate rushed to the other side of the table, kneeling in front of her to brush at her cheeks. He was a complete and total asshole and he’d do whatever it took to make it up to her.
“That’s why what you said hurt, Nate. I think you’re a good person and then I hear last night that you want to control all of this and me. I can see that you are a kind man most of the time, and you aspire to be better and so do I, although we sometimes fall short. So when you said you were calling all the shots, it hurt. It hurt a fucking lot that you thought I was just some dumb female without a brain in her head, and that’s one of my fears. Maybe I’m just not good enough and eventually everyone is going to figure that out.”
Imposter syndrome. He knew it well.
His chest was tight with an unfamiliar emotion and he pulled her from the chair, crushing her body to his only to hear her squeak with pain. He instantly released her and couldn’t stop the smile as she rubbed at her neck and shoulders.
“I think I slept wrong or something.”
Moisture had gathered in his own eyes and he wiped at it with the back of his hand. “Look at the pair of us. We’re a mess.”
“We are. Someone call in Dr. Phil.”
Laughing, he pulled her into his arms, carefully this time before dropping a kiss on the top of her head. “I’m so sorry I hurt you. I didn’t really mean it and the moment I said it I regretted it. I don’t think you’re dumb or a pawn or anything even remotely like that. You’re a smart and beautiful woman and I’m lucky that you’re my partner in crime.”
She scrubbed at her cheeks and smiled. “What do we do now? I think we just became close friends.”
He couldn’t agree more. She was okay with him. All of him. The good, the bad, the even worse. She’d accepted it and it was…
Not going to be easy. They had a rough if not impossible road ahead of them and he was who he was. Relationships – even platonic ones – in the spotlight were fraught with potholes and she was new to all of this.
“I think I should make you something to eat. Then I plan to give you a neck rub since it’s all my fault that you slept in a ball on the couch.”
He’d been holding her for the last few minutes but finally her hands slid around his middle too. They were in each other’s arms and it shouldn’t feel this good. Red alert. He dropped his arms and stepped back to catch his breath and get a little perspective. If she thought his behavior was strange she didn’t say anything.
“You know that eating makes me happy so cook away,” she giggled. “While you’re doing that I’ll take a shower.”
He started breakfast as he heard the water turn on upstairs. They’d weathered their first real argument and their bond was stronger for it. He’d showed her a side of himself that he rarely let people see and she hadn’t run away in horror.
It would be a challenge to strip away the veneer he’d so carefully put in place one brick at a time until there was hardly anything left of his true self. Did he even want to do it? It felt safer behind this wall, much more secure. Paige said she wanted to see the real him, but then they all said that.
And then they left.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Paige didn’t get her neck rub. She had a phone interview with a magazine and Nate had a business meeting with his agent and then one with Garrett right after. He’d promised her a raincheck but she would probably let him off the hook. It had been her own stupidity and stubborn nature that led her to fall asleep on the couch. With the way she liked to write at night after everyone else was in bed, the chances were good it was going to happen again.
Nate did promise that he was all hers for the evening, so once her interview was done she headed out to the shops to pick up some supplies for dinner. She loved to cook and Nate had said he’d pretty much eat anything.
Time to put that statement to the test.
He’d sent her a text saying he was spending the afternoon with his trainer so she expected him to be tired and hungry when he came home. She planned a hearty meal of pot roast, garlic mashed potatoes, baby carrots, and homemade dinner rolls with honey butter. It was a quintessential comfort meal and after what they’d been through the night before and then this morning she felt they deserved it. The weather in London was also much cooler than she was used to in Florida and there was something about chilly weather that made her think of home cooked meals with simple ingredients.
Remembering his sweet tooth, she also made chocolate lava cakes to serve with the vanilla ice cream she’d picked up. Her stomach was growling with anticipation and the kitchen smelled divine when he walked through the door just a little after five, sweaty and disheveled but smiling.
“What is
that heavenly smell?” he breathed, following his nose to where Paige stood behind the kitchen counter buttering the tops of the risen dinner rolls. She didn’t want to put them into the oven until the last minute. He sniffed the air again. “I smell garlic and beef.”
“Honey, you’re home,” she giggled, waving the fork in the air. “I thought I’d cook dinner. It’s pot roast, mashed potatoes and something chocolate for dessert. Do you want something to drink? Water? Beer?”
He had his nose practically in the pan of mashed potatoes.
“Darling, I’m awash in an ocean of my own sweat and I smell like an old pair of shoes. I’ll take you up on that offer as soon as I’ve scrubbed up. But everything you said sounds wonderful, especially the pudding.”
“Dessert,” she shot back with a grin.
“Pudding,” he corrected with a stern tone. “You’re in London now. I’ll turn you into a Brit yet.”
“Good luck. I’m red, white and blue, baby.”
He pulled his clinging t-shirt away from his well-muscled torso. It was easy to see why women loved him. “Technically our flag is also the same colors. How long do I have before dinner?”
“We can eat pretty much whenever you’re ready to. These rolls only take about twelve minutes.”
Nate grinned and headed for the stairs. “Perfect. I’ll be down in ten to set the table and open the wine.”
She watched as he bounded up the stairs two at a time, his strong thighs easily propelling him forward. If she’d tried to do that she would have ended up in a broken heap at the bottom of the stairs. Her knees at forty weren’t what they were at thirty. Or twenty. Add in that she could barely walk and chew gum at the same time and it was a recipe for disaster.
It was nine minutes later when he joined her, smelling better than the dinner. His cocky grin as he opened the wine told her in no uncertain terms that he knew exactly how he smelled. The man appeared to be a master at gaining a female’s attention.
What always struck her so vividly when she was with Nate was his zest for life. He was enthusiastic about everything, whether it was good weather or melt in your mouth pot roast. Tonight it was the latter and he kept making yummy noises with every bite, joyfully helping himself to seconds.
“Leave room for dessert, handsome. You don’t want to miss out on chocolate lava cake with ice cream.”
He sniffed the air again and smiled. “Don’t worry, I wouldn’t miss it. Everything is just so delicious. I love a home cooked meal that I didn’t have to make. I can’t thank you enough for this, love. I usually just bake a piece of fish or chicken. I never go to this much trouble.”
“I told you I liked to eat and cook. Besides, it totally makes it worth it to see you enjoy your dinner this much.”
Nate shoved a mouthful of mashed potatoes into his mouth. “Enjoy it? I love it. This is the best meal I’ve had in ages.”
Now that she didn’t believe.
“You eat in five-star restaurants all the time and I’m supposed to believe that this meal is better? I’m afraid I don’t but thank you for trying.”
Looking affronted, he placed his fork on the plate. “I mean what I say, darling. I get tired of eating out no matter how well prepared the food is. I miss sitting at a table and eating at home with someone I can talk to. That’s you, by the way.”
“I was hoping, unless you’d invited Max over to finish what we didn’t eat.”
Nate’s face fell at the mention of his friend. “He still owes you an apology.”
She would not come between two old friends even if one was kind of a prick.
“That’s between me and Max. I don’t want you to give him shit about it. You said you’d grab a pint and you should.”
Nate picked up his fork and resumed eating. “He shouldn’t have treated you that way.”
“You’re absolutely right and I’ll deal with that next time I see him. You know, he has an absolute right not to like me. It would be nice if we became friends but it might not happen.”
“It’s fine if you don’t become friends but he was quite rude to you. That I won’t stand for.”
“He’s kind of a pompous ass from what I saw.”
“He’s really not. He’s lots of fun and a good person but he has trust issues with people he’s just met.”
She hadn’t seen any sign of that but she’d take Nate’s word for it.
“Except to female fame whores.”
She needed to change the damn subject.
“He has his reasons, I assure you. He’s had some bad experiences with women. Been burned badly. I don’t know for sure but it’s my opinion that his wife married him for his Hollywood connections.”
That was horrid but it still wasn’t an excuse to be an asshole. She’d met crappy people in her life but that didn’t mean all of them were shit.
“So I was thinking about something we could do while we eat our dessert.”
“Pudding.”
He was persistent, she’d give him that. He had that in common with Flynn.
“Whatever. Anyway, it feels like you and I have had a rough day and I thought it would be nice to turn that around. I was thinking maybe we could get to know one another by sharing some good memories. You know, things that make us happy. I can’t see how that would start another argument and if we’re going to pull off this fake romance deal I think we should know more than that we both like pot roast.”
Stroking his chin, Nate nodded. “I think that’s an excellent idea. There’s so much about you that I don’t know yet.”
She’d been dying to ask him a question. “When you were thinking about this…did you have me checked out? Investigated?”
His cheeks took on a reddish tone. Bingo.
“I did. I had to be careful that there wasn’t anything in your past that could come back and bite us both in the ass.”
She stood and took their empty plates to the sink before pulling the chocolate cakes out of the oven. “That makes sense. I’m not upset or anything. Mostly I’m curious. What did you already know before you met me?”
“I knew that you’d been married and lost your husband to cancer. I knew that you had a teenage son who was starting an Ivy League school. I knew that you were active on social media and close to your fans. You like dogs and chocolate. You don’t like the cold, which is something that baffles me because I love it. You watch old movies and spend a lot of your time reading. You enjoy the beach and Disney. You have a few close friends but tend to keep others at arm’s length. You’re a workaholic just as I am and you’ve produced an amazing amount of stories in the last ten years. You have no arrests, no speeding tickets, and you’ve never bounced a check. You were an excellent student in school and played on your high school tennis team. I think that’s about it.”
That was enough.
“Wow, all of that information is floating out there? I guess if you studied my Facebook account you could get a lot of that.” She placed the plates of cake and ice cream on the table and handed Nate a fresh fork. “I have veneers on my front teeth and I birthed Jason by C-section. Looks like your guy missed a few things.”
“Duly noted.” Nate took a big bite, closing his eyes in ecstasy. “This is poetry on a plate. I’m never letting you go even if I have to tie you to a pipe in the basement to keep you here.”
He looked like he was kidding. Maybe.
“That wasn’t creepy and disturbing at all. Just so you know, if I don’t call Carrie in the morning she’ll send out Scotland Yard.”
Carrie had flown back to Florida from New York and was taking care of a few marketing items for Paige.
“Tell Carrie you are in good hands.”
They agreed to wait on the getting to know one another until they’d finished eating. Nate was done first, of course, and began loading the dishes into the dishwasher. When Paige finished she tried to help him but he shooed her out to the living room. She settled in front of the fireplace where it was toasty warm. She was having trouble
getting used to these temperatures.
“Are you still cold, love? We can wrap you in that wool throw.”
Nate handed her a glass of wine and sat across from her on the rug, their knees brushing momentarily.
“I’m fine but I will admit this cooler weather is really different. Carrie said it’s about ninety degrees at home. I’d be in the pool right now if I was there.”
Nate leaned forward, his expression earnest. “I’m glad you’re here.”
Swallowing the lump that had taken up residence in her throat, she took a sip of her wine to give herself time to get herself together. He could shake her up all too easily and she couldn’t allow that to happen. But it wasn’t about him per se. She’d simply been without a man too long, that’s all. She’d have this reaction with any guy that paid her as much attention.
Keep telling yourself that.
“So how about we start with a simple one. Happiest Christmas memory.”
Nate’s smile widened and his blue eyes lit up with happiness. “That’s easy. I was seven and I wanted a new bicycle. A blue one with silver stripes. My mum and dad spent the entire autumn telling me I wasn’t going to get it.”
“But you did, right?”
“I woke up before dawn Christmas morning and ran downstairs to find it next to the tree, a red bow on top. I think I was the happiest boy in England that day. Even though it was terrible weather, I put my coat and boots on over my pajamas and rode that bicycle outside until my parents dragged me back in.”
She loved watching him tell that story. “That’s lovely.”
“What about you, love? What’s your best Christmas memory?”
“I don’t have one.” She held up her hand when his smile fell. “No, wait. It’s not bad. I don’t have one specific story. I have many memories each year of my whole extended family getting together on Christmas Eve. We eat, sing carols, play games, and open a few presents. No one year sticks out in my mind but every year is something I look forward to. For one evening we all stop our busy lives and spend time as a family. That’s what I’ll always remember.”
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