Answers? Paige had none.
“I don’t know. I go back and forth. Part of me is all – hey, he did something stupid but I probably will too at some point so I should forgive him. Another part is like – he’s a child in the body of a grown man and he’s going to continue this behavior for the rest of his self-absorbed life. I can’t let him manipulate me when he doesn’t get what he wants. That entire evening was a study in passive-aggressive behavior. Will he do this every time we have an issue? Because I don’t think I could take the stress. The whole thing gives me a fucking headache.” Paige looked Amy in the eye. “Do you think I should forgive him? You know him well.”
Amy rubbed her chin in thought. “Relationships are hard and complex. People do stupid things but they can learn from them. The question is are you willing to put in the work of repairing your relationship?”
It would be work too. Hard work.
“That’s something else I don’t know,” Paige admitted. “I love Nate, I really do. He has so many wonderful qualities that I admire and would want in the man in my life. I just fear that he’ll repeat this behavior over and over every time we argue. So I’ve holed up in the hotel room writing.”
Like the coward she was.
“How’s that working for you?”
Paige gave up on the cake and placed the fork on the edge of the plate. “Terribly, thank you very much. At some point I have to make a decision and I have to talk to Nate. Normally those things wouldn’t be an issue.”
She wasn’t happy with Nate but she was even angrier with herself. This indecisive shit was for the birds.
Amy reached across the table and patted Paige’s hand. “I just want you to know that I’m on your side no matter what you decide.”
It was Amy’s expression that gave her away. “But you think that I should give him another chance?”
Sighing, the other woman nodded. “Nate needs you and I think you need him.”
“I think you might be right but I’m still pissed as hell right now.”
“Is that what you’re going to say to Nate when you finally see him?”
She had no idea but there was one thing she did know. If he touched her she’d do anything for him.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
Three days before Christmas, Paige found herself miserable in New York City. It turned out that walking a red carpet was much more fun when she did it with Nate. Despite Helen and Carrie hovering close by, Paige didn’t feel as relaxed and comfortable as she did when he was there. It was hard to make small talk without Nate’s effervescent charm and perfect manners. She’d struggled all evening at the movie premiere and now she simply wanted to go back to the hotel. She had an early flight in the morning. She’d be glad to get home to Florida, lick her wounds, and finally make some decisions.
“You aren’t going to the after party?” Helen asked as they stood on the freezing cold sidewalk outside the theatre waiting for their limo. “You should go. Have some fun.”
Paige rolled her eyes and elbowed Carrie, who was giggling behind her hand. “I had fun last night, thank you very much. This one took me to a male strip show and I have never been so mortified in my life. She kept giving them money to dance all up in my business. I’ll never get that oil out of my dress. It’s ruined.”
“I’ll buy you another one,” Carrie said in her sing-song voice. She’d been a rock of support for Paige this last week.
“It was Prada.”
“You pay me well.”
Carrie earned every penny and then some.
“Besides, I have a flight at the butt crack of dawn. I need my beauty sleep.”
Not that she was sleeping well these days. Nate filled her thoughts night and day. She missed him more than she’d ever thought possible. She lay awake at night trying to figure out what to do, how to work this out. So far she’d come up with nothing.
Helen’s gaze darted back and forth between Carrie and Paige. “I’ll give in gracefully as I can see I won’t win.” She leaned in to hug Paige. “If you need to talk, just call. I can make sure you never have to see him again if that’s what you want.”
Paige literally couldn’t imagine never seeing Nate again. As it was, she’d gone cold turkey and it was driving her insane. Turned out the British bastard was addicting. She ached from missing him and it was only getting worse.
“I don’t know what I want yet, Helen. But I will have to see him eventually. He’s Flynn.”
The older woman curled her lip. “You don’t owe him anything.”
This wasn’t about debts.
“He’s Flynn,” Paige said firmly. “He’s the only one in the world that can bring him to life.”
Helen sniffed disdainfully but nodded in agreement. “If you say so. That’s what we’re fighting for here—your control. And we’re getting closer too. I think they’re ready to cave, hon. It’s going to happen. This new studio wants you desperately.”
It didn’t feel as important or wonderful as Paige had thought it would. Everything seemed better when she was with Nate.
How freakin’ pathetic.
The limo pulled up and Paige and Carrie climbed in. On the way back to the hotel they chatted about the celebrities they’d met and the movie they’d seen. By the time they reached the room, Paige couldn’t wait to kick off her high heels and that’s exactly what she did. After changing into pajama pants and a t-shirt, she sat down on the couch and propped her laptop on her knees. There was little point in trying to sleep.
Carrie came out of the second bedroom of the suite and sat down across from her, reaching for the three-ring binder on the coffee table between them. It was an inspiration book for Flynn’s series. In it were all sorts of photos – homes, cars, rooms, clothes, furniture, even pictures of Nate. Those photos were how she pictured Flynn now. Golden hair. Goatee. Sexy as hell.
Tapping one of Nate’s photos, Carrie made a clicking noise with her tongue. “You have to talk to him eventually.”
Paige looked back down at the screen of her laptop. The last thing she wanted to talk about was Nate. She was physically exhausted from thinking about him night and day.
“I know.”
“Do you?” Carrie challenged. “I’m not so sure of that. You’re acting like you can just ignore this entire situation and it’ll work itself out magically. That’s probably not going to happen.”
“I have to talk to him,” Paige parroted. “I got it. Next subject.”
Carrie’s expression turned uncharacteristically stormy and she slapped the coffee table hard with the flat of her hand to get attention, making Paige jump at the sound.
“You have to talk to him,” Carrie almost shouted. “This is not healthy. You’re miserable, he’s miserable. What in the hell are you waiting for?”
Unbidden tears pricked Paige’s eyes and she shook her head in denial. Why was she reacting so strongly to this? It didn’t make any sense. “Stop it, Carrie. Just stop it.”
“You have to talk to him.”
Throwing her laptop aside, Paige headed for her bedroom. She didn’t have to listen to this. None of it.
“You have to talk to him,” Carrie repeated, hopping up from the couch and giving chase. “Don’t run from this.”
Stopping abruptly and whirling around, Paige couldn’t hold back her emotion any longer. Tears slipped down her cheeks and she didn’t bother to wipe them away, too overcome to deal with them.
“I know. I fucking know. What I don’t know is why I’m so upset.”
Carrie’s own eyes were filled with tears. “Do you know? For real? I’ve never seen anyone throw away happiness with both hands like you are right now. It’s such a waste. You love him more than you want to breathe but here you are, stubborn as hell, not dealing with this. He did something fucking stupid but he did it because he loves you so goddamn much he can’t think straight. He may never think straight, Paige. He may always do dumb shit. Are you going to stop loving him for that? He’s in a great deal of pain ri
ght now. He loves you, you know. The only thing that’s keeping him going is that he did it for you. For you, and I have to tell you, with the way you’re acting now I don’t think you deserve his sacrifice.”
Paige loved him so much. She did know she needed to deal with this, but how did Carrie? Heat rose in her cheeks as she realized they’d been conversing behind her back.
“Have you been talking to him?”
Carrie shrugged. “He checks in with me to make sure you’re okay and to see if there’s anything you need. He was worried about you tonight going to the premiere by yourself. You should let him know you got through it.”
Nate was worried about her? Paige numbly wandered back to the couch and dropped down onto a cushion. “I’m not even going to yell at you for talking to him behind my back. But I feel I need to point out to you that he wanted me to leave. Now suddenly all this is my fault, according to you.”
Carrie sat down next to her. “What Nate did that night is Nate’s fault. He’s responsible for his own actions. It was a shitty thing to do but it wasn’t done with malice. It was a completely and totally misguided attempt to give you what he thought you wanted. Let me ask you a question. If Noah had pulled what Nate did that night, what would you have done?”
There was no answer to that question and Carrie knew it.
“Noah would never have done that.”
Laughing, Carrie shook her head. “No, he wouldn’t have. He wasn’t the sacrificing kind of guy. Noah was a good person, but he expected to be catered to. He blamed others – namely you – for his own faults. You keep saying that Nate is spoiled. I think perhaps you’re thinking of someone else.”
Tears pricked the back of Paige’s eyes. Her marriage had been far from perfect but it hadn’t been bad either. It had been…difficult. Noah wasn’t the romantic, cuddly, nurturing type. He’d expected Paige to be extremely independent, not needing much praise or compliments, and certainly no romance or flowers.
“Maybe he wanted me gone so that I don’t remind him of the fact the studio didn’t want him.”
Carrie shook her head. “Now you’re grasping at straws. If the thought of you hurt his delicate male ego, then why is he texting me to make sure you’re okay?”
That was actually kind of sweet. “How long has he been doing that?”
“Since the day after the party. He sent me a text and said that you two had argued and you moved out. He thought you might need my support.”
The hot tears she’d been trying to hold back spilled over and down her cheeks, salty on her lips. “He’s always worrying about me. He fusses when I don’t sleep enough or get lost in my work and forget to eat.”
Rolling her eyes, Carrie snorted. “Wow, what an asshole. He sounds like a real jerk. Good thing you left London because I bet he would have kept that up for the rest of your life. All that lovey-dovey shit would get old after awhile. I bet he kissed and hugged you a lot too, didn’t he? The bastard. Did he say you were pretty? That’s the worst. I can’t stand that. You had a lucky escape, my friend. Men like that cannot be trusted.”
Laughing through her tears, Paige scrubbed at her cheeks. “I get it. Jeez, I’m a terrible person and Nate is wonderful. I’ve broken his heart and I’ll burn in hell.”
“I never said that.” Carrie wagged a finger in front of Paige. “Nate has to own what he did as well. You both are idiots and selfish. Walking around with all this love between you while the rest of the world can only dream about having a person loving them that much. Then you both go and waste it, tossing it aside like it was nothing when you and he know better. You know what it’s like to be alone yet you walked away. I get that you left him for a few days to lick your wounds and regroup. But it’s going on two weeks now. Enough is enough. Do you love him or not? Because if you don’t you should step aside and let him find someone who does.”
The ache in Paige’s heart wrenched more tears from her eyes. She was so fucking tired of crying. “I love him. I swear that I do. I was just so fucking hurt. He was trying to control me and then he pulled that crap at the party. I was angry.”
Carrie put her arm around Paige and patted her shoulder. “You had every right to be angry. Nate pulled a dick move and he needs to make that right. Let me ask you a question. Do you think that your issue with him is unrecoverable? You’ll never be able to work it out?”
“Honestly I’m not really all that angry anymore. Mostly I just miss him.”
Carrie snorted and stood, heading for the wet bar in the corner. “Trust me, he misses you. So what’s the plan? Misery for a lifetime with Nate or misery for a lifetime without him?”
He missed her. It was a start. “It wouldn’t be misery.”
“Ladies and gentleman, I think we have progress here.”
There were still problems that had to be resolved.
“He has to stop trying to manipulate me. He needs to let me make this decision about the movie.”
Carrie popped open two soda cans and handed one to Paige. “I think Nate is so desperate without you that he’d probably agree to just about anything if you’ll come back and forgive him. What’s the worst that can happen? You talk to him and you come to an impasse. Then at least you’ll know you tried. You can walk away with some sense of closure.”
Just the word “closure” made Paige’s stomach twist into knots. She didn’t want this to be the end, but they could have a new beginning. A more honest one. They’d both been so scared that they weren’t enough. Nate had pushed her away because of his fear and she’d let him because of hers.
There was only one thing for Paige to do at a time like this. The urge was strong for the first time in days.
Write.
“Carrie, thank you. Go get some sleep. I’m staying up. I know exactly what I need to do to fix and finish this book.”
Dragging her laptop back onto her lap, Paige’s fingers itched to type out the words that were already fighting to get out. Flynn was talking and she was finally, after all this time, really listening. He had so much to say.
“Will you think about what I said? I used all my psychology classes here.”
Barely listening now, Paige tapped at the keys, lifting one hand briefly to wave at Carrie.
“Absolutely. I’m all over it. Will do.”
Things were becoming clearer. First things first. Finish the damn book. Then get a flight back to London. It was time to show fear who was boss.
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
“Nate, are you going to join us in the living room? Faith suggested we play cards.”
Nate stared out the kitchen window that overlooked the back garden, draped in shadow as the sun began to set. He’d tried hard to not let his mood bring down his family’s holiday but it felt like he was fighting a losing battle.
Without Paige by his side he was like a rudderless ship. Every day he fought the urge to call her and apologize. Beg her to give him another chance, but it was too late. She’d moved on. He’d seen pictures of her smiling at a red carpet movie premiere, looking so incredibly beautiful. If she was happy, that was all he could hope for. That’s why he’d done this. He simply hadn’t known how painful it would be. He’d lost the love of his life.
Turning toward his mother, he pasted a smile on his face. “Sure, but if I win I don’t want to hear her complain.”
Her head tilted, Elaine studied him, her blue eyes soft with love. “It’s okay to miss her, Nate. I would be worried if you didn’t. But it will get better with time.”
He took a ragged breath and placed a hand over his aching heart. “I don’t think it will. It’s only getting worse.”
“You could call her.”
He was tempted, so very tempted. He’d taken to listening to the last voicemail she’d left him before they’d fought over and over again just to hear her voice. He was sad and pathetic. He’d even told his agent he didn’t care about getting another movie role once the play was done next year. He just wanted to slink away and lick his wounds.
If Paige felt even half of this, he could believe that she didn’t care about the movie if it meant she lost him. It was only now he was seeing her side. But once again…
Too fucking late. He was too stupid to be with Paige.
“I can’t do that, Mum. She could do better than me.”
Elaine smiled and pulled her son in for a hug. “I might be biased but I don’t think she could find a man that loved her more than you do.”
“Is love enough?”
He was afraid it wouldn’t be.
“Love can be if it’s combined with a few other things like patience, understanding, kindness, and commitment. If you can do that you’ve got something very powerful, son.”
He scraped his hand through his curls. “My track record isn’t a good one.”
“Have you ever felt this way before?”
“No, never. It’s unlike anything I’ve ever experienced.”
She smiled and patted his arm. “Then I don’t think past performance is indicative of future behavior. For what it’s worth, I believe in you.”
“You’re my mum. You have to,” Nate chuckled.
“I don’t have to,” she said stubbornly. “I can see all the good in you. You’ve done some selfish and self-centered things. You’ve sown some wild oats. More than your share, that’s for sure. But I think you know that your life could be so much more if you allow yourself to see yourself in a different way. You don’t have to be alone.”
The ringing of the doorbell saved him from having to reply. Thank goodness, because he didn’t know what he would have said. He had sown wild oats. He had been selfish. But for a moment he’d dared to think he could be more than a self-centered, egotistical movie star.
He desperately wanted to be the man Paige thought he was.
“Who could that be?” his mother asked as she bustled to the front door, Nate on her heels. It was probably one of the neighbors over to wish them a Happy Christmas. His mother had lived here for years and was quite close to the people on her block.
A Kiss For The Cameras Page 24