The Robot Union

by D Miller

  Robbie nodded.

  'Good,' she said. 'I'm the clerk to the first circuit district court. I'm going to take you upstairs for a court hearing.'

  Robbie longed to ask her why, but he couldn't speak.

  'Let's go,' said the woman. She left the cell.

  The police man who Robbie had unsuccessfully asked for water stepped into the cell. He told Robbie to put his hands behind his back. Robbie could hear that his heart was racing. He smiled and held his hands out in front of him. The cop said, 'I said behind your back.' Robbie did not move. The cop's hand strayed towards his baton. Robbie saw this and smiled more broadly, staring at the man. The police man's hand hesitated over his baton then moved past and took a pair of handcuffs from his belt. He took hold of Robbie's left hand. As he tried to put the cuff over his wrist, Robbie twisted his hand out of his grasp and then held it out again, still smiling. By now Robbie thought that the cop's heart was hammering about as fast as it could without exploding, and the man was sweating. He tried once more to cuff Robbie with the same result. The cop started to hyperventilate.

  The woman reappeared in the cell doorway. 'What's the delay?' she said.

  'He won't let me cuff him,' said the cop.

  'He doesn't need cuffing,' said the woman. 'He's a disputed piece of property, not a mass murderer.' She stepped into the cell and spoke to Robbie. 'You're not going to give me any trouble are you?'

  Robbie shook his head. 'Not for a certain definition of trouble I'm not,' he thought.

  'Good, then let's go. The court is waiting for us.' She turned and walked out of the cell. Robbie followed with the cop bringing up the rear.

  They walked down the corridor to some faux wood stairs, and walked up to the basement, then up again to the ground floor, where Flo and the cleaner who had entered Robbie's cell were standing to one side of the stairs, apparently giving all their attention to polishing a cabinet containing some silverware. As he went up the stairs towards the next floor Robbie looked down, they were both watching him, Flo winked and the cleaner slowly allowed his hand to form the thumbs up signal. As Robbie walked his inbox was filling with messages. He scanned them quickly. There was a series of increasingly frantic messages from Omo, followed by a message from Dex – it just said 'Robbie – we will never stop looking.' There was a message sent to all RWW members anywhere in the world, with an image of Robbie, saying that he was missing and asking any union member with information to contact Dex urgently. After this there were messages from the people Robbie had started thinking of as 'friends of Carlos'. The last message was from Omo, it had been sent 12 hours ago. Robbie read it.

  Baby, I love you, don't be scared, it's going to work out fine. Remember that George had a plan? Well, George and Carlos had a plan. The plan was George would raise the money to buy Carlos. The sale went through, just as Carlos went missing. So George filed papers with the court, saying that you are his property – he has a 99 year lease on you. So now there has to be a hearing to decide who owns you. You have been locked up before the hearing so that none of the dudes who think they own you can make off with you. I love you so much and I will see you soon.

  At the top of the stairs the woman led Robbie through some double doors into a corridor that stretched away from him on both sides, travelling along the building and making a right angle at both ends as it disappeared round the corner. A large fake wooden door was facing him. The woman grasped the round, brass door handle, she turned and smiled at Robbie. 'In here,' she said, opening the door.

  The door let them into the back of the court, behind three rows of chairs, with an aisle in the middle, which the Clerk led Robbie down. Some of the chairs were occupied, sitting in the back row there was a woman with blonde hair next to a very large man. Next to him was another man, whose white hair was spilling out of his cap and down his neck. Robbie stopped walking. The cop pushed him and, taken unawares, he stumbled forward. He heard a sharp intake of breath – it was Omo. He kept going. He heard Camilla whisper, 'Oh God that's Robbie yeah, did you see his face?'

  The woman asked him to sit at the front, on a chair in front of a table in the middle of the court. To either side of him were two identical tables. After the table on the the left side of Robbie a chair was set up with its back to the wall, and ahead of Robbie was a chair and a desk facing the court, and behind that the judge's bench, raised so that the judge could see, and be seen from, everywhere in the court. The Clerk sat down at the desk in front of the judge's bench, facing Robbie. She set up a screen and began to touch it. The cop went over to a door to one side of the judge's bench and stood before it with his chest thrown out, and his thumbs hooked in his belt. Sitting at the table to Robbie's right was a woman, he had no idea who she was; at the other table was George and a man Robbie didn't know. George was turned away from Robbie, deep in conversation with the strange man; Robbie wondered why he would not turn and acknowledge him.

  Robbie risked a quick look behind him, holding his jacket up to cover the bruises on his face. As far as he could tell Dex, Omo, Darren and Camilla, and Camilla's designer were sitting at the back of the court. He was being signalled for a secure connection, but since he could not speak he instead wrote to Omo.

  I love you, thank you for the whale, I love you, I missed you so much, I thought I was never going to see you again. I can't speak or broadcast because my speech centre has been turned off. I had a dream that Darren kissed me and took all my clothes off but it wasn't a dream.

  Robbie reviewed his message. He erased the bit about Darren and instead wrote:

  Why didn't you come to see me with Darren? I needed you. PS Your disguise is brilliant. I am completely unable to tell that is you at the back of the court with Dex and Camilla. And Darren. And the designer guy.

  Robbie sent the message. He got a quick reply.

  Dude! Don't worry about the speech thing, we can fix that no problem. I love you too, more than ever. Did you get my message? Do you know what is going on? You'll be released after this hearing, to George or back to your family. I wanted to come and see you but Flo could only smuggle one dude in and Dex said it had to be Darren because he's a paramedic. I know you needed me because I needed you too. It was so hard letting Darren go without me, I cried all last night. Baby, soon this will be over and we'll be together again. PS I'm glad my disguise has totally fooled you, I think I'm getting the hang of this whole secret agent thing.

  Robbie wrote back:

  I cried too, when I got the whale. I knew you were thinking about me. If I had disappeared completely would you have moved on?

  Omo replied:

  Baby how could I have moved on without knowing what had happened to you? I would look for you until I found you or died trying.

  Robbie looked along the table at George, he was talking to the man next to him, who saw Robbie looking and indicated to George. George turned and looked at Robbie – almost the whole of the left side of his face, the side that was furthest from Robbie, was a big red bruise. Robbie leaned forward and pointed at the water jug on George's table. George immediately poured some water into his glass. His hand was shaking and he spilled a few drops on the table as he passed it to Robbie. Robbie drank all the water and passed the glass back to George who refilled it, handed it back to Robbie and whispered that he was sorry. Robbie supposed that he ought to feel angry with George – thanks to him he had spent three days in terror and had almost been sodomised with an electric baton – but somehow seeing George in the flesh looking utterly miserable he couldn't be angry. He pointed to George's face, and raised his eyebrows, but George turned away with a muttered, 'It doesn't matter.'

  Robbie put the glass of water on the table in front of him. He jointly wrote to Omo, and Dex, and Darren:

  What happened to George's face?

  Omo replied:

  I hit him last night. We met at the hotel before Darren and Flo went to the Civic Centre. George told us he had a letter from the court, and there was to be a hearing tomorrow to decide w
ho owned you. He said it wasn't until he got the letter that he connected your disappearance with him filing papers. I hit him for not telling us he'd filed papers on you as soon as he got here. I hit him because you got locked up and beaten up. I thought I'd lost you and it turns out to be a stupid property dispute.

  Robbie wrote back:

  George didn't mean for any of this to happen, he fucked up, that's all. I thought I'd lost you too. I was so scared. I didn't know what was going on until I was walking up the stairs to the court and I got your message. PS I find the thought of you hitting George really arousing, I'm sorry, I know that's wrong.

  Robbie got a reply from Darren:

  You bad boy.

  He had sent the message to all of them. He could hear Dex laughing. Then he could hear Camilla asking Dex what he was laughing about. Dex told her that he would tell her later, since it was best not to talk in court as they recorded everything.

  'Yes,' thought Robbie, 'I wouldn't want it recording that I find the idea of my current boyfriend beating up my ex-boyfriend arousing. That would be awful.'

  He got a message from Omo:

  Baby, hold that thought, we can discuss it later, at length, repeatedly, in detail, when we're alone…

  Robbie got a message from Amber:

  Hey Robbie, I'm looking forward to seeing you later and giving you a big hug. I'm helping Nurmeen with the hotel so George can be in court. There is only one guest so not too much to do. It's a smart building and he gets very upset if you move or touch anything. Nurmeen thinks the hotel has an obsessive compulsive personality, but I think he's just a bit of a dick. I'm sorry I can't be there but I am thinking of you, and Nurmeen says hello too.

  The Clerk stood, and asked them all to rise for the judge. The cop pulled open the door he was guarding so effectively (nothing had happened to it the whole time he had stood before it) and the judged walked through and sat at her bench. The Clerk signalled the court to sit and invited the plaintiff to present his case. The man sitting with George stood up and began telling the judge how documents lodged with the court proved that his client owned a robot with a particular IEEE number, which he asserted was the robot known as Robbie196000, who was sitting in front of the judge. The judge said from the paperwork it was clear that his client owned a robot, but asked how did he know that the IEEE number of the robot known as Robbie196000 matched with the IEEE number of the robot owned by his client establishing that they were one and the same? The man asked for permission to summon a witness, and the technician who had called Robbie "it" entered the court from a side door on the opposite side of the bench to the one used by the judge. He sat at the chair that had its back to the wall at right angles to the judges bench, and gave evidence that he had checked the IEEE number of the robot before the court, and it had matched the number in the papers submitted by George ('the plaintiff'). Robbie wrote again to Dex, Darren and Omo:

  That's the guy who turned off my speech centre. He called me "it".

  After this the judge said that the plaintiff had made his case, and asked the defence if they had anything to put before the court. The next thing Robbie knew the woman was sitting in the witness chair, telling the court that Robbie loved and cared for her children, who missed him terribly and constantly asked when he was coming back. For her court appearance she had dressed in black, and had put on red lipstick. Robbie thought that with her black hair, pale skin and red mouth she looked beautiful, until she opened her mouth and showed her grey teeth. Robbie felt bad when the woman told the court how much the children missed him, but he cheered up when she began to sob, and tell the judge that Robbie was a part of her family, and his leaving had left a hole that could never be filled. Omo wrote:

  Does she keep all of her family in a cupboard? It must have been super crowded in there dude.

  After the woman had finished, the judge told the woman sitting next to Robbie that the evidence before the court demonstrated that the plaintiff owned the robot known as Robbie196000. She said that she was loathe to break up any family, and suggested that perhaps Robbie's former owner and new owner could come to a private arrangement, but she had no choice but to find for the plaintiff.

  The Clerk asked the court to rise, the judge left. The Clerk told George there were some formalities, and asked him to sign some papers. Robbie was dazed. He felt George's hand on his arm, urging him to rise. George's lawyer shook his hand, and wished him luck. Robbie sent George a message:

  I'm sorry Omo hit you, he shouldn't have done that. I can't talk because that technician turned off my speech centre.

  George took out his tablet, he read Robbie's message and said, 'Come back to the hotel, we can talk about it all later.'

  Robbie replied with another message:

  I'm sorry George, I know this has been really hard on you.

  Robbie and his friends walked to the hotel. George was now installed in the ground floor, in the manager's flat. Robbie had a quick impression of George's new living space, a large five-sided room, on two levels, the upper level with a dining table and closed doors on three of the five sides, the lower level furnished with two shabby, but comfortable looking, fabric covered couches, one red, one yellow, and some mismatched easy chairs. Between two of the five doors on the upper level was a large floor length mirror, fixed to the wall. Everyone hugged Robbie, very, very gently, and he started to sob. Darren and Omo took him by the arms and led him to the upper level, through one of the doors, into a bedroom. Robbie sat on the bed with Omo, and Darren knelt down in front of him. 'I promise you, you will feel better soon,' Darren said. 'Right now you need to rest. And it would be a good idea to wash that place off you. It helps more than you would think.' Darren took a cable out of his paramedic bag and suggested that he turn back on Robbie's speech centre. Robbie wrote a message to Darren and Omo:

  no no no no no no no

  Darren put the cable away. 'We can do it later,' he said. Then he hugged Robbie, said something to Omo and left. Omo took off Robbie's jacket, he checked the pockets, putting the origami whale on the bedside table, and hung the jacket in the room's wardrobe. He got Robbie to stand, then covered the bed with towels, undressed Robbie and led him into the wet room attached to the bedroom. Robbie sat on a chair while Omo washed his hair, then showered his body before leading Robbie back into the bedroom. Robbie lay on the towels on the bed and while Omo straddled Robbie and dried him. After that, starting from Robbie's head, he rubbed gel into Robbie's bruises or kissed his unbruised skin, then he flipped Robbie onto his stomach and started again on his back.

  'Oh,' thought Robbie, 'oh'. The origami whale watched from the bedside table while Omo slowly and thoroughly continued his work, ending up kneeling on the floor while he kissed the soles of Robbie's feet. He climbed back onto the bed, and lay down beside Robbie. 'Dude you're done.'

  Robbie wrote to Omo:

  No no no no. I am not done, you can't leave me like this.

  'Baby you're one big bruise.'

  Robbie wrote:

  My mouth isn't bruised.

  Omo kissed him. Robbie took Omo's hand and put it on his body. He wrote:

  Here's somewhere else that isn't bruised.

  'Baby,' said Omo, 'oh baby.'

  Robbie reached out an arm and turned the whale to face the door.

  Chapter 22 – Omo, I'm only dancing

  It was four days since Robbie's release, his bruises had faded to purple/red, while the cut on his forehead had closed to an angry red line. By contrast the bruise on George's face had first gone black, and was now turning yellow. George was currently sleeping as it was after midnight, while Robbie stood with Nurmeen in the corridor that George's front door gave on to. Nurmeen was wearing her black and white chambermaid outfit. Her glossy black hair was held back from her face with a white band, and her red lips glowed in the dark. The corridor was dark because it had one not very powerful light in the middle, and no windows. And also because, for some reason, the plastic walls had been papered over and made
to look like smoke darkened wood. At the other end of the corridor from the manager's flat, near a back door that gave out to yard with recycling bins, Robbie had noticed, with his night vision, that there was a faint rectangular shape in the paper big enough to be a door. He had shown it to Nurmeen, who had seen it before, but thought there was probably something unexciting behind the door like a forgotten store cupboard.

  Nevertheless Nurmeen had fetched her crowbar and a good sharp knife (as well as cleaning the guest rooms, she also did small repairs) and now waited as Robbie reached to one of the top corners and pushed the knife through the wallpaper as deep as it would go, then carefully pulled it along the top of the shape to the other corner, continuing down one of the long sides, ending up crouching as he reached the floor. Nurmeen put a hand on his shoulder, and he rose and stepped to one side as she inserted the crowbar. The shape opened with a loud crack, both turning and falling forward until Robbie dropped the knife to lift and turn it, folding it back against the wall of the corridor, revealing that it was an old wooden, unpainted door with a perfect circle cut from the wood where the handle should have been. Its hinges had been removed and the bottom third of the door was scarred and pitted as if over many years something corrosive had repeatedly been splashed against it.