Adoption. It’s something that crossed my mind. But the thought leaves a black hole burning in my chest.
“I’m twenty-two. Not fifteen. There’s no reason I can’t raise this baby on my own.”
“You know I’m here for you no matter what you decide.”
“I know. Thank you.” I end the call as I pull into the parking lot of the Animal Shelter.
I’ve already made my decision. I know it isn’t going to be easy, but the choice is mine to make. I’ll sign whatever paperwork Travis wants me to sign to relieve him of all obligations. It’s probably better that way.
I can do this.
Without Travis.
Without Carter.
It’s the second one that makes my throat tighten. Because I realize now that despite everything, up until the moment he told me he was Travis’ brother, I actually believed that one day my Bar Guy, the guy who’d saved my life, my own dark hero, would walk into my life again, and maybe – just maybe – I really would get my happy ending.
I swipe my tears away with the back of my hands, and look in the mirror at the blotchy face that stares back at me.
Time to toughen up, because the reality is, there’s no white knight coming to my rescue this time.
Chapter 5
Carter
“She’s pregnant?” I stare at my brother, unbelieving. Jealousy wars with anger. And that fucking caveman inside me beats his chest in outrage.
Every possessive, territorial bone in my body wants it to be a lie, but looking at my brother’s pathetic, guilty face, I know it’s the truth.
“Yes.” He paces the living room, and his fingers curl into fists at his side.
He looks like he’s ready to hit something.
In a way, I wouldn’t mind if he took a swing at me. At least it would give me a reason to hit him back. Because right now, I really, really want to.
“And it’s yours?” I growl out, my throat constricting over the words. I doubt Layla would lie about something like that, but I have to ask.
“If it was any other fucking girl I’d wonder, but Layla doesn’t sleep around. Shit, I practically had to force her to sleep with me. It was like trying to get Mother Teresa to spread her damn legs.”
“Did you force her?” I take a step towards him, and there must be murder in my eyes because he quickly takes a step back, hands raised, palms towards me.
“What the hell, Carter? It was a joke.”
“Not a funny one.” I narrow my gaze, not knowing what to believe from him right now.
The thought of him forcing himself on her makes me see red. He may be my brother, but I’m pretty sure I’d go to prison for the things I’d do to him if I ever found out that was the case.
“The totally messed up part about this whole thing is that I only fucked her once. Who gets pregnant after one lousy screw?”
I have to shove my hands in my pocket to keep myself from knocking the pitiful look off his face.
“I can’t do this,” Travis wines, sitting down on the couch and placing his head in his hands.
“Then you should have kept your dick in your pants. You’re going to be a father. It’s not like you have a choice.”
“She said she’s giving me one.”
“What do you mean?” Something dark stirs inside of me.
“She’s going to talk to a lawyer. I can waive my rights and–”
“You’re not seriously considering it? Shit. This is your kid you’re talking about.”
“But it doesn’t have to be,” he says, like some damn paper will just erase the fact that the baby is his. “I’m twenty-two years old. I’ve barely started to live.”
“So what? You’re just going to pretend like this never happened? Walk around like there’s not some kid out there wearing your face. Jesus, Travis. Mom and Dad would be so fucking proud.”
He glares at me, then leans back on the couch and pinches his eyes shut. “If she’d just get an abortion, everything would be fine.”
“Is she considering it?” I don’t know why, but the thought makes my chest tighten.
“No.” He throws his hands in the air and stands again, starting to pace. “I don’t get it. She’s not even religious.”
“You don’t have to be religious to want to keep your child. To have a family.”
“Here we go again. Saint fucking Carter on his moral high horse.”
“Don’t do that. We’ve both made mistakes.”
“Yeah.” He narrows his eyes on me. “We have.”
I know where his mind goes. The same dark memory that haunts my dreams. The one choice he’ll never forgive me for making.
“I’m just saying, this kid is your family.”
“Since when have you cared so much about family?” Travis’ lips curl up in a snarl, and there’s something almost feral in his expression.
His words bite, because I know there’s truth to them.
I haven’t been around. Maybe if I had things would have turned out differently.
It was a shit thing to do leaving him alone when he was only seventeen. No parents. No rules. No one to be accountable to.
But I had my career. And back then hockey was everything to me. I wasn’t about to give up my shot playing with the pros to come home and take care of a kid that was already practically grown.
“What do you want from me? An apology? I did what I had to do.”
“You did what you had to do for yourself. Don’t try and twist it any other way.”
I stay silent, because he’s right.
Travis pulls out a pack of smokes from his back pocket, and lights one.
“I’m just saying we aren’t that different. You were my age when Mom and Dad died. You didn’t want to be settled down with a kid. I get it now.”
“What I did was completely different. You were my brother, and you were seventeen.”
Travis shrugs. “Maybe.”
I shake my head at him. “So what’re your plans?”
“I don’t know. I just know I have to get out of here. Maybe travel a bit.” He butts the cigarette out in a dirty glass that sits on the fireplace mantle. “There’s a job up north I’m looking into.”
“What kind of a job?” He hasn’t been able to hold down a job for more than three months at a time. With the money from our parents’ accident, he’s been able to live pretty comfortably without having too.
Until recently.
The way our parents had it worked out, he’d only received small chunks each month until he was twenty-one, after that he had access to the whole lump sum, which he blasted through on God knows what over the past year.
“There’s a construction site up in British Colombia–”
“Canada?”
“Yeah.”
I want to punch the little bastard. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“It’s good money.”
“And it would get you out of here,” I say, knowing that’s the main reason he’s even considering it.
He nods slowly, and looks out the large bay window, blue eyes unreadable.
“And Layla? What do you plan to do about her?”
“I thought she could stay here. At least until she finds a place of her own.” He doesn’t look at me, just keeps staring out the window.
“You’re a real asshole, you know that?”
“Yeah. I know.” He drags his fingers through his hair and turns to meet my gaze. For the first time since he told me about the pregnancy, I actually see remorse in his eyes. “Will you let her stay?”
“I’m not going to kick her out if that’s what you’re asking.”
He gives a small nod, his expression relaxing slightly. “I do care about her.”
“You’ve got a funny way of showing it.”
Ignoring me, he continues, “She’s different than the other girls I’ve been with. There’s something about her. You know?”
Yeah, I know. I saw it the first time I laid eyes on her.
; Travis rubs his temples.
“I can’t bail you out of this one. You know that. Whether you like it or not, Layla and this kid are part of your life now.” And mine.
His jaw tightens and he nods.
“I’m not saying you have to marry her–”
“Yeah, that’s not going to happen.” He stands abruptly, clearly agitated. “I’m going to have a shower.”
“Travis.” The command in my voice stops him. “This doesn’t have to be a bad thing.”
He snorts. “You can say that because it’s not your life she’s fucking with. You want her to have the kid so bad, then you take care of it.”
My chest tightens, and something stirs inside of me. Yeah, it’s that damn caveman again. Growling to comply with Travis’ request.
You take care of it.
Watching Travis skulk up the stairs, I know there’s nothing I can say to change his mind. And there’s a small part of me that doesn’t want to. Because if, or whether when, he walks away, I have no intention of just offering her the deal he’s laid out.
I have a deal of my own. One that will finally make her mine.
Chapter 6
Layla
The house is empty when I come home from work. Which isn’t that unusual. If Travis isn’t throwing a party, he’s typically out at a club, or at one of his stoner buddies’ houses. But the minute I walk into the kitchen and see the folded note on the kitchen table with my name scribbled on it, my insides clench.
I place my purse on the chair and pick up it up, slowly unfolding it.
Layla,
I can’t do this.
I’m sorry.
Stay in the house as long as you need.
-Travis
That’s it. No long apology. No excuses. Just the cold, brutal fact that he doesn’t want to be a part of his child’s life.
My fingers flutter over my still flat stomach, and I let out a long uneven breath. When I left for work this morning I never thought he would just up and leave.
“So that’s it,” I mutter, feeling the first pricks of tears at the back of my eyes. I swipe them away angrily.
I don’t know why I’m crying. Travis was at best a friend, but there was never anything more between us. Just one stupid night that meant nothing.
And he’s right. He isn’t mature enough to be a father. Maybe he never will be.
I flinch when I hear the front door open and shut, and the footsteps behind me.
“Layla?” Carter’s deep voice is full of concern.
I take a deep breath, then let it out slowly before turning around.
Carter’s face tightens, and he takes the remaining steps that separate us. “What’s wrong?”
Not trusting my voice, I don’t say anything, just hand him the note.
His eyes graze over the words, and his expression goes from concerned to furious.
“Fuck.” His fist balls over the note, and for a second it looks like he’s ready to hit something. A few deep breaths and he turns back to me. “I didn’t think he’d leave so quickly. I’m sorry.”
“It is what it is.” I try to act casual, like I’m not completely freaking out inside. But I have no clue what I’m going to do.
I have some money in savings. Enough for a down payment for first and last month’s rent somewhere not too expensive. But neither of my jobs, waitressing at the diner, or managing the bookstore, have any medical coverage.
Then there’s all the other expenses that come with babies.
I rub my eyes with my palms and shake my head. There’s still time for me to think about all that. Right now, I just have to figure out where I’m going to live.
“If I can stay here for a few more days, it’ll give me enough time to–”
“I’m not kicking you out.” He stares at me with all the broody, intenseness that makes my knees go weak.
Silence stretches between us, and I feel like there’s something that he wants to say, but doesn’t. What I wouldn’t give to have him wrap those strong arms around me. To comfort me. But I know that would be a really bad idea.
Just being in the same room with him is hard enough. Adding any physical contact would be a temptation I don’t have the strength for right now.
I sit down on the kitchen chair and place my hands on the table.
“I can’t stay here.”
“Why not?” He pulls out the chair beside me and straddles it, arms resting on the back, blue eyes watchful.
“Because it’s your place. With Travis gone–”
“It changes nothing.”
“It changes everything.” I hold his gaze, trying not to flinch at the intensity of it. “I appreciate you wanting to help, but this is already weird between us.”
“It doesn’t have to be. With my job, I’m gone for weeks, sometimes months at a time. Plus…” His jaw tenses, mouth tightening. “Once Travis gets his head out of his ass and realizes what he’s giving up, he’ll be back.”
Not likely.
I shrug.
Carter’s mouth tightens, and he breathes out heavily through his nose. “This is your home, for as long as you need it to be.”
“You don’t have to do this.”
“Yeah. I do.” His frown tightens. “You were right earlier when you said Travis and I aren’t very close. It’s my fault. I left him alone when our parents died. If I’d done things differently, maybe he wouldn’t be such a self-absorbed, asshole.”
I can’t help but smile at the fierceness in his tone. Travis hadn’t spoken much about his parents. I knew they were dead, that they’d died in a head-on collision, but that’s all he had said.
“What happened to them?”
Carter lets out a long sigh before answering, “They were in a car accident. My mom was killed instantly. She wasn’t wearing her seatbelt, and …” He looks up at the ceiling and shakes his head. “She was ejected from the car. Broke her neck on impact.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“Both Travis and my Dad were rushed to the hospital–”
“Travis was with them?” He hadn’t told me that part.
“He had a few fractured ribs, a concussion, and a broken arm. He was lucky. If you saw the wreckage…” He drags his fingers through his dark hair. “It’s a miracle anyone survived.”
“And your dad?”
“They pronounced him brain-dead at the hospital. When I got there I was given the option of unplugging him, or keeping him hooked up to the machines.” His eyes go distant and his lips tighten in a thin line. “I knew my Dad wouldn’t have wanted to live like that. So I made the decision.”
“God. That must have been terrible.”
“Yeah. But what was worse was when Travis came out of surgery and found out what I’d done. He never forgave me for it.”
“How old was he?”
“Seventeen. Not old enough to be alone. But I left him anyways. I was consumed by my own life. My own needs. I practically left him on his own after that. I made sure he had everything he needed. Cleaned up his messes whenever he called for help. But looking back I think that only made things worse. What he needed was family.”
I can see the guilt in his eyes, hear the love for his brother in his voice, but there are some mistakes that can’t ever be fixed, especially if one person isn’t willing to forgive.
“Have you told him that?”
“Probably not as gently as I could have.” His lips twist up slightly. “Travis and I have a complicated relationship.”
“That seems to be the only type he’s capable of.”
Carter grunts. “You may be right.”
We sit in silence for a few moments, both caught up in our own thoughts.
“I’m sorry for the way he treated you.” His gaze is on me again.
“You can’t blame yourself for his actions. No matter how many mistakes you may have made, he’s his own person.”
“True. But I can make sure that his child is taken care of. That you…” He reache
s out and takes my hand, making my entire body turn into an inferno. “Are taken care of.”
“I’m…” I swallow, finding it difficult to concentrate on anything but his touch. “We’re not your responsibility.”
“Until Travis comes back, you are.” He lets his hand rest on mine, gaze so intense that despite the warmth that floods through me, a shiver races down my back.
The way he looks at me makes me forget everything.
Who I am.
Who he is.
That I’m carrying his brother’s baby.
My body practically hums with need at his touch. And the protective, almost possessive way he’s looking at me right now makes my insides melt. Makes me want more. More than I can ever have.
Warning bells blare.
Danger. Danger. Run as fast as you can.
I pull my hand away, and stand.
“Thank you for letting me stay here for now.”
I don’t wait for his response, because I need to get as far away from him as possible, to clear my head.
Maybe I’m reading him all wrong. Maybe the touch, the look, is just him. There’s no denying the man oozes sex appeal. And my hormones are all over the place. Maybe he’s just trying to be the responsible brother, cleaning up Travis’ mess.
I shut my bedroom door, locking it behind me.
Yeah, that’s all it is. Nothing more. Because what man in his right mind would be interested in a woman carrying another man’s baby? Especially when that man is his brother.
Unless he’s just interested in sex.
But then there are a million women out there that I’m sure would be more than willing to jump into bed with an incredibly hot ex NHL player.
Laying down on my bed, I curl into a ball and close my eyes. But the minute I do, Carter’s handsome face is there, staring at me with those fuck me eyes.
Damn him for being so incredibly sexy – and sweet.
That was the real kicker. If he was a jackass like his brother, it would be easy, well not completely easy, but easier, not to think about him. But under all Carter’s broodiness, the dark scowl he wears like a uniform, is a man who cares deeply about others.
A man that I could easily fall for.
Second Draft Page 4