Time had never gone so slowly. Still wearing his Santa costume, Adam had done the obligatory schmooze through the crowd, chatting to kids about their gifts and then he’d accepted a beer from someone and mingled with the adults. He could have left as soon as the presents were done, but he couldn’t bring himself to do so while Stella and Heidi remained.
He watched them from a safe distance, knowing his turn to be with Stella would come that evening. After the way she’d brushed him off the other night, he’d planned on keeping his cool around her tonight but flirting with her came naturally. His body tightened at the recollection of her sitting in his lap and he smiled thinking about the way she’d leaned into him. If they hadn’t been in the presence of such an attentive audience, he’d never have let her go.
Stella appeared to be enjoying herself. Frankie and Simone and Ruby had drawn her in to their little social ring and she looked at home sitting with them chatting while Heidi played with two other little girls nearby. She looked to be having the time of her life with her new friends and Adam felt bad begrudging her that but he just wanted the night to come to an end so the good stuff could begin. When he saw Heidi yawn five times in quick succession, it was all he could do to stop rushing over and asking Stella if she wanted help taking her home.
But that would seem too domestic and Stella had made it clear she wanted to keep him and Heidi in separate boxes. He caught her gaze as she packed up her things and they exchanged a knowing, heated look. He watched Simone walk Stella and Heidi to their car and then he went to see if Frankie and Ruby needed any assistance packing up. After half an hour of taking down the marquee, putting decorations back in boxes and carrying everything up to Frankie’s van, he felt confident that Heidi would now be in bed.
Anticipation built within him, every muscle in his body tense with desire as he drove from town back to the farm. He made a quick detour to his place to change and experienced a stab of guilt at leaving Mutton again but he didn’t want the exuberant puppy to interfere with his plans for the evening. The light on the cottage veranda shone brightly when he arrived and Stella met him as he climbed the front steps. She stood in the doorway, light from the hallway shining around her head like a halo.
‘Hi,’ she said softly.
‘Hey.’ He should have bought wine or more flowers but he hadn’t been able to think about anything except them being together again. ‘Where’s Heidi?’
Stella hugged her arms around herself. She wore a denim skirt and a wafty hippy-type top in the same shade of lemon as the dress she’d been wearing the other night. All he could think about was sliding his hands under her skirt.
‘Asleep. She zonked out in the car before we were out of town.’
Those words were all the encouragement he needed. He took two large steps, closing the distance between them and snuck his hands around her waist. But instead of feeling her softness melt against his as he’d anticipated, he felt her hands on his chest, pushing him back.
‘Adam. We need to talk.’
Disappointment slammed into his gut at her words, all but killing the erection that had been burning a hole in his pants all evening. Talk? That was about the last word a man wanted to hear in the throes of passion. His defences shot up and he dropped his hands to his sides.
‘Look, if you don’t want a repeat of the other night, that’s fine. We don’t need to talk about why.’ He was already turning to go.
‘That’s not it.’
He frowned, halting. ‘Then what? You’re like a faulty tap, boiling one minute and freezing the next. And right now, you’re confusing the hell out of me.’
‘I’m sorry.’ She sounded genuinely so. ‘It’s just…’
‘Please don’t tell me you’re tired again.’ He’d thought that excuse was only sacred to stale-married couples.
She laughed nervously. ‘Adam, I’m a single mum to a special needs seven year old, who has the mental and physical age of a five year old. I’m tired all the bloody time, but that’s not what I’m trying to say here. I would rather not talk right now. I’d rather rip off your shirt and drag you into my boudoir to have my wicked way, but there’s something I need to get off my chest first.’
He was getting hot under the collar again and all he wanted to get off her chest was her top. But, encouraged by her words, he shoved his hands in his pockets and tried to think with the brain between his ears rather than the one between his legs. ‘Okay. Let’s talk.’
She stepped into the house and he followed her into the kitchen. ‘Can I get you a drink?’ she asked.
He was about to say he could do with a beer, but she continued before he got the chance. ‘Tea? Coffee?’
‘Thanks. I’ll have a coffee.’
She got busy making the drinks and he noticed her hand shook as she poured the milk. What could possibly be on her mind that was setting her so on edge?
‘Here, let me carry those,’ he said, rushing forward to pick the mugs off the bench before she did.
‘Thanks.’ She smiled. ‘Would you like a biscuit or something?’
‘You and Heidi been making choc-chip cookies again?’
She nodded.
‘In that case, yes please. Shall we head into the lounge room?’
‘Uh huh.’ He got the impression she didn’t really hear his question and that he could have said, ‘Shall we head up to the moon?’ and she would have been equally as compliant. He hated the uncomfortable tension between them and wanted to put her at ease.
‘It was a good night,’ he said, as she retrieved a Tupperware container from the cupboard and started towards the lounge room. ‘I saw Heidi made some friends.’
‘Yes. I think she would have stayed playing until she dropped asleep in the sand if I’d let her.’
He laughed, placed the mugs on the coffee table and then sank down onto the couch. He hoped Stella would join him but sitting first had been a strategic move on his part. If she didn’t want to sit close she could take the armchair. He couldn’t help a small grin when she sat her gorgeous body gingerly down beside him.
‘What’s on your mind?’ he asked, leaning back into the couch.
She let out one long heavy sigh. ‘This is going to sound totally crazy. I’m not sure how to say it.’
‘In my experience the best way to get things off your chest is to say it as quick as possible. However it comes out. Like ripping a band-aid off.’
‘I usually think things through before I say them, but I’ve been thinking this through for days and I still have no idea what to say.’
‘You’re scaring me, Stella.’ Although he tried to sound light-hearted, the look of absolute terror on her face worried him. He reached out and placed his hand on top of hers. ‘It can’t be all that bad.’
‘Okay.’ Another puff of air. ‘The reason I haven’t invited you back since that night is that Heidi has been having nightmares and I needed to be with her. I couldn’t risk her waking up upset while we were…’
‘Geez, I’m sorry. I had night terrors as a kid after Lily-Blue went missing and they can be terrifying. No wonder you’ve been tired. And here I was taking all the credit.’
Her lips twitched at the edges. ‘Trust me, some of it’s yours.’
That made him smile. ‘I’m glad to hear it. But the nightmares… what are they about?’
‘You know how I told you she has imaginary friends?’
He nodded.
‘Oh God, maybe I shouldn’t say anything.’ She snatched her hand out from under his and turned her head so he couldn’t see the expression on her face.
‘Stella, what’s wrong? What is it?’ He cupped her cheek and gently turned her head, forcing her to meet his gaze. Tears glistened in her eyes. Was she sick or something? His rib cage squeezed around his heart at the thought.
‘You’re either going to hate me or think I’m insane if I say this.’
‘Just say it. Please?’
‘Okay.’ She blinked. ‘Well, Heidi’s had imagina
ry friends for a few years now. Some people think it’s odd but I was quite proud of her imagination. People often think kids with Downs are dumb and I thought her ability to create worlds and characters was another point against this stupid assumption.’
‘She’s definitely not dumb.’ In the short time he’d known her Heidi’s zest and passion for life and everything around her had even inspired him. When he’d given her a ride on the header she’d asked more questions than he could answer.
‘Anyway,’ Stella continued, ‘her last imaginary friend was called Polar and she faded away within a day of us arriving at the cottage. I thought maybe that was the end of her imaginary friends and then I almost sat on a new one.’
Her quirked an eyebrow and she gave him a look.
‘Bear with me here.’
‘I’m all ears.’
‘Heidi introduced her new friend to me as Lily-Blue.’
‘What?’ That took him aback, but he recovered quickly and shrugged. ‘Maybe she heard Mum mention her or something. Or maybe she’s heard the name somewhere else.’ Then it hit him. ‘No, she must have seen my tattoo and that’s where she got it.’
Stella shook her head. ‘No. She’d only met your mum once then and the name never came up in conversation. Her first mention of Lily-Blue was before the pool incident.’
He opened his mouth but had no idea what to say. He didn’t know what Stella wanted to hear or how he should feel about this.
‘She’s been talking to this friend for days, playing with her inside and outside and I thought it was weird but I didn’t want to ask too many questions because I didn’t want to upset her. Then, strange things started happening. The piano would sound when Heidi and I were outside. Lights would flicker. And a night sometimes I’d hear something in the kitchen.’
A chill came over him. ‘Like the other night.’
She nodded. ‘I’m a country girl and I know old houses make noises, so I tried to reason it all away. You and Frankie kept asking me if the place spooked me and I tried to tell myself I was being ridiculous but it did. I considered leaving a couple of times but Heidi loves it here. So do I. I figured I couldn’t be scared of ghosts if I didn’t believe in them.’
‘Stella. What are you trying to say?’
Her eyes met with his and all he could see was sympathy, compassion and pity. ‘I think your sister is here. I think she’s a ghost.’
Goosebumps shot up all over his skin. It took a moment for him to compute what she was saying and compose himself but then he firmly shook his head. ‘If there’s any ghost here, it’ll be Uncle Tom. Not that I believe in such things.’
‘It’s not Tom,’ she said adamantly. ‘And I didn’t believe it either. Until the other night.’
‘What happened the other night?’
‘Just after you left, Heidi woke sobbing, so I went into her and she told me she was crying because Lily-Blue was sad and crying too. I swear, Adam, I felt a presence in that room. I think I may even have heard the other cry.’
He screwed up his face and his gut hurt.
‘I know it sounds insane,’ she whispered.
‘Yes, it does.’ He’d never heard anything more absurd. ‘Did Heidi say anything else? Did she say how her friend, er… died?’
‘I don’t think Heidi knows she’s dead.’ Stella rubbed her hands up and down her arms as if she had goosebumps too. ‘She hasn’t even made the connection between Lily-Blue and you and Esther. All she said is that Lily-Blue is sad because her mum is sad and she doesn’t want her to be anymore. I wouldn’t have said anything but I couldn’t be around you with this hanging over my head and Heidi’s been so down that I had to do something. I’m sorry.’
Adam didn’t know if he could listen to this anymore, but then Stella said, ‘Heidi told me when Lily-Blue isn’t playing with her, she lives under that tree out the back.’
His heart stopped beating. ‘What tree?’
‘That gorgeous jacaranda.’
‘Fuck no.’ Pain reared up in his forehead and he knew no amount of strong painkillers would ever get rid of it.
‘I’m sorry,’ Stella said again.
He barely heard her. ‘Uncle Tom planted that tree. Just after Lily-Blue went missing. He said it was in memory of her.’
‘Oh God.’ Stella clapped a hand over her mouth.
‘Mum hated it,’ Adam continued. ‘She said by planting it Tom was admitting he didn’t think there was any hope of her return. I almost got rid of it this year when we renovated this place, but Tom always said he’d planted it because her favourite colour was purple and it reminded him of her. I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of his monument to her.’
As if Stella could read his thoughts, she laid a hand on his knee. ‘It doesn’t mean he did anything sinister. It could just be a coincidence.’
But he knew she didn’t think that any more than he did.
‘It’s ridiculous, that’s what it is.’ He sprang to his feet and glared at Stella. ‘You’re talking like we have facts. But you know nothing about my sister or her disappearance. Don’t you dare say anything about this to Mum.’
‘As if I would.’
‘Good, because she’s just starting to recover and the last thing she needs is you talking some airy-fairy crap about a ghost or even a figment of your imagination who you reckon is Lily-Blue.’
‘Adam, that’s not—’
But he couldn’t listen to whatever it was she had to stay. He needed to get outside. He needed fresh air. He needed a beer. Damn! Pain dragging at his eyeballs, he stormed through the front door and slammed his fist down on the veranda railing. It felt as if he’d splintered his knuckles but the pain in his hand was nothing compared to the pain in his heart.
If Stella hadn’t wanted to sleep with him, she only had to say. Instead, her desire to ‘talk’ had turned his world upside down.
‘Well, that went well,’ Stella said to herself as she heard Adam’s ute hoon off into the distance. The noise followed quickly on the heels of what sounded like him thumping the veranda. She didn’t blame him – what she’d landed on him tonight was about as weird as things got – and she’d had to fight the urge to go after him. She probably would have if it weren’t for Heidi and she consoled herself with the fact this wouldn’t be a good idea. He needed time to digest what she’d said.
Letting out a long sigh, she heaved herself off the couch and collected the untouched mugs of coffee and the plate of biscuits. In the kitchen she emptied the coffee down the sink and put away the cookies, unable to shake off the disappointment that filled her.
For a brief moment when she’d sat on Adam’s lap at the Christmas tree, she’d forgotten about the whole Lily-Blue issue and simply let her mind imagine what they would get up to later that night. When he’d arrived and pulled her into his embrace, she’d wanted to stay there forever. Taking a step back and telling him they needed to talk had to be one of the hardest things she’d ever had to do and her body hated her for it. She felt all strung up inside as if she’d been about to devour a decadent chocolate cake and then someone had whipped it away from her. She contemplated seeing to her own needs but dismissed that idea almost immediately.
Only Adam could satisfy the craving inside her and she might just have pushed him away forever. Leaning back against the kitchen bench, Stella caught her head in her hands as the tears she’d only just managed to keep barricaded the last hour suddenly broke free.
What was supposed to be her and Heidi’s holiday of a lifetime was rapidly going down the gurgler.
Chapter Eighteen
Adam ignored Mutton bouncing at his feet as he stormed into his house and headed straight for the fridge. Every muscle in his body felt tense – sexual frustration mixed together with anger and confusion was a lethal combination. Screwing the top off a bottle of Carlton Dry, he stormed back out onto the veranda and sat on the crate he used as a makeshift chair.
‘Bloody hell!’ He shot right back up and started pacing. Bee
r splashed out onto his knuckles and he slowed to take a swig. He couldn’t think straight as a million thoughts and questions whirled through his head. When Stella said she’d needed to talk, this was the last thing he’d ever have imagined her saying, but now that she had, what the hell should he do with it?
Could there possibly be any truth in what she’d said? She’d been genuinely distraught talking to him but he didn’t know what to think. Even if she believed Heidi was talking to a ghost, could he believe it?
Since Lily-Blue disappeared all those years ago there hadn’t been a day he didn’t think of her. He worked the farm constantly on edge, wondering if she’d suddenly walk back over the horizon, or worse, he’d stumble upon a shallow grave when driving the tractor or something. As a kid he’d desperately hoped they’d find her alive but as the years passed and he grew older that hope had faded. In his heart, he’d believed her dead for a very long time. And if that were true could there be truth in what Stella had told him?
He shuddered as his spine tingled. Not in a good way. He racked his brain thinking back to the day he’d already re-lived in his mind a zillion times. Uncle Tom had been in Geraldton that morning and had arrived home to all the frenzied terror. Not everyone had mobile phones back then so no one had been able to get in contact with him. When had he returned to the farm? Had he really ever been away? His head throbbed even more trying to remember details from that day and he found he couldn’t recall any definite facts anyway. He’d been a kid, shook up and terrified, and he guessed that made him a dodgy witness.
Adam forced himself to sit back down on the crate, took another swig of beer and tried to collate his thoughts into some kind of order. If, and that was a big if, Heidi was talking to his little sister and her information was correct, was Lily-Blue buried under Uncle Tom’s jacaranda? A foul taste came into his mouth and no amount of beer could erase it. Had Uncle Tom killed her? The idea seemed absurd. From what he remembered Uncle Tom had always worshiped her. Having never married or had kids of his own, he’d doted on his siblings’ kids. But he’d always favoured Lily-Blue that tiny bit more than Adam, Simone or Frankie.
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