“What do you want, human?” Alec asked. Every so often Alec showed his “age”. The kid was a human after all.
Scott gulped. “I was just, um, wondering if you think we’re going to be able to defeat these guys?” he asked timidly. His eyes reeked of naiveté.
“Don’t worry yourself to death. You’d be amazed what people can do when they come together,” Annie chimed as she walked our way. She flashed the teenager a genuine smile and his shoulders visibly relaxed. I wished I had just a shred of her optimism.
“Or we’ll all die.”
I looked back in search of a face to match the husky, solemn voice. A tall man with an uncanny sibling resemblance to Scott stepped toward us. Their hair was the same soft color of blonde and their eyes were almost an identical shade of deep brown. He was taller than Scott with more muscle in his arms and more weight around his waist. He appeared average, aside from the grisly scar that encircled his neck. I assumed he didn’t always have such a raspy voice.
“Shut up, Rick!” Scott snapped. Tears glazed over his eyes, no doubt afraid to die. I had quite the opposite fear.
“I’m not trying to be negative, Bro, but this is clearly the end of civilization as we’ve known it. No rational person can deny that. I know the extent of Baldric’s power. He could rip a man in half with his mind if he wanted to. Have any of you ever seen someone torn to pieces? I have. Flesh makes a ghastly sound when it’s ripped. You see Baldric can control everything. His abilities are endless. It won’t be a challenge for him to rule this world. This small group and these ‘warriors’ stand no chance. We’re all going to die.”
Scott hung his head, sulking. His brother, Rick, gloated, crossing his arms over his broad chest. He was a bit too smug for my taste. Smug usually meant easily killed. I gave him a week tops.
“Sounds pretty negative to me,” Jade said matter-of-factly. “In those picture movies, the horror ones, isn’t the person who says everyone’s going to die, usually the first one to get killed? How interesting.” Jade’s sarcasm had made a triumphant return.
Rick grunted and dropped back into the group, unarmed with a suitable comeback.
“Thanks,” Scott said. He bowed awkwardly and returned to his weapon-sorting job.
I turned to Jade. “We’re all going to die, aren’t we?”
“Yup.”
“Excellent.”
–
The second Alec’s attention was elsewhere I snuck off to the newly finished graveyard. More than a dozen tiny crosses already lined the snow-covered ground. There’d be more. I treaded through the snow, my bare feet numb to the icy pain. Snowflakes sprinkled over my hair; I could see the tiny white flakes lining my eyelashes. It reminded me of my first home, my human home, back in Washington.
I walked along the rows of crosses, looking for a specific name. The eighteenth cross was Cindy’s. Just seeing her name – I collapsed. My knees dug into the half a foot of snow and I ran my fingers over her name. Josh carved it in the wood. I could feel him all over the deep grooves, love and care put into each letter. As much of a pest as Cindy was, we all loved her.
“I’m so sorry, Cindy,” I whispered, resting my forehead against the tiny wooden cross. “I wish we could have met when I was still human. Maybe then things would have been different.”
Someone’s eyes were on me, burning a hole straight through me. I leapt to me feet, scanning the trees. The man quickly turned away, leading one of the horses into the protection of the forest and disappearing into the darkness.
“Josh?”
Chapter Twenty
I was on my feet and running for the trees before even I knew what I was doing. I called out for him again, but he was nowhere to be found.
I took a hesitant step into the shadows of the forest, pulling a dagger from my ankle strap. It would have to do. I flipped it in my hand and crept further into the trees. A heavy fog settled over the snow-covered ground, stretching half way up my legs. The tall trees creaked and loomed over me, swaying to and fro in the breeze. I tried to put my mind elsewhere. Claustrophobia was gnawing at my last thread of sanity.
Something rustled in the bushes beside me and I spun on my heels, holding the dagger out defensively.
The horse trampled through the bush, steam seeping from its large nostrils. It had to be the largest horse I’d ever seen, black as night. I backed up, my eyes traveling to the rider. Her eyes were solid black, not a spec of white to be seen. Her hair was a dirty blonde, matted and messy like she never touched it a day in her life, however long that might have been. She wore nothing, vines covering her pale skin and keeping her decent. One of the forest nymphs, I was sure of it.
Her mouth never moved, but I knew exactly what she was saying. She lifted her slender arm, a five-inch long fingernail pointing in the direction Josh had gone. Before I could make a run for the stables, she hopped down from her horse. She stood at least seven inches shorter than me, but that didn’t make her any less intimidating. She snatched my hand into hers and placed the reins into my palm, closing my fingers around them. She bowed to me and disappeared back into the trees without so much as a word.
I boosted myself up and onto the horse’s back, taking off after Josh. I had a feeling I knew where he was headed.
–
The air smelt cleaner the further I got from the castle grounds. It smelt a little less like death, at least. Ahead, surrounded by fog and covered in snowfall, was Stonehenge. And there in the center, a man stood. Josh.
I watched him for a while, wondering if I should turn back and leave him to whatever he was doing. The further he was from me, the better off he’d be – no matter how much I needed him. Fear gripped my heart. If I went to him, what would happen if I started hallucinating again? No, I couldn’t. I pulled on the reins and tried to turn the horse back.
“Zoë?”
It wasn’t too late. I could still make a run for it. He’d never be able to catch me. But, I couldn’t do that. I had to see him. I needed to see him. I led the horse to the large circular formation, hoping down from its back.
“What are you doing out here?” he asked, clearly surprised to see me. He made his way toward me and I retreated back. Josh stopped, furrowing his brow. “What’s wrong?”
“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have followed you,” I whispered, turning back to the large horse. Josh was either getting faster or I wanted to be caught. I assumed it was the latter. His strong hand wrapped around my wrist, pulling me into his arms, stroking long brown locks over my shoulder blades.
“I’m so glad you’re okay,” he cried. His tears broke me all the way to my very core. “I don’t know what I would have done if Alec had, if he’d…”
I pulled away from him, pushing his hands back as he tried to bring me into his arms a second time. “I’m a monster, Josh!” I exclaimed. “I killed her. I killed Cindy. And all I keep thinking about is what if it was you? What if you’re next?” I collapsed into the blanket of white snow beneath me. Josh was wrapped around me in a heartbeat. He was so warm.
And then I finally did something I thought I’d never do again, something I hadn’t done in years. I cried. I broke down in his arms, releasing years of pent up pain. My body convulsed with each heave of my chest.
“I’m a murderer,” I sobbed. “I didn’t mean to kill her, Josh. I didn’t mean to.”
“I know, Zo. I know,” he breathed, resting his cheek against my temple. “It wasn’t your fault. You know that none of this is your fault.”
“But, it is my fault. I wielded the blade. It was me – no one else. Who’s next? Who will be the next to pay for what I am?”
“Zoë,” he tried to calm me down.
“No!” I shouted “You should have seen the look on her face, Josh. She was so scared. She didn’t want to die. She looked up at me like the monster I am.”
Josh tried tirelessly to wipe the endless flow of tears from my cheeks. More replaced them. God, it felt good to finally cry.
H
e scooped me up into his arms and walked me into the circle, setting me on the ground beside the center stone, pushing stray hairs from my face with tender hands. He was always so careful with me, so protective. I knew that he would die for me, as I would die for him. Hell, I’d die without him.
I grabbed onto his forearm as he sat back, feeling the lack of his presence beside me.
“Are you going to leave, Josh?”
“What?”
“Are you going to take William’s advice?”
He looked at me with sad eyes for a minute. The silence was killing me. He finally shook his head. “No. No, I couldn’t do that. I couldn’t leave you now. Not after everything we’ve been through together. I have and always will be here for you, Zoë. Nothing will ever change that…” his voice trailed off as he stared off into the distance. I admired the snowflakes that landed on his goose bumped skin and over his messy brown locks.
I knew what he was thinking. I was thinking it too. “Always” and “Josh” didn’t go together. One day, death would take him, as it did everyone else. He couldn’t promise me forever. Hell, he couldn’t even promise me the next five seconds.
“I’m sorry, Josh,” I whispered, turning away from him.
“About what?”
“Sam.”
I didn’t bother breaking the silence that claimed the both of us. I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to say next. In my defense, she was secretly working for the General and she did try to kill me. But, for some reason, that didn’t make me feel any better. I’d helped killed someone he’d shared his life and his heart with. Just because I didn’t like her and often fantasized about killing her didn’t mean I really wanted her to die.
Josh turned his attention to the stars, or lack there off. I followed his eyes, peering into the darkness. Crickets chirped rhythmically from the nearby fields, keeping track of the passing seconds. Not that time really mattered any more.
“It’s okay,” he said after a while, his voice tight as he tried to hold back the tears.
“Did you,” I paused, looking up at him for a split second before letting my eyes fall back to the snow. “Did you love her?”
There was another long pause. “No,” he finally said. “I don’t think I really did. I think she might have just been something to fill the void, as horrible as that sounds. It doesn’t mean I’m not sad or that I don’t miss her. I am and I do.”
I opened my mouth to speak but he shook his head.
“I know what you’re going to say. Her death wasn’t your fault. To tell you the truth, I don’t even blame William. It was her own fault that she ended up the way she did. If she hadn’t been a–” he stopped short, running shaky hands over his face. “Well, you know. I guess it would’ve happened sooner or later, right?”
I didn’t answer. I was sure it was rhetorical. Besides, what good would it have been to tell him that he was right? If she was working for Baldric, it would have come out eventually and her fate would have been the same. It was only a matter of time. That was probably why she was so desperate to get Josh to leave, so she could take him to the General. It made me sick. A wave of anger washed over me and I wished I could kill the bloodsucker all over again.
“Why do you think he wants me, Zoë?” Josh asked, as if reading my mind.
“Who?” I asked, though I already knew who he was referring to.
“The General.”
I shrugged, still glued to those beautiful ice-blue eyes that seemed to glisten with the snowfall. “I’m not sure,” I started. “It could have been to get at me. I guess now we’ll never know since, you know, Samantha’s–”
“Dead.”
“Yeah.”
“You know what the best part of Sam was?” he asked with a weak smile. “She was there. I didn’t have to wait around for her. She was always right there, ready to love me. It was like I was the best thing that ever happened to her. She wasn’t perfect, but she filled a void inside of me that I thought couldn’t be filled.”
“You could do better,” I mumbled.
“What?”
“You could do better,” I said again, a little louder.
He heard me the first time. Josh stared at me with a cocked eyebrow, waiting for more. “Care to elaborate?”
I regretted ever saying anything. “The truth?”
“Of course.”
“She was there because she was told to be. She was the enemy, Josh.” I wasn’t going to tip toe around the truth. He needed to hear it. “She was just another pawn in the General’s game,” I continued. “A good actress and nothing more. She was under his control from the very beginning. Every move she made and every word out of her mouth was to fulfill Baldric’s orders. He wanted you to love her so that you’d follow her to the ends of the Earth. She was playing you.”
“Wow,” he said flatly, staring at me. “Why don’t you tell me how you really feel?”
“Sorry, but you deserve to hear the truth. Samantha never loved you, not really. At least, not the way you deserve to be loved. Maybe, somewhere deep down in her heart, she cared for you. That is, as much as a vampire can care about someone. You deserve so much better, Josh. You deserve someone who will love you with every fiber of her being. Someone who will kiss you like it’s the first time and love you like there’s no tomorrow. Someone who can’t get through a single day without the touch of your skin against hers because, when she’s near you, when she’s with you – she feels alive.” I paused for a moment, taking a deep breath. “You deserve so much more than Samantha. She was nothing compared to you.”
“And who is that ‘someone’? Who is good enough for me?” Josh sounded irritated, angry even. His words stung.
I searched my brain for a name. Who would be good enough for someone as perfect as Josh? Who could complete him? Everything led back to the same name, a name I wasn’t ready to acknowledge. “I-I don’t know,” I breathed.
He let loose a breathy laugh, stained with disappointment. “Yeah, that’s what I thought you’d say.”
The silence consumed us once again, this time it lingered over my heart. His eyes had found the dark sky once more, his jaw clenched tight. A trail of blood ran down his forearm.
“You’re bleeding.” I pointed to his arm.
“It’s just a scratch,” he said absently.
I took his arm in my hands and wiped the drying blood away, searching my pockets for something to bandage it with.
“Zoë, what are you doing?” he asked, pulling his arm away from me.
“What do you mean, what am I doing?” I said defensively. “What does it look like I’m doing? I’m trying to help you.”
Josh shook his head. “No. I mean, what are you doing? Why are you trying so hard to protect me?”
I looked at him as if he’d just asked the stupidest question in a long line of stupid questions.
Josh softened a little. “I don’t mean it like that. I know you’d give your life to save me, just as I’d give mine for you. I’d do anything for you. You’re my best friend. But,” he hesitated, taking a deep breath, “maybe it’s time we learn to let each other go. You can’t save me.”
“Yes I can,” I said hastily. “I’m strong enough. I can keep you safe.”
“No,” he whispered, “you can’t.”
Tears glazed over my eyes, blurring my vision. Already, Josh seemed to be fading. He was getting further and further away from me.
“Eventually, you’re going to lose me. It might not be in five minutes, or in five months, or even in fifty years, but I’m going to die. We all are. You’re going to lose me one way or another. Neither of us can stop that from happening.” Josh paused, taking a deep breath. “You know I’m right, Zo.”
He was sounding a lot like William. I didn’t like it. My hands balled into fists at my side, the snow melting through my fingers. “I have to,” I whispered, tears streaking my cheeks. “I need you to stay alive, Josh. It’s selfish, I know, but I don’t really care. You have to live.�
��
“Why?”
It was a simple question with no simple answer.
I hesitated, biting the corner of my lip. “Because, you and Tony, you’re all I’ve got left. You’re the only reminder of who I was back before all of this. When I look at you, I remember that I wasn’t always this way. I used to smile and laugh, I use to feel. I see the memories of my old self each time I look into your eyes. And I need that. I need to see myself through you. Back when I wasn’t this, this monster.”
“Zoë, you’re–”
“Don’t,” I said, holding up my hand. There was nothing he could say to change my mind. Nothing he could do to make me feel better. “You’re a part of me Josh,” I continued, “of the real me. The day you die is the day that I lose that last shred of myself, of who I used to be. I’m afraid that after you’re gone, I won’t remember who I am and I’ll fade away into this new life, forever feeling nothing. So, you see, I have to keep you alive because you’re keeping me alive.”
He leaned toward me for all of a second, his hand running over my bare shoulder, his fingers combing through my loose hair. Without warning, he pulled away and my heart sank. Josh stood to his feet and dusted the white powder from his pants. He ran his hands over his head, keeping his back to me. “I think you should marry Alec,” he finally said.
“W-what?”
“I think you should–”
“I heard you the first time,” I snapped. “Why?”
“He’s what’s best for you,” Josh continued, his shoulders tensing as if he were in pain. “You two are one in the same. He loves you, Zoë. He can protect you.”
“You can protect me,” I whispered.
“He can protect you forever.”
“Listen to the human. He knows the truth and so do you.” A black figure moved around the outside of the circle, long, leathery wings dragging through the snow.
I took a step away from Josh, pulling the dagger back out. When I didn’t say anything, Josh turned to face me. He held up his hands, eyes wide. “Zoë, what are you doing?”
Until Dawn: Last Light Page 20