by Amelia Jade
Joel stared at her for a long moment before he replied. Probably wondering just how much he should say, she thought.
“Do you want out?” he asked slowly.
Courtenay weighed the question. He wasn’t just referring to her leaving the Valley. She could do that, if she wished. No, he was talking about them. Joel was offering her an out from the budding relationship between them.
“Is it that easy for you?” she asked, not sure she wanted to hear the answer.
To her surprise, Joel recoiled as if he’d been struck. Behind the blue eyes she saw pain, a vast, intangible thing, but it was overwhelming. She suddenly realized she had hurt him badly. She cursed herself over her terrible choice of words, of the way they basically accused him of not being invested in her, of not truly caring. After all, that was the only way he could let go that quickly and easily.
“No,” he whispered, his quiet voice haunted, barely audible over the din in the room. “But if that’s what you want...” he trailed off, unable to finish his sentence.
Courtenay felt a deep, aching pain building in her midsection. What had she done?
“I don’t know what I want,” she said at last, speaking honestly to him. They were both dancing around the subject of what was going on between them. They weren’t going to say it out loud, but both of them knew that the other knew. “It’s all happening so fast,” she told him. “Is it always like this with you?”
A ghost of a smile returned to his lips. “This is the first time it’s ever happened to me, so I don’t know. But from what I’ve been told, yes.” The smile faded as quickly as it had come, however.
“I’m sorry,” she said, reaching out her hand to lay it on his. “I wasn’t thinking when I spoke. I didn’t mean to insinuate what I did. You’re really cute, and I enjoy kissing you,” she said, warmth blossoming on her cheeks as she admitted it, “but I know what’s happened to some of the other women who’ve become mates with your crew,” she said slowly. “I don’t know if I can handle that.”
That was the closest she’d come to admitting that she knew how he felt about her, and the realization of it in his eyes was obvious to her.
“I’ll keep you safe,” he promised.
She smiled. “I’m sure you will. When you’re around,” she finished for him. “But you can’t always be around, can you? You have a job, and you need to have a life of your own. What happens then?”
Joel sat back heavily into the chair as he contemplated her words. He began to nod slightly.
“I don’t know,” he said truthfully. “All I can say is that I would much rather say that I tried, instead of tearing out my heart. But I will do whatever you want,” he told her, his eyes haunted with the painful reality of what they were discussing.
Courtenay felt the dull ache flare inside her. It wasn’t supposed to be like this! They should just be able to explore each other in peace. She was angry, she realized. Angry at herself, for not being strong enough to stand up to her fears. But most of all, she was angry at whoever was behind everything.
“What do we do now?” she asked.
Joel looked around the party. She followed his eyes, seeing everyone having a good time. Everyone but the two of them. And it was all her fault. Confused and upset at the way the evening had crumbled, Courtenay felt tears begin to well up. She wanted to cry, but now was not the time. Fighting them back, she blinked rapidly.
“Do you want me to take you home?” he asked.
Reluctantly she nodded. It wasn’t what she truly wanted. In fact, she didn’t want it at all.
They sat in silence the entire ride back to her house. Both of them seemed to have plenty to think about, though she wasn’t sure exactly what was going through his mind.
Her mind was busy with “what-if’s.” What if she allowed herself to fall for him? What if she was making a huge mistake by considering that? What if he truly was the one for her? What if she was hurt, or worse, by the ongoing troubles in the Valley? What if they had children? Would they ever be safe?
It went on, and on, and on. She became so wrapped up in her thoughts and concerns that she completely missed the fact that they had been sitting outside her house for at least a short while now. Joel hadn’t said anything, either lost in his own thoughts, or just politely waiting for her to come back to reality.
“Oh,” she said awkwardly, fiddling to unbuckle her seatbelt.
“I’ll walk you to the front door,” he said, the words coming out in a rush.
“Thank you,” she said quietly before getting out of the car and heading toward her garage. She preferred to use that entrance instead of the front one.
Joel pulled up a step short of her as she punched in the code on the keypad. The door started to roll up and light spilled out from underneath it, bathing them both in a soft yellow glow as they stood apart in the driveway.
Unsure of what to do next, she made to turn and go.
“Wait,” Joel said, gently grabbing her arm to stop her spin.
She turned back to face him again.
“This isn’t what I want,” he said.
The simple words set her heart racing. She didn’t know what she wanted either, but she did know that this wasn’t it. Everything about it felt terrible.
“What do you want?” she asked, hoping he had a better idea than she did.
“You,” he said simply.
Courtenay could have sworn her heart stopped beating at the single word. It was so easy to speak the word itself, but to say it the way he did with the feeling and conviction he put into it made her tremble.
“Are you sure?” she asked.
He nodded instantly, without hesitation. “I do. That’s what I want.”
They both knew that although he hadn’t asked her, she was supposed to say what she wanted now.
“I’m scared.” It was the truth. She was terrified, in fact.
“Of the danger.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement.
Courtenay nodded. She wasn’t afraid of Joel. No more than she would be with getting to know any new man. That was nerves and excitement all rolled into one. She could deal with that feeling, and had done so before.
But Joel was dangerous. Not to her directly, but what he represented, and what could possibly happen to her if she allowed herself to continue falling for him.
She mentally rolled her eyes. Truthfully she wasn’t sure she could stop caring for him. Give him up? Perhaps. But to tuck him away and forget about him, as if he had never existed? Unlikely, even at this early a juncture. There was just something about him, something that called out to a yearning, a need she hadn’t even known existed within her. It was simple and yet complicated all at once.
And it had all happened in the span of two days. Corey had been right; love could come out of nowhere. She wasn’t in love with Joel, not yet. There just hadn’t been enough time for her to truly fall in love with him. But that didn’t prevent her from seeing that all the signs were there, and that she was fast falling for the shifter.
“We could always... maybe put things off? Until it’s over? One way or another.” His suggestion was hesitant, and he clearly didn’t want to make it, but she could tell that he was trying for her sake. She realized he would do whatever made her happy and feel safe. Those were his goals, and whatever she wanted, he would do.
But what did she want? It was time to decide.
“Or you could come over here and kiss me,” she told him. “Maybe I will want to spend some time apart while you try to figure out what’s going on. I don’t know. But either way, what’s left of tonight isn’t going to make a difference.”
Joel stared at her, and for a moment she felt like a fool. She had worked up her courage, decided she wanted to at least try, and now he was going to reject her. He would probably tell her that she didn’t have to do this, and that they would find another way to make it work. She would then be left standing in her driveway, having put herself out there for him.
He
had rejected her and—
Joel’s hands wrapped around her waist, picking her up and roughly slamming her into the door as he closed the distance between them. She was tall, but he didn’t lift her high, just enough to keep her off the ground while he kissed her hard and furiously.
Without thinking, her legs wrapped up and around him, almost at the same time her hands threaded behind his neck and pulled him tight. She moaned as one of his hands slid down to caress her rear, using his grip on her ass to support her, while the other hand roughly moved up her shirt until it found her breast. He began to massage her, and she pulled his face tighter to hers, desperate for another taste of his lips.
Joel didn’t disappoint her. He returned her frenzied kiss, infusing their embrace with the passion and energy from within him. She had held back the desires that had been building within her. But no more. That night she would allow herself to succumb to desire and live then and there, in the moment. No more concern for the future and no further dwelling on things better left in the past. She made the vow to herself, and set about fulfilling it. Come what may, she owed it to herself, and to Joel, to find out just what there was between them.
Light exploded behind her eyelids. Joel’s fingers were exploring between her legs, even while the palm of his hand held her aloft with unbelievable ease. He didn’t shake, even as her entire body sat on the platform he provided. It was slightly unnerving, except for the part where he was holding her off the ground and within kissing range. She liked that part.
Reaching behind her, she managed to fumble her key into the lock and get it open, despite the frantic desire to keep in contact with him. They stumbled inside, where he pressed her back up against another wall in the dark.
Tearing herself away from his face, she attacked his neck, kissing it while intermittently flicking her tongue against the bottom of his earlobe, much to the delighted groans of Joel. Trusting him to keep her steady, she released her hands from around his neck and all but ripped the shirt over his head in a desperate attempt to expose more of his soft yet firm skin to her touch. Courtenay wanted to explore his entire body without leaving any of it to the imagination.
Joel, it would seem, had the same idea.
“Help me with this,” he said. His voice wasn’t harsh, but Courtenay knew a command when she heard one. Nodding and biting her lip, she helped him to remove her own shirt, exposing her soft body, a stark contrast to the rock-solid muscular statue standing six inches away from her.
“I’ll take care of that,” he murmured in her ear as she tried to reach behind her to undo her bra.
“Okay,” she said slyly, dropping one hand to his stomach. As his hand inched around behind her, she moved her own lower, slipping past one individually outlined ab muscle after another.
Just as her bra fell away, expertly undone by his capable fingers, the palm of her hand pressed against the bulge in his pants. Both of them let out mutual sighs of pleasure. She, as his mouth found her already hard nipple, and he as she wrapped her fingers around the shaft of his cock, rubbing it gently through his jeans.
“I win,” she said a moment later.
“What do you mean?” he asked, switching from her left side to her right.
“Because I can do this,” she told him, and began to fumble with his jeans. “I think,” she said, giggling as she struggled with his belt.
The fact that she could laugh about it, without feeling self-conscious, struck her like a lightning bolt. It shouldn’t have been possible. They were only together for the first time. Hell, they hadn’t even kissed before tonight. How could she feel comfortable and relaxed enough around him to laugh? Courtenay had always felt like it took her months to become comfortable enough with a man to do something like that. With Joel though, she hadn’t even noticed she was relaxed.
His deeper chuckle echoed between them. It died away swiftly as his pants dropped to the ground.
“Victory,” she declared, not even bothering to take his boxers off. She pushed her hands right between his skin and the waistband, searching out his hard cock. “Oh,” she added as her hands closed around it.
“Still certain?” he asked, doing his best not to brag.
“Very,” she managed to eke out.
Through his jeans she had realized he was large, but the true length of his cock had caught her by surprise. But she wasn’t going to let that stop her from acting confident, even if she wondered about taking it all. It was a matter of pride now.
Joel didn’t respond, though she did note his eyebrows raised slightly. Sliding her hand all the way down his shaft, she watched the expression of surprise morph into one of pleasure. It started with his eyes closing as he concentrated on her touch. Dragging her fingers lightly back toward the tip, his head tilted back slightly. As she traced the outline of his cock, Joel’s jaw dropped open and he moaned in pleasure.
A shiver raced down her spine at the visual, at the knowledge that she was able to give him such pleasure. It was a powerful and validating feeling, knowing that another human wanted her, and wasn’t afraid to show it.
Well, perhaps not human per se, but close enough.
“Do you want to put me down now?” she asked sultrily, egging him on.
His eyes didn’t open, but he nodded, completely focused on the way her hands were caressing him. Moving slowly so as not to tip her over, he lowered her to the floor. Courtenay didn’t stop there, sinking slowly to her knees, keeping her eyes focused on his face the entire time.
The look of bliss on Joel’s face had been replaced by one of anticipation, the likes of which she wasn’t sure she’d ever seen on a man before, even one whom she was about to pleasure. It was almost as if he’d been waiting an extremely long time for this moment. Trying not to focus on that too much, she slipped her fingers into his boxers and pulled the waistband out and past his cock, until they too fell to his knees.
“Is this what you want?” she asked, looking up at him with her best innocent eyes.
To her delight Joel’s eyes flared with desire. The sheer force of his arousal washed over her, and Courtenay decided not to waste any more time. Grasping the base of his shaft in one hand, she flicked her tongue across her lips to wet them, before reaching out to take the first taste of his cock.
Her thoughts were interrupted by the loud groan from above her as she took him inside her mouth. This time Courtenay clamped down hard on the urge to giggle. She had never been with a man who was so vocal, and it caught her off guard. But laughing wouldn’t encourage it, and the way her heart had begun pumping with a frenzy was a clear sign that she liked it.
Taking him deeper, she closed her eyes and simply listened to him, focusing her attention on things that elicited the most noise from him. It was intoxicating, and she suddenly understood why men put such an emphasis on women making noise.
It was fun.
“Whoa, hold on,” he said, grabbing her head and pulling himself from between her lips. “If you keep doing that, I’m going to cum,” he said, helping her to her feet.
“Is that a bad thing?” She had been ready for it.
“No,” he said with a smile. “But not just yet.”
“Why, what do you—oh!” she exclaimed as he effortlessly picked her up and carried her deeper into the house.
“Umm,” he said.
“What?”
He looked around. “Bed? Couch?”
She laughed, having forgotten he had never been inside her house.
“Over there,” she said, jerking her head in the direction of the living room. The couch would do, she thought.
Despite her best efforts to distract him, Joel kept his lips just out of reach as he guided the two of them through her house, until he lay he back on the first couch he found.
“My turn,” he said, his lips curving upward slyly as he kissed his way down her neck, along her collarbone, and down her sternum. He spread warmth across her stomach as he continued kissing her until he encountered her pants.
“I agree,” she told him, leaning back into the couch to allow him to easily pull them off her.
The pink underwear quickly followed.
“Lace?” he asked with a grin.
Courtenay blushed. “I had some hopes for the night, despite my reservations,” she admitted.
“I’m flattered,” he said with sincerity, before kissing his way between her legs.
“Good,” she managed to gasp out as his warm tongue quickly found her center of pleasure. It was the lightest touch, only a tease, but it shot sparks through her body as he gently caressed it over and over again.
Her cries grew in frequency as his tongue moved faster, the sparks gradually blossoming into a full-blown inferno between her legs that threatened to spread across her body. Joel gently slipped a finger inside her, and the fire exploded. It hit her body, spreading faster than a shockwave as it filled her from head to toe, forcing her muscles to contract. Her back arched and she cried out. Light bloomed behind her eyelids, growing in brightness until she was overwhelmed, collapsing into a shaking, trembling ball as her body shook and writhed in the throes of an extremely powerful climax.
At some point Joel had stopped what he was doing, but she wasn’t sure when, having lost a section of memory to the moment. As she began to uncurl, still experiencing the occasional aftershock that would cause her to spasm and contract again, Courtenay found herself gasping for breath. Apparently her lungs had decided to quit on her at one point too.
“Wow,” she managed to get out as Joel’s face swam back into view. Focusing on his eyes, she brought him into clearer focus.
He didn’t respond, though she could see the satisfied smile on his face. She watched as he rose to his feet and maneuvered his way onto the couch as well, his cock positioned between her legs, waiting for her approval.
Courtenay may have been nervous about his size before, but now she wasn’t. Now she craved it. She looked down at him again, then back up at his eyes, mentally letting him know that she was ready for him to proceed. Whether he picked up on that or something in her body language, Joel got the point. He grabbed his cock and pushed between her folds, coating himself in the wetness he had coaxed forth with his tongue.