by Leah Brooke
She knew that neither one of them could live with that.
Chapter Five
Blade sat in the cafeteria sipping coffee with his friends while several of the women from Desire visited with Kelly.
Three other tables had been pushed together to accommodate everyone.
“You look like hell.” Rio slapped his back as he made his way to the seat next to him. “Have you slept at all?”
Scrubbing a hand over his face, Blade nodded. “Yeah. I sleep in the chair in Kelly’s room.”
Sitting across from Blade, King shook his head, his eyes dark with concern. “He won’t even go home to shower. Royce and I brought a couple of changes of clothes in here so he could shower in Kelly’s room.”
Blade sighed, staring into his cup. “I’m scared to leave her.” His voice sounded raw and hoarse to his own ears. He was exhausted, but couldn’t seem to sleep more than an hour at a time, spending most of the night staring at Kelly and listening to her breathe. He lived on sandwiches in her room because he didn’t want to leave her long enough to get something else. Today was the first time he sat in the cafeteria, and only did so because he knew Kelly was surrounded by her friends—women who would watch over her, and fuss over her and the baby.
Chase, who sat at the other end of the table, bounced his and Boone’s daughter, Theresa, on his lap. “I remember that feeling. After seeing Rachel give birth, I swore I was never going to touch her again. Boone and I told her we were going to get vasectomies because we never wanted to see her go through that kind of pain again.”
Blade looked up. “I’ve decided the same thing. I have an appointment in two weeks.”
Chase shrugged. “As long as you and Kelly agree.”
Pushing the guilt aside, Blade clenched his jaw. “I haven’t told her. It’s my decision.”
The silence that followed as the men all looked at each other had Blade glancing around the table. “Why are all of you looking at me like that?” Looking from Chase to Boone, he shrugged. “You know what it feels like. Christ, Kelly’s been through enough, don’t you think?”
Jared, Duncan, and Reese looked more than a little uncomfortable. Their own wife, Erin, was due in less than two months. Grimacing, Jared shook his head. “I have to admit, I’m scared to death. Imagining Erin in pain has given me a hell of a lot of sleepless nights.”
He shared a look with his brothers. “But, I wouldn’t think about doing something as drastic as a vasectomy without talking to Erin. I don’t think Kelly would appreciate that you made that kind of decision for her.”
Shaking his head, Blade stared down into his coffee, his stomach burning. “I can’t let her go through this again. I just can’t. Two miscarriages. She was so lost, and looked at me like she’d disappointed me somehow. She’s so damned fragile. I didn’t want to try again, but she insisted. I don’t think I’ve stopped shaking since she told me she was pregnant again. At the house…God, there was blood everywhere.”
Jake Langley laid a hand on Blade’s shoulder. “Rafe told us. He also told us what happened when Kelly slipped into a coma.” He squeezed Blade’s shoulder in sympathy. “But, Blade, Kelly’s fine. The doctor said the blood loss caused the coma, but she’s fine now. She’s going home tomorrow, isn’t she? She’s just going to be weak for a little while, but I know the girls are already making schedules to come and help her.”
Blade nodded, relieved that he would soon have Kelly and the baby home. “Yeah. She and the baby are coming home. She’s so weak, though. The doctor said it’s going to take several weeks for her to get her strength back. She’s so little. So delicate. When she was in a coma, I sat there staring at her, holding her hand—willing her to come back. I could have lost her.” Getting to his feet, he raked a hand through his hair. “If she’s angry about the vasectomy, I’ll deal with it. I’d rather have her mad at me than risk losing her again.”
He blew out a breath, scrubbing a hand over his face. “I’ll make her understand. Once she’s had a chance to rest and heal, I’ll tell her.”
He wanted his wife safe and healthy. Nothing else mattered.
Clay touched his shoulder. “Blade, let’s take a walk.”
Intrigued by Clay’s tone, Blade felt the stirring of panic at the thought that Jesse might have said something about Kelly. “What is it? Did you hear something about Kelly?”
Clay gripped his arm, grabbing Blade’s shirt when he would have shrugged him off. “No. Nothing like that. Come on. Let’s take a walk outside. I want to talk to you about something Jesse told me.”
Blade relaxed, but only marginally. “What is it? You wouldn’t be breaking Jesse’s confidence if it wasn’t important.”
Clay grinned. “I wouldn’t break Jesse’s confidence unless it was life or death. No, this is something she wanted me to pass along to you, but she’d appreciate it, and so would I, if you didn’t tell Kelly that we had this conversation.”
“That depends.” Blade walked with Clay down the hall and toward the elevator. “I don’t like keeping secrets from Kelly any more than you like keeping them from Jesse.”
Clay nodded. “Fair enough.” The crowd of people in the elevator ended the conversation, a conversation that didn’t resume until they’d stepped outside and made their way to a deserted area.
Worried about what Clay had to say and impatient to get back to Kelly, Blade stopped, spinning back to face his friend. “Okay, what does Jesse want me to know?”
Leaning back against one of the trees, Clay smiled faintly. “She’s concerned about Kelly, and she’s concerned about you. Jesse knows how much you love Kelly, but she also knows—her words—how you Neanderthals think.”
Blade lifted his brows at that, but waited for Clay to continue.
Chuckling softly, Clay shrugged. “She’s right. She usually is, but don’t tell her I said that. She said that you’re so determined to wrap Kelly in cotton that you don’t see that Kelly’s scared she’s losing you.”
Stunned, Blade stiffened. “What? That’s ridiculous. Kelly wouldn’t think any such thing. Jesse must be mistaken.”
Clay nodded, obviously expecting such a reaction. “She said that Kelly’s worried because after the miscarriages, you’ve been babying her throughout her pregnancy. After what happened during delivery, it’s even worse. She’s afraid that you’ve become so used to handling her with kid gloves that things won’t go back to the way they used to be. She’s afraid you’ll never see her as anything other than delicate and a mother to Hawke, not as a desirable woman.” Clearing his throat, Clay shrugged, looking decidedly uncomfortable.
“Look, I don’t want to get into this, and I wouldn’t if Jesse hadn’t asked me to, but Kelly seems concerned that you spend a lot of time at the club with beautiful women, women who would be glad to give you what you won’t go to her for.”
“That’s ridiculous. I couldn’t even think about touching another woman.”
“I know that, and you know that, but Kelly’s really upset about it.”
Blade inwardly winced, hurting for his wife, but unable to imagine taking her back into the playroom after what she’d been through. “Thanks. I’ll figure it out.”
He didn’t know how, but he’d think of a way to appease his wife, and assure her that he had no interest in any other woman.
If she was too fragile for the playroom, he could do without it.
Walking back toward the hospital entrance with Clay alongside him, Blade looked up toward Kelly’s room. “I’ll dismantle the playroom. I’ll convince her that I’m not interested in having one anymore.”
Clay whipped his head around. “I think you’re making a mistake.” With a sigh, he met Blade’s glare. “But it’s your wife.” Slapping him on the back, he gestured for Blade to precede him. “If you piss her off, we’re both going to regret it.”
Walking inside, Blade looked back at Clay over his shoulder, hurrying his steps as the need to get to Kelly became overwhelming. “I don’t care about pissi
ng her off. She’ll get over it. As long as she’s safe and healthy. Nothing’s more important to me than that.”
He paused, turning to Clay. “I almost lost her. I could have lost her. I can’t handle that again. She’s everything to me. Tell me, honestly, that if you had a choice of endangering Jesse’s life, or pissing her off, which choice would you make?”
Clay inclined his head. “I’d piss her off, which I assume is what’s going to happen with Kelly, but taking her into your playroom isn’t endangering her life. So, let me ask you something.”
He turned to look around them before leaning close. “If you have a choice of doing what both you and your wife desperately need, or making her feel as if you don’t desire her the way you used to, which choice would you make?”
“Damn it, Clay. It’s not like that!”
Clay’s brow went up. “From where I’m standing, it’s exactly like that.”
Blade cursed, the mental image of Kelly lying pale and unconscious in bed layered over the image of her writhing on the padded table in the playroom making him break out in a cold sweat.
“I can’t. I just can’t. She’s so damned fragile.”
Blade pushed the image aside and walked away.
He didn’t need to dominate Kelly. Their sex life could survive without it.
He’d give her so much love and affection that she wouldn’t even miss it.
Chapter Six
Kelly placed the baby back in the bassinette and went in search of Blade. They’d arrived home from the hospital just over an hour ago, and although she hated to admit it, she was ready for a nap.
Despite her protests, he’d carried her and the baby into the house, and gotten them settled, only to disappear soon afterward. Figuring he’d gone into his office to catch up on some work, she grabbed the baby monitor and headed in that direction.
She moved carefully down the stairs, pleased at how quickly she’d begun to regain her strength. Grinning at the thought of getting back into shape and seducing her husband, Kelly turned left at the bottom of the stairway, anxious to see Blade.
Her smile fell as she went through the doorway, and surprised to find the room empty, she frowned and turned around. Retracing her steps, she went back toward the living room, stilling when she heard a sound coming from upstairs.
Wondering what he could be doing, she went back up the stairs again, checking on the baby as she passed the master bedroom.
Pausing, she listened, shocked that the sounds she heard came from the playroom located off of their bedroom. With an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, she slowed her steps, and paused outside a door that only Blade opened. For the first time, she reached for the knob, some instinct urging her on.
Swinging the door open, she stepped inside, her stomach knotting when she saw that half of the cabinets had been emptied and several boxes sat open on the padded table.
Blade swung toward her, his eyes full of concern. “What’s wrong, baby? Look at you.” In a few long strides he was at her side, his arms going around her to pull her against him. “You’re exhausted. I thought you were going to bed as soon as you fed Hawke.”
“I missed you.” She gestured toward the boxes, some of them still open. “What are you doing?”
Turning her away from the room and toward the doorway, Blade kissed her hair. “Just cleaning the room out a little. Nothing for you to worry about. Come on. The doctor said you need plenty of rest.”
Kelly tried to push out of his arms, but he held firm. “Blade, I don’t like this. Why are you putting the things from the playroom away? I’ll be back to myself in no time.”
With a curse, Blade lifted her, his hold gentle, but firm as he turned and left the room, cradling her against his chest. “You’re weak as a newborn kitten. The doctor released you because he knew I would take care of you. That means making sure that you get the rest you need.”
Kelly panicked, feeling as if her world was crumbling around her. She didn’t like the pinched look in Blade’s expression as he strode down the hall and into their bedroom. “Please, Blade. Don’t get rid of the playroom. You and I both need—”
Blade paused next to the bed, setting her on her feet and removing her robe with an ease that brought back memories of the times that he’d stripped her in the past.
His haunted expression made the knots in her stomach even tighter and sent a shiver of fear through her. “No, Kelly. I don’t need the playroom. What I need, Kelly, is you in my life. Safe. Healthy. Happy. I don’t need the playroom. I need you.” He settled her into bed, easily overcoming her resistance. Tucking her in, he took the monitor from her. “I’ll listen for the baby. You just get some sleep.”
Gripping his arm as he turned away, Kelly blinked back tears at the thought of her marriage crumbling all around her. “Blade, please listen to me. I need you, too. I need the man I married. I need it to be the way it was before. If you get rid of the playroom, you’re ruining everything.”
Easing his long frame to the bed, he sat beside her, his reassuring smile doing nothing to reassure her. “You’re distraught, and so tired you’re not making sense. Get some sleep. We’ll talk about this later.”
“But, Blade—”
“No!” Jumping to his feet, Blade clenched his fists at his side, blowing out a breath as he thrust a hand through his hair. “Kelly, just let it go. I can’t go through it again. I almost lost you. Don’t ask me to risk going through that ever again. Get some sleep.”
Struggling to a sitting position, Kelly held up a hand. “Blade!”
Turning back to her, Blade clenched his jaw, his eyes tortured. “What is it, baby?”
Blinking back the tears that clouded her vision, she reached out a hand to him. “Don’t do this to us, Blade. Please.”
Taking her hand, he bent and touched his lips to the backs of her fingers. “I’m doing this for us, Kelly. Go to sleep. I need you healed and healthy again.”
“And I need you. I need my husband back.”
Blade’s slow smile alarmed her. “You’ve got me. Always. But I can’t bear the thought of losing you. We came too close, Kelly. Too close. I can’t go through that ever again.”
Forcing a calmness into her tone that she didn’t feel, Kelly tried to get through to him. “Blade, I know you were scared, but what happened has nothing to do with the playroom. Please, Blade. I’m begging you.”
Bending t touch his lips to hers, Blade settled her back in bed and pulled the covers over her. “I don’t want you to worry about a thing. Just get some rest. Everything’s going to be fine. You’ll see.”
Watching him go, Kelly wasn’t so sure.
She had several weeks to convince him, though, and could only hope that once he got over his fear, everything would be back to normal.
* * * *
Blade couldn’t tear his eyes away from his wife.
His cock throbbed with need for her, a need he knew would have to go unsatisfied for several more weeks.
Since having the baby, she seemed even more lush and voluptuous than ever.
There was a wicked look in her eyes now, one that he’d seen more than once, as if she had plans for him that he didn’t know about.
Fighting the urge to gather her against him and force it out of her, he sipped at his coffee and tried to pretend he didn’t want her naked and over his lap.
He took a sip of coffee, eyeing her over the rim of the cup. “You’ve lost quite a bit of weight since having Hawke. Are you sure you’re not overdoing it?”
He loved her curves, but her smaller waist now made her swollen breasts look even larger. His palms itched to cup them, to feel her nipple pebble against his hand. Her hips begged for his touch, and just the thought of closing his hands on them and thrusting into her from behind had his cock leaking moisture.
She gave him one of the saucy grins that sent a surge of heat to his cock as she leaned over to refill his cup, giving him a tantalizing view of her cleavage. “Not at all. The doc
tor’s very pleased with my progress. He said that I’m doing amazingly well, and said that I’m a strong woman.”
Straightening, she ran a soft hand over his clenched jaw. “But you already know that, don’t you?”
Blade narrowed his eyes, knowing damned well what she was up to. “You’re strong in some aspects, but physically, you’re very fragile.” Ignoring his coffee, he shot to his feet. “I’ve got to get to the club. There are a lot of registrations for the next group of seminars that I have to go through.”
With the intention of giving her a quick kiss and getting the hell out of there before he did something stupid, Blade gathered her close from behind, unable to resist burying his face against her soft neck and breathing in the scent of her. “Make sure you get some rest today. You look a little tired.”
“I’m not tired, Blade, and you know it. Besides, it’s never a nice thing to tell a woman she looks tired.” Reaching back, she cupped the bulge at the front of his dark trousers. “Did you think you could hide this from me?”
Blade groaned, grabbing her wrist and yanking her hand away. “You know damned well that you can’t make love for several more weeks.”
Turning in his arms, she lifted her hands to tease the ends of his ink-black hair and rub against him, looking up at him through her lashes. “That doesn’t mean I can’t please you.” Dropping to her knees in front of him, she reached for the fastening of his pants.
* * * *
“No!” Blade yanked her back up again, his breathing much harsher. His eyes had a wildness to them that Kelly couldn’t wait to explore. “You’re not sucking my cock, damn it!”
Smiling to hide the turmoil raging inside her, Kelly ran her hands over his chest. “You used to love to make me suck your cock. You liked when I got on my knees.”
Spurred on when his eyes narrowed and began to glitter, Kelly hid a smile and pressed her pebbled nipples against his chest. “You used to like holding my head, and fucking my mouth. It always made me crazy when you made me keep my legs parted. How did you know that I was trying to rub my clit against my foot?”