by Julie Caplin
Slowly I nodded, sucking in a desperate breath, trying to get my equilibrium back. This was Ben. Ben. Mad Fox Ben. The same Ben I’d wanted so desperately to kiss the first time we met.
His thumb stilled and his eyes travelled across my face until they met mine, in a heart-stopping moment of connection. For a second we stared at each other. My ribs seemed too tight around my chest.
‘Sorry,’ I whispered, rubbing at my eyes with my hands to break the connection. We didn’t even like each other. ‘I … I feel like a fool,’ I whispered.
He laid a gentle finger on my mouth. ‘No, you’re not.’ He dropped the softest of kisses on my forehead.
‘You’re no fool, Kate Sinclair.’
I lifted my head and pressed my forehead to his. We stayed there for a few minutes and I felt as if I’d absorbed some of his strength and steadiness, enough to bolster me.
‘Are you sure you want to go up to the top? Or do you want to stay here?’
I hesitated, unable to look him in the eye.
‘You don’t have to be brave.’
‘I do,’ I said trying to pull away from him. I’d so rather be on ground level. ‘This is work,’ I said softly, ‘I’m supposed to look after everyone. I’ll be fine if I don’t look down.’
‘And, I’ll be with you every step of the way.’ His hand slipped into mine as we stood and followed the path upwards.
There were steps up to the very top of the tower which then led into a tiny stone spiral staircase before you emerged out onto the top of the tower. The view was a perfect juxtaposition of Copenhagen, historic green bronze-topped buildings with wedding cake tiered affairs against a back drop of the sea, wind turbines and modern industrial chimneys as long as you stayed well back and didn’t look down.
‘You OK?’ asked Ben as we reached the outside giving my hand one last squeeze.
Forcing the tremulous smile, I nodded. ‘Yes. Thank you.’ I could have wept. ‘I’ll take it steady. Look out and not down.’
‘I’m going to take some pictures.’ He pulled out his phone and took a step towards the railing at the edge. ‘Sure, you’ll be OK?’ he asked again, this time with a teasing smile.
‘I’m just going to stay right here. Become a wall-hugger.’
He raised an eyebrow in amused query. ‘Is there such a thing?’
‘There is now.’
I stayed well back from the railings around the edge and leaned against the wall tilting my face up to the sunshine, as if I was basking in the rays rather than trying to regain my equilibrium. I heard him join the others and Mads’ voice floated my way.
‘That’s St Nicholas Church; it was the third oldest church in Denmark but burnt down in the eighteenth century. It was rebuilt in the early nineteen hundreds, and the dominant ninety metre neo baroque spire was paid for by the brewer Carl Jacobsen.’
‘Over there is Christianbourg Palace, the Danish parliament.’
And then I heard Sophie ask, ‘What happened to Kate? Where is she?’
I closed my eyes tight.
‘Work emergency. She had to take a call but it’s all under control.’
I really wished I’d kissed that man.
Chapter 19
‘Here you go.’ Mads handed out the tickets in front of the impressive arched entrance to Tivoli Gardens. There was a buzz of excitement around us, as people moved forward, their heads craning upwards to look at the flaming torches on top of the triumphant archway and the rainbow of lights sparkling around the park.
I’d assumed the Tivoli Gardens were urban green space like Hyde Park or Central Park. No, it’s a full-on amusement park smack in the centre of the city. Over the last few days we’d skirted around it several times, hearing the screams from people on a terrifying looking roller coaster racing on a track high above the park walls, seen the golden tower where people dangled at a huge height before dropping with startling speed and caught glimpses of extravagant golden minaret-topped buildings.
Tonight, as we approached it felt like I could relax and enjoy the magical wonderland glittering with lanterns, ornate tiers of brightly coloured bulbs and fairy lights. And hopefully I could get away from Ben for a while. Not that he’d sought me out during the rest of the day. It was me. My eyes seemed to have developed magnetic tendencies and Ben was due north. I kept finding my gaze sliding his way. And it had to stop. He was a journalist. I didn’t fancy him. It wasn’t professional. He didn’t like me. All of which stacked up perfectly, except my stupid heart had a bit of a wobble every time his blue eyes caught mine sneaking a peak at him.
Fiona fiddled with her camera, holding it up and taking lots of shots as usual.
‘I love this. I had no idea.’
‘It’s a big favourite. Especially in the summer when there are lots of concerts and events here. And at Christmas.’
‘It’s like Disneyland … except a little bit more charming,’ said Avril. ‘We went there on our honeymoon.’ She grinned. ‘And do you know what my husband’s favourite ride was?’ She gave a despairing sigh. ‘It’s A Small World. This dumb boat ride around lots of little islands with singing puppets.’
‘Avril. Wash your mouth out. That’s my favourite too,’ said Sophie putting her hands on her hips in indignation, laughing when Avril rolled her eyes.
‘Actually, it is the oldest amusement park in Europe. Walt Disney came here and was inspired to create Disneyland.’ Mads bristled with pride.
‘Really,’ said Fiona, letting go of her camera which was hanging around her neck. ‘I didn’t know that.’ She beamed at me. ‘Another great story for my blog. And I do love rides, don’t you?’ It was a rhetorical question and she’d already picked up her camera taking a few more shots as we queued to gain entrance.
The evening had turned chilly and we were all well-wrapped up. I was hit by the scent of the popcorn and it immediately reminded me of visits to the funfair and the circus on Boxmoor Common when I was younger.
Once in, Sophie darted off to the popcorn stall and we waited gazing around us.
‘Are you going to be alright on the rides?’ asked Ben appearing beside me, hands pushed into his jeans pockets.
I stiffened, a starburst sensation blooming in my chest as if someone had flung a handful of little stones that had exploded one after the other.
‘Well you won’t be getting me on that thing,’ I said, through almost clenched teeth. Act normal. He doesn’t know. I nodded towards the track on the other side of the park dominating the skyline.
‘The Demon.’ He jerked his head towards it and we both looked up as a chorus of screams echoed across the sky.
‘It could be called the Angel of Happy Feelings for all I care. It looks horrific.’
‘Some people think it’s fun.’ His eyes twinkled and my heart did another of those stupid little flips.
‘I’m not one of them,’ I retorted. ‘If I wanted my brains scrambled, I can think of better ways of doing it.’
He laughed and then pulling his hands out of his pockets raked his hair with one hand, pausing for a quick beat. ‘How are you on boats? They have some rides for the little kids, I think.’
‘You’re so funny,’ I said, light-heartedly slapping him in the ribs, deliberately pretending I’d missed the invitation.
‘You’d be safe on one of those.’ His eyes danced. ‘What do you say?’
Before I could answer, Sophie grabbed my arm and offered me some of the popcorn spilling from the top of a candy-striped carton.
‘Bumper cars,’ said Fiona decisively. ‘I love those. Nothing like a bit of road rage to bring out the true side of people. I want to see if David has a dark side.’
‘Who me?’ He assumed an innocent face. ‘Be careful what you wish for.’
‘Yeah, right,’ said Sophie and we all laughed. David and Sophie were the most good-natured, easy going people I’d ever met. While she was sunshine and positivity, he was quietly amenable, supportive and under-stated.
‘Seriously.
Bumper cars. Bit tame,’ said Conrad.
‘What you’re a white-knuckle rider?’ asked Avril tucking her arm through his tweed overcoat.
‘I’ll have you know in my day, I worked a whole season on the dodgems on the pier at Southend,’ he announced.
‘You,’ said Avril with tactless surprise. ‘But I thought you were from a stately home. Landed gentry at least.’
‘Lord no. My mother insisted I speak properly. She was an amateur thesp. We lived in a council flat.’
‘Really?’ I looked at Conrad with fresh eyes. He’d always seemed so posh to me.
‘Yes, darling. People make assumptions. The trick is not to correct them.’ He gave me a naughty wink. ‘It’s not where you come from, it’s where you’re going that counts.’
‘I second that,’ said Sophie, ‘although I was very lucky. I did grow up in a stately home.’
‘Don’t tell me, your mum was the housekeeper,’ said Avril teasing and then looked horrified when Sophie replied, ‘Something like that. More popcorn.’ She shook the carton. ‘Did we decide?’
‘Yes,’ said Fiona forcefully with a determined glint in her eye. ‘The bumper cars!’
Everyone turned to look at her in surprise.
‘Little Miss Shy and Timid has taken a hike then,’ drawled Conrad.
Fiona blushed. ‘Sorry.’
‘Don’t you dare apologise,’ said David taking her arm.
‘Sorry. I mean …’ she giggled.
‘Let’s put Fiona in charge for the night,’ suggested Ben. ‘Now that she’s become all assertive and bossy.’
‘Oh you,’ she punched him in the arm.
Laughing we all fell into step and headed towards the bright lights and happy cries of the dodgems.
It turned out even behind the wheel of a dodgem, David didn’t possess a killer instinct, not that he got a chance as Avril took charge and drove surprisingly sedately unlike Fiona who seemed to have a personality transplant and leapt into a car with Mads, taking great delight in ramming everyone. Sophie insisted I drove and we spent most of our time trying to escape the dual efforts of Fiona and Conrad to shunt us at every opportunity.
Ben chose to watch from the rail and every time I took a casual glance his way, he seemed to be looking in my direction.
‘Where next Fiona?’ asked David when we all came off in high spirits.
She wrinkled her forehead and looked around at us, but in an unspoken agreement we seemed to have agreed that she should be gang leader for the night.
‘OK, The Demon.’
‘Yay,’ cried Sophie.
‘Yessss,’ said David and Conrad in tandem, with Avril adding, ‘Bring it on.’
‘Let’s do it people,’ said Fiona with a broad grin punching the air in delight.
Ben gave me a questioning look. I winced and ignored him.
Everyone moved forward but he held back and waited for me.
‘Are you sure about this?’
‘No,’ I swallowed, ‘but I can’t … I can’t spoil it for Fiona. She’s really pumped.’ I gave him a brave I-can-do-this look. ‘It won’t kill me … I don’t think.’
‘It is perfectly safe,’ he agreed evenly. I could see that he was trying to be reassuring but that wasn’t helping the time bomb of fear already ticking away in my stomach.
‘It’s all very well you saying that. You’re not scared.’
‘But you’re supposed to be scared,’ he said with a gentle smile. ‘That’s the whole point. The adrenaline rush. That’s why people come to these places. You’ll be fine.’
‘I know.’ I bit my lip looking up at the car careering on the skyline along the tracks outlined in white lights. ‘What’s the worst that can happen?’ His eyes lit up, the keen intelligence shining and I could almost see the journalist brain tipping into over-drive.
‘No, forget I said that.’ I was sure he could think of several disasters and with my current track record, it didn’t even begin to bear thinking about.
‘Don’t worry. Close your eyes and think of … hygge.’
‘Very funny.’
‘It’ll be over in a flash and at least you can say you’ve done it.’
I nodded.
‘And I’ll be with you … if you want.’
Judging by the length of the queue, it was the most popular ride and as we stood in line, everyone debated as to whether we should have opted for the virtual reality option, with masks which apparently gave the added element of flying dragons surrounding you. I kept quiet. They had to be joking; the ride looked plenty scary enough without enhancements.
All too quickly the queue moved up and we were on the steps, getting closer and closer to the station where the carriage came in. What the hell had I been thinking when I agreed to this? I think I let out a little involuntary whimper and with leaden legs mounted the next step on the staircase, my hand cramping on the handrail.
Ben turned my way. I raised my head with a determined who-me-scared lift of the chin and gave him an approximation of a smile, stretching my face in the right sort of direction and baring my teeth. It probably would have frightened small children and it didn’t fool him. His hand fumbled to take mine, giving it a quick squeeze. I closed my eyes, and squeezed back, waiting for his fingers to fall away but he kept my hand firmly clasped in his, stepping closer so that we were side by side.
‘You look terrified.’
‘I was hoping it didn’t show.’ My attempt at dry and deadpan failed big-time.
‘Only because I was looking for it. You don’t have to do this.’
I didn’t, but I felt as if I ought to. I was part of this ragbag team. All for one and one for all. In the last couple of days after sharing those personal insights and problems we were creeping towards a hesitant bond.
‘I’m going to have to.’ I looked at Avril and Conrad on the steps above me, chattering excitedly and pointing to the riders already installed. ‘It’s safe right? A carriage on a track fifty foot over the ground, careering along at sixty plus miles an hour defying the natural law of gravity without a single safety net in sight.’
‘Atta girl.’ He grinned at me, his fingers tightening between mine in silent teasing.
I closed my eyes and couldn’t help the quick shudder that shook my body.
‘Kate,’ he tugged my hand so that I faced him, and with a serious face he said, ‘It lasts one minute. That’s sixty seconds. It will be over before you know it.’
I let out a long breath.
‘Sixty seconds?’
‘Yup. A whole minute.’
‘OK. I can do that.’
The queue moved forward with a start and suddenly we were almost there on the final platform. A smiling blonde girl (of course she was blonde and smiling, this was Denmark) took the tickets, guiding everyone into their seats. I took a step forward. There was still time to back out like the young boy and his mum who got to the top of the steps and then changed their minds. His loud wailing probably had a lot to do with her decision. If only I were seven.
And then the girl halted me and Ben. For a minute, I thought I’d got a reprieve, some divine intervention deciding we weren’t suitable but no it was as simple as the cart was full.
‘See you at the bottom,’ called Fiona waving both hands at us, her excitement making her bounce up and down in her seat when she should have been clinging on to the padded barrier in front of her for dear life. Was the girl mad?
I held my breath as the cart crept out watching as it slowly started the first climb.
Ben looked down at me, something sizzled between us.
‘That night, at the Grosvenor. Why did you run away?’
It was absolutely the last thing I expected him to say and it made me panic far more than the thought of going on the ride, so I blurted out the truth.
‘I was scared.’
It wasn’t what he was expecting me to say.
‘Scared?’
‘Yes.’ I looked over his shoulder, self-prese
rvation kicking in. ‘And now I’m bloody terrified.’ I winced as a wave of screams came flooding back down the track.
Something shimmered in his eyes, a fleeting combination of tenderness, intent and sympathy which made my heart jump in my chest with a miss-a-beat bump.
Unable to peel my eyes from his I watched as his head dipped closer and closer, until his nose grazed mine and his mouth touched mine.
Little sparks of electricity pinpricked across my lips, the initial tingle of skin on skin sending a charge racing through every vein with delicious warmth. As he lips moulded mine, the kiss deepening, I relaxed into his body as if it were home. The slow heady rush gathered speed as his mouth moved with a firmer touch over mine. It was everything I’d known it would be and exactly why I’d run. Alarm bells rang in my head, urgent klaxons, alert, alert, stop, stop, but my body was telling it to get stuffed.
His arms slipped around my waist, pulling me towards him. I wound an arm around his neck, at which point with a rueful smile he pulled away, leaving my lips dazed and confused.
His breath fanned over my ear as he whispered, ‘That was twenty seconds, give or take.’
I took in a deep breath, my senses reeling. Twenty seconds of mind-blowing bliss.
‘So if you think about it in terms of kisses, the whole ride equates to three kisses.’
‘Oh,’ I said faintly, touching my lips. That had certainly changed my perspective.
There was restive movement behind us as people anticipated the return of the cart which had already disgorged the previous riders. I focused on the tingling of my lips, my erratic pulse and Ben’s warm firm hand holding mine. Rows of empty black seats like slightly menacing teeth awaited us, framed by the raised barrier waiting to snap you into place. Behind me excited, enthusiastic people pushed gently inexorably taking us forward. Ben took my hand again and steered me to the back as a thousand butterflies started trying to beat their way out of my stomach. I took a couple of shallow breaths as we filed into the padded seats of the ride. The barrier clunked down into place. The audible click making it all horribly final.
Then the ride started to inch out. Slowly, slowly.
One second. Two seconds. Three seconds. The hydraulics click click clicked with ominous inevitability, like the crocodile chasing Captain Hook. I gripped the barrier, my hands almost like claws. They were going to need to be pried off with a crowbar at the end.