by Kate Keir
“I can’t wait to see you in these clothes. You are going to look even more beautiful than you usually do,” she chattered as we walked back through to my chamber.
I allowed Gidren to rub scented oils over my body before I pulled on the silver gown. But when she started to work at my hair, I stopped her gently. “No, I will be myself today, Gidren. He will prefer it, I think.”
She smiled at that and grabbed the rest of my outfit for me. When I was completely dressed, with my face unmade and my hair left to hang naturally down my back, cascading to my waist, I took in the finished product in the mirror. I looked exactly like a queen.
The gown was beautiful, and although it covered more of me than the usual clothes I had been wearing since I arrived here, it still hugged my slim figure in all of the right places, accentuating the most attractive parts of my body. I was covered in jewels from top to toe, and they glittered and shone as I moved and they caught the sunlight. The tiara sat regally entwined with my hair, and the colours complemented each other completely. I couldn’t help but wonder if Lord Odyn had chosen the jewellery himself. If he had, then his taste was exceptional.
Gidren clapped her hands and laughed out loud. “Oh, Nyssa, you will be the most beautiful woman there. No man will be able to resist you.”
Again, my thoughts betrayed me, turning back to Astarin. Would he think I was the most beautiful woman there? Would he hate me for allowing his friend to dress me up like a doll? I hadn’t seen him since he left my room, and I knew he had been busy, but a part of me was hurt he hadn’t found even a moment to come and check how I was. I pushed the thoughts of him to the back of my mind and looked again at my reflection. Today was all for Lord Odyn. I had made a promise to Bernhardt, and myself and I intended to keep it.
Gidren poured us each a cup of wine, and I raised my eyebrows at her. “It’s a little early for that, Gidren and you know my track record with drinking too much.” I laughed.
She handed me the cup anyway. “It’s the feast day, Nyssa. We can start early just this once. Let’s go out to the balcony and see if we can see the people arriving before we go down.” She pushed open the glass doors, and we took in the sight below us. There were people everywhere. The castle staff were running about, trying to get the last-minute details right, and there were streams of people from the Capital, pouring over the distant hills and making their way toward Castle Kytara.
A knock at the door made us both turn, and as we walked back through to my chamber, my breath caught in my throat. Standing at the threshold of my now open door was Lord Odyn Rygard as I had never seen him before. He had always been dressed in either red, black, or a mixture of both. But today he was wearing silver dress armour that matched the colour of my gown exactly. His crest was still present on the armour, but instead of black, the cat and sword were detailed in a blue the same as the sapphires in my jewellery. And, he was smiling, a real smile as he walked in to my room.
When his eyes caught sight of me, he took in the gown and the jewels around my throat and in my hair. Pausing he took in a deep, slow breath before saying, “You are truly magnificent, my lady.”
I was stunned into silence. I couldn’t believe how much effort he had gone to just for me.
He smiled again at the look of awe on my face and held out his arm to me. “Will you walk to the feast with me, Nyssa?” I heard Gidren squeak in happiness next to me as I stepped toward him, taking his arm. “I will my lord.” I whispered. As we stepped from the room together, he turned back to Gidren and smiled at her. “Your escort is waiting for you, Gidren.”
Kip popped his head around the door, and she squealed a little and ran to take his arm.
I laughed as they followed us down the corridor.
As we walked down the castle steps together, a ripple ran though the waiting crowd. The women smiled, and pointed at me and the men nodded respectfully to their lord. We made our way through them, and I suddenly felt very self-conscious. I kept looking around to see if I could spot Astarin. I didn’t want him to see me like this before I could explain myself to him. But he wasn’t among the people waiting to see Lord Odyn arrive.
We carried on toward the pavilion in the gardens, and my heart sank as I saw him then. He stood at the right hand of Lord Odyn’s chair, just as Gidren had told me he would be. He was dressed in his red and black dress armour, and when he saw me, he looked startled as he took in my new attire.
My eyes widened as I tried to convey to him that I was sorry, that I had no choice. I couldn’t refuse Lord Odyn. He knew that. I had no idea if or how I would ever be able to explain to him what Bernhardt had told me about needing to bring Lord Odyn back from the war. Astarin didn’t know the full story of what Odyn had gone through at the hands of Faryn Tarnfell, Bernhardt, had told me. He knew that Odyn had suffered but not the whole truth of what happened. I was terrified he would think I had betrayed him, the thought bringing tears unbidden to my eyes.
As we reached the top of the dais, Lord Odyn gestured for me to sit in the chair at the left of his. I did, looking again to Astarin as I sat, and I thought he gave me a slight smile. That made me feel a little better, and I sat down just before Lord Odyn took his seat. There were hundreds, maybe thousands of tables stretched out before us. The gardens were crammed with them, and each and every one was filled with people of all ages. There were rich and poor alike, but the one thing they all had in common was their smiles. Everyone, it seemed, was glad to be there today despite the rumours of war that were rumbling through Kytara. The castle staff started bringing out the food, and the sight and smell of it was mouth-watering.
Lord Odyn had spared no expense for this feast. There was every kind of meat, and all of it was carved into huge chunks that were still on the bone. There were plates of vegetables, quiches, pastries, rice dishes and sauces, cheese, and chutneys. And that was even before the sweet dishes started to appear. It made me hungry, and I tucked into the food with enthusiasm.
Lord Odyn and Astarin were still discussing battle strategies, and I rolled my eyes to myself. This was supposed to be the one day they could forget about the coming war and relax a little. Once I had eaten, I was considering finding Gidren and going to watch the archery contest as the men were still talking about the coming war.
Just as I was about to rise from my chair, a young girl approached the dais. She must have been about four or five, and she carried a single white rose in her tiny hand. I smiled at her and stretched my hand out to her, inviting her to me. She gave me a huge grin and ran up the steps to give me the rose, saying, “Milady Nyssa, you will make a beautiful queen. Everybody says so.” Then kissing me quickly and shyly on my cheek, she turned and was gone again.
I felt the blush on my face as I turned to look first at Lord Odyn who sat next to me. He had a strange look on his face that was partly amused and partly a little shocked. Obviously, war wasn’t the only rumour that was abound right now.
When I looked to Astarin, he met my gaze steadily. His eyes darkened but not with desire. He was angry, I knew. I smiled to him, trying to let him know without words that I loved him. I loved him so much, and I hadn’t betrayed him. But the look in his eyes didn’t change as he stood, saying to Lord Odyn, “I’m away to win the archery contest.”
Lord Odyn smiled. “Good luck Ast. Hopefully Morden won’t thrash you again.”
Then without a word to me, Astarin was gone, and I was alone with Lord Odyn. I suddenly didn’t feel like watching the archery contest any longer.
“Are you enjoying today, Nyssa?” he asked me, and when I looked into those black eyes which I knew hid so much pain and so much sorrow. I found myself relaxing and just wanting to be myself with him.
“Yes, my lord, very much. I’m looking forward to the dancing later on.” I returned his smile with a genuine one of my own.
He reached out then and lightly touched my cheek. “Nyssa, I would prefer it if you called me Odyn.”
I almost flinched as he touched me, only beca
use I didn’t want Astarin to see it. But then why should I care? Astarin was pissed at me anyway, and I had done nothing wrong. “Yes, I think I can, Odyn,” I replied to him, and his smile was heartbreakingly beautiful as he heard me say his name.
“Will you come to me tonight, Nyssa? I would like to spend time alone with you.”
This was the one thing that I had hoped he wouldn’t say to me. I had been praying all morning he would be too busy and would return to his councils after the feast. My problem wasn’t that I didn’t want to go to him; my problem was that I did. I wanted to ease his pain. I wanted to make him see I understood him now. I didn’t want to go to his bed, but I knew that if I said yes to him now, that would be exactly what he would expect tonight. On the other hand, if I said no, then he would likely give up all hope of me and would go to war with no intention of returning, and if he didn’t return, that would kill me.
My mind raced, and I held my breath for an instant before I answered him. “Yes, I will come to you,” I replied as I felt the crush of guilt bearing down on me.
His face lit up, the expression in his dark eyes obvious in its delight. He reached back out to gently touch my cheek again. “I look forward to it. Now go and find your friend and enjoy the day. I know you want to.”
I returned his smile. I really did want to go and spend some time with Gidren. I thanked him and headed down the dais steps and into the bustling crowd to try and find her.
I found Gidren and Kip easily enough, and I joined them at their table for a while. It was a rowdy group and after an hour Gidren, and I decided to slip away and dance for a while. As we walked past the archery contest on the way to the dancing stage, I looked for Astarin. My eyes found him just as he was loosing a shaft that thudded, quivering in to the target, dead centre. I shuddered as I remembered his arrow that killed the man who attacked me. If he wasn’t such a good aim, that night may have ended very differently, I thought.
He looked up then, as though he felt my eyes on him and as I met that steady blue gaze, I wanted more than anything to run into his arms and kiss him and tell him that it was all right; everything would be alright. I smiled and nodded my approval at his shot, and he smiled back at me, making my heart skip a beat. Then he was called back to his match, and I continued on my way to the dancing.
Gidren and I danced into the night, and we drank way more wine than we probably should have. But I felt happy and almost carefree as we whirled to the music of the band. We only danced with each other. Although plenty of men tried to entice Gidren away from me, she refused them all. Her heart was Kip’s and his alone. I envied her, the simplicity of her situation. My heart felt as though it were being torn in two. None of them tried to dance with me. I knew they wouldn’t. They thought I belonged to Lord Odyn and none of the men were brave enough to risk the repercussions of inviting his anger.
As the night grew later we stumbled, laughing from the dancing stage and made our way back to Gidren’s table. I left her kissing Kip who seemed to be delighted to have his bride-to-be back by his side, and I made my way back to the dais, to the two men who were sitting together drinking and talking in quiet whispers. I couldn’t believe they were still so serious after all of the food and wine. As I approached the dais, they stopped talking and both watched me walk up the steps toward them. Both men smiled at me, and I smiled back. I was just about to take my seat again when Odyn stood and took my hand. “Will you come with me now, Nyssa?” he asked of me and without meeting Astarin’s eyes I replied, “Yes.”
Odyn turned back to Astarin and grinned at him. “You don’t mind do you, brother? I have been waiting to have this lady to myself all night.”
Astarin was hurt, I knew. I knew by the almost imperceptible shift of his body. But he hid it well and replied. “Of course not, brother. I will be going to bed myself before long.”
My eyes pleaded with him not to be angry, but he simply smiled at me and said, “Goodnight, Nyssa” as Odyn tugged at my hand and led me away.
If I had felt self-conscious when we arrived at the feast, I was even more so now. He walked through the remaining crowds of revellers, gently pulling me along next to him by the hand. They respectfully parted to let us through, watching the awesome spectacle of the handsome, silver-clad Valhar and his woman. It felt like it took a lifetime to reach the castle steps, each step now lit by candles in jars to keep the night at bay. When in reality it took no time at all as the path before us cleared of people to allow us to pass. As we walked through the corridor toward his chamber, I began to tremble. I couldn’t help it. I was afraid that he would just push me to the bed and take me without so much as a word. Would he consider my agreement to come to him tonight to be my consent to sleep with him?
There were no guards on his door tonight, I noticed. I assumed he must have given them the evening off to enjoy the feast. He opened one of the huge gilt doors and gestured for me to go inside, following me as I did. I walked to the middle of the room and stood there feeling lost. Without my anger and hatred of him, I had no weapons left to protect myself. So, I waited to see what his first move would be. He walked to his desk and poured us each a cup of wine, and then brought them over to me and handed me one. “Nyssa, you look almost more scared now, than you did the first time you were here.” He spoke softly to me as he walked to the bed. Sitting on the edge he started to unfasten his beautiful, silver armour.
I blushed and looked at the floor as he started to undress, wondering if he meant for me to do the same. I was surprised. I had expected a little more conversation before going to bed. I heard the armour drop to the floor and then heard him stand and cross the room to me.
His fingers found the underside of my chin, tilting my head up so I could look up to his face. He wasn’t actually undressed, I saw now. He had left a black, lace necked under-tunic on paired with his trousers. I breathed a sigh of relief, and he laughed softly at me. “Did you think I was going to tear off your clothes and take you to bed?”
My face must have told him of my relief, but I didn’t know how to reply to him. “I didn’t know. I wasn’t sure.” I whispered.
“Come and sit with me, my little goddess,” he said then. “Come and sit and have a drink with me? Please?”
How could I refuse him? We walked to the bed and both sat down. I remembered my wine then and took a swallow as I waited to hear what he would say next.
“I’m not going to pounce on you and force you to my will, Nyssa,” he began. “Until you tell me that you want me, until you tell me ‘yes,’ then I will not.” His eyes darkened, and a playful smile curved his lips upward. “But be warned, the moment you do say yes, I will show you no mercy.”
I laughed, and with a shock of surprise, I realised that it was a real laugh. I meant it. He had made me happy. “Thank you, Odyn.” I replied to him. “Did you enjoy the feast today? Was it as you had hoped?” I asked him.
“Yes,” he replied “It was a good day, and I was proud to be there with the most beautiful woman in Ankh Shdaar.”
My face coloured at that, and I looked down at my hands clasped around my wine cup. I felt as though I were torturing him by being here but still refusing him, even after everything that Bernhardt had asked of me. I needed to change the subject for now so I asked him a question that had been worrying me for some time. “How long will it be before you go to war?”
He looked sad, and I felt a stab of guilt for reminding him of what he was clearly trying to distract himself from, at least for today. But he appeared to answer me honestly. “In truth, it could be any day now. We are waiting to hear word that Tarnfell has started moving into Kytara. As soon as he makes his decision, then we will leave to meet him.”
It was the answer I had expected and feared. I didn’t want him to go. I didn’t want Astarin to go. I didn’t want to lose either of them. “Are you afraid?” I asked him.
He didn’t answer me straight away. I could see him thinking about it, trying to sort out the truth in his own head before
he answered me. “Yes,” he said. “I am afraid. I’m afraid for all of the men who will die that day. Afraid that we will lose the fight and that Faryn Tarnfell will take hold of Ankh Shdaar, and I’m afraid that if that happens he will hurt you and the other people here at Castle Kytara.”
In that moment, I felt an overwhelming urge to comfort him. Every fear he had was for the safety and happiness of others. He wasn’t afraid for himself. That made me so proud of the man he was, and it also broke my heart, to hear him say it. He didn’t seem to care if he lived or died.
Without thinking, I reached out to him, taking his hand in mine. I didn’t even think through what I was about to say. Instead I just spoke the words as they came to my lips. “I am afraid that if you go, you won’t come back.”
His black eyes widened at that; I had surprised him. I hadn’t said it because Bernhardt wanted me to, I knew. I had said it because I had meant it, and he could see I spoke the truth. “Nyssa.” He breathed my name, making it sound like a prayer to the Goddess. I returned his gaze, my green eyes focussed clearly on his black ones. “Will you stay with me tonight? I don’t want to be alone.”
He was so sincere and honest in his request.
For a fleeting moment, I thought of Astarin. I knew that he would find out about this. He would believe that Odyn and I had slept together. Perhaps no amount of telling him the truth would persuade him otherwise. But I couldn’t say no to Odyn. He needed me tonight, and after everything I knew of his past and the man that he was today, I knew that I couldn’t refuse him. “Yes,” I whispered, “I will stay.”
As we prepared to share his bed, I removed the tiara and necklace, leaving them on his desk. I took off the cloak and unfastened my dress, allowing it to fall from my body, leaving me standing in just my white, sleeveless under-gown. He watched my every move from his seat on the bed. I could see the passion in his eyes as he looked at me. But I knew he wouldn’t act on it. I had his word. He stood then, pulling his under-tunic over his head. His chest was lean and muscled. His wine-dark hair and his pale skin made him look like a god as he stood there before me, illuminated by the candlelight. As he turned to drop his tunic on a nearby chair, I caught sight of his naked back and what I saw caused me to gasp as if in pain.