I rested my chin awkwardly in my palms and scanned the field until I saw Sam. He really was a tremendous player. He would be joking with one of the guys one moment and then nonchalantly leap into the air and make an amazing catch the next. I didn’t mind the view either. He was wearing shorts and a tight-fitting black tee-shirt that emphasized his toned body.
“Are you dating Sam?” I heard one of the girls ask.
It had suddenly gotten quiet. A beautiful girl with long chestnut-colored hair was looking at me. Her hair and makeup looked like it had been prepared for the prom instead of a recreational baseball game and she actually had on hoop earrings. I don’t remember ever having seen her before. The other girls were now staring at me as well as though eager to hear the answer to the question.
“No, not really,” I said. “We’ve just hung out a few times this week.”
“I see,” the girl said. The response didn’t seem to satisfy her. “Are you a sophomore then? Or a freshman?”
I choked a bit when I heard that. A freshman? There was a big difference between a freshman girl and a captain of the women’s soccer team. “No,” I said, “I’m a junior.”
“Oh wow,” the girl said. “I wouldn’t have pegged you for a junior. That’s kind of unusual, isn’t it? For a junior girl to be dating a younger guy?” Her tone made it clear that she thought the questions were rhetorical.
I felt the eyes of the other girls boring into my skull. “Why would that be unusual?” I asked in a tone that admittedly came out a bit testy. “We’re only a year apart in age. Maybe less.”
The girl’s laugh was little too shrill. “I don’t mean to be rude,” she said, seeming as though she was trying very hard to be rude, “It’s just you don’t really seem like Sam’s type.”
“What do you mean by that?” I asked flatly.
“Well, Sam tends to go for really beautiful girls that put a bit more... what’s the word... effort into their appearance. You dress a bit like a tomboy. No offense,” she said with an insincere smile. “Who knows? Maybe you and him have another arrangement worked out.”
I had no idea what she was talking about. “Arrangement?” I parroted.
“You know,” the girl said. “He gets to show off an older girl and use you as a backup until he finds someone better. And you get to date a great-looking guy. Having a sophomore hottie who looks like Sam is a lot better than any fugly junior you could get. It’s a win-win for both of you.”
I felt like I was going to be sick. I wanted to slap the girl, storm off in fury, and shrink back into the bleachers all at the same time. She was going out of her way to try to be deliberately cruel. I had heard about people like this and had seen them as villainous characters in movies but had hoped they didn’t exist in real life.
None of the other girls jumped to my defense. Well, others in my position might have felt cowed, but I was not the type to let someone walk all over me. “What’s your name?” I asked the girl.
“Vivian,” she said with another fake smile.
“And where do you go to school, Vivian?” I asked. “I know it can’t be Lakeville.”
“I go to Church...”
“I know it can’t be Lakeville because if you went to my school you would know who I am,” I said, pointedly interrupting her. “I’ve got friends who have my back. In fact, I’ve got an entire team that has my back.” I leaned towards her. “I don’t like your attitude. I don’t like your fake smile or the way you insult people you don’t know but are jealous of.”
Vivian was sputtering but I had already decided that I didn’t want to hear anything else she had to say. I talked over her.
“I hope one day you change and become a good person,” I said. “If that day ever comes, look me up because I am always looking for nice people to befriend. But so long as you are a stuck up, sad little person, I want nothing to do with you.”
Then I stormed off. I heard the girls immediately start gossiping behind me but I ignored them. If they weren’t good enough to stick up for me or even offer me a welcome, I didn’t care about what they had to say.
I walked onto the diamond. “Hey girlie, you’re in the way!” one of the boys yelled. I ignored him too. Instead, I walked directly up to Sam.
“I want to go home,” I said. “Or at least play or do something else. I can’t sit around with those girls on the bleachers anymore.”
Sam looked confused. “Well, the game is still going to go on for a while,” he said, “and I don’t think you want to play with us. These guys are pretty good.”
I stared at him, not knowing what to say for a moment. This boy had dragged me out to a baseball game, not introduced me to any of his friends, left me alone with the nastiest girls I had ever met, and was now making it clear that I was at the bottom of his list of priorities, not to mention the fact that he was sexist enough to assume I couldn’t play baseball at his level even though he had just met me. I think of myself as a pretty easy-going person but I didn’t intend to hang around any man who didn’t treat me fairly and didn’t value me or my feelings at least a little. My mother would never have put up with that and I wasn’t going to either.
“Goodbye Sam,” I said. Then I turned around and left.
“Wait, where are you going?” I heard him yell after me.
“Don’t worry about it,” I yelled back over my shoulder. “I’ll find my own way home.”
I walked as fast as my legs would take me up and over the hill by the diamond. As soon as I was out of view I stopped and leaned back against a tree. I wasn’t crying but I felt drained and disappointed. In my mind I had built Sam up to be the perfect guy. Putting him on a pedestal wasn’t fair to him but that didn’t change the fact that I felt like I had lost something I hoped I had finally found.
“Hey Anderson!” someone yelled. “What’re you doing?”
I looked in the direction of the noise and saw a group of shirtless boys playing soccer on the open grassy area of the commons. One of the boys was waving at me. It was Dylan Myers. I immediately recognized the other boys as well. They were all from my grade. Unfortunately, Aaron, a senior, wasn’t there, but it was still good to see the familiar faces.
“Hi Dylan,” I called to him. “I was just hanging out with some people and was going to go home.”
“Phaw,” Dylan yelled. “Screw walking home. Come play with us. I’ll teach you how real soccer is played. I can give you a ride home later.”
I smiled in spite of myself. “I guess I can help you boys out,” I said. “I can dumb down my game enough to play at your level.”
Soccer was just what I needed. The boys were just playing for fun - no keeping score, cheap shots, or anger. Every few minutes someone would yell “Next goal wins!” but then we would keep playing. No one wanted to go home. I soon found myself laughing and joking around with them.
Dylan was the best. I had known him socially for years. Soccer people tended to hang with each other. He was my age and had mop of brown curly hair and eyes of matching color. Girls had always thought he was cute and his personality was so sweet and funny that it was easy to understand why so many of them liked him. His look wasn’t really my type but I could certainly appreciate his shirtless body. His skin glistened with sweat, accentuating his six-pack abs and pecs. Sam was more muscular but there was something sensual about the lean body that Dylan had developed from a lot of running and soccer playing. I understood why the girls had added him to the list.
Finally, the game ended. Dylan dumped a bottle of water on me and I chased him around the commons for a couple minutes. His strides were long, easy ones that were impossible for my shorter legs to match.
The other boys were starting to leave so I gave up chasing him. He approached me with a big goofy smile on his face. That was when I sprung my trap. I leapt at him and grabbed him with my arms, executing a perfect tackle. We fell to the ground together and rolled laughing through the grass.
When we stopped I was lying on top of him, lau
ghing as I stared down into his eyes. My hands rested on his bare chest. I suddenly became aware of the feel of his warm skin. As he stared back at me I thought I saw the playfulness fade from his eyes and be replaced by something else. Something I could have sworn that looked more like lust. Then the moment passed and I pushed myself to my feet, making sure to deliver a light five-fingered slap to his bare pec before helping him to his feet.
We continued joking around as he put his shirt back and we got into his car. I thought I noticed him slow down as we got close to my house, though, like he wanted to spent more time with me. Maybe that was just my imagination.
Finally, we pulled up into my driveway.
“Well,” Dylan said, “thanks for playing with us. Hopefully you learned a few things you can bring back to the girls’ team. That nail-biter against Churchill was a bit too close for comfort.”
“Shut it,” I said. “Hey, thanks giving me a ride home,” I continued in a more serious tone. “I had kind of a bad day and you made it a lot better.”
“No problem,” Dylan said as he looked back into my eyes. Then, without saying anything, he leaned toward me and then stopped. There was a question in his eyes.
I leaned into him and gave him my answer. We started to kiss.
What was happening to me? I had gone for 17 years without kissing a boy and then suddenly two boys had kissed me within one week. I don’t know, maybe I just seemed more open to it now. Maybe I had unconsciously flirted with Dylan or maybe it was just the excitement of the moment. Maybe this had happened to me plenty of times without me realizing it and it was just my answer that had changed. My body used to say no but now it was telling the boys yes. Hell yes!
Dylan was better kisser than Sam. Sam had been forceful and passionate. Dylan was passionate as well but in a different way. His kiss would start tenderly and then he would pull back for a moment as if teasing me. When I pressed onward his hand pressed against the small of my back as if gently pushing us together. He dipped his head and kissed my neck. The feeling of a boy’s lips on my neck was exhilarating. It made me feel vulnerable and sexual at the same time. I just wanted to...
I heard a against the window. I looked around and saw my dad’s face staring in the car window.
Dylan let out a little squeak of panic and bolted out of the car. I felt my face get flushed and I gave a moan that sounded as if it had been emitted by a dying person. I slowly got out of my car.
My dad was giving Dylan a hard stare.
“Hi Mr. Anderson, sir, I, hi,” Dylan said.
My dad just continued to stare at him.
“I, I mean, I was just dropping Sadie off,” Dylan said. “From the commons. I, uh, saw her at the commons. We were, uh, playing soccer.”
“Uh-huh,” dad said.
“Okay, well thanks for the ride Dylan,” I said. “Bye! Dad? Dad. Come on. Let’s go in the house.
Dylan didn’t need anymore encouragement. He got back into his car so fast and was gone so fast that I would have missed it if I had blinked.
Dad shifted his dangerous stare to me. “Well this will certainly give us something to talk about at dinner tonight,” he finally said. “Yup, I think you and I are going to be having a nice long discussion.”
Chapter 6 – David
“Boys,” dad explained, “are a lot like dogs. You need to train them and if they get out of control you need to walk away.”
The message behind his words was clear. Making out with a boy was bad. Making out with a boy in the boy’s car was really bad. I needed to get it across that I did not want to make out in the boy’s car. If the boy still wanted to make out, I needed to leave.
Interspersed into dad’s lecture were vivid descriptions of how boys were fundamentally evil and strong warnings for me to stay away from them at all costs – at least until I reached an appropriate age “like 30.” Unfortunately for my dad, I disagreed with the very premise of his argument. Where he saw vicious attack dogs waiting to rip my throat out, I saw cute and cuddly puppies. Kissing Dylan had just fueled my desire to spend more time with boys. Dad’s lecture only succeeded in persuading me to make sure he wasn’t around when I did.
The girls, of course, were furious when I told them about Dylan. “But we didn’t discuss him,” Olivia exclaimed. “We didn’t put together a Dylan strategy. You got a kiss but no pictures and now your dad has scared him off. You might not be able to get him back.”
“Never again,” Payton said. “Your lack of planning and horny, carefree attitude nearly got us found out. You need to buckle down if you want to shack up.”
Eventually, the girls let up and it was decided that I would go back to the original plan and try to make something happen with David. I had moved too fast with Dylan, they said. Moving in on a friend without taking precautions had introduced my home life - in particular my father - to the equation. I needed to take a step back and hone my skills on David.
Then we spent the rest of the night dishing about what a jerk Sam was.
It wasn’t hard to find out when the next cross-country meet was; the team captains announced it on the morning announcements. I managed to convince my soccer coach to let me do the strength-training portion of our afternoon practice before school the following morning so I could get off early. Then Olivia and I went to the meet.
We arrived just in time to see the varsity boys run. When the boys passed us at the three-kilometer mark David was in third place for the team and in 10th place overall. Not too shabby for someone just running as cross-training for wrestling. Olivia and I screamed and cheered as loudly as we could when we saw him but his face had a look of intense determination on it and I don’t think he even noticed us.
“Well,” Olivia said when they were gone, “this is a boring sport. All they do is run and we just get to see them for a few seconds. The boy better appreciate our effort. Let’s go find him. There were a few cute runners from our team, maybe we can find someone for me as well.”
We found David at the aid station after the finish line. He was downing water from a tiny paper cup and had a dissatisfied expression on his face. I knew that look. It was the same one I wore after a soccer game when I didn’t think I had done my best even if the team had won. Competitive athletes could be very hard on themselves.
I felt excited but nervous as I thought about walking up to David. I had already kissed two boys now but somehow I was still intimidated by David. He was normally shockingly good looking and he even looked hotter now after his race. His sweat made his blond hair curl at his temples and his skin shine, showing of the contours of his muscles. He was the kind of guy who did not realize just how attractive he was. He didn’t have Sam’s swagger or Dylan’s playfulness but his innocent, aw-shucks style made a lot of girls I knew want to do not-so-innocent things to him. Once again I felt like a little girl about to approach a perfect guy who was way out of my league.
Olivia broke off and started talking to one of the other “cute” runners as I walked up to David. At first he looked at me with glazed, unfocused eyes and an uncomprehending expression. Then he blinked in surprise and stared at me more carefully.
“Sadie,” he said. “What are you doing here? Come to cheer us on?”
“Of course,” I said. I thought about what Alyssa had said about complementing him. “I told you that I wanted to see you run. You did so well! That was pretty amazing.”
“Ah,” he said, waving his hand dismissively, “it wasn’t a great day for me. I had been hoping for a PR.”
“You were still in the top ten when you came by me,” I said. “That’s pretty impressive considering this is your secondary sport. If all the other boys had to carry your big wrestler muscles around, they would be a lot slower.”
David gave me a shy smile. I could tell that he was pleased I had called him strong, though he was far too modest to follow up on it. “Yeah,” he said, “I just can’t wait for wrestling season.”
We talked for 10 minutes as he got some more wa
ter and put on his sweats. Finally, with his coach’s third warning that he needed to go for a cool-down immediately with the rest of the guys, he thanked me for coming and said goodbye.
I figured I had made a pretty good start with David. I went to find Olivia but discovered that the little hussy had moved onto flirting with boys from an opposing school. I sighed. Not wanting to interfere with Olivia’s game, I waited a little distance away. Five minutes passed. 10 minutes. Maybe she didn’t see me. I walked into her line of vision behind the boy she was talking to. She remained stubbornly fixated on him but still managed to give me a distinctly dismissive wave. Her meaning was obvious: I came all this way after school for you so you can darn well give me this.
“Hey Sadie, couldn’t get enough of me?” a voice asked after another 10 minutes had gone by.
I turned to find David standing behind me. “My friend is too busy flirting with the enemy,” I said with a nod to Olivia. “Looks like I’m stuck here for another few minutes.”
David chuckled. “I’m just going to stretch, he said, “but you’re welcome to talk to me until she’s ready to go.”
Great. Now I was the lame dork waiting for her friend and David had to do me a favor to save me from losing face. That was not how I wanted to position myself to him.
We picked up our conversation again. I realized I had reached a critical juncture. In his mind, David was trying to sort out whether I was a friend or whether I had the potential to become something more. I could see that he was leaning towards the friend category, growing increasingly comfortable as he talked and joked with me as he would an old pal. It was easy for us to get along this way because we seemed to be on the same wavelength. Too easy. If I was going to turn this into something romantic, I needed to do it quickly.
My opportunity came a few minutes later and I almost missed it when it did. “Argh,” David grunted as he stretched, “I’m sore.”
Kiss List (The List Series) Page 4