“I don’t understand.”
Seeing the confusion on my mom’s face is a slap to the face.
“Mom, if I leave the company grandma has to leave here. We’d only have sixty days to find a new facility for her or she’d have to go back home.”
My mom turns, giving me her back while she refolds the shirts she just put away. “I see.”
“I don't want to hide anymore. I want Lucas and I to really be together. And I know I should've been more upfront with you from the beginning, but I had no idea how our relationship would evolve.”
“Is that all?”
“No,” I admit.
She glances at me over her shoulder and arches her brow, waiting for me to explain.
“Recollections is a lot more expensive than I told you.”
“Gabby,” she gasps. “How much more?”
I swallow down my guilt. “Triple the amount.”
“What? Why did you hide that from us?”
“Because I knew you wouldn’t even consider it if you knew how much it cost. I was scared, Mom. Your health has been declining. You’ve been so busy taking care of grandma that you haven't been taking care of yourself. I didn’t want you to get sick again or worse to end up like grandpa.”
“So have you been paying this all by yourself?”
I look at my lap. “Yes.”
“Gabby,” she exhales, taking the seat across from me.
We sit in silence for several minutes while my mother stares at the floor.
“It doesn’t make it right but I did this because I love you, and I need you in my life. For a long, long time. I wouldn't be asking you to consider a different facility if I didn’t see a future with Lucas. Please, just think about it. I'll help you and I won’t give my notice until we find another place.”
“How much of a future do you see with him Gabby?”
“I don't see a future without him.”
Nodding, she stands. She finishes folding the clothes and puts them away before leaving the room. When she returns ten minutes later she hands me a laptop.
“I borrowed it from the nurses station. No sense in waiting.”
Eighteen phone calls and twenty-four hours later my mom calls me at work to confirm that she’s found a new facility for my grandma. It’s a short drive from my parent’s house but overall the amenities are practically the same, and by some saving grace the cost is manageable, especially since it’ll now be split amongst my parents, uncle and me.
Barely able to contain my excitement, I rush out of my office and knock on Lucas’s door. There’s no response.
When 11AM rolls around and I still haven’t seen any sign of him, I text.
Me: Are you here today? I really need to talk to you.
An hour later he still hasn’t replied, then two more hours pass. Finally I pay a visit to his admin.
“Hey Gail. Have you seen Lucas today?”
She glances at me and then back at her screen. “He’s at a customer visit with Jack. If you need him try his cell or wait until tomorrow.”
Returning to my office I plop in my chair and strum my fingers on the keyboard. Wait until tomorrow? I can hardly wait another minute. Anxiously, I consider dropping by his apartment unannounced. Except I’ve never been to his apartment and getting it via the employee database would be ethically wrong and I’m done breaking the rules.
“He’ll have to return to his desk at some point,” I mutter to myself and begin typing my version of a letter I’ve read so many times over the years that the words easily flow.
Dear Jack,
I regret to inform you that effective today I am tendering my resignation.
I add a few sentences, thanking Jack for the opportunity and read it several times before printing it out. Giddy, I fold my resignation letter into an envelope along with a pink sticky note, and seal it shut. I place it on Lucas’s keyboard and nearly skip back to my office.
Then, I wait.
Chapter 23
Gabby
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Sitting at Grill 23, one of Boston’s best restaurants, surrounded by customers who could make or break the division’s quarter financially, I re-read Gabriella’s text from hours ago.
Gabriella: Are you here today? I really need to talk to you.
Then I shove my phone in my pocket, doing what I do best—ignore the situation.
Except I can’t get her out of my head. While I should be busy engaging in conversation, I’m mildly freaking out over her need to talk with me. No chance of that being positive.
I’m also people watching, something I don’t typically do. Yet this afternoon I can’t help it. Happy couples surround me—at every table, at the bar, even outside; they’re everywhere.
And now I get it.
I was a mess yesterday when she left me at Ki’s. Thank God for technology; GPS guided me back to Boston. It didn’t occur to me until I was parked outside my apartment that I couldn’t recall having seen a single car despite knowing there were plenty on the road.
I’d had three hours alone to truly consider why talking to Gabriella was so hard. It wasn’t the act of talking—I could tell her anything and she’d regard me with an open mind. It was the finality of deciding on a course that was different than I had planned.
Last night I had settled into bed hoping a resolution would surface during sleep. No such luck. I felt like a stranger in my apartment with no possessions belonging to me. Not my bed, not my clothes…nothing. I craved Gabriella’s scent and her warmth. Senses that could never be satisfied in my room because it was a place she’d never been.
It wasn’t that I couldn’t be without her—it’d been less than a day. This separation was indefinite, and I became increasingly lonely the more I accepted that no amount of time could change my feelings about her. No amount of success would be the same without her to share it with.
Sitting here now I think back on all the things Gabriella said, and not just yesterday…since we met. I do prefer to work alone. I also need time to figure things out, to get used to changes before they become real. And I hadn’t really considered it prior to Gabriella pointing it out, but I was ignoring my father rather than getting closure and using the way my parents rejected me as an excuse not to get close to people.
Especially her.
Ever since my family betrayed me I’d focused on proving that I could be successful on my own, either by climbing the corporate ladder or preventing people from getting too close. Despite having made the argument several times over the years, it wasn’t avoiding distractions that kept me alone. Without a relationship I had no one to let me down, no one to toss me aside.
I could keep telling myself I’d let her in, but I hadn’t. Not really. And even if she was the one to physically walk away I’m starting to see that I’m the one that pushed her.
Yes, I should have gone to her. Hell, I shouldn’t have let her leave Ki’s. She left me a day ago, wanting to give us both time to figure it out. And while reaching out to me today likely means that my time is up, a fate without her isn’t one I’m willing to face.
It’s not even a question. I need her in my life.
Working in my office late every night only to return home to an empty apartment—that’s no longer the life I find appealing. I want to come home to Gabriella and dance, have passionate disagreements followed by mind-blowing makeup sex and then hold her as we fall asleep. Grow with her, cherish and adore her. Bring her coffee every morning and buy her an endless supply of pink lingerie.
I choose her.
And its time I did something about it.
“Lucas.” Jack calls my attention.
Taking note that everyone at the table is standing, I do the same and shake hands with our customers since our late lunch has apparently ended.
After they leave Jack signs the check and then turns to me. “Ready
to head back? I have a 4 o’clock call to prepare for.”
“Actually, if you have a moment Jack I really need to speak with you. Won’t take long.”
His eyes volley between mine until he finally nods and silently ushers me to the bar.
He immediately flags down the bartender. “Two Manhattan’s.”
Drinking mid-day isn’t my style but in this situation it seems appropriate.
I pull a long sip of the amber liquid as I gather my thoughts. How do I play this? I’ve never quit before. I want to be respectful of the opportunity Jack has given me. My message should be delivered with eloquence and professionalism.
But that’s not Jack. Honesty and loyalty are what he values. Bullshitting will do nothing but piss him off.
I set the glass on the bar and turn towards him. “I’m resigning.”
Jack remains unmoved. Seconds tick by with him silently staring into his glass and when he finally moves it’s to pull his phone out of the pocket of his suit jacket.
“Would it have anything to do with this?” Jack slides his phone across the bar to me and resumes drinking.
I glance down and do a double take.
It’s a picture of Gabriella and I on the dance floor at the club in New York City. Though it’s hard to see much of our faces since we’re making out.
Shit.
So many questions surface. How did he get this? How did Sandra even know to send it? If he had this why didn’t he mention it before I resigned?
The pounding of my heart echoes between my ears, mimicking a fast-paced percussion solo. I’m positive Jack can hear it.
Then I remind myself that I’ve just resigned. This shouldn’t matter.
“Did I ever tell you what happened with your predecessor? Why she left?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Sandra was incredibly ambitious, smart. But she was caught sleeping with her twenty-two-year-old assistant. When I found out, I gave her a chance to end it and of course she promised she would,” he tells me shaking his head. “Should have known better. Needless to say it didn’t end. Naked pictures intended for her assistant ended up in my inbox and well, the rest is history.”
Damn.
“Gabby. She’s a beautiful woman, Lucas.” He turns to look at me. “Plenty of those in this city.”
“Not like her.”
He takes a sip of his drink. “It’s serious then?”
“Very,” I admit.
Jack sighs. “Retirement is less than six months away for me, Lucas. The leadership team, the board, Gabby…they all know I’ve recommended you to be my successor. Are you really going to throw it all away?”
My response comes immediately. “What I’m gaining is even better.”
“I wish you would have come to me sooner. We could have worked something out.” He lifts his hand to get the bartender’s attention and hands over his card. “Tell me, Lucas. Why you? Why not Gabby?”
“Her grandmother is in an Alzheimer’s facility, one that’s part of the Elder Care Program. It makes more sense for me to find something new.”
He tilts his head to the side. “That’s mighty chivalrous of you but you weren’t alone in this and Gabby knows the non-fraternization policy. Hell, she helped create it.”
“What are you saying?”
“That I can’t ignore Gabby’s involvement. Sandra was terminated because of similar behavior. If I don’t react it could turn into a liability for the company.”
“Let me get this straight. Sandra was given a warning, much like I would get if I was staying, yet Gabriella gets nothing?”
“A main function of her role is to provide sound judgment, to be a coach. She’s also supposed to be a role model when it comes to policies. How can I trust her knowing that she’s broken the rules?”
“Because she’s excellent at her job. Our relationship shouldn’t take away from that, not to mention I’m leaving. We’re doing the right thing.”
“There shouldn’t have been a relationship to begin with,” Jack says.
“There’s got to be a reasonable solution, maybe another division she could support.”
“Not without transferring to a different office. You know as well as I do that she’d have to move for that, and to be honest I’d be required to provide feedback on her and the reason for her transfer. It’s not my style to skirt issues.”
I flex my hand around my glass, almost wishing it’d break. Splinters of glass piercing my skin would be a relief from the pressure ballooning in my chest.
“What’s going to happen to Gabriella?”
I’ve just thrown away everything I’ve worked for professionally and I could give a shit. Far more concerning is that there’s a good chance my personal life is about to go to shit as well. Sucks for me but it’s Gabriella I’m worried about.
His expression tells me all the information I need. He’s going to fire her.
“Tell me now if you’d like to reconsider and we’ll move forward. No use in both of you leaving.”
I straighten on the barstool. “Appreciated but my decision is final.”
How could I justify staying with a slap on the wrist when the consequences for her are severely worse? I can’t and shockingly I’m okay with that.
Jack slugs down the rest of his Manhattan and sets the empty glass on the counter. “It’s a shame. You would have been the perfect leader for this division.”
I remain seated while he takes out his wallet and places a tip on the bar. “I need time to figure out how to reorganize the team. Keep this between us until further notice.”
With that he leaves.
Fuuuuuuuck.
Deep in thought I finish my drink and loosen my tie—the one I had to tie today for the first time in forever because Gabriella wasn’t there. A task I’ll be stuck doing the rest of my life once she finds out I’ve ruined everything.
I drag my hand over my face, gripping my jaw tightly as if I can squeeze a solution out of it.
Losing our jobs is the least of my worries—there are plenty of employers in Boston. Where I’m royally fucked is with the fallout. Her family is going to pay the price for this and it’s my fault. I told her to trust me. Downplayed her concerns. I know firsthand how easily trust can be broken and what a struggle it can be to rebuild.
If it even can.
I need to fix this but I have no clue how.
What I should do is go to her and explain.
I can’t.
Paralysis has set in and though I tell my hand to pick up my phone, urge my legs to carry me to her place, I’m stuck. Frozen with the fear and certainty that forgiveness isn’t in the cards.
The sobering weight of what’s transpired begs for reprieve. So I lift my glass to get the bartender’s attention.
“Make it a double.”
Sometime later I achieve my goal.
Numbness.
I slam my empty glass on the bar and head out the door only noticing that hours have passed when I step outside to the dimly lit street.
I take out my keys and hit the alarm button since I can’t remember where I parked.
Oh right, I didn’t drive. Jack drove. Good thing because I can hardly walk. Unfortunately, I’m stranded.
“Irish!”
I slowly lift my head in time to see Leo cross the street. Just what I need.
“Headed home,” I slur and stumble a few steps forward. “Catch you tomorrow.”
“Nonsense. I’ve got your paperwork with me. Sign these and have a drink.” Leo takes in my appearance when he’s standing in front of me and wrinkles his nose. “On second thought, let’s get you a pitcher of water and pot of coffee.”
I consider turning him down but that’ll get me nowhere. I need a new place to live and at the moment I have no idea what I’ll say to Gabriella.
Five blocks later we get a table at a diner that serves breakfast all day. Before the waitress walks away Leo orders two waters and a coffee and when both arrive he push
es them all in my direction.
Am I really that messed up?
“Irish, it’s seven o’clock. What the fuck?”
“Where are the papers?”
He jerks his head toward the drinks in front of me. “Drink those, then we’ll do business.”
Grumbling, I chug the first glass of water while Leo orders me, and I quote, the greasiest thing on the menu.
I slump back in the booth and groan.
“What’s your deal? And why’d you get trashed on a Monday afternoon?”
“I made a mess of everything.”
“Jesus, Irish, you’re depressing me. What gives?”
I tell him. Everything.
“Fuck.” He leans back in the seat. “What are you going to do?”
“No clue. Any way you look at it I’m screwed.”
“The way I see it you have three options,” Leo explains ticking off ideas with his fingers. “You can puss out and end your relationship.”
“No,” I answer emphatically.
“You could grow a pair, tell her and hope she forgives you.”
I groan, positive this is the only idea with any merit.
“What’s your third idea?”
“You get your job back and marry her. Elope in Vegas. She’ll be your dependent and if she gets fired for your secret affair, my grandmother will be your dependent by marriage so she won’t have to leave. Sort of like people do when they want their Green Card.”
“You’re serious?”
“Do you love her?”
“Of course,” I blurt out and immediately wonder why it was so easy to admit that to him.
“Then what’s the big deal?”
With my elbows on the table I drop my head, catching it with my hands. “Where should I begin?”
Propose in order to keep her grandmother in Recollections? She’d castrate me. Even if marrying Gabriella is what I want, that’s not how I want our marriage to start.
Conflict of Interest (Employee Relations Book 1) Page 30