“Are you staying here?” Thomas asked. His black sweater hugged his vast muscles and his hair brushed against the neckline.
“I don’t really have much of a choice. Are you?”
“Yeah. My mom wants to stay and be around everyone. I don’t.”
“Sorry, man,” Lance said. “Think I’m gonna go home tonight.”
“What about you Gillian?” Ava asked.
Her eyes sliced to Ava’s as she crossed her arms. Ava could feel her hatred.
Without saying a word, Gillian left.
Ava let out a sigh.
“Just give her time,” Lance said.
“I can’t believe they want us to go back to school,” Ava said, wanting to change the subject. “This is the most ridiculous thing.”
Thomas nodded. “Seriously. What do they expect us to do?”
“I agree, but maybe it’ll help,” Lance said. “Or maybe I’m just hoping something will help.”
Thomas rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m gonna go check on my mom. See y’all later.” He walked away.
“How’s Peter doing?” Lanced asked.
“Not well. I can’t believe I dragged him into this.”
“You didn’t. He knew what he was getting himself into.”
“Did he? I mean, did he really know the full extent of it? Because of me, all of his friends are gone or dead. He blames himself for not protecting everyone. Anytime anyone feels sad or anything, he feels it, and then feels guilty.”
“He just hasn’t had much experience and a lot of things have happened in a short amount of time. Just give him some time. He’ll come around. Besides they would’ve come after him anyway because he’s a Paramortal.”
Time. That was all Ava heard the last few days. It took time to move beyond the grief. Time to build back their powers. Time to get their friends back. She was sick of hearing the word. And its meaning.
“Hopefully,” she said.
After Lance left, Ava retreated upstairs to her favorite spot. The window bench had become a safe haven so to speak for her because of its arched roof. She felt somewhat enclosed. Peering out the window at the garden below, she remembered seeing Kira always watering or tending to it. Ava hadn’t known her that well, but for the brief moments they spoke, Kira was uplifting.
She sighed and clutched her necklace as she sensed Peter’s remorse. She was causing him pain and needed to stop.
A knock on the door startled her. “Come in.”
The door opened and her father walked through. “Hey, sweetie.”
“Hey Dad.”
He closed the door, crossed the room and then sat on the edge of her bed. “You know Savina has offered everyone to stay and our apartment is ready to move into. I wanted to ask what you prefer.”
Ava thought about it for a moment. She didn’t want to stay in the Manor and be around everyone, especially after what she had done to Colden, even though she enjoyed being around Gabriel. “I want to leave.”
“Are you sure? Most everyone is here. It will be safer—.”
“Peter was right, Dad. Being here makes it worse.”
“I understand. Ava, don’t let all of this make you lose yourself. I know you blame yourself for what happened to Colden. You shouldn’t. It was an unfortunate thing, but Savina said it would have happened inevitably.”
She nodded, but didn’t believe it. “I know. I’m just trying to understand everything. And I miss them.” Tears clouded her vision and her father moved beside her.
“Me, too.” He pulled her against him and she cried into his shirt.
CHAPTER TWO
HURT
Ava turned the faucet to hot. Steam rose, fogging the oval mirror in the antique-looking bathroom. She ran her hands under the stream of water. Staring at its flow, she fixated on it. She wanted to manipulate it. Nothing happened. She concentrated harder, trying to lift it or move it, anything.
Again, nothing.
Sighing, she gripped the edge of the counter. She could do this. Focus. Observe the water. Listen to it. She watched it splash into the sink and fall into the drain. Ava moved her hand over it, willing it to listen to her.
Nothing.
Her shoulders slumped and she angrily shut off the water. She dried her hands on the nearby towel and threw it against the mirror.
Ava wanted to sleep and relax but it was impossible. It was late, but there was only one place that could bring her some comfort in the Manor.
She made her way downstairs to the vast library. It was dark since it was so late, but there was a blazing fire in the stone fireplace. Ava crossed the room and sat on the stone hearth. The warmth felt incredible against her. It seemed like she was always cold without her powers. As she stared into the yellow flames, an image of Luci’s spirit flashed in her head. She remembered the words her mom spoke. “This is your destiny. Join them.”
Ava shook her head as if to remove the image. How could Luci sell her out like that? Had she fallen in love with her father but continued to be a spy for the Cimmerians? She didn’t understand how Luci promised Ava’s soul to Havok and yet asked Savina to protect Ava.
“Hey,” Gabriel’s voice came from beside her.
She turned and saw Gabriel sitting on the floor with his back against the step of the hearth. “Can’t sleep?”
“No. How are you holding up?”
Ava shrugged. “Frustrated. Missing my friends. And Colden.” She choked on his name.
“Me, too.”
Her vision clouded from the pooling tears and her necklace warmed. She tilted her head up to dry her eyes. Sighing, she drew her knees up and wrapped her arms around them.
“You don’t have to be embarrassed. It’s okay to cry.”
She shook her head. “It’s not that. I need you to teach me to hide my feelings. I know you said it takes time, but I have to learn.”
A crease appeared between his thick eyebrows. “Why the urgency?”
“I have to be strong for Peter and everyone else.”
“Ava, it’s okay to let your emotions show and for others to feel them.”
“You don’t.”
Gabriel sighed. “I know. It’s easier that way. I’m a private person.”
“Yeah, me too. But every time I think of my friends, Peter feels ashamed. I can’t be the one who makes it worse.”
“You aren’t. Peter eventually needs to learn that it wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t expected to make sure no one died. Especially his first fight.”
“I know, but he blames himself. I did this, Gabriel.”
“You didn’t do it. He chose this.”
“How do I block my feelings?”
“You shouldn’t do this. Especially right now, Ava. You can’t bottle everything inside.”
“Help me, please.”
His crystal blue eyes flickered with something and then he let out a long sigh. “Anytime you feel the thoughts coming on, immediately think of something else. Set your emotions aside. When I first learned it, I had to clear my mind of everything. I couldn’t let any emotion overcome me.”
“That sounds easy.”
He arched an eyebrow. “It’s not.”
“I didn’t think it would be.”
“I’m sure you’ll be able to master it in no time. You’re very strong.”
“I get told that so many times, but I don’t believe it. If I were strong I wouldn’t have succumbed to my own selfishness and sought a necromancer and killed Colden. How could I have done that?”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “You did not kill Colden.”
Ava disagreed but remained quiet. She stared at the fire. She felt his hand on hers and she swallowed the oncoming tears.
“You’ve got to stop blaming yourself for these things. Savina should have told you about your mom. And you did what you had to do in order to get the answers you needed.”
“But it cost too many lives.”
His eyebrows lifted. “Are you blaming yourself for t
he war?”
Ava looked away. How could she not?
“How can you even think that?” he asked, his voice held a hint of anger. “This was going to happen no matter what happened to Colden.”
“If Corbin hadn’t been released, it wouldn’t have happened at all. I released him.”
A muscle in his jaw twitched and he shut his eyes tight. He took a second and then opened them, with a piercing look. “Corbin would have eventually been released whether or not you had a part in it. You need to realize that now before you let yourself get completely screwed up.”
It was hard for her to accept that, but Gabriel was right. She couldn’t dwell on whose responsibility it was. She had to concentrate on getting her powers back and defeating Corbin. Or Havok. Whatever name he went by. She took a deep breath. “I really miss Colden. He helped me through so much. I felt closer to him than Savina and Aaron. I just wish I could talk to him.”
“I know. I miss him, too. He and Aaron are like fathers to me.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Colden was just selfless and kind. Aaron is tough and rational.”
“I see you take after both of them.”
“I don’t know. I can be pretty selfish.”
“I’ve never seen it. How do you think Savina’s doing?”
“Not great. She’s ashamed for leaving us and for not taking Colden’s condition more seriously. I think she thought he still had more years or that they’d kept it at bay permanently.”
“I don’t blame her for leaving. I mean, if it were my dad, I would do anything I could to save him.”
They were quiet for a moment.
“I would do anything to bring Colden back,” she said. “Why him? He was a Droll.”
“He had powers. He just lived like a powerless Enchanter.”
“Still. Of all the people this could have happened to, it was Colden. Havok never liked his son, but he never wanted him dead.”
“He never wanted to kill his children. He wanted them to join. But I don’t get it either. I assume once Colden reaped his soul, Havok decided all bets were off. He’s itching for revenge against Savina and Colden.”
Ava watched him rub his hands together in a repetitive motion. She wondered what he was thinking or feeling, not that he ever showed it. She moved to the floor next to him and caught his eyes. Her heart skipped a beat. She wasn’t sure why it did that sometimes. He had a way of making her feel as though he could see right through her. She didn’t know what it was about him that made him so familiar and comfortable to be around, but when he looked at her with such weight in his eyes, she had to avoid his gaze.
“How are you?” she asked.
“I’m okay. I guess. I miss Maggie and Kira. But I’ve been thinking. They had planned to be taken. I know Maggie’s an Elder in training so to speak, but she’s incredibly powerful and wise. They couldn’t have just taken her.”
“So do you think they’re planning something from the inside?”
“I don’t know. It could be wishful thinking.”
“Maybe you’re on to something. I don’t know what they could do though being surrounded by countless Cimmerians.”
“Me either.”
“Do you think they’re all okay?” she asked, hearing the hopefulness in her voice.
“They’re alive.”
It wasn’t much of a concrete answer, but it was all they had. She hoped they weren’t being tortured, but knew it was a big possibility. She wondered if there was still a part of Colden inside his body that could somehow fight Havok. But she knew there wasn’t. “He told me he was proud of me. I’m not sure why.”
“You have a lot to be proud of. Yes, you made mistakes, but we all have. You know this. You’ve accomplished so much and you have such a big heart.”
It sounded like something Colden would have said. But she somehow appreciated it more coming from Gabriel.
“Thank you. You’ve been such an amazing friend. More than I deserve. I can’t thank you enough.”
He took her hand and squeezed it. Her pulse quickened. “You never have to thank me, Ava. I’d like to think we’ve become good friends.”
“We have. I hate that I’ve caused a rift between you and Natalia.”
He rolled his eyes and smirked. “I can be friends with whomever I want. She and I have been friends for ages. She may not like you, but she’ll get over it. And she would never stop being my friend because we’re friends. She’s not like that.”
“Why have you stood beside me all this time?”
“Because even though you do dumb things, you care deeply and you’re loyal. Believe it or not, you’re a great friend and you’re fun to be around.”
“Lately, I haven’t been fun.”
“You’ve been fine.”
She nodded. “Thanks for being there and listening to me.”
“Same to you.”
“I should head up and try to get some sleep.”
He nodded, removing his hand. “Will you be around tomorrow?”
“Oh. Dad and I are moving into our apartment.”
She could have sworn she saw a little sadness flicker in his eyes. “You’ll still be around here sometimes, right?”
Ava bit her lip. “I don’t want to be here until my abilities come back.”
“At all?”
“I just can’t.”
He nodded, but the way he stared at the ground made her think he was disappointed in her. She didn’t want to hurt him so she decided to stay up the rest of the night with him. She wasn’t sure when she’d see him again.
“I’ll stay up with you. And you’re welcome to visit me.” She hoped she didn’t sound desperate.
His lips curled into a small smile. “Of course. If you don’t feel like coming back, I’ll train with you elsewhere or we could just hang out.”
“I’d like that.”
CHAPTER THREE
STARTING OVER
Mr. Hannigan set his suitcase down beside the door of his and Ava’s new apartment. The complex was large with swimming pools, tennis courts, and a park for little kids. The landscape was meticulous with flowers, but they didn’t compare to the garden at the Manor or the rose bushes in front of Ava’s old house.
He slid the key inside the lock and turned it. “Ready?”
Ava nodded and shifted her weight as she adjusted her bag on her shoulder. The breezeway was dark and cold causing her to shiver. She couldn’t wait to get inside. Her eyelids were heavy since she and Gabriel stayed up all night. “Yeah.”
“Are you sure?”
She tilted her head and stared at him. “Yes.”
“I’m not hearing the enthusiasm.”
She smiled at his goofiness. “Dad, come on.”
“That’s better. Sort of.” He opened the door and flipped the light switch. The open kitchen connected to the dining room, which had the same gray hexagonal tile flooring. They entered the apartment in the living room. There was a white fireplace with a place to hook up a flat screen TV above it. A half bath was to the left of the living room and the two bedrooms were in the back, each with their own bathroom. It was nice, Ava admitted, but it was so compact.
They had no furniture yet, but her father promised he would get some before the weekend ended.
Ava crossed the living room to her new bedroom. She flicked on the light and her heart dropped. The room was small and plain. She knew she shouldn’t complain since it was a roof over her head, but it made her miss her old room from the house.
But since learning that her mother was a Cimmerian who had betrayed her and her father, Ava wanted nothing to do with the house or her mom. It was time to move on. And the apartment was a great start.
After getting somewhat settled, Peter came over and they cooked dinner together, something they hadn’t done in what felt like ages. While they ate, they watched TV.
“Can I talk to you?” Peter asked her dad.
Her father looked at Peter quizzically. “S
ure.”
“It’s my dad. I’m running out of excuses and I’m not sure what I should tell him when we leave for Caprington. Did you ever tell your parents what you were?” Ava sensed his worry and nervousness. “I’m just scared he’ll abandon me.”
Her dad took a deep breath. “It was easier for me to hide it longer, I guess, since I was in college, so there were times when I didn’t talk to my parents. It was still hard though. I had the same fears as you.”
“How’d you tell them?”
“I just sat them down and explained everything. I was patient when they asked questions. At first, my mom was scared but she accepted my choice. Dad took it a lot better than I ever imagined he would.”
“What if my dad disowns me? I mean, how do I tell him I’m an Enchanter and oh yeah, I’m about to leave and may not return?”
Ava turned to him. “Don’t say that.”
“I have to look at every possibility.”
“Your father loves you very much, Peter,” her dad said. “I know these subjects tend to scare people, but I can’t see him abandoning you.”
Peter exhaled. “I’ve just gotta tell him the truth. I don’t want to scare him because what if I never make it back?”
“You can’t think like that. I’m sure he already has worries of something happening to you. That’s just what parents do. I can help talk to him if you’d like.”
He nodded. “Thanks.”
“Anytime.”
After dinner, Ava and Peter went to her room and sat against the wall on the floor. Ava drew her knees to her chest while his hand rested on her knee.
“Why didn’t you tell me about all this?” she asked.
“I didn’t want you to worry. You have too much to think about already.”
“Even so, you know you can talk to me, right?”
“Of course.”
“I know what it’s like to be afraid of telling someone you’re an Enchanter.”
He met her eyes. “You are a very brave woman, Ava. With everything you’ve been through, you’ve remained tough. I admire that.”
“You shouldn’t. I’ve done so many bad things. But you’re brave, too. It can’t be easy becoming an Enchanter, losing all of your friends, and going to war.” She placed a hand on his face. “Just keep being strong for your father. He will love you no matter what.”
Under the Winter Sun (Elemental Enchanters Series Book 3) Page 3