I predicted a future with Joseph meant only heartache and struggle anyway. Could he ever see me as anyone more than a college girl? As someone who was lesser than him?
He also had so much business going on. Deals, sales—he led Placarm Rhodes, for Christ’s sake. The largest banking firm in all of the world. Everyone in high finance had their name on his lips—because if they didn’t, they would need to know soon how to work with him.
Where could I possibly fit into his life? How?
The details weren’t clear to me.
To someone like Lindsay, who apparently knew everything, it was all very clear.
I guess because of her weeping, the world got washed out and cleaned.
“I have tons of shit on my back,” Lindsay said. “Tons of it all on me. My boss never lets up—Antonio? He’s not Joseph. Alpha Suites isn’t Placarm Rhodes.”
She balled up more tissue paper in her hands, sitting down on the toilet. “You can pretend to understand what it’s like to slave at a job with no respect. But you’ll never really.”
“I’m not sleeping with him.”
My heart thumped whenever I said the words. How could I help her? My mind churned solutions out, but none of them stuck until I intently reasoned.
“I have an interesting proposition for you,” I said. “Since we both do the same work.”
“Damn, you’re really a fucking uptight bitch, eh?”
I rolled my eyes. “Lindsay, this is serious. What you’ve told me. I can help you out.”
Lindsay crossed her arms, the toilet paper in her hand streaming like a banner of defeat. “What you mean? How can you help me? What’s in it for you?”
“Nothing.”
We stared at each other.
Lindsay began laughing, laughing and laughing and laughing.
“Nothing?”
“The goodness of my heart wills it for you,” I said.
“Okay,” Lindsay said. “Okay. What do you want for me?”
“I’ve developed a series of programs that automate my job,” I said. “You’re a junior associate, I am too. Our business is investment banking, which means everyone’s favorite: Excel spreadsheets. They’re endless. And I hate having to go through them all every night. It sucks. I get that. But…” I rummaged to my purse now, again wanting to give my hands something to do. “But, if you use my programs, you’ll never have to work again. Literally. They’ll do everything for you. Just click some buttons and… Well, I’ll teach you.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” I said, handing her my flash drive. “You can do whatever you want with these. I have them in Ruby, Python, and some of the other ones.” I clenched my eyes shut, trying to remember which code I had authored them in.
“Thanks,” she said, taking my flash drive.
“It’s not C++ or Java, but there are others on there,” I said.
“Yeah,” she said, holding a hand up. “Girl, I can figure it out. I’m not stupid.”
Shrugging, I closed my purse.
Helping people always made me feel good, but with Lindsay, I didn’t get the same resonance in my heart.
I felt like I’d strapped myself to an electric chair; it would only be a matter of days for the voltage to amp up.
“Just give me the flash drive back when you’re done,” I said. I had spares, extras, but I usually stocked them all in my room so I knew where they were.
“All right then,” she said. “Thanks, girl. I mean that. Really. I’m sorry for being such a loser cunt.”
She sniffled, and I came to her side, wrapping my arms around her.
“You’re not a loser for literally losing your mother,” I said. Thinking back to my childhood, I summoned my parents, their summer voices at my beck and call. They always helped me out when I needed it, in the end, so empathizing with Lindsay hurt me too. What she could never manifest again was her mother’s voice, her mother’s touch, her mother’s way of life.
Her love.
“I’m sorry for you,” I said, “I can’t even imagine.”
She held me back, rocking me forward, standing slowly. “Yeah, well, that’s true of a lot of things.”
We returned to class, having missed the quiz. Fine by our standards—we were ace queens, dominating the academic landscape. Which was why we often paired ourselves up together—even if our personalities grated and never really jived, we knew how to make top marks.
Our professors ranked us in certain areas, and no surprise, both her and my own ID number appeared at the very pinnacle of every chart.
Keeping her happy wasn’t only for her survival… It was for my own good too.
***
Later in the night, when we were getting ready for bed, Lindsay played with her phone, staying up until the moon was out.
I couldn’t sleep, the heat being too much for me. Ready for winter again, I leaned over my bed, flicking on my fan.
“Hey,” she whispered. “About these programs… I looked some of them over… They’re really brilliant. Must’ve taken a while.”
“Yeah,” I said, “generating clean code is never easy. It must’ve been, I don’t know, two or three months?”
“And you said I can do anything with them for work, right?”
“Yeah,” I said, sleepily. Yawning and fluffing my pillow, I adjusted my fan for maximum airflow. “You can do whatever the hell you want with them, Lindsay.”
“Anything?”
“Anything,” I said, my eyes shutting.
The fan blew on my skin in gentle strokes.
I dreamed of Joseph.
Chapter 13
The next day, Lindsay rushed from the apartment in a whirl. I only had my club to think about because my schedule was open.
Zena and Ricarda had been radio silent for most of the week. My girls never said a peep either. If Angela knew whatever they were cooking up for me, she didn’t let on any information.
I put applied my makeup, grabbed myself a hair bun, and pulled on a lace crop top with jeans.
Going out, I walked to the subway station, riding over and meeting up with Angela.
“Hey,” she said, when I found her in front of the clubhouse. Her forehead wrinkled, and her arms kept to her sides, like they were pinned.
She glanced around, as if at any moment, someone would pounce.
Her voice trembled, jittered.
“What’s wrong?” I said. “You look like… There’s a problem going on?”
“Dude,” Angela said, “I heard that they’re planning something against you and… I wanted you to know.”
“Heads up taken,” I said. “Well, let’s go inside.”
“They wouldn’t tell me what it was,” Angela said. “I heard it from one of the other girls, but no one would speak.”
“Can’t be that bad,” I said. “Zena and Ricarda are only mean girls, not supernatural beings.”
When we stepped inside the club room, it was total paranoia. Every girl at the table whispered amongst themselves, suddenly stopping at our entry. I reached my usual spot, sitting down, but none of the others would even acknowledge me.
Something had gone very, very wrong, and all of them were culprits.
They’d sabotaged me with the meet-and-greet frat party. They made fun of me.
Now, they ushered in a new scheme.
Zena came in first. Her hair plaited in braids. Then Ricarda behind her, doggedly, not out of the ordinary.
They sat down opposite of me, and Angela, their legs crossed immediately, pens out, phones to their sides.
“Well,” Zena said, “we have some news for you, Ophelia.”
“You’re not the president anymore,” Ricarda added.
I contorted my face. “What do you mean?” I said.
“Exactly what we just said,” Zena said. “Do we have to repeat ourselves?”
“This is nonsense,” I said. “Pure, unadulterated nonsense.”
“I agree,” Angela said. “Why should Ophelia
have to go anywhere? No one told me about this. Did these two tell any of you guys?” She glanced at the other girls. None of them spoke.
“We dislike your leadership,” Zena said, “and we think that this club would be better spearheaded under our direction.”
“Really?” I said. “Was it you that got the Red Cross involved? When we did the Halloween bash? Or how about when the Navy came to Columbia, did you arrange the service praise days for them?”
“We helped,” Zena said. “Besides, you already have this for your resume. It’s time to give it up to someone else.”
“Being blunt, are we?” I said. “Wow. I’m not even sure if I want to be president knowing shits like you are walking around.”
“Then don’t,” Ricarda said. “We’re much better off without you.”
“Give me a concrete reason,” I said. “Three concrete reasons.”
“You’re never here,” Zena said. She took out her phone, waving at the other girls to crowd around her. They all came in for me like vultures. “Your attendance rate is awful. Plus, in combination with your absences, we’ve noticed that you devote more time to your internship with Placarm Rhodes did you do with us. Yes, you developed the bash, yes, you were here for the Red Cross, but you weren’t the one who incorperated us as a nonprofit or handled our taxes. You don’t do any administrative work. When we call you, you don’t answer.” Which was true, because usually they had some whine to drip on me. “Finally, if we ever suggest an event, we have to organize it on your behalf. We aren’t your personal staff here—you’re supposed to help as president. And you’re not. You’re just not.”
I packed my purse up, stood, and slammed the chair against the wall, rolling it across the ground with a push.
“Whatever,” I said, pointing at the two of them. They had freshly done acrylic nails, a cheap look. I could’ve dragged them, but I wasn’t interested anymore fighting.
“You’re welcome to stay,” Zena said to Angela.
Luckily, Angela stormed out of the room along my side, her heels right behind me.
“I’m not even,” I said. “If those bitches want to do the club themselves, then they can.”
Though it was a major blow to my self-esteem. How could those girls think I loved my job more than I did helping other people? I made Manhattan’s Concern my passion. Maybe I wasn’t showing it clearly enough?
“Is what they say true about me?” I said, my feet no longer heavy on the pavement. I had calmed down the farther away we walked from campus. “I don’t think what they’re saying is right.”
“Well,” Angela said, meekly, “I’m not exactly sure if I would agree with them, but, you can be a little… AWOL.”
“You know how busy it is with me and work,” I said. “I’m always on top of what’s happening though.”
I didn’t know where we were headed anymore. I sat down on a bench, casting off my purse, kicking a rock.
“Don’t take it too hard—”
I glared at Angela. “You’re not agreeing with them, are you?”
“It’s not about us versus them,” she said, “it’s about just… Moving on. Let’s just move on.”
“Am I really that bad?” I said.
“No,” Angela said, holding me. She nestled her face against my neck, cuddling tight. “Look, girl, you’re just in a… Negative situation right now. But it’ll pass.”
“I can chalk that off my resume,” I said. Making a fist, I pounded my legs. “Which I shouldn’t have to, considering I made huge contributions to the entire organization. And now to give it up?”
“How about a walk?” Angela said, pulling me up. I grabbed for my purse, snatching it by the strap. Slinging it over my shoulder, I nearly hit a man in the face with the upswing. The man scowled at me.
“Sorry,” I mumbled, continuing along with Angela.
***
At Central Park, we decided to stop and stay put. There were plenty of flowers growing at the time—spring turning into summer—and plenty of birds popped loose from the trees.
“I’ll get over it,” I said. “Eventually, in time.”
Angela stroked my back, easing her fingers down my spine. We must’ve looked like lesbians, because there were children pointing at us, asking why we were so close.
I laughed, knocking Angela off me. “Zena and Ricarda can fuck themselves then.”
“If they had been planning it for so long, it’s probably better that they kick you out so early. Imagine all the drama that would go down if you stuck around.”
“You’re not really trying to side with them, are you?”
“No,” Angela said, “I’m not. I’m just saying there would be a lot of hoopla afterwards if you stayed in the long term.”
“Did they promise you a spot on their committee?”
“No,” Angela said. “I’m just trying to make you feel better.”
“You should’ve… Should’ve helped me out better. I’m always away—couldn’t you have known?”
“I’m sorry,” Angela said. “I might have a little.”
“What do you mean?”
“Okay,” Angela said, “they were talking to me about having me as the next person in line to be… President.”
Oh my God, I thought.
“Really? How could you?”
How could Zena and Ricarda and now Angela live the way they did? Didn’t they feel any guilt whatsoever?
Looking back, they were incredibly malicious, and it was because I was away so much that I never saw them for who they were.
In that sense, they were right.
My phone began to ring. I picked it up lazily from out of my purse.
“What’s up?” I said, not looking at the caller ID.
“Hey,” Joseph said.
I glanced at Angela, my eyes swirling left and right crazily.
“It’s him,” I said.
“Oh,” Angela said, smiling warily.
“I wasn’t expecting your call,” I said.
“Yeah?” Joseph said. “I wasn’t really expecting you to pick up. You’re supposed to be a busy woman. Aren’t you?”
Changing my gaze to a floating cloud above, I sighed.
“Yeah, well, I have lots to tell you about that,” I said. “It’s… It’s whatever. What you need?”
“I was just checking up on you,” he said. “Wanting to see how you were doing today?”
Glancing at Angela, the anger overwhelmed me. I hadn’t even known I had so much, it must’ve been boiling underneath all of my intentions, but there it came out, like or bile.
“Do you mind if I come over?” I said.
The words surprised even me. And Angela. She crawled over to my side, saying, “I’m sorry, really.”
“You knew about it,” I said, hissing over the speakerphone. “Do you think I could?”
“Yes,” Joseph said, “why not?”
“I’ll be right over,” I said. Packing up my things, I stood and began to walk. Angela strode next to me, keeping up in time with my striding rhythm.
“I’m really sorry,” she said, begging me more. I turned my head away, frustrated with how my best friend—seemingly, my best friend—had betrayed me. No longer were we on the same page—it was like we were on opposite sides of a book, a beginning, no middle, and then the last portions, the conclusions of a bitter end.
“You can’t really blame me for not predicting that they would kick you out,” Angela said. “It’s not my fault.”
“You can frame it like that if you want,” I said. “My career is on the line. I’ve spent so much of my life—and you too—working towards getting into Columbia. And now it’s being sabotaged. My entire resume is going to look totally different now that I don’t have the credentials of presidency.”
“You’re being ridiculous,” Angela said. “You can’t really believe that just this one thing is going to change everything about how employers look at you.”
“I do believe it,” I said. “I be
lieve it because it’s happened to me before.”
“You’re talking nonsense,” Angela said. “Whatever, man, if you want to be like this, then go ahead. Go ahead.”
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