"I'll find out eventually anyway."
He shook his head and rubbed his eyes. "He has six puncture wounds in his back, and his throat was slit."
I grasped my stomach, but I couldn't hold it in. Collapsing to my knees, I heaved over the edge of the cliff. I didn't stop, even after my stomach emptied and my whole body trembled from the exertion.
Paul knelt beside me, stroking my back. "I shouldn't save said anything. I'm so sorry."
Forcing control over my body, I looked into his eyes as my tears fell. "No. I need to know. Find the bastard who did that to him. Forrest didn't deserve that. He's supposed to… he should still…" I covered my mouth as I sobbed.
"Yes, Bray, he is supposed to still be here with you and to help you raise Jackson." He pulled me into his arms as I cried all my pain onto his chest.
Chapter Eleven
Flowers covered the porch. I couldn't be bothered to bring them inside. The rain kept them watered, so they stayed fresher out there. I stood by the front window staring at them, wondering why people gave flowers when someone died. Did they really think killing some plant would help make those in grieving feel better? It seemed everyone was bent on murder, even just a plant.
The rain only made me angrier. Forrest liked the rain. He should have been there with me to see the spring rains.
Jackson let out a cry. I turned, looking back into the house as he grunted and fussed, letting me know he was awake and wanted to be fed. How could someone take Forrest away from him? My tears burned in my eyes. No, I wouldn't think like that.
I took a deep breath and hurried up the stairs to Jackson. He reached for me as I opened the door, and I snuggled him on my lap to nurse.
Megan asked me why I kept nursing him when he was nine months old. I told her I refused to stop until after his first birthday. By the sad look in her eyes, she thought the nursing was a vain attempt to hold onto something I should be letting go of, which made me resent her. I hadn't seen her in almost two weeks.
Nova tapped on the door and poked in her head.
"What is it?" I asked.
She showed me her math textbook.
"Not right now."
She huffed and scowled.
"Nova! I'm busy, you can see that!"
She flinched and pulled back, closing the door.
I sighed. I'd grown snippy with her… with everyone. I didn't mean to. I just felt so… angry, all the time.
The sheriff still hadn't found any suspects. The forensics had been in and out of town for weeks. But still nothing. I wanted to scream.
Jackson finished nursing and squirmed out of my arms. He used the furniture and wall to shuffle out the door before he fell to his knees to crawl. I chuckled, and followed him out to help him down the stairs. As I carried him down on my hip, he touched my face. I looked at him and gasped. All I could see was Forrest. Those same dark brown eyes, the same loving expression.
I reached the bottom stair and set him down, breaking into tears. Why couldn't Forrest be with us?
Nova rushed down and threw her arms around me. But she made me angry again. I shoved her off. "Why won't you speak?"
She stared at me wide eyed and slowly shook her head.
"You could end all of this!" I yelled. "You know what happened, I know you do! Do you enjoy torturing me? You've made it very clear in the past that you hate me."
She gasped and leapt away from me. She kept shaking her head as she burst into tears and ran out the door.
I leapt to my feet and ran out the door yelling, "That's right, Nova, keep running like you always do."
I sank onto the top step and held my face. I'd regret yelling at her, but right then, I couldn't help blaming her.
Jackson crawled up beside me. I caught him just before he tumbled down the stairs, and held him. My baby, the last thing I had left of Forrest.
I took him back inside. I needed to do something other than pace the empty house. Then, I saw the half-finished pantry. The sheriff hadn't been by in days, and he'd left a hole in the wall, letting a draft in under the door. I clenched my teeth and growled. Hurrying upstairs, I dressed Jackson, then pulled on my coat.
I drove up Main Street and, seeing the truck gone from the Sheriff Station, I drove up and down the streets. Unable to find him, I returned to the Sheriff Station to find it unattended. I growled and rushed next door.
Sarah leapt to her feet when I entered. "Bray, Megan's looking for you. She has Nova—"
"I don't care," I snarled. "Where's the sheriff?"
"He's up at the school…"
I marched back out the door.
"Braydon!"
I ignored her.
But she followed me out to the car, and caught me as I tried to buckle in Jackson. "Bray, you know, I get that you're angry and hurting right now, but we're all trying to help you."
I spun on her. "Then give me Forrest back."
She took a sharp breath as tears filled her eyes. "I'm sorry, Bray."
"If the sheriff comes back, tell him I'm looking for him." I finished buckling in Jackson.
"Why?"
I slammed his door shut. "Why? Because he's not doing his job! It's not like there's a crime wave around here and he has a million other things to focus on."
"Braydon." She scowled. "He's spending every moment helping the forensics and investigators. You know that."
I scoffed. "Don't defend him to me. I know he rejected you."
Her eyes widened as her hand hung over her chin. "Braydon! I know you're grieving so I'm going to forgive you for being so mean. Just don't rip his head off, okay? He liked Forrest and is grieving, too."
I ignored her, climbed into my car, and drove away.
At the school, the sheriff's truck sat parked right in front of the large double door entryway. The three story building stretched out either side, its stone surface cold and foreboding. I looked up and felt odd when I found no gargoyles staring down at me.
Pushing through the heavy door with Jackson on my hip, one of the middle aged women I'd seen around town met me. She caught my arm and smiled gently. "Mrs. Miller, would you like a cup of tea? Coffee?"
"No. Where's the sheriff?" I pulled away and scanned the corridor heading into the building.
"He's busy right now."
"Well make him unbusy," I snarled.
"Mrs. Miller…"
I rushed down the corridor.
"Mrs. Miller, please…"
The silver haired principal stepped out of an office in front of me. "Mrs. Miller, come in here with me."
"No, I—" But he gave my arm a sharp tug.
"You can't just wander around the school, for your safety and the children."
"I need the sheriff!" I tugged myself free of him.
A door opened and the sheriff rushed out. "Braydon!" He caught me by the shoulders. "Sarah called and told me you were coming. Please, sit with Al here for just a few minutes."
"No." I pulled away from him. "You're not going to blow me off. I need to—"
He covered my mouth. "Enough. You're all riled up. You need to take a few minutes to calm down while I finish what I'm doing here, okay?"
My gaze met his and he stared me down. I relented, and stepped back. "Fine."
The principal guided me into his office and sat me down. A few moments later, the administration lady handed me a cup of water. With trembling hands, I slowly sipped it while Jackson investigated the office. "What's he doing?"
The principal sat in his chair opposite me. "Technically I shouldn't tell you, but like everyone else in town, I've been worried about you and your little family. So, if you don't tell anyone I told you…" He glanced at the closed door before leaning forward. "One of the girls is the cousin of your ex fiancé."
I took a sharp breath and met his gaze. "What?"
"They're questioning her right now to see if he came up to visit at any point. It seems they've already questioned him and he denied coming up here and so forth, so they're cross quest
ioning her, just in case."
Guilt swept over me as my head fell into my hands. I couldn't believe I'd been angry with the sheriff for doing nothing. Of course I wouldn't have noticed questioning of someone so far away, and of course the investigators would want to keep it quiet. But the sheriff listened to me and followed the one lead I gave him.
"Mrs. Miller," the principal said, interrupting my wallowing. "Have you thought about getting some grief counseling?"
I scoffed. "I don't need counseling. I need to put all this to rest and move on, or better yet, get my husband back."
He sighed, shaking his head. "Everyone is doing everything they can."
A tear ran down my cheek.
A few minutes later, the door opened and the sheriff squatted beside me. "Bray, let's go."
I swiveled to face him, trying to focus on something other than the investigation and my grief. "You need to fix the pantry."
He nodded. "I know. I've been a bit caught up the past few days."
"There's a cold draft coming through the house and I'm afraid it will make Jackson sick."
"I'll get Clint to cover for me and I'll come right over."
I rubbed at my eyes as the tears returned. "I don't want Jackson getting sick."
He pulled my hands away from my face. "Then let's get it fixed."
He helped me stand and guided me to our vehicles.
As I stepped out the front, a lineup of buses sat parked along the road. Several teachers rushed about loading sports gear onto them. Basketball, baseball, tennis, but also less common sports like fencing, archery, and ice skating.
The sheriff came up beside me. "Do you need some help? I can buckle Jackson in if you want."
"What are they doing?"
He looked over. "Oh, the kids have to travel a ways to compete. So they pack everything and play against several schools while they're out. They'll be gone for about a week, which will be great for us as the school will be half empty."
"Mmm. It's a town weekend this week, isn't it?"
He grinned. "Yup. It will be nice and quiet."
I nodded.
He opened the door for me to place Jackson in the car.
Back at the house, the sheriff went straight to the kitchen, while I went upstairs to nurse Jackson and change his diaper. When I came back down, the sheriff pounded away at the wall. I went into the kitchen to ask him if he wanted something to eat or drink, but froze at the sight of him.
He'd removed his shirt to work, probably so he didn't ruin his uniform, but his bare back made my jaw drop. His shoulders were broader and far more muscular than Forrest's, and as he hammered away, they flexed and twitched, forcing months of my suppressed sexual frustration to the surface.
I rushed out and sank onto the couch in the living room. But all I could think of was ripping off the rest of his clothes.
"What's wrong with you?" I muttered to myself.
My senses piqued as I listened to him work. I gnawed on my tongue wondering what had overcome me. There'd never been anyone else from the moment I met Forrest, and now, all of a sudden, I found myself being unfaithful. I needed to get out and away from him.
"Sheriff, I'm going to pick up Nova."
He paused his hammering. "All right. Where is she?"
"With Megan."
"Okay, I'll see ya soon."
"Bye." I plucked up Jackson and rushed out the door.
The Clark’s house looked very similar to mine, with a mirroring floor plan. They even had an oak out the front too.
Megan answered the door and smiled. "Bray. I thought you weren't talking to me."
I grabbed her arm and pushed her backward. "Where's Nova?"
"She's playing with Donny on the back porch—"
I tugged her into the living room and pulled her onto the couch beside me. "The sheriff is half naked in my house."
Her eyes widened. "What?"
"He took off his shirt to work."
She relaxed. "Oh."
"It's not an oh matter. I just… It's…" I growled.
Her eyes widened. "Oh."
"Would you stop saying oh."
She sucked on her lip as a grin curled in the corners of her mouth. "You're attracted to him."
"No I'm not! I'm just…" I waved my hands in the air, grunting.
She giggled. "It's been a while."
I glared at her. "Stop it."
She bit her lip to stop giggling.
I looked into her eyes, sighing. "I'm so freaking horny."
She burst out laughing.
"Stop it." I giggled. "It's not funny. From the moment I met Forrest, there was never anyone else." My head fell into my hands. "I'm a bad wife."
"Oh, Bray." She rested her hand on my shoulder. "You're not a bad wife. You love Forrest so much, and although I know it's painful and I hate to say it, but he's been gone for more than six months."
I winced.
"I'm not saying you should be moving on or anything like that. That's up to you to do when you're ready, but six months after more than three years of marriage. I can understand you having… urges."
Covering my face with my hands, I let out a load moan. "I think maybe I should ask someone else to help out for a while."
She chuckled. "Oh, Bray. He enjoys helping you. I think he wishes he could do more since the investigation is going so slowly. Clint has said he feels like he owes it to you to help out."
I grunted. "Fine."
Nova appeared at the door with Donny in her arms, cutting our conversation short. She stared at me with apprehension.
I deserved that. I'd been cruel to her, and like I'd known I would, I felt guilty. "Nova, I'm sorry for saying those things. I know you're hurting, too, so I shouldn't—"
She rushed at me and threw her arms around my neck.
Her tears fell on my neck, so I held her tighter. "Let's go home."
We pulled up in our driveway and she grabbed my arm, pointing at the sheriff's truck.
"Yes," I said. "He's finishing the pantry."
She snorted and hurried to get Jackson out of the car. Inside, Nova rushed straight upstairs to put down Jackson for naptime.
"Thank you," I called to her.
She waved at me without looking back.
"I thought I heard the car pull up." The sheriff stepped around with his shirt on, but completely unbuttoned.
My gaze fell to his chest. I swallowed hard as my desire to jump him reignited. "Maybe you should do up your shirt."
He gave me a crooked smile. "Why?"
I gestured up the stairs. "Because there's a teenage girl in the house." My gaze fell on his chest again, and I forced my eyes up to meet his.
By the smirk he gave me, I knew he'd noticed. My pulse quickened. "I'm going to lie down for a while since Jackson is going to be taking a nap."
"I'm almost finished if you want to come have a look." He stepped closer to me.
He was enjoying making me uncomfortable, and his grin widened when my gaze flashed to his chest again. My cheeks burned as I turned away. "Do you know who I could borrow a truck from on Saturday? It would need to be an extended cab so I can fit Jackson in the back."
"I could take you. I'll just switch shifts with Clint."
"No I don't want to inconvenience anyone. Maybe one of the farmers…"
He stepped closer, so close I could feel his body heat radiating off him. I lifted my hand to push him away, but paused when I almost touched his bare chest.
"What do you need a truck for?"
My gaze shot back to his face. I wanted to rub his dark stubble as his bright blue eyes gazed steadily down at me. "I want to buy new countertops and some gates for the stairs."
"Well, you'll need help with those, so I'll come with you."
His masculine scent filled my nostrils, driving me wild. I couldn't be there any longer, so I hurried for the stairs. "Fine. Just wear a shirt."
He chuckled as I walked up the stairs. I glanced down to see him watching me dis
appear.
Shutting the door behind me, I froze in my room to catch my breath and compose myself. What was wrong with me? He wasn't even my type. It must be a rebound thing. I missed Forrest so much that a single, attractive man in my house drove me crazy.
I moved toward my bed to lie down, but froze again. With my thoughts lusting after the sheriff I couldn't climb into Forrest's bed. I stared at Forrest's side, my heart aching for him, but I couldn't get the image of the sheriff's chest out of my mind. When I tried to force it aside, all I managed was to see his smile and his incredible blue eyes instead.
I fell to my knees and pulled the blankets and sheets off the bed. I couldn't keep living like that, torturing myself over my grief for Forrest.
There were things I needed to change so I could live my life, and one was to get rid of his bed. I still woke up missing him at my side. I still pretended his pillows were him, even though his scent had long worn off.
But, he was dead. I was still alive and needed to keep living, and accept the reality that my living meant without him.
Chapter Twelve
Nova stared out the window, her arms folded as she pouted. Not even Jackson throwing toys at her to get her attention, made her flinch.
"Nova, you could at least give him his toys back," I said, as Jackson started to cry.
She grunted and tossed his toys onto his lap.
"So, Nova, how's school going?" Paul asked.
She shot him a filthy look before turning to stare back out the window.
"Still sore over being shot three years ago?"
She snorted.
"You know, you were going to shoot me."
She grunted.
"And I'm sorry your mom just abandoned you."
She didn't respond.
I glanced back at her chewing her lip. "Nova, did you want anything while we're out here? New music, or I was thinking; a laptop perhaps? To help with your school work?"
Her gaze shot to me as her eyes widened. But then she shook her head and turned away.
"Why not?"
Without looking, she lifted her hand and rubbed her fingertips together.
"Don't be worried about the cost. I can cover it."
She shrugged and pressed her head against the window.
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