His grip tightened. "I'll deal with Sarah. She's getting—"
"She's my friend, Paul, as crazy as she is when it comes to you. She's helped me through the toughest of times. She stayed with me for weeks after Forrest disappeared. I can't be with you when it will hurt her."
I looked back up at the picture. "And I still miss Forrest so much. I'm not ready to…" My head dropped. "It's too complicated right now."
He brushed my hair back. "Okay."
His hand cradled my cheek and he kissed my head. "I said I wouldn't expect anything from you, and I'll keep my word. I'll give you the space you need to deal with these things, and won't push you for more. I just love you so much, Bray, I don't want to see you hurt."
He kissed my head again and I couldn't help clinging to his arm. Tears fell as I wished I could be with him, to let him hold me without hurting someone else.
He let go of me, and without another word, slipped silently out the door.
I pressed my head against the wall and cried.
A few minutes later, Megan's arms wrapped around me and pulled my head against her shoulder. "Oh Bray, sweetheart."
She stroked my hair as my tears freely fell.
*
Weeks passed, and day after day I sat in the courthouse as the proceedings stopped and started, hit walls, witnesses were thrown out, evidence argued over. Some days I couldn't stay, like the days the pictures of Forrest's body were flashed around. Those days I hurried out and threw up until my body quivered from the exertion and I collapsed on the bathroom floor in tears.
Thankfully, Nova never seemed to blame me for leaving. She always watched me leave, pain filling her eyes, and she curled up in bed with me during the nights. Her actions, despite the evidence, told me she didn't hurt Forrest, and my faith in her rekindled.
The year mark for Forrest's death came, and I found myself deep in a pit of sorrow. I didn't bother getting out of bed, even when Paul came to collect Nova and take her to Bearville.
Jackson cried for about twenty minutes before I forced myself to get out and see to him. His diaper was so full it had leaked out, so I needed to change his sheets, but I didn't bother. I just changed him, went downstairs and fed him, before collapsing on the couch, staring out the front window.
"Come back, Forrest," I whispered. "You're not really dead. This year has just been a long, horrible nightmare."
I stared and stared. At some point, sleet came down, and I thought I saw him walking along the street. I rushed out, calling for him, ignoring the bitter cold concrete on my bare feet. I collapsed in the middle of the road, sobbing and wailing his name.
The neighbors must have called Megan, because suddenly she threw a blanket around my shoulders. "Bray, what are you doing out here?"
"I saw Forrest," I sobbed. "He's not dead. He was walking up the street. I saw him. Why didn't he come back?"
"Oh, Braydon." With a sharp tug, she forced me to my feet and rushed me inside. She sat me on the couch and rushed into the kitchen. "Where's Jackson?"
I didn't answer.
She rushed back, her voice rising in panic. "Braydon, where's Jackson?"
I glanced around, feeling numb. "I don't know."
"Bray!"
She dashed around the house, before she let out a loud sigh. "There you are!"
She hurried back into the living room and set him down. "Bray, you need to snap out of it. What would have happened if he'd gone outside after you? Thankfully he's a little boy who's preoccupied with his stomach so he went in the pantry, but you can't lose it like this."
I stared down at him, covered in what looked like a combination of chocolate and syrup.
She grumbled and returned to the kitchen. "This is so unlike you. When it comes to Jackson, you keep your head screwed on, despite everything else."
The water started running, and soon she returned with a tub of water and a jug of steaming water. She set the tub in front of me and lifted my feet into it. I winced. "What did you put in that?"
She raised her eyebrow. "Your feet are blue, Bray. I'm going to warm them up before they get frost bite."
"Frostbite?" I looked out the window and saw the sleet had turned to snow.
"You really switched off, didn't you?" She shook her head with a frown. "Bray, you're scaring me. This isn't you. What's going on?"
"It was a year ago today."
She took a sharp breath, and her gaze fell. "Let's warm you up before you get sick."
About an hour later, she had me wrapped in blankets, and the fire crackling away. I sipped at the tea she made me, while she took Jackson upstairs for a bath.
The door opened and Sarah rushed in. She hurried to take off her snow covered coat and shoes before she turned and saw me. She rushed over and sank onto the couch beside me. "Hey."
"Hi."
She grabbed my hand. "How are you doing?"
I huffed and closed my eyes.
"I bet." She leaned back and rested her head on my shoulder. "We're still friends, right?"
"Mmm hmm."
She let out a long breath. "Good."
We fell silent, listening to the sounds of Jackson laughing and playing in the bath.
"Who's here?" she asked.
"Megan."
"Okay." She patted my hand. "Did you need anything? I can run to the store, or make dinner?"
My eyes opened and I glanced at the clock. It was almost five. How long had I stayed in bed? How long had I been out of it on the street?
"Dinner would be nice," I breathed.
"Dinner it is." She patted my knee and dashed into the kitchen.
Megan returned downstairs with Jackson wrapped in a towel. She paused, eyeing Sarah's coat, before glancing down the hallway. "Is that Sarah?"
I nodded.
She set Jackson on my lap and he snuggled into my arms. I smiled and kissed his head. "Thank you, Megan, for snapping me out of it. I don't know what I would have done if something had happened to Jackson."
"Any time." She stroked my hair. "I'll stay tonight if you want."
I sighed. "Don't Clint and Donny need you?"
"Yes, but—"
"Then you should be with them."
Her brows furrowed. "I don't want to leave you alone tonight. I'm worried about you."
"Sarah will probably stay."
Her eyes darkened. "Sarah?"
I rolled my eyes. "Don't start. She stayed with me for weeks the first time, and has—"
"That was before…" She lowered her voice and leaned closer. "Before Paul fell in love with you. I don't trust her with you anymore."
"Megan." I groaned. "Nova will be here too, so it's not like she'll do anything to me."
She pouted. "I don't like it."
"Don't like what?" Sarah stood by the door holding two bowls of tomato soup.
Megan leaned back. "I hope you didn't poison it."
Sarah rolled her eyes. "You're so dramatic, Megan. Why would I do that?"
She handed us a bowl each. "What did you want Jackson to eat?"
"Whatever." I shrugged.
She hurried back into the kitchen.
Megan leaned closer to me to whisper. "I don't trust her. She's reached a new level of crazy when it comes to Paul. Just be careful not to mention him."
Sarah's footsteps headed back our direction and Megan straightened. Sarah walked back in with a tray of bruschetta and a small bowl of baby food.
We ate in an awkward silence. I couldn't help noticing the icy looks Megan and Sarah kept exchanging. Then, a knock on the door startled us. I jumped up to answer it, but Nova burst through and brushed right by me. She rushed up the stairs, then I swung around when I heard Paul huff.
He removed his hat. "It was a bad day today."
"What happened?"
"Well, as you probably know, it's the one year anniversary, so she wasn't in the best of moods to start off with. Then, they brought out their theory of how it happened."
I gasped. "What did they sa
y?"
He scratched his head. "Can I come in?"
I winced and glanced toward the living room.
But he didn't seem to notice and pushed inside. "Dinner smells good."
"Sarah made it."
He paused, but it was too late. She appeared in the hallway with a wide smile across her face. "Would you like some?"
He took a step back. "Ahh…"
"He's not staying," I interjected. "He's just telling me what happened then he's leaving. Nova doesn't like him here."
"Then he'll have time for one bowl." She hurried into the kitchen.
He looked at me. "You did try to warn me, didn't you?"
I gave him a nod, before gesturing for him to go into the living room. I shut the door and followed.
He stood by the fireplace, so I returned to my place beside Megan. Jackson rushed over and latched onto his leg.
Paul lifted him up and set him on his hip, but kept a somber expression. "Are you sure you want to know?"
I nodded.
"Okay, but it's not pretty."
"I'm ready."
Sarah returned and offered him a bowl. He declined, nodding at Jackson examining his sheriff badge. She sighed and sat down.
He looked me in the eyes. "Their theory is that he took her home where she tried to seduce him. He refused her, and left. He was seen again on security cameras back at the tribal buildings around 4:30 looking through some paperwork, before he left just before five in a hurry. They think she decided to catch him on his way home, and knowing he would stop if she hailed him over, she hid in the park.
“When he got out of the car, they had an argument, and when he turned to leave, she shot him with her foster father's bow—they don't know what arrows though, because his didn't come up as the weapons used. Then, in anger, she slit his throat with a pocket knife which she tossed away. But, realizing what she'd done, she dragged him to the river, dumped him in the beaver lodge, and kicked it in before making a run for it. When she was found a week later, she was half-starved and freezing, hiding out in a cave."
"But…" I shook my head, horrified by the story. "She couldn't carry Forrest that far."
"They explained that away, too. They found her fingerprints on the steering wheel, so she used the car to drag him down to the river by tying him to a rope and attaching it to the tow bar, then dumped the car."
I felt sick. "But… why was she digging for him in the alcove?"
He paused, his eyes widening. "I… hmm."
He tapped his chin. "I'll need to bring that up." He smiled. "Nice thinking, Bray."
He grabbed his phone. "I'll call the defense attorney right now and mention it."
He hurried out the door.
Sarah leaped to her feet, holding his bowl, but slumped when the door shut behind him.
"He just took Jackson," Megan muttered.
I chuckled. "Just give him one—"
The door opened again and he set down Jackson. "Sorry!"
The door shut again.
I hurried over and caught Jackson's hand. He stared at the door, his lip quivering. "Paul."
I gasped and bent down. "Did you just say Paul?"
He pointed at the door. "Paul."
I laughed. "Your first word!" I kissed his cheek, but my heart sank. It should have been Daddy.
He burst into tears and turned to me to hold him.
"Oh, Jack, it's all right."
I returned to the living room and sighed. "I'm going to get him ready for bed and call it a night."
"It's not even seven!" Sarah said.
"Sarah, it's been a rough day for her," Megan said in a scolding tone.
I glance between them, too exhausted to deal with their drama. "Goodnight. Whoever is last out, please just lock the door."
"You and your city ways." Sarah smiled and stood. "No problem, Bray."
I headed upstairs. I checked on Nova quickly, but seeing her room dark, and her curled up under the blankets, I didn't disturb her. I put Jackson to bed, then collapsed on my own bed, falling right to sleep.
Chapter Twenty-One
Clanking in the kitchen woke me. As my eyes opened, I jumped. Nova's head lifted, her eyes wide with surprise.
"Nova, when did you come in?"
She held up three fingers and rested her head back down.
"You startled me."
She shrugged and closed her eyes.
I swung my legs off the bed, grabbing my nightgown to head downstairs and see what Sarah was cooking.
I entered the kitchen and she smiled at me. "Up for some crepes?"
"Mmm." I smiled. "Am I ever."
"I'm making a strawberry sauce to go with it."
"I might adopt you."
She chuckled. "I got Jackson out of bed. He's sitting with a movie on, but I'm fairly sure he's more interested in the toy guns."
"That doesn't surprise me." I sank onto a chair, resting my elbow on the table. "I'm fairly sure he thinks he'll be the next sheriff. You should see him when Paul comes by to fix things."
Sarah flinched. "Oh, Paul still does that?"
My cheeks burned. "Only about twice a week to do maintenance type things, like the yard work, or spiders on the porch―"
"Are you having a secret relationship with him?"
I took a sharp breath. "No."
"Because it seems like it." She glanced at me, with an icy look in her eyes.
I shook my head. "No. I still haven't let go of Forrest. How could I be in a new relationship?"
"Hmm." She flipped a crepe. "I'm not crazy, you know. I know Megan tells everyone I am, but I just know he's the one for me. But he's been really mean lately, which I'm fairly certain is because Megan has told him to be. I hate Megan."
"Megan is my friend," I said softly. "And Donny is good friends with Jackson, and Clint is Paul's best—"
"I know!" She slammed the spatula down. "She thinks she has control over everyone. Everything was going just fine until Clint brought her here and married her. Paul had been dumped by that slut, and he and I were beginning to get somewhere, but then she starts telling Clint bad things about me, and he tells Paul, and now Paul is mean to me all the time."
"Sarah, I don't think she—"
"But you don't hate me, do you?" She turned and looked at me again.
"No."
"We're friends, despite all the bad things I'm sure she tells you about me."
"Sarah, she doesn't say—"
"Bray, I don't have anyone else but you."
I bit my lip. My feelings for Paul suddenly seemed fickle. "I'll always be here for you."
She smiled. "And I'll always be here for you. Come dancing with me this month. We'll have a seriously fun girls' night and forget everything."
"When is it?" I asked.
"Well, you just missed the last one, so it's three weeks away."
I hurried over to the calendar, and seeing nothing significant on that day, I marked it down. "There, it's a date."
She beamed. "Bray, I'm so excited. I'll make sure we have so much fun."
She finished cooking, and Nova emerged, shoulders slumped and hair everywhere. She yawned and collapsed at the table.
"Are you hungry?" Sarah asked.
Nova nodded.
"I'll trade you something then. Do these dishes and I'll give you this food."
Nova scowled.
I laughed. "Fair's fair."
Her scowl deepened.
"All you need to do is load the dishwasher. You can do it after we've eaten when there's more dishes if you'd prefer."
She growled and rushed over to the sink.
We spent the morning together, laughing and playing card games. All in all, it was a pleasant Saturday morning, with light snow setting off the cozy feeling inside. After the day before, I felt relieved for the simple happiness of the morning.
*
I rubbed my temples. The day I had been dreading for weeks was finally upon me. Nova sat staring vacantly ahead, while
Paul sat beside me and Megan on my other side with Mom beside her, ready to take Jackson when my time came.
Finally, the prosecution called me to the stand. I took a deep breath and stood. I walked slowly, feeling every set of eyes watching me keenly; the widow of Papina taking the stand at her husband's murder trial.
I sank into the chair and the bible appeared before me. Taking a deep breath, I rested my hand over it to be sworn in.
Then, the prosecutor, an attractive man in his mid-thirties, stepped in front of me with a gentle expression. "Mrs. Miller. How old are you?"
"I'm twenty-five."
"A widow at twenty-five?"
"I was twenty-four still when Forrest…" The words caught in my throat, and I fought to keep my emotions under control.
"It's all right, Mrs. Miller. Take your time."
I resented his fake sympathy, so swallowed back my pain for anger instead. "I'm ready."
"Forrest Miller, your husband, was the same age as you, correct?"
"That's right."
The prosecutor turned and glanced at the jury. "So young, too young even, to have his life cut short."
I frowned, wondering what he was doing.
"Mrs. Miller, can you tell us about your relationship with your husband? What kind of a man was he?"
I took a deep breath and told them about how we met, our wedding day, our marriage and anything else he enquired of me.
Finally he asked, "And you have a son, don't you?"
"I do, yes."
"How old is he?"
"He's coming up on sixteen months."
"So, if I'm doing the math right, he was only three months old when his father was murdered?"
I hesitated, a knot of pain forming in my stomach. I glanced across at Mom, whose eyebrows were furrowed, and her eyes full of pain. I covered my face as tears escaped me. "Yes."
"How did your husband feel about you and your son?"
"He loved us," I said through my tears. "More than anything."
"You were the person who reported him missing that night, weren't you?"
"Yes. He was never that late. He always finished up and came home in time for dinner. Nothing was more important than having dinner with us and helping me put Jackson to bed."
Papina (Bearville County) Page 18