Finally, I felt my body give out and I rolled easily onto the ground. I knew that when I got up, I would have to think about how to get home. I would likely be sore, but that was all right; I deserved it.
When I realized that I was finally on the ground, having sweat out a good portion of the alcohol in my system, I knew that everything was going to be all right. I knew that I had to focus on getting everything just right and I had to avenge my own failure; that would be the only way to bring myself peace.
I didn’t know how I was going to do this yet, but I figured once I woke up, I would be able to figure it out. I was sure it wouldn’t take too long. After all, she was only a woman and if nothing else, I was pretty good at judging what it was that women wanted. I didn’t even have to like them to get them to go down on me and I was completely convinced that this bitch was no different.
Yet, to my dismay, right before I passed out, as I looked up at the sky, with those crazy stars seeming to burst right in front of me, while my blood boiled heatedly and my head thumped with an increasing ache, I noticed that it wasn’t my vengeance, or even my next move that I was interested in thinking about.
Rather, in that moment, all I could think about once again, was how much fun I had with Ashley. I wondered, after I smoothed things over with her, if it might be possible to do something like that again sometime soon.
Chapter 15
Ashley
I stayed in my bed well into the next day. No one had come up to ask if I wanted breakfast and I hadn’t given any indication that I was still even there.
The family had left me completely alone. Screwed up as it was, I was happy that no one had come looking for me. I was tired of trying to keep everyone together and if someone had come up and knocked on my door, with the way I was feeling right now, I would have probably cursed them off, gotten into my car and driven back to school, where I actually felt like I belonged.
The only reason that I didn’t do that right now was because I didn’t want to get up. I knew that I couldn’t concentrate enough to drive and didn’t want to have the responsibility of anyone’s life being in my hands. I feared what choice I would make.
It wasn’t that I felt suicidal, or that I hated my life. In short, I just wanted to go back to the life that I had built for myself; but at the moment, I feared that I would not be able to keep myself in control if I drove.
Plus, as the alcohol wore off, I became more aggressive. I would have never passed a sobriety test, probably not even into the next morning, which was yet another reason that I didn’t want to risk driving.
I was underage and it was summer. If I was caught, I would likely only be released to my father. I wouldn’t be able to go back home, to my school and if that were to happen, he would have to listen. I would be grounded and he would have a reason to be angry with me.
After all these years of being a spineless, psychotic freak, I bet that would be just the time where you would finally decide to stop screwing your wife and be a good parent, I thought with disdain.
However, it was still one of the main reasons that I didn’t get up and leave that night, so I supposed the threat of being caught had done its job.
As my head began to switch from its slightly buzzed condition to that of having a major hangover, I groaned and looked around the room. My face grew callous and my eyes were almost vengeful as they took in everything that surrounded them.
I can’t believe I used to like this stupid room, I thought, but then quickly felt bad about it, considering that the reason I had not changed it was because it reminded me of my mother, the only pure part of my past that I had left. My mother was great. She was kind and understanding. She would have known what to do.
But she’s dead, I thought as I whipped my head around and groaned again as a sharp sting of pain trailed my slightly blurry vision.
For a moment, I felt as though I was going to throw up, but I was able to quickly ease myself back into a state of calm, at least enough so that I did not.
Still, to me, this house and now, everyone in it was like a cruel and harrowing remake of the broken family that I once belonged to.
What is wrong with these people? I thought, but realized rather quickly that I didn’t even care to know. There really would be no point in knowing, because after this summer, I was likely going to sever any strands of family and commitment that I was still tethered to, if there were any left at all, tell my father that he was going to have to lay in the bed he made, and that I wanted no part of it.
I no longer cared about him and I had never cared about my stepmother, but my stepbrother gave me a different feeling entirely. Whenever I thought about him, I felt my hands clench around my pillow and squeeze the life out of the middle, as though I was wringing that jacked-up asshole’s neck.
However, the more I thought about him and had this reaction, the more devastated I felt. I didn’t want to think this way about him, mostly because I didn’t want to feel any connection to him.
If you didn’t like him, you couldn’t possibly hate him, I thought after getting angry that once again, my hands had flexed and reacted in such a violent manner.
I really wasn’t a violent person, but throughout the night, during which I didn’t sleep at all, I couldn’t help but feel these hostile flairs rise up in me.
I wanted to scream and I wanted to cry, but above all, I knew, deep down in my heart, if when I emerged out of my room and found a pair of solemn faces, telling me that Tyler was eaten by a shark or had otherwise succumbed to his fate, there would be a part of me that would think he deserved it.
After all, how much of a terrible person does it take to hurt your own stepsister; someone you are supposed to at least kind of get along with and accept as family, even if you don’t particularly see eye to eye. I realized that I wasn’t and would never be flesh and blood, but I thought if he could do this to someone who had trusted him and had confided in him, then what could he do to the rest of the world?
It didn’t take me long to realize that Tyler was an all-around terrible person and I was stupid to think that I could be the one to help him. It wasn’t like he was dumb; in fact, I felt as though Tyler was really quite intelligent, at least in the sense that helped him get laid.
He obviously knew his way around a woman enough to be able to charm her and that was scary enough, considering that I now knew he didn’t care about anything but getting in my pants.
He seemed so genuine. I ringed the pillow between my hands again, so furiously that I heard a few stitches snap, but I didn’t care. The feeling of wanting to kill him with my bare hands, so that he could never spew another lie again, only gave me more strength.
Unfortunately, that was also accompanied by more rage.
When I was finished though, I plunged my head into the pillow and screamed in it until my voice grew hoarse. I didn’t care if the rest of the house heard me. I didn’t even care if they came up to check on me, because I wasn’t about to give them the satisfaction I assumed that they would be seeking if they came up here to check on me anyway, so it didn’t matter very much.
Still, it felt good releasing the anger via my screams, even if more just built up inside of me, like a never-ending spigot of rage to which I was the bucket underneath, only to be dumped and then filled again.
I couldn’t remember the last time that I felt so increasingly angry. In a way, it was freeing, but in another way, it made the house, which held so many awful, jeering memories close its walls in around me.
During the late morning hours, I must have succumbed to sleep though, because I was able to be awakened.
My head popped up off of the strangled pillow at the sharp knock and immediately the pain in my head, as well as my nauseous stomach, returned.
“What do you want?” I screamed, not caring at all who it was or why they were there. Even though I addressed the person behind the door, I hoped that perhaps they would realize what kind of a mood I was in and decide that it wasn’t worth
the effort to aggravate me any further.
However, to my dismay, I received an answer from the last person on earth that I ever wanted to hear from again.
“Ashley, open the fucking door…” Tyler said in what seemed to be a careful tone, despite his lack of discretion in his language. “I’m here because I want to apologize.”
I glowered at the door and was sure that if I was able, my eyes would have burnt the door, as well as Tyler in a matter of moments. However, since I wasn’t yet crazy enough to wait for laser vision to work, I tried another approach; hopefully one that Tyler would be able to relate to. “Tyler, you can take your apology and shove it up your ass. I’m done with you.”
Chapter 16
Tyler
It hadn’t taken long for my head to clear after waking up on the beach, just as the sun had come u; and despite all of the pussy thoughts I was having while I was drunk, my main concern now was just seducing Ashley.
I refused to let her be the one who got away. That just wasn’t going to happen, especially since it didn’t seem likely I would be able to get away from her any time soon.
My dumbass mother seemed pretty smitten with her gutless father and so as long as the gifts and sex kept coming, I would be stuck sitting across from Ashley at family dinners and holidays.
A disappointment like that was a continuous blow to my ego that I just couldn’t afford. This apology was just my devious way of appealing to her sensitive side.
Girls love a man who can show them whose boss and still be able to woo them. Over the years, that had become my specialty.
So I waited patiently at her door as she cursed me off in the adorable way that she knew how before I answered, “Okay, that’s fine. I was just curious what you were doing up here and I wanted to talk.”
“If I never speak to you again, it will still be too damn soon,” she responded heatedly.
“You know, Ashley, you’re not the first person to say that to me. If you want to insult me, you are going to have to do better than that.” I smiled behind the door, ensuring that it had come through loud and clear through my words.
After a moment, I heard her light form slink heavily off of the bed, before the door was thrown opened and she answered, “You are a worthless piece of crap, who was probably never truly loved by anyone and I hope you never are because there is not a person on this planet, besides yourself who deserves to have to deal with you. You are cynical, short-sighted, hot-headed and…just all around deplorable!”
Ashley’s words slid off of my slippery back with a sense of humor attached. I was enjoying this pathetic attempt to insult me. Obviously that was what she was trying to do, because she took the challenge I had provided her. But since she wasn’t very good at it, the whole experience was almost laughable.
When she finished screaming, she was short of breath and completely worn out. I tried not to express the sense of pleasure I felt quite as adamantly as it came across.
“I know,” I answered honestly, nodding my head with conviction.
At this, Ashley turned her head and dropped it slightly, as though completely discouraged. “What?” she couldn’t help but demand.
Now, I did smile as I turned my head slightly as well and answered, “I said, that I know all of that shit. I practice…On a daily basis.”
When I said this flawlessly, her jaw actually dropped opened with shock, and for a moment I thought that she was going to go as far as to slap me, just to release the anger that I had obviously built up inside.
“Fortunately,” I continued, walking past her in a suave motion, which allowed me access into her room before she was even aware that I was trying to gain it. Then, before she could say anything about it, I was already talking over her, “You don’t know me well enough to be able to insult me.”
“Obviously,” she spat, crossing her arms. “Get out of my room.”
“What happened to that poor, pathetic pillow?” I asked casually, eying what was left of it at the top of her bed, while trying to change the subject.
“You,” she hissed, glowering at me with eyes that seemed to be sparked by a demon.
I didn’t want to know what she was thinking at this moment, because the way she answered me seemed so unnecessary. After all, I was the one who was throwing out a line.
Still, I didn’t let her anger bother me. Instead, I beamed brighter and answered, “See? I knew that you cared about me. It is just going to take a little bit of time to convince yourself...” I looked at her glowering, hateful expression and thought it would probably be best to get on with my point. “But the reason I came up here…apparently to the fucking dragons den…” I said as a side-note while my eyes glanced back and forth around the room, to show her I was heeding her warning, even though I couldn’t give a crap less how angry she was at me. The point was to woo her, not allow her to make me her bitch. “Is because I want you to get to know me.”
It was complete bullshit, but as I said before, I certainly wasn’t above playing dirty.
Ashley scoffed at my explanation. “Like I would want a glimpse into what made you the total dick that you are…No way.”
You have no idea… I thought to myself, but what I said was, “Come on! We had fun together, didn’t we? Why not start over and have fun like that again, but this time, I promise that I will give you all of the tools that you need to get to know me.” I shrugged, hoping to appeal to her competitive side. “But, I mean, if you think that it’s not worth it…”
“It’s not,” she answered sternly and I laughed at her.
“There are many, many girls that would beg to differ.”
“Well, I’m not them,” she insisted.
“I know you’re not, which is why I want to give you this opportunity.”
She shrugged and answered in a serious tone, “I don’t want it. It isn’t a privilege or an opportunity to get to know you, Tyler. After what you did last night, I would never want to know what you could do to me if we were actually close.”
As her eyes fell, obviously angry and hurt, I lightly grasped her arm. “Hey…” I said with a sense of encouragement. When she looked up at me, I smiled and answered, “I’m really trying to apologize. I don’t know what got into me last night. I should have never said that to you…I should have been much more understanding and I…”
“Tyler?” She said solemnly as she scowled back at me.
“Yes?” I answered carefully, wanting to hear what it was she had to say.
“I don’t care,” she replied before she yanked her arm out of my grasp and turned around. “Just leave…Please.”
Even though I was pretty sure she was turned around, I still put on an act with my body language, as well as with my voice. I dropped my head and looked up at her carefully while I sighed and shrugged my shoulders. “Okay. I get it,” I answered sadly, “I just thought you were different. I wanted you to be different. I thought you would be able to help me.” I sniffed a little for effect as I turned around. “All I wanted was for someone to be there, to listen and to help me out of this unending circle of hot women and hell. You don’t know what it’s like, Ashley.” I shook my head and swatted my hand in her direction before I answered, “Aww, fuck, I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. Forget I even said anything…At least do that for me.”
With that, I turned around and walked out of the room, slowly. I made the motions as though I was genuinely distraught and just begging for someone, anyone to help me see the light and escape from this nightmare that is my life.
Dammit! I should have said that, I thought as I stopped short, right in her doorjamb, waiting for her to finally turn around and say something, anything to me. But she didn’t.
So I continued my gloomy walk out of the room until finally, at the last moment, I heard her say, “Tyler?”
I turned around with just the right precision. I was careful not to move too fast, but also not too slowly, as to make her think that I had lost interest. “Yeah?” I asked
coldly, as though I was angered by my realization that she wasn’t who I thought she was.
“I just wanted to let you know, that no matter what…It doesn’t matter anyway, because I have a boyfriend.” she replied, raising her eyes with a sense of proving her commitment to him. “Back at school…His name is Blake.”
“Sounds like a pussy,” I answered and then shrugged. “But I don’t give a shit. I’ve been with other girls too and if this doesn’t work out, then no one ever has to be any the wiser.” I raised my eyebrows toward her as though to show her how serious I truly was.
“No,” she said, with an amused smile playing at her lips.
I shrugged, having seen all I needed to see. “Well, it was worth a shot, I guess.”
She returned the gesture before she answered in a strangely humored voice, with no inclination that I had actually figured her out. “Sure, I guess, if you say so.”
“Ashley,” I answered carefully, with a prideful smile shimmering behind my saddened eyes, “believe me when I tell you that it is always worth a shot.”
Chapter 17
Ashley
I wasn’t really sure what I was supposed to be doing. There was a lot going on and I felt as though I was caught in the middle of it. After his cryptic message, Tyler had left the room and closed the door behind him.
Although I knew that I shouldn’t be, part of me was intrigued by what he was saying.
Still, instead of trying to have a conversation with him, I decided that it would be better to just sit in down and focus on other things, besides the curiosity that the meathead had piqued.
However, no matter how hard I tried, I knew that it wasn’t just my curiosity that had risen through the comments that he made. He had also, probably unwillingly, hit a nerve. For as much as I hated to admit it, there was a time where he was right. That time had long since passed now, but there was a good portion of my life where I always wanted to see the best in people. I would be the one to give the underdog a chance and try to find decency where others could not.
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