When the pain didn’t go away, he dismissed all thoughts of finding a pain pill and tried the heating pad with the eye mask. He concentrated on relaxing his muscles, and thought of Trina and Willow. The pain persisted. He tossed and turned. There was no comfortable position. Then he thought he might puke.
He tried to clear his mind, needed to overcome this pain, to take control of it. He was stronger than this. Breathing exercises seemed useless at first, but eventually a feeling of calm flowed over his body. It took a while to fall back asleep, but he did it without using the muscle relaxants or over-the-counter medicines. One bad night down. I got this.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Trina
Talia scurried around the kitchen as if it were the back of her restaurant. Even with Trina protesting about her sister taking over all the cooking, Talia pressed on. “Tri, I’m the big sister, I know best. Now, let me run down the list of what I’ve made for you.”
She’s the big sister. She knows best. Words I’ve heard my entire life.
She listened as Talia told her all the meals she had prepared and frozen, so all Trina needed to do would be to heat them up. On her counter sat containers full of pastries.
“Tal, you do realize there’s a bakery not too far from here, right? Willow adores their cupcakes, and honestly, so do I. Between the bakery and what you’ve made, I think we’ll be fine until Sam gets back.”
In all honesty, Trina wasn’t eating that much with Sam gone, and that wasn’t good for the baby. That was probably why Talia had set her up with all this food.
“Tri, there’s no sense in arguing with me. Just take the food graciously and eat it. You need more than takeout, and I know how you are. Most of the dinner meals I made are high in protein and vegetables. There’s some fresh carrot juice in the fridge. For Willow, I made sure I made zucchini bread, the little dumpling just loves it. I labeled everything and put heating instructions on them as well.” Talia looked around the kitchen and packed up a few more containers with pastries. “I think this should be enough.”
“Enough for who? The whole team?” There was no way she and Willow would finish all this food, but it was a nice gesture.
“It’s free food. Just take it and quit complaining. Jeez.” Talia stopped in the middle of the kitchen and stared at Trina, her head tilted as she observed her. “Are you sure you’re okay with me leaving so soon? I could stay till next week or even until Sam is ready to come home. Michael is fine at the restaurant without me.”
“Talia, we’re good—”
Cutting Trina off mid-sentence, Talia’s eyes grew with the excitement at an idea. Waving her hands around in the air, she exploded with joy. “What if you two came home with me to Banff? Oh, my gosh, that would be so much fun! You and Willow could stay in your old room. You could come to the restaurant, we could go sightseeing, check out the old stomping grounds. C’mon, what do you say? Let’s get you guys packed!”
“Talia,” Trina said, calmly but strictly. She loved her sister, but it was time to get back to reality, to her reality.
“Tri, I miss my sister the badass. God, you had such an attitude, and no one could tell you what to do. When life knocked you down, you got up and brushed yourself right off. You weren’t letting anyone tell you how to live. You’re still that same girl. And I think with what you’re dealing with, you need to find that girl and use that strength to your benefit. I just thought getting back to your roots, you’d find that girl. Don’t get me wrong, she was hard to live with, but she never let anything stop her.”
Talia was right. She was a badass. She was even a bitch when necessary. But after she became a mommy, that part of her was muted. Maybe she did need to pull some strength from that girl she once was. “I hear what you’re saying. I really do. And as much as Willow and I would love to come visit, now is not the right time.”
Talia softly stomped one of her feet, her boot heel clicking on the floor. “But—”
“I know you and Michael would love to have us, and we’ll make arrangements to visit soon. I’m sure Willow would have a ball at your place, and there’s so much for us to show her there. I do miss being with you guys. But that was also a rough part of my life. I’ve worked hard to bury my past and move on. I’m happy here, even if I hate the weather.” Trina laughed, adding in a fake grumble. “When we do visit, I want Sam with us. Rather than rehashing the past, I want to focus on my present and future.”
Willow scurried by with Toby and Belle following close behind her like furry bodyguards. Giggles filled the kitchen, warming Trina’s heart and filling her face with a smile. I can do this. She could get through anything for her little girl. Anything.
“Here, sweetie, have a cookie that Auntie Talia made.” Talia scooped the little girl up in her arms so she could eat her cookie without losing it to the pups.
Toby and Belle sat obediently at Talia’s feet, hoping for at least a few crumbs.
Talia shook her head and tossed her hands in the air. “Okay, Tri. You win. You need to find some normalcy on your own and in your own space. I get that. We just miss having you at our place. It’s been a while since you’ve been back.”
“Trust me, Tal, I know. Sam’s sister says the same thing. And I miss San Jose. I miss the warm sun, the sand, and the ocean.” She nodded to the window, and the snow that still lingered on the ground. Pouting, she added. “Ugh! I want summer.”
“Well, little sis”—Talia wrapped her free arm around Trina—“our home is always open to you and your family.”
A hug from her big sister felt like pure energy, as if it were just what she needed to brush herself off and deal with this head-on. Just because her family wasn’t at her side, didn’t mean they weren’t supporting her. Amy and Morgan, and Talia and Michael were there to help her and Sam through this.
Willow held tightly to Trina’s hand as they walked through the front door of the Pink Ribbon Cupcakery. The aroma of the cupcakes almost knocked Trina over, and her mouth watered. Glass cases were filled with such delightful and cheerful looking cupcakes, it was almost a crime against her figure to be in here.
The owner peeked out from the back of the bakery. “Good afternoon, ladies! I’ll be with you in one second.”
The owner’s light pink hair was pulled into a ponytail. It reminded Trina of cotton candy, which only made her crave sweets.
The woman returned to the counter with a tray of freshly decorated cupcakes. The pink of the icing matched her hair, and rainbow sprinkles adorned each cupcake. “Well don’t you two look nice?”
Trina and Willow were dressed to the nines. “Today we’re having a girl’s day out. We got all dressed up, had our nails done, ate lunch at a café, and then went shopping for new purses and shoes. Now it’s time for a sweet treat.”
“Well that sounds like a wonderful day! I’m Nikki, and I own the Pink Ribbon Cupcakery. May I suggest our signature cupcake for a special day such as this?” She reached into the glass case and pulled out one of the fresh cupcakes with pink icing she had just brought out. “These are our Pink Ribbon Cupcakes.”
Upon further inspection, Trina noticed they each had a tiny fondant pink ribbon set in the center of all the pink and white sprinkles. “Yum, what flavor cupcake is it?”
“It’s a white almond cake batter, with a pink swirl.”
Trina’s mouth watered. “We’ll take two. And”—she tapped her finger to her lip, looking in the direction of the soda fountain—“two vanilla shakes, one small and one mini. Thanks.”
“Coming right up.” Nikki set the cupcakes each on a pink and white paper plate, then went to make the milkshakes.
Trina looked down at Willow with a smile. “It’s okay, Mummy can walk it off tomorrow, right?”
Willow giggled, too little to understand why Mummy would need to walk it off.
They sat down at a table by the window where they could feel the warmth from the sun coming through the glass pane. After spending time with Talia, Trina was rejuvenate
d and full of life. Seeing Willow with pink icing now smeared all over her face, she knew with certainty that she could handle anything the world had to throw at her. She had overcome worse hardships in her life than this.
“You know what, Willow? I think we’re going to be okay.” Trina ran her finger through the pink icing before breaking off a piece of cupcake and tossing it into her mouth. “We’re girls, we’re strong, and we’ve got this. We can help Daddy through anything. It’s a piece of cake.”
Willow looked up at her, pink icing not only on her face but now somehow in her white-blond curls. Her little brow was furrowed. Shaking her head, she responded, “Not cake Mummy, cupcake.”
Oh, this child. Willow was the greatest accomplishment of her life so far, and she had another on the way. If she still had any doubts that she could handle this, Willow had just erased them. “Yes, baby girl, cupcake. Delicious cupcakes!”
Trina took her time enjoying the sugary sweet icing, but the buzzing of her cell phone interrupted their cupcake and milkshake afternoon treat.
Not recognizing the number that illuminated her screen, she answered it cautiously. “Hello?”
“Trina? Hey, it’s Melanie from the Renegades front office.” Melanie was the senior director of communications for the team, and Paige’s boss.
“Oh, hi, Melanie. I didn’t recognize your number. How are you?”
“I’m doing great. I’m calling because I have you on the schedule for a week from Sunday to sing the anthems. Just checking in to confirm the date. I know things are messy right now in the Morris household, so if you don’t feel up to it, just say the word. I would completely understand, and we could get you in the rotation a few times next season, instead.”
Trina looked across the table at Willow, who was smiling the biggest, sugar-induced grin. What would canceling teach my daughter? That in tough times you curl up in the corner and shirk your responsibilities? She knew either way Willow wasn’t old enough to understand, but it didn’t feel right for her to cancel. She needed to be strong, and every one of her actions showed her daughter what being strong meant.
“Melanie, you’re right about things being messy right now. But I made a commitment to the team, and I plan on honoring it. I appreciate your giving me the flexibility, but I’ll be there. I’m actually looking forward to it.”
Confidence grew within her, and her shoulders squared off. She wanted Willow to grow up to be a strong, self-sufficient woman, and that was just the role model she planned on being.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Sam
Sam spent the next few days putting every minute he had into his therapy. It was easy at first, with just the therapeutic massages, heat therapy, and lying in a dark, quiet room to aid in relaxation. But as the days went on, the rehabbing got harder. By the end of the first week, he was in the gym doing light aerobic work.
He had been texting Trina, which was an improvement from not even being able to look at his phone. Today he’d take another step and talk to her. He’d been looking forward to hearing her voice all afternoon.
Therapy was finally over for today, and he had picked up a chicken dinner from the restaurant downstairs. Settling into his hotel room, he downed a bottle of ice water. The doctor said to make sure he was increasing his fluid intake. But as much as his stomach rumbled out of hunger, his need to talk to Tri was stronger.
Picking up his phone, he stared at the picture of her that was his screen saver. She was gorgeous, and his heart hurt at being separated from her still. The photo of her had the ocean in the background. It was where they met, where they began their life together, and forever would be their favorite place. Her blond hair was blowing in the wind, and oversized sunglasses covered her eyes. It was one of his favorite pictures of her.
Swiping his finger across the screen, the next photo made the hurt in his heart grow. His wallpaper was a photo of her and Willow. I miss my girls so much.
Pulling up her contact, which consisted of another one of his favorite photos of her, he hit the button to call her phone.
She quickly picked up before it could ring twice. “Sam? Is it really you, Sam?”
At the sound of her voice, a grin pulled at one side of his mouth. “Damn, I’ve missed your voice. Yeah, Tri, it’s me. How are you, babe?”
“Sam!” Her voice went from excited and hopeful to sounding strained. He could tell, even over the phone, that she was fighting tears. She was always a passionate person, another thing he loved about her. “How are you feeling? I miss you so much.”
Sam opened his dinner and set the container on the table beside him. Eating while he talked to her on the phone would be almost like having dinner with her. It would have to do for now. “I’m feeling better. I know you’ve been talking to Ty about my doctor appointments. The therapy is hard work, but it’s going really great.”
“You sound more like yourself. I’m so glad to hear that.” Her voice cracked a bit.
He knew she was trying to hide the hurt, the hurt that he had caused her. “Tri, I’m so sorry about that—”
She tried to hide her pain by clearing her throat, trying to pull herself together, but he heard it. “Can we not talk about that right now? There’ll be time later to discuss that, but right now I just want to enjoy talking to you.”
That worked for him; he’d rather enjoy hearing her voice than rehash that miserable night. And he really didn’t want to make her sad. “So, how are my girls?”
“Missing you. My sister was here for a few days. It helped Willow to have her here, I think.” Trina’s voice cracked again, but she played it off with a fake cough.
“Oh.” It helped Willow? The thought of his little girl suffering because he wasn’t there, was like a dagger to his heart. Even worse, this was a situation he’d created. His daughter’s suffering was his fault. But it wasn’t just his daughter. He could hear in Trina’s voice that she was still hurting, too. He knew how strong and independent she was, and he’d bet she had refused to take help.
“Yeah, Talia kept her busy. Took her out for fun afternoons and played with her here at the house. It was a nice distraction for Willow. But enough about us. Tell me about therapy. How’s it going? Any adverse reactions?”
She was changing the subject. His darling wife was hurt and hiding it from him. That dagger jammed deeper into his heart and twisted a bit.
“Maybe a little. It’s no big deal. I’ve gotten to the point where Dr. Dash has me doing some light aerobic workouts, you know, the stationary bike, treadmill, some light weight work. Just trying to slowly introduce me back into activity. Every day I can push a little harder, and I do.” She knows me well enough to know I’m pushing as much as I can, allowed to or not.
“And the headaches?”
“I start each day with a therapeutic massage. You’d probably love it. It helps reduce the inflammation I have in my neck. I go into the workout in very little pain, if any at all. That’s the ultimate goal, no inflammation, no pain. The only side effect I’m seeing is headaches at night when I’m trying to sleep.”
“Oh…” The worry in her voice hit him right in the heart. He didn’t want her worrying. He was getting better.
“It was only terrible for the first few days. I’m handling it. Tyler and the doctor suggested using heat to alleviate my headaches, and it really helps. Plus, Dr. Dash prescribed me muscle relaxants to help with the pain. They are team approved meds, you can check with Rob if you don’t believe me. The first few nights were bad; I’m not going to lie. But it’s gotten better. I am still getting the headaches at night, but they’re not as bad as they were, and doc says eventually the pain will go away all on its own. I have to be patient.”
Trina cleared her throat, and her voice was a little more relaxed this time. “That’s positive. So, does he think you’ll heal completely?”
“Tri, you know that he can’t promise me that. But I’m doing everything I can in the hopes that I will heal completely. I swear I am. I refus
e to let this beat me.”
“I know. I don’t know why I asked that.”
“Because it’s what we want, for me to heal completely. But I promise you, I’m pushing harder every day, and I refuse to let this win.”
“I believe in you, babe.”
“I will do whatever I need to, so I can come home to you and Willow.” He could’ve come home a lot earlier than this. He could be healing at home while going to PT sessions. But it wasn’t fair to his family to have to put up with him like this. His moods were unpredictable. Being with Trina was one thing; she could control the noise level in the house. But add in the dogs and Willow, and he was asking for trouble.
Sam refused to blow up at his family again. He refused to be that monster or hurt them any more than he already had. His staying away was hurting them, yes, but nothing like the damage he might do if he was at home in this condition.
The worst part was, had he dealt with this head-on in the beginning, he might not be staying in this lonely hotel room. Taking the pain pills, and then cutting them out cold turkey, had led to his quick decline and meltdown.
“Sam, we want you home, too. We miss you so much, and I can’t wait until we’re a family again. But…”
“No Tri, I didn’t mean anything by that. I know that I need to get better first. I want to feel like myself again. Staying here, I can put all my energy into my recovery and therapy. I would never put you and Willow through that again. I will come home soon, and when I do, I will be the old Sam.” He knew in his heart that he’d get back to one hundred percent, regardless of what the docs said.
“I know.”
“Tri, I’m getting there. I’m not taking migraine pills or even over the counter ibuprofen. I love you so much, and I’m going to beat this, for us.”
“Babe, I love you too. I’m so glad you called. Hearing your voice is just what I needed.”
He didn’t like how she said that. “Tri, is everything okay?”
Blindsided: Renegades 7 (The Renegades Series) Page 18