“Ye know the turn of the pass forninst Jumrood and the nine mile road on the flat to Peshawur? All Peshawur was along that road day and night waitin’ for frinds - men, women, childer, and bands. Some av the throops was camped round Jumrood, an’ some went on to Peshawur to get away down to their cantonmints. We came through in the early mornin’, havin’ been awake the night through, and we dhruv sheer into the middle av the mess. Mother av Glory, will I ever forget that comin’ back? The light was not fair lifted, and the furst we heard was ‘For ‘tis my delight av a shiny night,’ frum a band that thought we was the second four comp’nies av the Lincolnshire. At that we was forced to sind them a yell to say who we was, an’ thin up wint ‘The wearin’ av the Green.’ It made me crawl all up my backbone, not havin’ taken my brequist. Thin, right smash into our rear, came fwhat was left av the Jock Elliotts - wid four pipers an’ not half a kilt among thim, playin’ for the dear life, an’ swingin’ their rumps like buck rabbits, an’ a native rig’mint shrieking blue murther. Ye niver heard the like. There was men cryin’ like women that did - an’ faith I do not blame thim. Fwhat bruk me down was the Lancers’ Band - shinin’ an’ spick like angels, wid the ould dhrum-horse at the head an’ the silver kettle-dhrums an’ all an’ all, waitin’ for their men that was behind us. They shtruck up the Cavalry Canter, an’, begad, those poor ghosts that had not a sound fut in a throop they answered to ut, the men rockin’ in their saddles. We thried to cheer them as they wint by, but ut came out like a big gruntin’ cough, so there must have been many that was feelin’ like me. Oh, but I’m forgettin’! The Fly-by- Nights was waitin’ for their second battalion, an’ whin ut came out, there was the Colonel’s horse led at the head - saddle-empty. The men fair worshipped him, an’ he’d died at Au Musjid on the road down. They waited till the remnint av the battalion was up, and thin - clane against ordhers, for who wanted that chune that day? - they wint back to Peshawur slow-time an’ tearin’ the bowils out av ivry man that heard, wid ‘The Dead March.’ Right across our line they wint, an’ ye know their uniforms are as black as the Sweeps, crawlin’ past like the dead, an’ the other bands damnin’ them to let be.
“Little they cared. The carpse was wid them, an’ they’d ha’ taken ut so through a Coronation. Our ordhers was to go into Peshawur, an’ we wint hot-fut past the Fly-by-Nights, not singin’, to lave that chune behind us. That was how we tuk the road of the other corps.
“‘Twas ringin’ in my ears still whin I felt in the bones of me that Dinah was comin’, an’ I heard a shout, an’ thin I saw a horse an’ a tattoo latherin’ down the road, hell to shplit, under women. I knew - I knew! Wan was the Tyrone Colonel’s wife - ould Beeker’s lady - her gray hair flyin’ an’ her fat round carkiss rowlin’ in the saddle, an’ the other was Dinah, that shud ha’ been at Pindi. The Colonel’s lady she charged at the head av our column like a stone wall, an’ she all but knocked Beeker off his horse throwin’ her arms round his neck an’ blubberin’, ‘Me bhoy! Me bhoy!’ an’ Dinah wheeled left an’ came down our flank, an’ I let a yell that had suffered inside av me for months, and - Dinah came. Will I iver forget that while I live! She’d come on pass from Pindi, an’ the Colonel’s lady had lint her the tattoo. They’d been huggin’ an’ cryin’ in each other’s arms all the long night.
“So she walked along wid her hand in mine, askin’ forty questions to wanst, an’ beggin’ me on the Virgin to make oath that there was not a bullet consaled in me, unbeknownst somewhere, an’ thin I remimbered Love-o’-Women. He was watchin’ us, an’ his face was like the face av a divil that has been cooked too long. I did not wish Dinah to see ut, for whin a woman’s runnin’ over wid happiness she’s like to be touched, for harm aftherwards, by the laste little thing in life. So I dhrew the curtain, an’ Love-o’- Women lay back and groaned.
“Whin we marched into Peshawur, Dinah wint to barracks to wait for me, an’ me feelin’ so rich that tide, I wint on to take Love-o’- Women to hospital. It was the last I cud do, an’ to save him the dust an’ the smother I turned the doolie-men down a road well clear av the rest av the throops, an we wint along, me talkin’ through the curtains. Av a sudden I heard him say: -
“‘Let me look. For the Mercy av Hiven, let me look!’ I had been so tuk up wid gettin’ him out av the dust and thinkin’ of Dinah that 1 had not kept my eyes about me. There was a woman ridin’ a little behind av us, an’, talkin’ ut over wid Dinah aftherwards, that same woman must ha’ rid not far on the Jumrood road. Dinah said that she had been hoverin’ like a kite on the left flank av the column.
“I halted the doolie to set the curtains, an’ she rode by walkin’- pace, an’ Love-o’-Women’s eyes wint afther her as if he would fair haul her down from the saddle.
“‘Follow there,’ was all he sez, but I niver heard a man spake in that voice before or since, an’ I knew by those two wan words an’ the look in his face that she was Di’monds-an’-Pearls that he’d talked av in his disthresses.
“We followed till she turned into the gate av a little house that stud near the Edwardes’s Gate. There was two girls in the verandah, an’ they ran in whin they saw us. Faith, at long eye- range ut did not take me a wink to see fwhat kind av house ut was. The throops bein’ there an’ all, there was three or four such, but aftherwards the polis bade them go. At the verandah Love-o’-Women sez, catchin’ his breath, ‘Stop here,’ an’ thin, an’ thin, wid a grunt that must ha’ tore the heart up from his stomach, he swung himself out av the doolie, an’ my troth he stud up on his feet wid the sweat pourin’ down his face. If Mackie was to walk in here now I’d be less tuk back than I was thin. Where he’d dhrawn his power from, God knows or the divil - but ‘t was a dead man walkin’ in the sun wid the face av a dead man and the breath av a dead man held up by the Power, an’ the legs an’ the arms of the carpse obeyin’ ordhers! - “The woman stud in the verandah. She’d been a beauty too, though her eyes was sunk in her head, an’ she looked Love-o’-Women up an’ down terrible. ‘An’,’ she sez, kickin’ back the tail av her habit, - ‘An’,’ she sez, ‘fwhat are you doin’ here, married man?’
“Love-o’-Women said nothin’, but a little froth came to his lips, an’ he wiped ut off wid his hand an’ looked at her an’ the paint on her, an’ looked, an’ looked, an’ looked.
“‘An’ yet,’ she sez, wid a laugh. (Did you hear Mrs. Raines laugh whin Mackie died? Ye did not? Well for you.) ‘An’ yet,’ she sez, ‘who but you have betther right,’ sez she. ‘You taught me the road. You showed me the way,’ she sez. ‘Ay, look,’ she sez, ‘for ‘tis your work; you that tould me - d’you remimber it? - that a woman who was false to wan man cud be false to two. I have been that,’ she sez, ‘that an’ more, for you always said I was a quick learner, Ellis. Look well,’ she sez, ‘for it is me that you called your wife in the sight av God long since!’ An’ she laughed.
“Love-o’-Women stud still in the sun widout answerin’. Thin he groaned an’ coughed to wanst, an’ I thought ‘twas the death- rattle, but he niver tuk his eyes off her face not for a wink. Ye cud ha’ put her eyelashes through the flies av an E. P. tent, they were so long.
“‘Fwhat do you do here?’ she sez, word by word, ‘that have taken away my joy in my man this five years gone - that have broken my rest an’ killed my body an’ damned my soul for the sake av seem’ how ‘twas done? Did your expayrience aftherwards bring you acrost any woman that gave more than I did? Wud I not ha’ died for you an’ wid you, Ellis? Ye know that, man! If ever your lyin’ sowl saw truth in uts life ye know that.’
“An’ Love-o’-Women lifted up his head and said, ‘I knew,’ an’ that was all. While she was spakin’ the Power hild him up parade-set in the ‘sun, an the sweat dhropped undher his helmet. ‘Twas more an’ more throuble for him to talk, an’ his mouth was runnin’ twistways.
“Fwhat do you do here?’ she sez, an’ her voice whit up. ‘Twas like bells tollin’ before. ‘Time was whin you were quick enough wid your words, - you that t
alked me down to hell. Are ye dumb now?’ An’ Love-o’-W omen got his tongue, an’ sez simple, like a little child, ‘May I come in?’ he sez.
“The house is open day an’ night,’ she sez, wid a laugh; an’ Love- o’-Women ducked his head an’ hild up his hand as tho’ he was gyardin’. The Power was on him still - it hild him up still, for, by my sowl, as I’ll never save ut, he walked up the verandah steps that had been a livin’ corpse in hospital for a month!
“‘An’ now’?’ she sez, lookin’ at him; an’ the red paint stud lone on the white av her face like a bull’s-eye on a target.
“He lifted up his eyes, slow an’ very slow, an’ he looked at her long an’ very long, an’ he tuk his spache betune his teeth wid a wrench that shuk him.
“‘I’m dyin’, Aigypt - dyin’,’ he sez; ay, those were his words, for I remimber the name he called her. He was turnin’ the death- colour, but his eyes niver rowled. They were set - set on her. Widout word or warnin’ she opened her arms full stretch, an’ ‘Here!’ she sez. (Oh, fwhat a golden mericle av a voice ut was!) ‘Die here,’ she sez; an’ Love-o’-Women dhropped forward, an’ she hild him up, for she was a fine big woman.
“I had no time to turn, bekaze that minut I heard the sowl quit him - tore out in the death-rattle - an’ she laid him back in a long chair, an’ she sez to me, ‘Misther soldier,’ she sez, ‘will ye not go in an’ talk to wan av the girls. This sun’s too much for him.’
“Well I knew there was no sun he’d iver see, but I cud not spake, so I wint away wid the empty doolie to find the docthor. He’d been breakfastin’ an’ lunchin’ ever since we’d come in, an’ he was as full as a tick.
“Faith ye’ve got dhrunk mighty soon,’ he sez, whin I’d tould him, ‘to see that man walk. Barrin’ a puff or two av life, he was a corpse before we left Jumrood. I’ve a great mind,’ he sez, ‘to confine you.’
“There’s a dale av liquor runnin’ about, docthor,’ I sez, solemn as a hard-boiled egg. ‘Maybe ‘tis so, but will ye not come an’ see the corpse at the house?’
“Tis dishgraceful,’ he sez, ‘that I would be expected to go to a place like that. Was she a pretty woman?’’ he sez, an’ at that he set off double quick.
“I cud see that the two was in the verandah were I’d left them, an’ I knew by the hang av her head an’ the noise av the crows fwhat had happened. ‘Twas the first and the last time that I’d ever known woman to use the pistol. They dread the shot as a rule, but Di’monds-an’-Pearls she did not - she did not.
“The docthor touched the long black hair av her head (‘twas all loose upon Love-o’-Women’s chest), an’ that cleared the liquor out av him. He stud considherin’ a long time, his hands in his pockets, an’ at last he sez to me, ‘Here’s a double death from naturil causes, most naturil causes; an’ in the presint state av affairs the rig’mint will be thankful for wan grave the less to dig. Issiwasti,’ he sez, ‘Issiwasti, Privit Mulvaney, these two will be buried together in the Civil Cemet’ry at my expinse, an’ may the good God,’ he sez, ‘make it SO much for me whin my time comes. Go to your wife,’ he sez; ‘go an’ be happy. I’ll see to this all.’
“I left him still considherin’. They was buried in the Civil Cemet’ry together, wid a Church of England service. There was too many buryin’s thin to ask questions, an’ the docthor - he ran away wid Major - Major Van Dyce’s lady that year - he saw to ut all. Fwhat the right an’ the wrong av Love-o’-Women an’ Di’monds-an’- Pearls was I niver knew, an’ I will niver know; but I’ve tould ut as I came acrost ut - here an’ there in little pieces. So, being fwhat I am, an’ knowin’ fwhat I know, that’s fwhy I say in this shootin’-case here, Mackie that’s dead an’ in hell is the lucky man. There are times, Sorr, whin ‘tis betther for the man to die than to live, an’ by consequince forty million times betther for the woman.”
“H’up there!” said Ortheris. “It’s time to go.” The witnesses and guard formed up in the thick white dust of the parched twilight and swung off, marching easy and whistling. Down the road to the green by the church I could hear Ortheris, the black Book-lie still uncleansed on his lips, setting, with a fine sense of the fitness of things, the shrill quick-step that runs -
“Oh, do not despise the advice of the wise,
Learn wisdom from those that are older,
And don’t try for things that are out of your reach -
An’ that’s what the Girl told the Soldier
Soldier! Soldier!
Oh, that’s what the Girl told the Soldier!”
THE BIG DRUNK DRAF’
We’re goin’ ‘ome, we’re goin’ ‘ome -
Our ship is at the shore,
An’ you mus’ pack your ‘aversack,
For we won’t come back no more.
Ho, don’t you grieve for me,
My lovely Mary Ann,
For I’ll marry you yet on a fourp’ny bit,
As a time-expired ma-a-an
Barrack Room Ballad.
AN awful thing has happened! My friend, Private Mulvaney, who went home in the Serapis, time-expired, not very long ago, has come back to India as a civilian! It was all Dinah Shadd’s fault. She could not stand the poky little lodgings, and she missed her servant Abdullah more than words could tell. The fact was that the Mulvaneys had been out here too long, and had lost touch of England.
Mulvaney knew a contractor on one of the new Central India lines, and wrote to him for some sort of work. The contractor said that if Mulvaney could pay the passage he would give him command of a gang of coolies for old sake’s sake. The pay was eighty-five rupees a month, and Dinah Shadd said that if Terence did not accept she would make his life a “basted purgathory.” Therefore the Mulvaneys came out as “civilians,” which was a great and terrible fall; though Mulvaney tried to disguise it by saying that he was “Ker’nel on the railway line, an’ a consequinshal man.”
He wrote me an invitation, on a tool-indent form, to visit him; and I came down to the funny little “construction” bungalow at the side of the line. Dinah Shadd had planted peas about and about, and nature had spread all manner of green stuff round the place. There was no change in Mulvaney except the change of clothing, which was deplorable, but could not be helped. He was standing upon his trolly, haranguing a gangman, and his shoulders were as well drilled and his big, thick chin was as clean-shaven as ever.
“I’m a civilian now,” said Mulvaney. “Cud you tell that I was iver a martial man’? Don’t answer, Sorr, av you’re strainin’ betune a complimint an’ a lie. There’s no houldin’ Dinah Shadd now she’s got a house av her own. Go inside, an’ dhrink tay out av chiny in the drrrrawin’-room, an’ thin we’ll dhrink like Christians undher the tree here. Scutt, ye naygur-folk! There’s a Sahib come to call on me, an’ that’s more than he’ll iver do for you onless you run! Get out, an’ go on pilin’ up the earth, quick, till sundown.”
When we three were comfortably settled under the big sisham in front of the bungalow, and the first rush of questions and answers about Privates Ortheris and Learoyd and old times and places had died away, Mulvaney said, reflectively - “Glory be, there’s no p’rade to-morrow, an’ no bun-headed Corp’ril-bhoy to give you his lip. An’ yit I don’t know. ‘Tis harrd to be something ye niver were an’ niver meant to be, an’ all the ould days shut up along wid your papers. Eyah! I’m growin’ rusty, an’ ‘tis the will av God that a man mustn’t serve his Quane for time an’ all.”
He helped himself to a fresh peg, and sighed furiously.
“Let your beard grow, Mulvaney,” said I, “and then you won’t be troubled with those notions. You’ll be a real civilian.”
Dinah Shadd had told me in the drawing-room of her desire to coax Mulvaney into letting his beard grow. “‘Twas so civilian-like,” said poor Dinah, who hated her husband’s hankering for his old life.
“Dinah Shadd, you’re a dishgrace to an honust, clane-scraped man! “said Mulvaney, without replying to me. “Grow a beard on your o
wn chin, darlint, and lave my razors alone. They’re all that stand betune me and dis-ris-pect-ability. Av I didn’t shave, I wud be torminted wid an outrajis thurrst; for there’s nothin’ so dhryin’ to the throat as a big billy-goat beard waggin’ undher the chin. Ye wudn’t have me dhrink always, Dinah Shadd’? By the same token, you’re kapin’ me crool dhry now. Let me look at that whiskey.”
The whiskey was lent and returned, but Dinah Shadd, who had been just as eager as her husband in asking after old friends, rent me with -
“I take shame for you, Sorr, coming down here though the Saints know you’re as welkim as the daylight whin you do come - an’ upsettin’ Terence’s head wid your nonsense about - about fwhat’s much betther forgotten. He bein’ a civilian now, an’ you niver was aught else. Can you not let the Arrmy rest? ‘Tis not good for Terence.”
I took refuge by Mulvaney, for Dinah Shadd has a temper of her own.
“Let be - let be,” said Mulvaney. “‘Tis only wanst in a way I can talk about the ould days.” Then to me - “Ye say Dhrumshticks is well, an’ his lady tu’? I niver knew how I liked the gray garron till I was shut av him an’ Asia.” - “Dhrumshticks” was the nickname of the Colonel commanding Mulvaney’s old regiment. - “ Will you be seein’ him again? You will. Thin tell him” - Mulvaney’s eyes began to twinkle - “tell him wid Privit -” - “Mister, Terence,” interrupted Dinah Shadd. “Now the Divil an’ all his angils an’ the Firmament av Hiven fly away wid the ‘Mister,’ an’ the sin av makin’ me swear be on your confession, Dinah Shadd! Privit, I tell ye. Wid Privit Mulvaney’s best obedience, that but for me the last time-expired wud be still pullin’ hair on their way to the sea.”
Complete Works of Rudyard Kipling (Illustrated) Page 153