by Mari Carr
She didn’t want to admit—even to herself—how freaking wet her panties were at that second. Ned had her number. And he knew it.
“I know so.”
Fortunately, Justin stepped in, breaking up their battle of wills. Thank God. Bella harbored no illusions she’d ever win that war against Ned.
“We need to go or we’re going to be late.”
She frowned. “For what?”
“Sunday dinner at my mom’s house. You promised her you’d come this week.”
The word “shit” came out on a sigh, prompting Justin to tease her. “I’m telling my mother you said that.”
Bella gave him a dirty look. “Don’t you dare. You know it has nothing to do with her.”
Justin was grinning. “Which is your way of saying you don’t want to be with us. That hurts, Bells.”
His tone, his affable face and carefree posture, almost made Bella feel as if everything was going to be okay between them. Almost.
Then she made the mistake of looking at Ned, whose expression radiated pure hunger, and once again she felt like a deer being stalked by a tiger. Worst part of it was, she was tempted to bare her throat to him and say, “Have at it.”
Last night had surpassed every dirty fantasy she’d ever had. Which was actually depressing because she didn’t have a doubt in her mind that any sex she had in the future would pale in comparison.
“I don’t suppose you would be willing to tell Mama Lewis I have a headache? I actually do feel one starting to—”
“No,” Ned interjected. “We’re not lying to Justin’s mother for you.”
She wasn’t sure she could do what they were asking. “I need more time.”
For the first time since he’d entered her house, Ned’s eyes softened. Mercifully, he didn’t ask her to explain. As always, he understood exactly what she was saying. “It’s just dinner, Bella. We’ll be surrounded by Justin’s insane family. I think the distraction is what you need, more than time alone.”
He was right…to a point. “Can we pretend like last night never happened?” It was a stupid request. Every second of the evening was chiseled into her brain like ancient hieroglyphics. The memory would last for centuries.
He shook his head and she respected his honesty, even though she had really hoped for a lie. “No. We can’t. So we’re going to have to find a way to carry on from here.”
“Okay.” For a moment, it seemed as if Ned understood her struggle and shared it. Maybe there was a chance they could return to life as normal.
Then he ruined it. “It would all be much simpler if you’d stop being so stubborn and give in to what we all know is right.”
Justin moved closer, cupping her cheek with his large palm. “Last night was the best night of my life.”
She didn’t doubt that his words were sincere. Which made this so much more difficult. “Mine too. That’s why I need more time.”
Justin shook his head. “You think time is going to make you forget, make it easier for you to walk away. It’s not.”
Bella was terrified he was right. She fought for something to say, some argument to make them leave, but she was running on empty—tired, hungry and confused.
“Come on, Bells. It’s just lunch. Everyone will be happy to see you.”
She reached for her purse. They weren’t leaving the house without her, that much was clear. “Fine.”
Mama Lewis always found a way to make Bella feel better. She could still recall the first time she’d been invited to Sunday dinner at the Lewis house. She had lived in New Orleans for about six months and apart from making a few friends at work, she felt very much like a fish out of water in the big city.
She’d gone in to work on a Saturday, simply because she couldn’t stand the idea of spending two whole days holed up in her lonely apartment. Justin had found her there when he’d stopped by to retrieve a file he’d forgotten. They’d struck up a conversation then, to Bella’s horror, she’d actually started to cry as she talked about missing home and her family. Justin had offered his family as a surrogate. Next thing she knew, she was sitting at the huge table in the Lewis’ dining room the following day, laughing at his brothers’ antics, discussing fashion with his sister and getting the recipe for gumbo from his mother.
Since then, she’d gone back for dinner at least one Sunday a month and her homesickness had never returned.
Bella followed them out of the apartment and claimed the backseat of Justin’s car, anxious to maintain at least some distance between them. She was grateful that neither man felt the need to fill the silence with mindless chatter.
When they pulled up to Mama Lewis’ house, Bella took a deep breath, praying she could get through the next few hours easily.
Ned opened the car door and reached out to help her. It occurred to her, he’d done the same thing every time they’d ever gone anywhere together. The difference this time was, he didn’t release her hand. She tried to tug it away but he kept a tight grip. She shot him a warning look but he simply ignored her.
Justin didn’t bother to ring the bell or knock. As always, he just walked in. He called out to his mother and the three of them ventured into the dining room together. Several members of the family were carrying bowls of food to the table. Their timing had been perfect.
Justin gestured to them. “Brought Bella and Ned along with me this week.”
Mama Lewis came over to Bella, offering one of her famous bear hugs. No one hugged better than Justin’s mom. Bella returned it, clinging just a second longer than she should have. When Mama Lewis released her, she studied Bella’s face, her astute gaze taking in more than Bella meant to show. She’d failed at masking her stress, which pretty much ensured Mama Lewis would find a way to pull her aside today to see what was wrong.
Now Bella would have to figure out some fake story to tell the lovely woman about why she was tense or she’d have to dodge Mama Lewis all afternoon, making sure the two of them were never alone. Neither option seemed achievable. Ned and Justin were right. She was a terrible liar. And Mama Lewis was tenacious when she wanted to know something.
They grabbed plates from the sideboard, then took seats at the long table as everyone began passing the bowls full of scrumptious food. Justin and Ned had managed to bully Bella into the chair between them, even though she’d been determined to nab the one next to Justin’s sister, Chloe.
The Lewis family was never at a loss for something to say. The conversation wove its way from Caliph, telling the hilarious story of a woman who’d come into Midnight Ink to have a bad tattoo covered up, to Chloe’s boyfriend Blake, talking about three drunks he’d arrested on Bourbon Street for indecent exposure. Justin’s foster brothers, Zac and Noah started taking bets on who would win the hockey game. It was loud and chaotic and Bella loved every minute of it.
“Oh hey, congrats on the bestseller list, Jett,” Ned said. “Justin was saying you hit pretty high.”
Justin’s youngest brother, Jett, grinned widely. “Yep. Nabbed the number two spot this time.”
Jett had made a name for himself as a crime writer. His stories followed the exploits of a police detective who worked with a psychic to solve murder mysteries. They were set in New Orleans and critics had begun to call him the next James Patterson.
“Dani would have been proud. She always said you were going to hit the big leagues with your stories,” Justin said.
Jett shook his head. “Doubtful. I think it’s more likely she would have given me that unimpressed look and asked why I hadn’t hit number one.”
Everyone laughed, though Bella could see sadness in Jett’s eyes when their foster sister’s name was mentioned. According to Justin, Jett and Dani had been about the same age when she came to live with the family and they’d become best friends. She had lived with the Lewises for three years before the court ruled that she could return home. Dani had disappeared shortly after leaving them—a runaway—and they hadn’t seen her since.
“Well,
I am very impressed,” Mama Lewis said.
The distraction provided by such good company would have done the trick, would have helped Bella relax, if not for Ned and Justin. Somehow they had managed to find ways to continually touch her throughout the meal, sometimes covertly, sometimes not.
Ned had placed his hand on her knee, his fingers lightly stroking the skin revealed by her short skirt within moments of sitting down. Several times, Justin had reached over to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear, and once he’d even leaned close under the pretense of whispering in her ear, only to nip the lobe with his teeth.
Then Ned put his arm across the back of her chair halfway through the meal, his fingers drifting every now and then to caress the nape of her neck—the bastard had discovered that erogenous zone last night and now he was using the knowledge against her.
Bella’s eyes darted to Mama Lewis, who was observing every touch with great interest. Bella felt her face grow hot under the scrutiny and she was just starting to plot Ned’s and Justin’s murders when the meal ended. If she had any hope of making an escape, it was now.
“That was a wonderful dinner, Mama Lewis,” Bella said. “Do you mind if I don’t stay for dessert? I have a mountain of laundry waiting for me at home.”
Ned and Justin looked as if they planned to override her request, but Mama Lewis saved her as she rose from the table. “I don’t mind at all. Why don’t you come into the kitchen with me and I’ll wrap up a piece of cake for you for later?”
Fuck.
“Oh, that’s okay. I’m trying to watch my weight,” Bella called out, but Mama Lewis had already left the room.
Caliph’s girlfriend, Jennifer, gave her an incredulous look. “You’re kidding, right? You have the metabolism of a hummingbird. I’ve never seen anyone eat like you do and stay so thin.”
She blew out a long sigh. “Yeah. I know, but I’m almost thirty. I have a feeling that will start to catch up with me eventually.”
Justin chuckled. “Almost thirty? Bells, you’re twenty-seven. And you don’t have to worry about your weight. You’re gorgeous.” He punctuated his compliment with a quick kiss that no one in the house missed.
She shot him a dirty look, muttering under her breath. “What the hell are you doing?”
Bella was too afraid to look around the table. She didn’t need to. She could feel the sudden change in the air—the curiosity radiating from Justin’s family. He’d just opened them up to a slew of unnecessary questions.
Justin didn’t even pretend to look guilty. “Grab me a piece of cake while you’re in the kitchen getting the third degree from my mom, okay?”
“I hate you.”
Justin laughed. “No, you don’t.”
She started to argue the point, but Mama Lewis called her name from the kitchen. “Bella?”
“What am I supposed to say?”
Ned placed his arm around her shoulders to pull her closer. “Tell her you’re our girlfriend.”
She glared at him. “Hell will freeze over first.”
Silence fell over the table and Bella knew Justin’s family was hanging on their every word.
“Before you say that to Mama Lewis or before you admit it to yourself?” Justin asked.
Bella shook herself loose from Ned. “Still hate you. Both of you.”
She could hear everyone chuckling as she walked to the kitchen, her blood boiling. She’d told Ned and Justin what she’d wanted from last night’s adventure and they were disregarding it. Pushing her feelings aside as if they didn’t matter.
She wasn’t sure what they had hoped to accomplish by dragging her to Sunday dinner, but she suspected they weren’t going to like the end result. She was so pissed she’d managed to ward off her confusion, her aching heart. They’d actually made it easy for her.
Mama Lewis was slicing the cake, but she stopped when Bella stormed in.
“My son has always had a talent for getting under someone’s skin and pushing their buttons with that constant playfulness of his.”
“That’s an understatement,” Bella agreed. “Between Justin’s teasing and Ned barking orders, I can’t believe someone hasn’t murdered them in their sleep by now.”
“By someone, I assume you mean one of their lovers.”
Bella sucked in a sharp breath. Mama Lewis knew?
Apparently she did, because Justin’s mother didn’t wait for her to answer. “Yes, Bella. I know about Justin and Ned’s need to share women.”
“And you’re okay with that?” It was a stupid question. Bella had yet to discover anything that shook the steadfast Mama Lewis. Bella could only assume that during Mama Lewis’ years as a social worker then throughout the past few decades as she took in countless foster children, there was very little the woman hadn’t seen.
“It’s not my place to judge what makes them happy.”
“He’s your son. Of course it’s your place to judge him.”
Mama Lewis snorted with amusement. “He’s a thirty-seven-year-old man. If he were younger, perhaps I’d chalk it up to youthful experimentation. As it stands, I think it’s safe to say Justin knows who he is and what he wants from life.”
“But…” It had been on the tip of Bella’s tongue to insist a ménage a trois wasn’t normal, but she realized that may sound like an insult and hypocrisy. Especially considering how much Bella had loved her role in last night’s threesome.
“But nothing, Bella. I can see you’re struggling with Ned and Justin’s attention. And you haven’t asked for my advice, but I’m old and opinionated, so you’re going to get it anyway.”
Bella loved Justin’s mother.
“Thoreau once said, ‘Live the life you imagined.’ I read that in college and it’s always stuck with me. You know I was still single when I got pregnant with Justin?”
Bella had heard about Justin’s childhood. The man had always been very forthcoming about it. It was one of the things she admired most about Justin. He was an open book.
“My parents strongly suggested that I give Justin up for adoption. After all, I was just beginning my senior year at college and I wasn’t married. My mother thought it would make my life simpler if I started it unencumbered. She insisted there were thousands of couples who wanted a child and who were better prepared to raise my son. I’ve been around long enough to know she was probably right. I’ve worked with people going through the adoption process and I’ve seen the absolute desperation in their faces because what they want more than anything on earth is a child to love.”
“But you didn’t give him up.”
Mama Lewis shook her head. “It would have made life easier, but it wouldn’t have made it happier. That boy means everything to me. All my children do. So I faced the social stigma attached to single motherhood and forged on in spite of it. Because when I imagined my life, I knew that what I wanted above everything else was to be Justin’s mom. And Caliph’s. And Chloe’s. And Jett’s, Zac’s, Noah’s, Dani’s and…”
Bella waved in surrender. “I get the point. You keep going with that list and we could be here awhile.”
Mama Lewis reached out for her hand. “Think about what you want from life, Bella. Then make it happen. Don’t worry about what anyone else will say or think. Their opinions don’t matter.”
“It’s not that easy.”
“Of course it’s not,” Mama Lewis said. “But I suspect we never truly appreciate or value the things we get easily. The things we have to work for? Those are the real treasures.”
Bella saw the wisdom in Mama Lewis’ words, but she found it difficult to apply to her situation. It would actually be quite easy to walk into that dining room and fall into Justin’s and Ned’s arms. The tough part was everything else.
Mama Lewis handed her three pieces of cake, covered in Saran Wrap. “Here. For you and the boys. For later.”
Bella thanked her for the cake and the advice. When she returned to the dining room, she found Justin and Ned waiting for her. The rest
of the family had headed to the living room to watch a hockey game. She could hear Jett and Caliph yelling at the TV already.
“Sorry to make you leave. Did you want to stay for the game?”
Justin shook his head. “No.” He winked. “I didn’t get much sleep last night. I’m thinking my recliner and a four- or five-hour nap sounds pretty good right now.”
“You okay?” Ned asked.
She spied the genuine concern in his eyes. “Just tired.”
“Let’s put it all away for now. We can talk about it later.”
Bella smiled. “Okay. I’d like that.” Maybe later she’d have her head screwed on straight, her future figured out.
Live the life you imagined.
It was good advice, but Bella didn’t have the courage to go—or even admit—exactly where her imagination was leading her.
Chapter Ten
Justin studied the ad in front of him, his eyes failing to see the work. A week had passed since he and Ned had staked their claim on Bella at Extreme Connections, exposing her darker desires and trying to capture her heart.
Unfortunately the stubborn woman was clinging tight to her vow that their night together would remain just a memory, something to keep them warm on the lonely evenings they’d spent apart since then.
This week had been brutal. His senses had become too attuned to her—the subtle scent of her shampoo, the soft brush of her arm against his when she reached for something, the sound of her voice drifting down the hall. All of that and a million other little things were working against him, driving him to a state of utter pain. He’d spent most of the week working with a hard-on, forced to relieve the pressure with his own hand several times a day in his private bathroom. He wasn’t used to being denied, to having heaven presented to him, then withdrawn.
“Fuck it. I’m done. Being romantic isn’t working.”
Justin glanced up to find Ned standing in his doorway. He knew exactly what Ned was alluding to. Justin had—foolishly—suggested that maybe they just needed to give Bella some time to see they were sincere in their intentions. So they had set out to woo her. They’d sent her flowers every single day and issued invitations to dinners, movies, plays. She’d resisted it all, insisting the fantasy was over. Nothing they said had convinced her to consider dating them.